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Discussion Starter #1
I always show love to a crush by helping them excessively or making quasi "intellectual" conversation about general nonsense and observations all the while constantly asking her questions. if it's a conservative Muslim girl, I don't chit chat, I just make an excuse to say "salam!" (hello, goodbye, peace, etc. muslim equivalent of "shalom") or make an excuse to help her out

Does that sound like an INTP?

What do you do?
 

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People have their somewhat unique preferences for approaching crushes especially INTPs. I wouldn't worry about trying to fit into one category.

I personally avoid crushes since they tend to lead to relationships. Independence is a huge part of me and I would hate to give up some of it. Even the thought of having someone in my house invites unpleasant thoughts.

About the crushes I have fallen for the hardest (2), I tend to seek them out, but one was my first crush ever and the other was during a depressive period. It's hard for me to say how I act around these types of crushes.

It was one of the two things I chose not to explore about myself.
 

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By doing whatever's in my power to help them grow.
I make observations of what's positive, guide them to work on what needs work, try to get to know them thoroughly and treat their comfort and happiness as an extension of my own
 

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By doing whatever's in my power to help them grow.
I make observations of what's positive, guide them to work on what needs work, try to get to know them thoroughly and treat their comfort and happiness as an extension of my own
Totally agree, that's how my software works. Also the average reaction to that is the road to dormate and taking you for granted. At least until the silent cold steel door slam of dettachment is applied to that individual.


Crushes need vulnerability, vulnerability allows a lot of fantastic things but painfull shit storms are always a potential phenomena.


A lot of energetic investment is required, also most of the time they require me to do the active engaging. So how do i approach crushes? I overthink them until they disolve.
 

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I overthink them until they disolve.
Never has worked for me. Thinking about them just increases my curiosity....that's never good. Curiosity is pretty much tantamount to desire with crushes.
What does work for me is simply getting to know them. As I do, I unearth red flags, and when I do, the crush becomes repulsion and I'm free.
 

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Discussion Starter #8 (Edited)
I got a hint yesterday my crush may like me. But seriously, impossible, why would anyone like me? Basically, I was acting overly apologetic, and despite us both being Muslim and coming from a conservative gender boundaries culture, I told her I was very glad to see her again, and on the way out, her and her friend got real excited the way girls do. and screamed a bit, excitedly. or was i imagining. anyway i had to edit, personal details involved. EDIT: maybe they were getting nervous and venting off? EDIT: I'm not sure that they screamed, I think they were just talking excitedly.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Anyway I don't think I'm ready for a relationship anyway. I value my personal space and independence and free time too much. I only crush on girls and beat around the bush because my Muslim beliefs dictate i cant share how i feel. And I haven't finished college yet, so im waiting until after college. after college, i can court all i want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (after a steady income, too)
 

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Discussion Starter #12
People have their somewhat unique preferences for approaching crushes especially INTPs. I wouldn't worry about trying to fit into one category.

I personally avoid crushes since they tend to lead to relationships. Independence is a huge part of me and I would hate to give up some of it. Even the thought of having someone in my house invites unpleasant thoughts.

About the crushes I have fallen for the hardest (2), I tend to seek them out, but one was my first crush ever and the other was during a depressive period. It's hard for me to say how I act around these types of crushes.

It was one of the two things I chose not to explore about myself.
i dont so much avoid crushes, i just live inside my head and avoid relationships. i guess it's somewhat aided by my muslim faith and my history of trauma leading to maladapative daydreaming. but yes, i value my independence, as well, i cant stand the idea of having a relationship right now if i actually delved deeper than fantasy.
 

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Never has worked for me. Thinking about them just increases my curiosity....that's never good. Curiosity is pretty much tantamount to desire with crushes.
What does work for me is simply getting to know them. As I do, I unearth red flags, and when I do, the crush becomes repulsion and I'm free.
That is the goal, is kinda deluding myself exploring multiple possibilities that end there, like worst case scenario justifying it, anyways the final judgment is always blur and maleable. But i know the collateral damage about it that is increasing the interest just by thinking about it.

Anyways i do prefer the real interaction and data gathering but that does not come easy depending the context of the situation.


I spend many thoughts relating curiosity with desire and love, the theory is stored in some place for further exploring.
 

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I thought that was more INFPs?
My mistake. My INTP apparently thought it was a good idea to pretend to be his cousin INFP for a day.As for the real question, who knows? The word doesn't even exist in my dictionary. Sorry for being such a waste of time :eek:h:
 

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I was just making a pun on DevilSlayerDante's comment that he avoids crushes, because generally speaking that's the person I would probably spend more time around so that they got the hint. If I like someone I'm going to be willing to invest more of my time and energy with/on them.
 

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I try some thelepatic signals to the guy and just desperately hope that he will catch them and makes the first move(s).
 

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I had a friend for a year while I was visiting overseas for a year that was definitely not introverted let alone intp. Great dude though and as we are waiting for a train to go to another city we stop by the starbucks by there and the cashier is was incredibly gorgeous. Neither he nor I speak the language anymore than to survive if we get lost, so as much as I liked talking to people from completely different walks of life from mine we just took our unmanly milkshake/coffee thing with us.

Halfway down the street as we're talking about how pretty she was, he just stops in the middle of the road (mind you this is a crowded country/province/city) and says "Man, i'm going to go try to talk with her and atleast get her WeChat number". So instead of disagreeing with him in the middle of traffic we wlk back to the store and before we enter I tell him exactly what's going to happen (also why I wouldnt dream to do it at the time).

"You're going to say Hi and introduce yourself, and she's going to say hi back and ask you what you want to buy, you'll try to charm her with some story about how its so hard to learn to language in this country and to find native friends to show you around (common icebreaker, im not a psychic lol). She will not understand anything your saying but listen attentively. She will then ask you to repeat yourself (probably because she thinks you ordered something off the secret menu or something), and if you do she will call over a few a coworker to see if they can understand what youre saying. Next thing you know everyone will be watching the spectacle of you trying to have a descrete conversation"

"I don't care i'm going to try anyway, and I will use real simple english," is my buddy's resolve.

So we go in, he told her he was new to the area and needed a guide and she was pretty.. blah..blah.. And she smiled and nodded until he finished and then brought out a menu and pointed at one of the items "Zhe ge?" (this one?)

"No, I mean me (points to himself) "LaoWai". China very scary at night" (its like charades at this point as he grabs his shoulders and shivers, which was supposed to be endearing to girls cause he's like 6'5 250) but she looked confused and starts calling over her cowrkers.

He didnt even look at me just said thank you to the young lady and walked out. I asked him why he did that and he said everything I was saying was happening and he wasnt ready for the embarassment. One of the funniest experiences in my life, if not for the actual event, but the conversation we had afterwards about how badly it couldve gone if he kept trying.

To answer the original threads question, I dont cause its not worth the embarassment to me.
 
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