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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I just know one INFP irl; and he is my friend. However, the guy is emotionally enigmatic and messy. I could never see myself being a close friend to the guy.

I know that not all INFPs are like this, nor is it a reason to pre-judge. But there are some traits-that are attached to our type-that I just could not deal with if I was another type interacting with me. I'm so thankful for the few willing to put up with my ass lol.

Anyway, other types are welcome to comment on their own intratype conflicts as well.
 

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My Dad is INFP. We're cool, but he has the tendency to talk, and talk, and talk... About things nobody cares about but him. I'm polite, always, but this is actually one of the things that got me moving out of the parents' house. INFPs (me included most of all) once we find people to share with, can easily earn the "cool story bro" live achievement award.
 

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I'm friends with two INFPs in real life, both women. One is a couple years younger than me and the other is five years older. I love both, but it's definitely a weird experience to see others struggling with many of the same issues I struggle with. It can be a nice, affirming encounter, but if I've been spending a lot of time in my own head grappling with something or other, I'll often be more relieved to spend time with people who think very differently from me--get a different perspective, new information, shake me out of some outworn grooves. My Ne wants to gather other external information and move forward. It can be a wearing and compounding experience to see and deal with a lot of the same issues in my internal and external worlds, if that makes sense (especially during times when I'm already frustrated with myself). It's definitely much more of an issue with my younger INFP friend, but I like being with her all the same. I more rarely experience this with my older INFP friend, so this might be more of an issue when it comes to maturity, too.

All in all, my INFP friends are lovely and kindred spirits. We can often create a warm, beautiful bubble of understanding and common interests together that's nice for interspersed moments, but I, personally, often feel the need to stretch.
 

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I'd probably go insane trying to pry open another INFP due to how darn private we are. I myself beat myself over how withdrawn I am from really speaking my mind. In one way, it could be interesting learning new things about a person layer by layer, but I'd imagine it'd take... a long time to peel back just a few layers.

Isn't it just so selfish of me wanting a person whom will be willing to be an open-book more easily and yet, I'd probably be the opposite toward my hypothetical SO?

Things like this is what 30 year old me will look back on how 20 year old me was comical, very comical. :tongue:
 

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I know a lot of INFPs online, and a few of my closest friends are INFP. I think the things about INFPs that annoy me, I can also see in myself. The lack of decisiveness, direction, order, the insecurity, being too idealistic or emotional, though I feel I still have my own personality, and I feel a bit more detached, less personal, and more intellectual than many. For instance a lot of people in the INFP FB group have less of an interest in discussing strictly theoretical matters than I, it's all about sympathising and connecting, which i can do, but I prefer a balance. When I joined the group I got excited because everyone seemed so similar, just like me, but the longer i go on, the more I realise we're still just individuals.
 

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I'd probably go insane trying to pry open another INFP due to how darn private we are. I myself beat myself over how withdrawn I am from really speaking my mind. In one way, it could be interesting learning new things about a person layer by layer, but I'd imagine it'd take... a long time to peel back just a few layers.

Isn't it just so selfish of me wanting a person whom will be willing to be an open-book more easily and yet, I'd probably be the opposite toward my hypothetical SO?

Things like this is what 30 year old me will look back on how 20 year old me was comical, very comical. :tongue:
How could i forget that? haha. Yeah but when we DO open up it sort of pours out like a flood lol.
 

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I currently know 3 INFPs, all very different from each other in many ways, but all definitely INFP (tested). Two of the INFPs are girls I know from college, It's not that I don't get along with them. They're both shy and super sweet and artsy and and very 'shelled up'. One is more of a narcissist and dreamer than the other (she has also attempted suicide in her teens), while the other is more pragmatic and down-to-earth (the calm, psychiatrist type). The third INFP is someone I mistook for an ESFP at first - she's my boss's wife (in her 40s). She likes doing her own thing, is very quirky, and loves partying (going to raves and getting very high). I was surprised to hear she was actually an introvert.

All three are wonderful people, but I just can''t seem to get 'close' to them. We talk about our interests and hobbies, but never anything deeper. I can tell that there's a darker side to the dreamy, narcissistic INFP and the party INFP. I don't really try to 'pry' them open, because they seem to want to remain mysterious (which I personally can understand).

I used to also date an INFP a few years ago, and that ended very badly. I think he was particularly unhealthy. He always threatened to kill himself if I broke up with him - which, thinking back now - was probably a form of psychological harassment. He was extremely needy, clingy, and would explode in an emotional rage if I even casually had a conversation with another guy. I once decided to go out for a few drinks with a girl from my class despite him ordering me not to, and had a great time with her. When I got back, he went on to rant to me that only 'slags' (UK for slut) go out for drinks without their boyfriends. What.

Basically, I have a few semi-close INFP friends, but I don't know if I could ever date an INFP (or any intense Fi-dom) again.

It's not that I don't get along with them... it's more that I see the darker side of myself in the unhealthy ones, which leaves me feeling uneasy. I can't seem to form 'deep' connections with any INFPs, because my entire being automatically decides not to completely let them in, and they do the same with me. I think INFPs are aware of how we can 'read' each other, and so they get extra cautious around other INFPs - to maintain their mystery and thus their depth.
 

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Yep. Sometimes it's a little hard to narrow the personality type down since we're somewhat reserved. The ones I've easily spotted have shared wayyyyy too much info. I desperately want to listen and love them, but it's a big turn-off to hear every one of their deepest problems when I barely know them. I guess knowing when to hold back is probably harder for some of us INFPs to gauge than others.
 

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I believe for the first time ever, I am able to reference my favorite anime and bring relevant insight. So in Neon Genesis Evangelion, there's this thing called the "Hedgehog's Dilemma". After reading the above responses, I think this really hits home to INFP's in a grim way: during the winter season, hedgehogs want to snuggle close to each other to stay warm. The problem is that their spiky quills hurt each other. In the same manner, some of us intensely desire intimacy, but we know the more we try to get close to one another, we ultimately hurt each other as a result. Due to this, we think it's better off to suffer in the cold alone.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Yep. Sometimes it's a little hard to narrow the personality type down since we're somewhat reserved. The ones I've easily spotted have shared wayyyyy too much info. I desperately want to listen and love them, but it's a big turn-off to hear every one of their deepest problems when I barely know them. I guess knowing when to hold back is probably harder for some of us INFPs to gauge than others.
We seem to be the ones who attract these folk who love to use us as their free psychologist. I guess that would include other INFPs..
 

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I used to also date an INFP a few years ago, and that ended very badly. I think he was particularly unhealthy. He always threatened to kill himself if I broke up with him - which, thinking back now - was probably a form of psychological harassment. He was extremely needy, clingy, and would explode in an emotional rage if I even casually had a conversation with another guy. I once decided to go out for a few drinks with a girl from my class despite him ordering me not to, and had a great time with her. When I got back, he went on to rant to me that only 'slags' (UK for slut) go out for drinks without their boyfriends. What.
That sounds terrifying. I guess the term I would give would be emotional entrapment.

I'll be honest and say I did have somewhat of a similar mindset as he did when I was in high school. It's horrible self-confidence issues. Although at this point I am extremely good at disrupting controlling guys like that because I understand that mindset. I think I made a difference in some people's lives as a result.

As for dealing other INFPs, it's pretty much a high-risk/high-reward thing for me. It can be amazing, nothing, or world war 3.

I've had the fortune of not getting involved with a self-destructive INFP in person. On average 80% chance of awesome times. But I do keep some values-based insurance in my metaphorical back pocket.
 

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I have at least 2 good INFP friends, and a couple more INFP acquaintances. As long as Fi is healthy, I seem to get along splendidly with other INFPs. I think it helps that I've learned to open up when I sense others might ~understand~. We don't fit a number of the INFP stereotypes either. I don't know if that makes a difference or not. The fact that we met in college not highschool probably helped.

In the past I did seem to attract people that would basically use me as a therapist, and one of those might have been an INFP, but I can't confirm that.
 

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I've never met an annoying INFP irl. They're always so pleasant to be around. I know one who's into anternative medicine and such which is a little bit silly, but not annoying.

I get used as a therapist a lot too but it has always been by other types than the INFPs at least in ways that I've found tiring.
 

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I know two INFPs in real life.

The first was my old roommate. We had a few arguments, but got along quite well for the most part. We had some really nice, deep conversations and sometimes went out together, but we mostly kept to ourselves in the apartment. It was nice to have someone else on the same page in that respect. However, if we didn't speak for a few days, I started to feel like she was mad at me - she wasn't and actually thought I was mad at her. Funny how we both jumped to that conclusion. But she's a lovely person, and I still keep in touch with her.

The second INFP is my coworker. She's a lot younger than I am, and not as mature. I've noticed she's quite stubborn, which can be annoying. I don't know her that well, as neither of us talk very much.
 

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I believe for the first time ever, I am able to reference my favorite anime and bring relevant insight. So in Neon Genesis Evangelion, there's this thing called the "Hedgehog's Dilemma". After reading the above responses, I think this really hits home to INFP's in a grim way: during the winter season, hedgehogs want to snuggle close to each other to stay warm. The problem is that their spiky quills hurt each other. In the same manner, some of us intensely desire intimacy, but we know the more we try to get close to one another, we ultimately hurt each other as a result. Due to this, we think it's better off to suffer in the cold alone.
I like that comparison!
 

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I currently know 3 INFPs, all very different from each other in many ways, but all definitely INFP (tested). Two of the INFPs are girls I know from college, It's not that I don't get along with them. They're both shy and super sweet and artsy and and very 'shelled up'. One is more of a narcissist and dreamer than the other (she has also attempted suicide in her teens), while the other is more pragmatic and down-to-earth (the calm, psychiatrist type). The third INFP is someone I mistook for an ESFP at first - she's my boss's wife (in her 40s). She likes doing her own thing, is very quirky, and loves partying (going to raves and getting very high). I was surprised to hear she was actually an introvert.

All three are wonderful people, but I just can''t seem to get 'close' to them. We talk about our interests and hobbies, but never anything deeper. I can tell that there's a darker side to the dreamy, narcissistic INFP and the party INFP. I don't really try to 'pry' them open, because they seem to want to remain mysterious (which I personally can understand).

I used to also date an INFP a few years ago, and that ended very badly. I think he was particularly unhealthy. He always threatened to kill himself if I broke up with him - which, thinking back now - was probably a form of psychological harassment. He was extremely needy, clingy, and would explode in an emotional rage if I even casually had a conversation with another guy. I once decided to go out for a few drinks with a girl from my class despite him ordering me not to, and had a great time with her. When I got back, he went on to rant to me that only 'slags' (UK for slut) go out for drinks without their boyfriends. What.

Basically, I have a few semi-close INFP friends, but I don't know if I could ever date an INFP (or any intense Fi-dom) again.

It's not that I don't get along with them... it's more that I see the darker side of myself in the unhealthy ones, which leaves me feeling uneasy. I can't seem to form 'deep' connections with any INFPs, because my entire being automatically decides not to completely let them in, and they do the same with me. I think INFPs are aware of how we can 'read' each other, and so they get extra cautious around other INFPs - to maintain their mystery and thus their depth.
I know a few INFP males in the facebook group who are like that. Honestly, they are some of the most emotionally sensitive, volatile people i know, male or female. Yet sometimes they can seem so rational, so level-headed.

Interesting. That could be it. I do feel that among my INFP friends I was able to dig deeper than with most types.
 

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Once I visited an art school where I met a bunch of people of which most definitely had trouble getting their lives together. The worst of them was, to my brief but best judgement, an INFP. Artistically he was quite talented, he was literate, eloquent and had very cute hair. Also he had an alcohol problem that turned him into an uncaring, sexually impulsive and manipulative jerk.
He said some very hurtful things to others, but I wouldn't say that I didn't like him. I felt very sorry for the guy.

So I guess there's never been an INFP I didn't like. It's just indisputably the best and nicest type.
 

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I used to also date an INFP a few years ago, and that ended very badly. I think he was particularly unhealthy. He always threatened to kill himself if I broke up with him - which, thinking back now - was probably a form of psychological harassment. He was extremely needy, clingy, and would explode in an emotional rage if I even casually had a conversation with another guy. I once decided to go out for a few drinks with a girl from my class despite him ordering me not to, and had a great time with her. When I got back, he went on to rant to me that only 'slags' (UK for slut) go out for drinks without their boyfriends. What.

Basically, I have a few semi-close INFP friends, but I don't know if I could ever date an INFP (or any intense Fi-dom) again.

It's not that I don't get along with them... it's more that I see the darker side of myself in the unhealthy ones, which leaves me feeling uneasy. I can't seem to form 'deep' connections with any INFPs, because my entire being automatically decides not to completely let them in, and they do the same with me. I think INFPs are aware of how we can 'read' each other, and so they get extra cautious around other INFPs - to maintain their mystery and thus their depth.
Threatening suicide as a form of emotional manipulation is pretty intense for anyone to deal with and then feeling trapped in an environment like that is just horrible to think about. To be jealous to that scary point is something I can't really relate to, I guess it's just I wouldn't see the point of being with someone if they didn't want to be with me. He sounds like he had some serious control issues. Given your experience I think everything you said makes a lot of sense. It sounds terrifying.

I'm an unhealthy INFP but I think most of it's directed inwards, there's leakage though for sure when I'm in a shitty mood. It's an interesting perspective thinking that INFP and INFP is probably, generally a terrible combination. Not that exceptions don't exist but I think it would probably have to be pretty rare. @Lindsay Weir 's hedgehog analogy was probably spot on. Still it can be nice prickling all you fellow INFP hedgehogs from the safety of behind my computer, with my coffee in my alternate universe.

 
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