Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 97 Posts

·
MOTM Nov 2010
Joined
·
10,402 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So do you not need compliments or what? How exactly does that work for you?

I have ESTJ, ENFP, ESTP, ESFJ, ESFP, ENFP, and ENFJ friends who don't mind stealing the spot light and can appreciate hearing good things about themselves. Introverts, how is it for you?

Why do you get embarrassed? Is it an insult to compliment you? How come you do not like a group of people focused on you? How would an introvert such as myself show you public appreciation? (I'm guessing you're going to say "don't").

I'm sorry. I was raised by a gregarious ESTP father who didn't mind shouting out everyone else's strengths, nor did he get offended when someone publicly declared his strengths-it was quite the opposite.

Introverts. Why do you enjoy hanging out in the back ground? I mean, I don't like people to attribute too much to me either and I detest someone blowing smoke up my ass, but really...I can go along with the public game and be gracious if I have to.

Introverts, how do you want to be commended? Please state your type when responding. Thank you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,164 Posts
I can't and don't speak for all of us but I hate when I'm publicly acknowledged. Too much attention on puts a strain on my concentration be it positive or negative. For a lot of us, it can be very draining.

As for why? I can't say. My brother is an ESFP and we confound each other all the time. I can't see how he spends so much time around people just as he can't see why I like being alone so much. Why do you extroverts like being on the front lines so much and why do you get energy from being in the spotlight? (That wasn't meant to sound aggressive if it was)

Like I said, for much of us, almost any kinda of mass attention is draining. There's far too much going on and there's simply something about it that exhausts us. This again is just me speaking from a personal perspective but if you want to congratulate me on something, a simple, personal "Thank you" is all I want.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
166 Posts
<---ISTP

It i s pretty simple after you understand what makes Intros tick. I like my personal space, don't enter it until I give you permission to do so. I hate public recognition, I just want to do my job and sit in the background. I don't want the spotlight, I'll let you guys have it all. Unlike extroverts who thrive and are re-energized by large groups of people with lots of action, I want to be left alone. I like the quiet. I need this alone time to process things. If I don't get it, I am usually awake until 3 or 4am because I can't sleep until my brain has finished processing the events of the day (Partially what is happening to me right now). If I am at a party of more than four or five people that I don't know well or consider friends I feel completely drained when I leave, usually long before the party has ended. My perfect day would be sitting on a tropical beach, alone with nothing more than a good book, some food I enjoy and a cooler full of drinks of various natures.

Compliments aren't insults, I just don't want to hear them. They don't embarrass me, I just don't want to hear it. Just say thank you and leave it at that. It has to do with humility. Even that was hard to type. I tend to be more critical of myself than anyone else could ever be. And if I can see all these problems in myself, are said compliments genuine or are they given with an ulterior motive? That's the thing always running through my mind. With me, actions will always speak far louder than words ever could. If you really want to show appreciation, do it through some action. Not through words.

I like being in the background because that is where I am comfortable. Extroverts like being in the middle of throngs of people. Introverts don't. I need my space. I detest games to the very center of my being. I refuse to play them. I left the corporate world of IT just to get away from all the game BS. I'm often called brutally honest. That's how I treat people and how I want to be treated. It also probably doesn't help that I go into new meetings thinking people are stupid until proven otherwise. But my past experience has taught me that is often the truth. And that is a primary function of my personality. I live day to day and make decisions based on what the past has taught me.

This is how I work, it may or may not reflect the way other introverts function.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,054 Posts
So do you not need compliments or what?
No, I prefer criticism, it helps me grow up and get better

How exactly does that work for you?
When someone compliment I just dont care, it doesn´t matter is your opinion about me is good or bad, if I want your opinion I would ask to you if not, please save your commentaries until I ask them to you.

I have ESTJ, ENFP, ESTP, ESFJ, ESFP, ENFP, and ENFJ friends who don't mind stealing the spot light and can appreciate hearing good things about themselves. Introverts, how is it for you?
*take spot light* here, take it, no, please i insinst.:ninja:


Why do you get embarrassed? Is it an insult to compliment you? How come you do not like a group of people focused on you? Yes, it embarrassed me, no is not an insult is just annoying and a waste of time.
How would an introvert such as myself show you public appreciation?
I show public appreciation, actually Im pretty aficionate, I show it throught words, hugs or kisses (girlfriend), the problem is that I have a few intimates that I would actually show my appreciation.

Introverts. Why do you enjoy hanging out in the back ground? I mean, I don't like people to attribute too much to me either and I detest someone blowing smoke up my ass, but really...I can go along with the public game and be gracious if I have to.
I like freedom so I maintain in background, it would be hell hear all the people problems or they would come to me to talk about thing I just don’t care, is a win-win situation I maintain my freedom and don’t see you and you dont get hurt because of my anal behaviour ( Althought Im not aggressive , im pretty reasonable).

Introverts, how do you want to be commended?

How about something like….mmm?
You: hey dude, good job
Me: thanks *nod and little smile*
*we move along and continue doing whatever we were doing* you see it?, its not so difficult.

Please state your type when responding.
Dont know, i always test as an IXTX, some kind of unhealthy IXTX:unsure:.

Thank you.
No problem:proud:
 

·
MOTM Nov 2010
Joined
·
10,402 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thank you everyone. I'm really trying to understand why "I" types really don't have a need for outside validation. That's pretty cool, actually. But what is it that grounds you? Why are we so different in this one particular area?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
166 Posts
The why is also simple. I just don't care. Your validation of me does not improve my situation, it doesn't have any tangible effect on anything in my life so it doesn't do anything for me. I understand that is harsh but as I did mention earlier I am brutally honest. What grounds me goes back to the action. I do things that I enjoy. For example, tonight I had a couple friends over and we cooked up some pizzas from scratch. We hardly spoke but we worked side by side for hours. It was an extremely fun night for me. It is things like that which keep me grounded.

As to why intros and extros are different, the best answer I can give you is that is just how we are wired to handle the world around us. For a more solid answer, unfortunately you'll need someone more learned than I.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,768 Posts
This thread makes me think I might be an ambivert because, whilst I do kind of thrive on recognition and praise, I don't like compliments. I get embarrassed when I am singled out in a crowd. And I also need a lot of alone time to process things, otherwise I end up staying up all night until my brain just shuts the hell up. However, if I am the person to single myself out in the crowd, this is perfectly okay with me (I usually do this by speaking louder than others when getting excited, or flailing too much whilst talking - gestures, I love them). I've also noticed that when I am in a bad mood, I am instantly cheered up by being around people. But, conversely, I am quite drained even when interacting with someone on a one-on-one basis after a few hours, and start to get a little grumpy.

Thanks for creating this thread @pinkrasputin. I have been thinking about whether or not I am a true extrovert, and I think the responses to this thread might help me gather more insight into my preference. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,054 Posts
Thank you everyone. I'm really trying to understand why "I" types really don't have a need for outside validation. That's pretty cool, actually. But what is it that grounds you? Why are we so different in this one particular area?
This is the more beatiful anwser you would hear.

The why is also simple. I just don't care. Your validation of me does not improve my situation, it doesn't have any tangible effect on anything in my life so it doesn't do anything for me. I understand that is harsh but as I did mention earlier I am brutally honest. What grounds me goes back to the action. I do things that I enjoy.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,550 Posts
i like compliments, i just dont need or want someone to draw alot of attention to me. So lets say its my birthday, do NOT have the restaurant come and sing to me and put a sombrero on my head etc... just give me presents :) Say i did a good job, say "hey Mendi, great job you did on this" then throw money at me, rather than calling everyone in the office to my desk. Try using discretion when showing your appreciation by doing it in private or around small amounts of people we are comfortable with.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,164 Posts
Thank you everyone. I'm really trying to understand why "I" types really don't have a need for outside validation. That's pretty cool, actually. But what is it that grounds you? Why are we so different in this one particular area?
I honestly think it has to do with how our brains are structured. I read a theory somewhere in an article about introversion that introverts and extroverts have different reactions to the chemicals released during certain interactions. To go beyond that is hard to answer. I think many experts strive to find the answer to that enigma and many come to different conclusions. The human mind is vast and complicated yet it's wrapped up in such a simple package.

Maybe it's a physical trait or maybe it's mental. Perhaps the question you seek the answer to just isn't one that can be answered. The answer to "Why?" might just be "Because" in this case. In the end, we simply "are".

That all said, I really like this thread. It's really got me thinking.
 

·
MOTM Nov 2010
Joined
·
10,402 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
i like compliments, i just dont need or want someone to draw alot of attention to me. So lets say its my birthday, do NOT have the restaurant come and sing to me and put a sombrero on my head etc... just give me presents :) Say i did a good job, say "hey Mendi, great job you did on this" then throw money at me, rather than calling everyone in the office to my desk. Try using discretion when showing your appreciation by doing it in private or around small amounts of people we are comfortable with.
Can you describe to me what it feels like to have someone draw public attention towards you? I'm very interested in hearing this process.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
133 Posts
I honestly think it has to do with how our brains are structured. I read a theory somewhere in an article about introversion that introverts and extroverts have different reactions to the chemicals released during certain interactions. To go beyond that is hard to answer. I think many experts strive to find the answer to that enigma and many come to different conclusions. The human mind is vast and complicated yet it's wrapped up in such a simple package.

Maybe it's a physical trait or maybe it's mental. Perhaps the question you seek the answer to just isn't one that can be answered. The answer to "Why?" might just be "Because" in this case. In the end, we simply "are".

That all said, I really like this thread. It's really got me thinking.
-just noticed there was a second page to this thread, sorry to hijack the conversation flow

When you mentioned about the chemicals released during certain interactions, it reminded me of some reading I have been doing.
I have been reading into why I am introverted and I have come across people with the idea you can shift between introverted and extroverted (they are kinda opposites there surely would be an in between).

If a person’s attention usually flows outwards then he or she is an extravert, while if the attention usually flows inwards, the person is an introvert. Change your focus, and your behavior changes magically! - when I read about this it is to do with meditation.

so anyway just a interesting theory, it is due to chemical reactions but also to your focused attention.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,164 Posts
-just noticed there was a second page to this thread, sorry to hijack the conversation flow

When you mentioned about the chemicals released during certain interactions, it reminded me of some reading I have been doing.
I have been reading into why I am introverted and I have come across people with the idea you can shift between introverted and extroverted (they are kinda opposites there surely would be an in between).

If a person’s attention usually flows outwards then he or she is an extravert, while if the attention usually flows inwards, the person is an introvert. Change your focus, and your behavior changes magically! - when I read about this it is to do with meditation.

so anyway just a interesting theory, it is due to chemical reactions but also to your focused attention.
It's all part of the same continuum. We all have intorverted traits and we all have extroverted traits. At least this is how Jung explained his theory.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
155 Posts
From strangers and associates I like compliments given to me very lightly, just don't go overboard otherwise I feel awkward and don't know how to react. I'll try my hardest to show gratitude by smiling - awkwardly, because if you make a big deal of it you've probably made me feel uncomfortable and I'm trying my hardest not to show that... :D

I only like BIG compliments from people I'm close to, they feel more genuine because that person would have to know me so well. If given compliments aren't genuine then I don't want them.

I always put compliments into speculation about how plausible they are and much I deserve them. I'll ask myself "Is this true, I think i'm i'm really good at..." ect.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
76 Posts
When I am given the spot light I feel singled out & nerves, like what someone else said, as if they want something from me & that I need to meet some expectations. I feel that if I don't meet the requirements of the people in this situation then I will either be humiliated, criticised or something. I am extremely happy to remain on the side, in the background. Compliments are okay only if they are meant & one-on-one, not in public.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
859 Posts
So do you not need compliments or what? How exactly does that work for you?
I don't need as many compliments as an extrovert, and I don't go out looking for them. I know what I'm capable of doing and depending on someone else to give me that feed back would undermine MY self-confidence/independence in my ability to get something done; its like painting a portrait and not thinking it's any good unless everyone in class agrees it's so! I couldn't imagine needing to depend on people that way! My confidence would be shot!. Knowing I'm competent through self-discovery actually VALIDATES the ability as something that is real because it wasn't reflected through the eyes of another person out of pity, bias, or circumstance; it was determined by me, myself.

I have ESTJ, ENFP, ESTP, ESFJ, ESFP, ENFP, and ENFJ friends who don't mind stealing the spot light and can appreciate hearing good things about themselves. Introverts, how is it for you?
I don't mind stealing the spotlight/hearing good things about myself every now and then; but I don't want to make it an all the time thing because I don't want to get dependent on people's approval; it's not a promised thing, and you don't have autonomy when you have to spend time being under the 'looking glass' of society; you've gotta fit in, rather than just being yourself, and finding out what makes YOU the individual tick; I know as an introvert I need to get in touch with my inner 'self' and I need to be connected with some sense of self away from everyone else; it helps me recalibrate my mental/emotional boundaries and batteries; also, there's the fact that when you spend as much time introspecting/reflecting as we do, you know ALOT about who you ACTUALLY are as a person, so you know what you bring to the table for a relationship.

I notice I tend to watch what I say a lot of the time, and focus on self-restraint takes alot of energy/focus and then you have to focus on the conversation/environment going on around you...it's alot, to do, which is why I've needed to get away after a long period of socializing; we're usually doing more than what we seem to be doing; even when I'm talking to a friend, I'm thinking about other things going on that I've gotta get done, and what is most appropriate to be said for the situation. Not all introverts are good at this, and I can't say why we all aren't because there is not 'BIG REASON' why we all aren't good at stealing the spot light, some of us don't need it, care to have it because we don't like feeling like trained ponies having to prance for someone every moment of the day. I guess I just believe in what I say, because I have confidence in my abilities, and if I mess up, I push myself harder to understand what went wrong and how to fix it.

Why do you get embarrassed? Is it an insult to compliment you? How come you do not like a group of people focused on you? How would an introvert such as myself show you public appreciation? (I'm guessing you're going to say "don't").
I don't get embarrassed when I get a compliment. I'm grateful and I accept your point of view. I'm just not quick to take things to heart, and I don't like a group of people focused on me because I know that humans have a mind with which to THINK other things they aren't necessarily telling you verbally. Being an introvert in an extroverted world where we are encouraged to seek approval from others, draw as much attention to ourselves as possible (when is having such an inflated sense of self-importance for example, a great thing? just sounds like another dude who thinks he's the shit...just like EVERYBODY ELSE) when some of us like to be independent because some of us don't like dependence on something outside of ourselves because we often know through the course of introspection, that you shouldn't put all your chips on any one thing but yourself. We know that there are alot of covert things going on behind the careless banter, so I know because of that I like to keep my group of friends small to a bunch of people I can actually trust, not bunch of people I don't consider really substantial to my life; more people in your life equals more connections to MORE drama which we generally hate.

I just prefer the basics and authentic communication to a whole bunch of people around me. I don't have a problem showing appreciation either, I can hug, smile (well the sides of my mouth go up lol), pat someone on the back etc. the name of the game is subtlety with us...we're usually very clever at planting seeds in other people's heads about something, and then later on having them call us and say 'Oh, I get it Now!' and we laugh together...this is how we share OUR inner world/perceptions...we aren't limited to what we just see, sense, hear around us, our world is very multifaceted.

I'm sorry. I was raised by a gregarious ESTP father who didn't mind shouting out everyone else's strengths, nor did he get offended when someone publicly declared his strengths-it was quite the opposite.
Here's another thing. You're environment sounded very supportive. Not everyone gets that coming up. Either way, if you were a true introvert, it probably wouldn't have mattered anyway, because your mind would've been drawn inward towards ideas, emotions, values, abstract and personal things. Your father grew up being an extrovert I bet which is why he's possibly so comfortable with being extroverted and sharing his boundaries; he (possibly like you) thinks that people are for the most part to be trusted, and you guys genuinely like sharing all your energy with the outside world. An introvert is running alot of internal processes at once while being present for you as well. I'm just not in any need of anyone's approval or opinions of myself. I could laugh humorously at what people think are my strengths but I know what my strengths are, and I know what they aren't, and as long as I'm self-aware, it doesn't matter what others think. simple.

Introverts. Why do you enjoy hanging out in the back ground? I mean, I don't like people to attribute too much to me either and I detest someone blowing smoke up my ass, but really...I can go along with the public game and be gracious if I have to.
Because when you're in the background, there's alot of interesting conversation going on; alot of multifaceted, candid/frank talk going on about stuff that's pertinent to our personal values, ethics thoughts, beliefs, ideas, interests, and areas of expertise. I'm sociable with alot of people, but for some reason I just don't get off on being surrounded with lots of people, because it takes me away from physics, genetics, molecular biology, art, and the images, i see when I just close my eyes and just think/focus. I need to quiet to reflect on the impressions/collective meaning of the experiences I received through the day, to play with the meaning of the experiences.

I suppose if I was interested in 'fiting in' with other people for something that I thought would necessitate a reason to be more 'in your face' with others, I would. I know I don't like rules, or having to follow a group, and always compromise with everyone simply because it's FUN to be with a bunch of people sometimes, I just like the peace and quiet of a few good friends, maybe a few drinks, (a little bud lol) and it's all good, because I get to interact with them on a pretty personal/calm chill level that I couldn't if I was somewhere loud, like a mall. I happen to know that alot of extroverts don't care for sarcasm, subtext, and more subtle communication patterns....everything is usually 'what you see is what you get' straightforward, with a dash of simplicity. Nothing wrong with it, just not the introverts way of communicating because we censor our thinking alot and look for what NEEDS to be said, then what one WANTS to say....I may just tell a friend what they need to hear about something practical one day, and hold onto the more personal info for a time when we can really listen to each other. Interpersonal communication means a lot to us.

Introverts, how do you want to be commended? Please state your type when responding. Thank you.[/QUOTE]

I'm an INFJ. I don't need to be commended for something, I'm being commended by taking part in your interest in our introverted temperament...it's interesting getting to know extroverts too actually.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
130 Posts
I'm an introvert of some sort

I can play along the social game with great success, so much that I'm mistaken for an extrovert often I just don't feel like doing this for longer than I choose necessary. I don't like to let people get very close and have an influence on me, it feels like a part of me is invaded. When in a group, I usually zone out at some point and sit quietly, so everybody starts asking if I'm feeling ok. I am ok, just get tired trying to behave extrovertedly, I get lost in my own thoughts for a while, regain energy and get back to the game.

As for compliments, they usually do not enthuse me. When I was younger I responded negatively, now I've learned to accept them. When someone compliments I think to myself that they expect to gain something from it, I have trouble seeing it as a genuine act of praising, it's more of a 'white lie', a means to an end.

Public validation is cool and I will enjoy it, but I can downplay it in my mind, so that at the end of the day it won't mean much. Praise is just an exaggeration. I don't like exaggerations, I need to strive for perfection according to my own standards. I will happily accept public validation only if I judge that it does indeed correspond to my criteria, that I deserve it.

If someone compliments the noble integrity of my character (sic) I'll think to myself "Yeah right, what's your point? As if you know who I truly am and what a mean bitch I can become"
If I get an award at the university I'll think "Ok that's nice, but none of those people knows how little I studied, how bored I was and how sloppy my work is. It's silly they praise me for it"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,791 Posts
ISTP here:
I don't hesitate to say that I thrive on validation. But the hard currency in validation is respect. Having people gather around me to praise me doesn't necessarily mean they respect what I did or even understand the work I put into getting it done. Basically, I'd much rather have a single person whom I categorize as an expert tell me I did a good job than having all the people in the building giving me a round of applause. The first is a concrete benchmark of an achievement. The latter is just a socially driven, subjective thing which doesn't actually give me any concrete frame of reference for future development.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
874 Posts
Thank you everyone. I'm really trying to understand why "I" types really don't have a need for outside validation. That's pretty cool, actually. But what is it that grounds you? Why are we so different in this one particular area?
The stranger has no value to me. He could be a moron. Therefore, why would I care what he thinks of me?

History has proved that most people are idiots. This notion outrages my ENFP friends, but then I just watch them consort with fools and am justified.
 
1 - 20 of 97 Posts
Top