Hi,
I am an ENFP in a 12 year relationship with an INFP. The strength of our relationship comes from solid shared values and a shared vision that has included parenting, politics, community, etc. The weaknesses of our relationship - well, there are many, too many to get into right now.
I'm looking for insights about a dynamic that has been particularly hard for me. In a nutshell I think it comes from my ENFP need for positive assurance and affirmation and my partner's INFP tendency to be reserved about expressing his feelings.
(I also think our mismatched "languages of love" play a big part. I score high on "Words of Affirmation" and "Acts of Service," which he scores low on.)
Anyway, time and time again, I feel so unloved and unwanted when I express my feelings and get nothing back. Then I get upset and ask for a response. He reacts negatively to my being upset. The response I usually get is "I'm processing." I may eventually get a response, a day later, a few days later, or even months later. It is often in the form of a letter or email. And while the thoughts and feelings are often very touching, I can hardly absorb them.
I try to be understanding. I get that introverts need time to process. And on top of it, he's a trauma survivor, sort of frozen and locked inside himself.
But I just don't know how much longer I can live with... what feels like an ice cube. I know there is a deep well of love and passion in there. I just don't feel it.
Maybe there's something lacking in me that I can't feel it?
Any advice?
I am about to throw in the towel. I can't figure out which will hurt more, staying in the relationship or a divorce.
I am an ENFP in a 12 year relationship with an INFP. The strength of our relationship comes from solid shared values and a shared vision that has included parenting, politics, community, etc. The weaknesses of our relationship - well, there are many, too many to get into right now.
I'm looking for insights about a dynamic that has been particularly hard for me. In a nutshell I think it comes from my ENFP need for positive assurance and affirmation and my partner's INFP tendency to be reserved about expressing his feelings.
(I also think our mismatched "languages of love" play a big part. I score high on "Words of Affirmation" and "Acts of Service," which he scores low on.)
Anyway, time and time again, I feel so unloved and unwanted when I express my feelings and get nothing back. Then I get upset and ask for a response. He reacts negatively to my being upset. The response I usually get is "I'm processing." I may eventually get a response, a day later, a few days later, or even months later. It is often in the form of a letter or email. And while the thoughts and feelings are often very touching, I can hardly absorb them.
I try to be understanding. I get that introverts need time to process. And on top of it, he's a trauma survivor, sort of frozen and locked inside himself.
But I just don't know how much longer I can live with... what feels like an ice cube. I know there is a deep well of love and passion in there. I just don't feel it.
Maybe there's something lacking in me that I can't feel it?
Any advice?
I am about to throw in the towel. I can't figure out which will hurt more, staying in the relationship or a divorce.