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Discussion Starter · #1 ·

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I've never had much experience with overt narcissism, but I have a pretty good idea of what covert narcissism is.

Narcissism is much closer to self-absorption than self-love, because you can completely hate yourself and still be a narcissist. I have a hard time defining narcissism itself, but egotism is definitely viewing yourself as separate from others (you're either much better or much worse than everyone else and you feel fundamentally different from most people). Narcissism and egotism are closely connected to entitlement, or the feeling that you deserve to be treated differently than everyone else and that you're special.

The funny thing is that some narcissists are self-conscious and egotistic at the same time. You can think that you are extremely attractive in one moment and hate yourself in the next, but the key factor is an unhealthy focus on self, that however you feel about yourself affects the rest of the world more than it probably does and the idea that if not everyone likes you, they must truly loathe you (persecution mania), rather than consider the possibility that they might be indifferent or that they actually do like you but they're not very expressive people. In the article, it mentions that covert narcissists ("the sensitive types") actually score higher on shame than overt narcissists, so it is possible to feel a lot of shame and still be a narcissist.

Because of the focus on self in the present generation: branding, marketing, social media such as Facebook and Twitter that measures your approval, bloggers that become popular because they market a certain persona, narcissism is a pretty common malaise and nothing to be ashamed of. We are all narcissistic to some degree and we worry about ourselves a lot (essential to self-preservation and survival), which means that instead of an obsessive self-focus that may prevent you from succeeding in external things, you should start by loving yourself for the person you are and then get into interests, hobbies, friendships, more for the purpose that they are interesting and fun and connect you to others rather than to boost your own image of who you are.

As people, we're all pretty similar to each other. We have the same feelings and the same struggles and to understand that is the best way to overcome covert narcissism. If you feel withdrawn, remember that you have nothing to be ashamed of and there is always a safe space to share your feelings (with a best friend or a therapist).

Remembering the sameness of humanity helped me from feeling that way. I scored as 66, pretty average according to the article. Sometimes I think that I swing between periods of alienation and feeling different and separate from everyone else but I also really enjoy people and spending time with them and helping others in times of stress, so I doubt that I'm more narcissistic than most people, but I might be wrong.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Wow thanks for the in depth rundown. I guess I should share my score: 83. Some of the questions I have a hard time seeing how they would correlate to narcissism. Things such as:

"I tend to see other people as being either great or terrible."
"
I sometimes have fantasies about being violent without knowing why."
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My secret thoughts, feelings, and actions would horrify some of my friends."


 

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The last two statements are correlated with shame: you are afraid of expressing your true self because you are afraid of persecution and you think you're weird. Maybe you project a submissive presence in front of others and the fantasies/thoughts you have in private are merely suppressed, as suppression makes thoughts stronger. If you scored highly on those statements, you might not be expressing your anger/weird thoughts or you demonize them and are ashamed of them.

I guess the first one might be about black and white thinking and neuroticism: if someone does something good for you or says something nice for you, they are idealized, but if they are angry at you or you disagree with them, your opinion of them decreases instantly and strongly. It can also be that you have the tendency to idealize someone without seeing obvious faults and have a strong aversion to those who criticize you without considering that they might be right. It also reflects the way that someone with incredibly high standards sees themselves: either they are good or they are bad with really no grey idea in between.
 

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47

Of course I could be covertly narcissistic even to the point where I hide it from myself. But I doubt it. Even when I feel attacked by someone else, I always have this nagging doubt in my mind about whether or not I am seeing things as they are. Could I be delusional? I probably ask myself this too often and keep giving people the benefit of the doubt when I should really be running as fast as I can to get away from them.
 

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I scored 48. Some questions seem like they are made to test borderline personality disorder!? I know an overt introverted narcissist. Everything is about her, she is easily hurt but that does not stop her to viciously hurt others (I'll bite you, but I will cry crocodile tears if you defend yourself), and she does not care for anybody except herself.
 

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ffs :dry:

Don't think too much about this scale guys. The true narcissist's would fear to even take it.

In the article itself it states

If you thought on some each of these, “Oh dear lord, that’s sooooo me,” don’t panic. As I mentioned, there’s some overlap between this scale and other tests that measure introversion and sensitivity.
Personally I think the article is broken because of the major overlaps I'm noticing in questioning.

The first 10 items of this scale are taken from the original Hypersensitive Narcissism Scale. The rest of the items were added to create a more reliable and valid scale.
They are still testing it out. Personally I think unless they get an actual narcissistic type to create the questions I don't think they will get a lot of positive results.

Serious stuff like this is the reason why people think so negatively of introversion. Because some people use it as a shield to hide their egotistic or narcissistic behaviour and regard others the same way.

I couldn't be bothered with the math but on a good day I would score between 30-50 and on a bad day probably close to 80.

No matter how hard people try logic can never explain feeling and emotion. In the case of the scale sure a proper narcissist would probably score high but someone who is sensitive with their feelings and emotions and doesn't really have the universe revolve around them in their eyes would also score pretty high.
 

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No offense, but I didn't take it because I felt it was impossible for it to describe a "tr00" narcissist or otherwise. I also feel it's a bit insulting towards the introverted crowd, possibly making some of them feel "shame" over their introversion, when it's put into question ("hey, perhaps you are a narcissist in disguise! Stop your "introverted" facade!")

There's nothing wrong with introverted and sensitive personalities as long as it doesn't get in the way of personal growth. Even then, the person doesn't have to be ashamed of who they are, but rather work on adding new life skills that help them cope with their introversion without becoming a pseudo-extrovert.

Nothing against the thread, though; just my personal take, which you may thoroughly disagree with, of course.
 

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I strongly, strongly, strongly disagree with the quiz.

Something like 6

"I feel temperamentally different from most people"

Every single INF on the planet is going to answer "Yes" to this.

It's not that I think narcissists would not necessarily answer "Yes" to some of these questions.

It's just that I know, for a fact, that many completely non narcissistic people I know would also answer "Yes" to many of them.

This is why I take a lot of psychology with liberal helpings of (get)salt.

Also, there's stuff like this: DSM Panel Members Still Getting Pharma Funds | CCHR International
 

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49! I'm normal! :D

I dunno, did I say no to a lot of these just because of vanity? Lol

I can imagine saying yes to a lot of these several years ago (especially when I was in middle & high school). I think I was really unhappy at the time compared to now. And I still think that the reason was mostly due to environment (the type of people I went to school with, their fake-ass masturbatory attitude, my lack of freedom, unlucky to have very few people I could relate to). I mean, I still don't think that I made up these feelings in my own head just because of my own narcissism. Even now, I really do have the hunch that those circumstances were real.
 

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I am very absorbed by my personal affairs, but I feel that I am too sympathetic and humble to be a narcissist. And that sounds incredibly narcissistic... but whatever. Couldn't be bothered to do math right now.
That was going to be my point as well as a 4 on I can become entirely absorbed in thinking about my personal affairs, my health, my cares or my relations to others, when it seems this this is perfectly natural for a healthy sense of self (I am more inclined to think that a 1 or 2 rating may suggest the potential for manipulation or a selfish potential need to always be engaged in others lives).

Scoring 43 an imprecise point tally up.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
I strongly, strongly, strongly disagree with the quiz.

Something like 6

"I feel temperamentally different from most people"

Every single INF on the planet is going to answer "Yes" to this.

It's not that I think narcissists would not necessarily answer "Yes" to some of these questions.

It's just that I know, for a fact, that many completely non narcissistic people I know would also answer "Yes" to many of them.

This is why I take a lot of psychology with liberal helpings of (get)salt.

Also, there's stuff like this: DSM Panel Members Still Getting Pharma Funds | CCHR International
I don't believe in it much either but it helps to pinpoint why. We should be equally on our guard against tests that give flattering results.
 
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