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Hey everyone! This is my first post so I wanted to start off with a deep truth.
Sometimes I feel like company would be great! People energize me, I love conversations (shallow and deep).
Yet I'm also terrible at relationship routines. This is great for interacting with strangers, performances, speeches etc.
However I'm left unfulfilled and lonely in the relationship arena.

Is this a function of infj or just a weird quirk of mine?
Most of my life I spend on the internet, working , or listening to music.
It's cool or whatever. Like most, I just wonder if I'm wasting this precious college opportunity.
Cheers.
JP
 

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When you figure out what is causing you to not open up (at least a bit), you’ll then find that you’ll pursue relationship(s). Are you not trusting others or yourself?

No, you’re not weird at all. I’m a cashier and I put on that face (a genuine one) of showing extroversion. All people carry both introversion and extroversion; its just that INFJs carry more introversion. With this said, your utilizing your extroversion, depending on how much, might be causing you to be a little too drained for relationship(s).
 
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Hey everyone! This is my first post so I wanted to start off with a deep truth.
Sometimes I feel like company would be great!
Hello! Welcome to the forum (although I'm also a newbie here, haha).
You know, I think that everyone can feel this way...
As for me, some days I wish to be left alone and some days I can't live without social interaction. I'm sure that many INFJs feel the same way, we're the most extroverted introverts after all. ):)
 

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Many INFJ are experiencing this, so it is not just you. I don't have that myself, but I do wonder from time to time if I'm missing out.. And then I remember how much I hate the noise and the crowd and that I actually like my life as it is - well most parts anyway. But I would say if you are unhappy with how your life is, then change it. Wanna have that college experience? Then go out there and get drunk or whatever it is that college people do. For me personally that time meant for me to find some people I care about and to find myself.

I think that most INFJ wants a relationship but finding that special someone is like needle in a haystack. So you are not alone, and welcome to PerC :)
 
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I like to be alone most of the time, doing whatever I want. But sometimes I really want to have social conversations. Then I plan them and in my mind I'm a super open person. Then the day comes and I start getting anxious about it. At the end I'm super shy and happy when it's over.

The only thing that works for me is talking to people that are really close to me. Those conversations are energizing and important for me.

You're not alone with this.
 

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It's very difficult but yo have to convince your Fe that in the end of the day you don't need too much social interaction :D
 

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ez

I know that feeling.

I'm in my last highschool year (I'm 19, from germany) and I always hear that there are parties and stuff... Basically everbody is having fun with everybody else or in other groups (if they don't get along with the ones from school), except for me and probably a few others.
I guess you and I are just feared of rejection and that kinda forces us to live alone. (srsly i can't even breathe normal when im sitting in the bus)

I can't remember how often i opened up to someone (probably like 4 times or so), but until now i can only remember what I felt like when I saw the face that the other person made. It (they) clearly told me that the owner of it doesn't like me or doesnt agree with me. And that shit always hits me harder than I like to admit.

Currently just pumping my muscles, try to make music, draw something, play video games or watch videos and read positive articles about my personality type.

But to be honest, I guess we just have to deal with it until we meet that special ''someone''.
 

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Introversion - Watching My Life Pass By
Perhaps, it is time to [join] the morning commute with the rest of us rather than simply watching the Introvert-Express train depart the station. Indeed, Introvert Railways is dedicated to solving the ("SP/SX,") push/pull crisis, and indeed, you will no longer be "lonely," (and also find Sara, waiting for a miracle, as she sips her Starbucks in sadness, hoping for a simple hello and a hassle free goodbye).

Sound(s) like the ol' (SP/SX) contradiction; common among introvert-specimen(s).
 

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It is easy to be passive about life and relationships, expecting them to "magically" happen to you.

Often the truly valuable relationships take time and effort to nurture, which may require active initiation and management on your part.

The wider you cast your net, the higher the probability of getting a good catch.
 

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It is easy to be passive about life and relationships, expecting them to "magically" happen to you.

Often the truly valuable relationships take time and effort to nurture, which may require active initiation and management on your part.

The wider you cast your net, the higher the probability of getting a good catch.
Wise advice from Rocketmagic.

I’m in my fifties now. While I find MBTI fascinating, I’m glad I didn’t know about it in my teens and twenties. That forced me to find myself. Along the way I learned that the world rewards extroversion and that even seemingly confident and attractive people have to fake it. In college, I saw that certain people were able to easily get what I wanted out of life, so I tried to emulate their behavior. How did that go as a goofy looking, awkward INFJ trying to be like an ENTJ or ENTP? Well, I drank too much but it turned out that some of these males respected me and appreciated my friendship. I was able to meet ENFP and ENFJ girls in the process, but was picky and had no romantic success. By the time I graduated I was always passed over by the girls, best employers, etc., but I learned how to force myself out of my shell and that I had a somewhat unique ability to get into peoples’ heads, make them feel good about themselves and become their confidante. Time would tell if there was any value to this.

Forget MBTI for a bit. If you know or see people that seem to have it all, perhaps try to see what they are doing and emulate them. You’ll only be able to do it in your own way, but you might find yourself and some important relationships in the process.
 

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Welcome @jonahp to the board! I’ve had and still have some of the same struggles as you. I’m not claiming to know everything, I’m a college student too, but maybe a look into my experience could help you? Something that’s helped me is to have my cashier job. I need to constantly be up and talking, and making conversation with customers and with my coworkers. That’s helped so much with talking to strangers and acquaintances regularly. Also I would suggest finding out your own way of talking to people. You don’t need to act like an extrovert or anything, just discover the way you would communicate with people in certain situations. Asking people questions is huge, especially in college. This is what has gotten me a friend or two. You could ask people in class about the homework, or what their major is.. just be curious about them; people love talking about themselves. You might find a few that aren’t good friend material for you, and that’s ok.

On the first day of class I met a girl in the hallway and we were both trying to find the same classroom and ended up walking in late together. By the end of the first class she said, “will you be my friend? I like you.” I said sure and just followed her lead and just ask her questions about her bf or the class or whatever. She asks me questions and texts me from time to time too.

I was fourtunate enough to have a guy really pursue me for a relationship. I was honest and said hey I’m really shy and I’m not sure about this. He’s like I don’t care that you’re shy I just like you, I’ll help you out. Just jumping in and making mistakes has really helped me, and I’ve learned a lot. But this never would’ve happened if I had never had conversations with him. See?If I were to search out a different bf I think it would be super hard for me, but that’s just another area for me to discover about myself. Above all, I’m just trying to say be yourself! Trying to be something your not will only drain your energy and that’s not helpful for you or others. People will tell if you’re trying to fake it too much. My favorite way to make friends is to try to befriend a gregarious person, then they’ll introduce you to all of their friends then you can see who you mesh with better and it opens the door for even more friends.

Unlike ice cream man, I’m so glad I’ve discovered mbti in my teenage years. I think it was crucial for me to learn about to help me form my identity. Plus my INFJ functions completely devoured it for a solid year and a half until I was satisfied in knowing how my weirdness works for me. But what has helped me is to avoid obsessively typing others. Just focus in on the INFJ stuff to make sure you understand your own type. I try not to analyze others unless I’m having serious problems with them then I try to understand where they’re coming from.

College is what you want out of it. Decide what you would like from this college time in your life then slowly work to getting there. I think it’s completely fine to have like 2-3 (close) friends. So far I’ve noticed that I only care to have not many friends at a time, I just don’t care to keep up with heaps of friends at a time. If you have anxiety while or before talking to people let me know and I can give you some tips for that too. Please just take whatever advice that resonates with you and leave the rest. Do that with any advice anyone gives you and use your intuition, learn to trust it. Just take it easy and best of luck!
 

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Hey everyone! This is my first post so I wanted to start off with a deep truth.
Sometimes I feel like company would be great! People energize me, I love conversations (shallow and deep).
Yet I'm also terrible at relationship routines. This is great for interacting with strangers, performances, speeches etc.
However I'm left unfulfilled and lonely in the relationship arena.

Is this a function of infj or just a weird quirk of mine?
Most of my life I spend on the internet, working , or listening to music.
It's cool or whatever. Like most, I just wonder if I'm wasting this precious college opportunity.
Cheers.
JP
If you are wondering, stop wondering and get out. That's the only way for you to know. If not, life will just pass you by.
Echoing rocketmagic, things don't happen magically and relationship is a two-way process. Emulate those who are savvy.
 

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It is easy to be passive about life and relationships, expecting them to "magically" happen to you.

Often the truly valuable relationships take time and effort to nurture, which may require active initiation and management on your part.

The wider you cast your net, the higher the probability of getting a good catch.
Even if it doesn't get any deep, fulfilling relationships are mostly trial and error and, even if you can't reach any form of deep feeling with other person, it is always good to have someone to greet each other or take a drink with.

It is really pleasing to see a relationship flow and get how you're both fitting each other like pieces of puzzle, but that's not to be used to happen, and relationships will always still be there. People will always show you how you can't get into wholesome partnerships without engaging anything after, and, that's what should happen here, since for this type, deep connections is something that are on the greatest interests, but less frequently mentioned is how you can get meaningful experiences with people which you don't connect that much, and this is worth it in life.
 
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