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INTPs: Do You Hold Grudges?

  • Yes

    Votes: 27 31.8%
  • No

    Votes: 36 42.4%
  • Let me explain

    Votes: 19 22.4%
  • I'm not an INTP

    Votes: 3 3.5%
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
If you're in the "Let me explain" camp, go on then.
 

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I just voted for what I believe to be the theoretically correct answer which is no. I don't see how holding grudges can be a healthy thing. It just makes you mad and emotional and less able to deal with people. Its not a great mindset to be in and personally I try not to hold grudges, otherwise I would just be pissed off at everyone all the time.
 

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@theorycraft

So, what you believe but not what you uphold? *Sorry just read you said: try not to. Derp :<

I do believe holding grudges can be beneficial, as a sort of preemptive defense mechanism. But not for every little tidbit of course.
 

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I voted let me explain: which I shall do:

Generally no, I really don't care about..... anything really, now on a rare occasion, if someone pisses me off to such an extreme I will usually not say anything at the time of incident then go home and plot against the person for about 4 hours or so then the next day forget about it.
 

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I forgive, but I don't forget. I don't mind people making genuine mistakes and innocent mishaps, everybody does that, but I'm good at seeing patterns, and when they don't learn from their mistakes and keep repeating unhealthy behaviors even though it's hurting me or someone else, then I start to distance myself from said people.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I just voted for what I believe to be the theoretically correct answer which is no. I don't see how holding grudges can be a healthy thing. It just makes you mad and emotional and less able to deal with people. Its not a great mindset to be in and personally I try not to hold grudges, otherwise I would just be pissed off at everyone all the time.
So that's the opposite of actual behavior then.

*throw up hands*

I may as well just chuck it all out the window.
 
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they fade with time and inward reflection, I forgive everyone eventually...
I voted let me explain: which I shall do:

Generally no, I really don't care about..... anything really, now on a rare occasion, if someone pisses me off to such an extreme I will usually not say anything at the time of incident then go home and plot against the person for about 4 hours or so then the next day forget about it.
I forgive, but I don't forget. I don't mind people making genuine mistakes and innocent mishaps, everybody does that, but I'm good at seeing patterns, and when they don't learn from their mistakes and keep repeating unhealthy behaviors even though it's hurting me or someone else, then I start to distance myself from said people.
This, that and the other.
 
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Let me explain...


I don't hold grudges on people due to particular actions or one-time incidents, but I can and will place people in a sort of quarantine zone if we have a major personality clash. I try not to judge people straight off, and if I do have an impression I remind myself to reserve judgement, but if I have been around you long enough to form an opinion of you (and oh yes, even if you aren't aware of it, old Sven is observing you) I act accordingly.

A fine example of one of the inhabitants of my quarantine zone a manager at my workplace. She is self-centered and dramatic. Everything is worthy of a nuclear meltdown, and blame starts flying in every direction but hers. She constantly throws other employees under the bus in order to improve her standing with her superiors. I have observed this behavior from her for quite a while, and if I am to be perfectly honest, I deem her as unworthy of my attention or even empathy. Her actions and demeanor come close to sickening me, and I can't see why one would act in such an immature manner... especially considering her age.

We don't speak to each other or interact beyond what we need to communicate for work; we keep a respectable distance from each other, and that is close to the ideal situation.
 

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Some might cheese me off; and I might not even LIKE them, when I'm honest about it; but I won't sit around thinking about ways to undermine them; and I will still try my best to give them a fair shake regardless of my feelings. It's almost compulsive, and sometimes annoying.

I think people who hold grudges might have it a little easier, tbh, even if I'm not a grudge holder; they can just make a judgment about someone and not waste time rethinking it. PLus, it can leave me a little vulnerable to the person since I'm still open to them despite what they might have done.

A fine example of one of the inhabitants of my quarantine zone a manager at my workplace. She is self-centered and dramatic. Everything is worthy of a nuclear meltdown, and blame starts flying in every direction but hers. She constantly throws other employees under the bus in order to improve her standing with her superiors. I have observed this behavior from her for quite a while, and if I am to be perfectly honest, I deem her as unworthy of my attention or even empathy. Her actions and demeanor come close to sickening me, and I can't see why one would act in such an immature manner... especially considering her age.
Not only that, but she's not safe to engage. It could just place you in a precarious position.

We don't speak to each other or interact beyond what we need to communicate for work; we keep a respectable distance from each other, and that is close to the ideal situation.
I actually have a few work relationships just like that. It simply makes sense, and it's not like we're required to be close friends with everyone we meet or work with anyway.
 

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Let me explain:
When I get pissed off at someone, I really, really want to hold a grudge, but it just doesn't last long enough to actually become a grudge. After a short while, like as soon as the emotion starts to cool, I realize how illogical it is to hold a grudge, and I leave it go. On the other hand, we haven't defined a grudge yet, so here is my definition. A grudge is an anger that you can hold only against someone you are close to, and whom you are frequently with. When I get angry enough at someone I do not know well, and who I do not have an established relationship with, then deciding that I do not want to spend time with that person is not equal to, "holding a grudge."
So then, the reason a grudge is illogical, is because it is someone you love, or at least care deeply about (which is love too in my opinion, but what do I know?) We are humans. We are going to piss each other off from time to time. A grudge can confuse love.
Consider a father and son who do not talk for twenty years because they are holding a grudge. Do they really not love each other?
 

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I forgive, but I don't forget. I don't mind people making genuine mistakes and innocent mishaps, everybody does that, but I'm good at seeing patterns, and when they don't learn from their mistakes and keep repeating unhealthy behaviors even though it's hurting me or someone else, then I start to distance myself from said people.
What does it mean, to forgive but not forget? If you remember it what significance is the memory in this context?

I only ask because I am close to someone who says that a lot, and she would clam up and get pissed at me if I asked her. Then she would hold a grudge about it. So, if I am crossing the line by asking, please disregard the question.
 

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I used to be capable of very negative feelings, grudges being among them.

The older I got, the less willing (or maybe capable?) I was of feeling these heart poisoning things.

So nah, no grudge holding on my part.
 

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It used to be far more often, but of late I just turn to not giving a rats ass about what people do because why should I live in the past judging their actions and letting them effect me? >.> Sure there are suppressed 'emotions' that I'd like to let go of at times due to the actions of others, but it is very hard to un-experience something traumatic or life-changing. I'd like to never hold grudges, but it happens.
 

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I hold grudges in my mind. However if I meet the person I'm exactly the same as always - average, nonchalant, pushover, simple-minded, while in my head I'm hating hard, haha. Worst and best thing about the INTP mindset is the neutrality!
 

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I voted yes, because I *do* hold grudges, just not all the time. It takes a lot to make me hold a grudge, and really it's a bit rare.
 

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grudge
Noun
A persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury.
I don't think I've ever held a grudge for more than say, a week. I certainly understand why people do, though. I've probably just had it too easy; life needs to give me an ass kicking at some point. :kitteh:
 
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