Personality Cafe banner
1 - 12 of 12 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
35 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am an ESTJ.. but I'm posting on an INTP forum because it seems of all the personality types, you know the most on the subject of human temperament.

SO.. what I'm wondering is how a relationship would work between me and an ISFP. I can't find anything on this forum or on the internet.

I think I might have found an ISFP, but I won't be able to meet him for 1 year, 1 month, and 1 day. If you're wondering why, it's because he's in the Army and is currently in Iraq. I met him on a dating website, and we've skyped a few times.. we have EVERYTHING in common, almost.

1. A few years ago, I came up with electric barbed wire (kept it to myself in my demented fantasy land).. and in the middle of a conversation, he brought it up.

2. We have the same birthday, September 1st; I was born in 1992 and he was born in 1988.

3. And it seems like we have ESP - we'll be typing at the same time and enter the same exact thing at the same time.. no, not "lol" (because I hate that).. or 1 word things.. but like, almost word for word sentences and ideas.

It seems to unreal to me! Do you think I'm fantasizing and trying to find things we have in common? We are both amazed at how coincidental things are between us.

SO - all of that being said, what do you think if the two of us had a relationship down the road? Or any ISFP, for that matter.

Any and all advice/comments would be greatly appreciated and put to good use!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
659 Posts
I was in a long-distance relationship for a while; we met over the internet, ect.

Something I've noticed is that with the right person, deep connections are formed very quickly over the internet. The normal "getting to know you" process feels much more intense and meaningful. Right now it seems you're in the puppy love stage of things. I would get to know him better before making decisions about whether you'll be good together in a relationship- you have plenty of time. I think the issue isn't so much what your types are- obviously the connection is there and you shouldn't discount it. People are attracted to each other based on personal preference, not algorithms. But in the same sense, saying things at the same time doesn't necessarily mean you were made for each other.

Just keep in mind, people can come across differently on the internet. I think it's something worth pursuing, though, just give it time! You'll know if you were meant to be together.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,046 Posts
...

I fail to see what anything has to do with anything. same birthdays? barbed wire? ESP? ???

more, er, actually just *relevant* information would be needed.

(I can't stay away from ask-the-INTPs-for-relationship-advice threads even though--or maybe because--I do not understand why they even happen. :crazy:)
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,508 Posts
Generally ESTJs and ISFPs are supposed to hit it off quite well.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
35 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Both of my exes are artisans, but not ISFP's. They were great guys, and I love them still.. we're better friends than lovers, in both cases.

First ex broke up with me to marry somebody else, so that he could use her and get better benefits (military). He hates his marriage and deeply regrets it, haha! She's manipulative, don't know what type.. but, definitely not his type! Muhahaha.

Second broke up with me because he's a mama's boy and his catholic bitch mom *no offense to catholics* kept trying to find things that were wrong with me, and I stood up for myself.. yeeeah, typical ESTJ maybe?

So, I'm hoping to find somebody who will be a good lover.. who isn't a mama's boy and will accept me for who I am. So far, the ISFP is looking pretty darn good!

Back to the dating world for me, basically.. and I've never "dated". The 2 boyfriends I've had were easy to reel in, so I need to up my game!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,207 Posts
Complimentary opposites, I think. There are a number of theories on what personality types make a good match. In my opinion, it works best if you share the MBTI S/N preference and have your judging functions oriented in the same I/E direction, which you do. You're Te-Si-Ne-Fi and he is Fi-Se-Ni-Te. You each have strengths where the other is weak yet you can see where the other is coming from.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,849 Posts
ISFP and ESTJ are said to enter semi-duality relationship, also called moth-to-flame. Basically there is a strong dominant-inferior function pull that they experience , your dominant helps reinforce his inferior and vice versa, but at the same time each partner at some point does something that turns off the other. Attractive forces are generally stronger however so this is a common friendship or relationship pairing among people. It is said that these relations are full of contrast and partners may run hot and cold to each other. I have this same kind of thing going with ESFPs where we become friends and there is this pull towards each other so that we end up drawn towards each other but then also each of us gets burned by the other a little and then we distance until we want to become close again, hence why it is called moth to flame.

"Relations of semi-duality are similar to relations of duality. Semi-duality occurs between partners who share each other's dual-seeking (5th) functions but lack each other's activation functions. As a result, both partners often perceive elements of duality from the relationship but feel the other partner is misplacing the correct emphasis; as semi-duals will be able to help their partners with their dual seeking functions but both have the least confidence in the same area of the psyche (thinking, feeling, sensing, or intuition)." - So in your case both of you have less confidence in area of intuition.

More info on these kinds of relationships:
Semi-duality - Wikisocion
Relations of Semi-Duality between psychological ("personality") types
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,124 Posts
I think the main potential problem I see is ESTJs have a reputation for telling people what to do, and ISFPs don't like to be ordered around. Other than that, it could work.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
35 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
For being an ESTJ, I am pretty bossy.. but, never in my relationships.

He messaged me today and said he was thinking about me, which was sweet. I think I'm over this "giddy" stage, although I'm still counting down to the day he's back in the states.

1 YEAR & 1 MONTH left!

And the problems I've had with artisans so far, is that.. yeah, we're attracted to each other hardcore.. but, we always end up being better friends.. and I just don't want that to happen again! My exes BOTH still e-mail me, text me, call me.. tell me that they miss me.. even the one that's married (which will never go anywhere besides a yearly, secret phone call).

I'm hoping it works out with this ISFP. I'll still be dating in the meantime, but I'm keeping in contact with him until he's back.. and a year from now, I'll let you all know how it goes.. haha!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
341 Posts
I was in a long-distance relationship for a while; we met over the internet, ect.

Something I've noticed is that with the right person, deep connections are formed very quickly over the internet. The normal "getting to know you" process feels much more intense and meaningful. Right now it seems you're in the puppy love stage of things. I would get to know him better before making decisions about whether you'll be good together in a relationship- you have plenty of time. I think the issue isn't so much what your types are- obviously the connection is there and you shouldn't discount it. People are attracted to each other based on personal preference, not algorithms. But in the same sense, saying things at the same time doesn't necessarily mean you were made for each other.

Just keep in mind, people can come across differently on the internet. I think it's something worth pursuing, though, just give it time! You'll know if you were meant to be together.
Your types seem to be compatible and I agree with what was said above. Just give it time, get to know him and enjoy the puppyness state of being in love.
 
  • Like
Reactions: spring

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,273 Posts
Using personality typing is a great way to understand ourselves and help us relate better to others. When it comes to matters of the heart all bets are off.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
260 Posts
I am an ESTJ.. but I'm posting on an INTP forum because it seems of all the personality types, you know the most. on the subject of human temperament.
Fixed that for you, the rest of that sentence was basically unnecessary.

Edit:
Figured I should have something to say on what you actually care about, and having experienced attraction and love very strongly and very recently, I want to be sensitive to that.

You listed a bunch of coincidences that are really quite cool. But seriously, only view them as curiosities and awesome things about a relationship that is already there. I know you don't need me to tell you (its one of those well duh things that people always get slightly offended at being told [but they still kind of need to be told at times :p]) but don't base your attraction and ideas of the relationship on them.
I've had a relationship where I based a great deal of "found her" on those kinds of things in the past, and when the relationship ended, it was a messy deal. A great relationship can come without any cool coincidences at all (which I suppose is in itself kind of cool), and a terrible relationship can be had with all the stars lining up in the world.
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
Top