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randomly surfing I found this page : Intuitive and Introverted Withdrawal Pattern just wannted to share with my infj alike :)




Are you intuitive and introverted? According to Jungian-based personality types, only four percent of the population is both intuitive and introverted. Intuitive introverts tend to be highly creative, both in the sciences and the arts. They are the most creative of all the personality types and are capable of adding great works to the collective wisdom of humanity. Most of my clients (and I as well) are intuitive and introverted. An intuitive introvert feels life intensely and keenly. When our intuition is highly developed we can sometimes literally feel the emotions and the physical symptoms of people around us. We can become easily overwhelmed by stimuli that most of the population thinks of as normal or even mild. At the same time, if we’ve achieved emotional literacy, we are able to go deeply with others into unknown and even dark emotional territory, becoming healers with our presence.
So, while it’s a great blessing and gift to be an intuitive introvert, it also has its challenges. We must honor our needs for solitude and quiet time, and we must accept our need for more self-care than other people. At the same time, we have a great capacity to become conscious of our unconscious patterns and shift out of them. One of the typical patterns that we share is withdrawal from the world and from people who upset us. This pattern can cause us extreme suffering, including isolation, depression, and feelings of worthlessness and being misunderstood. I’m not saying that we should tolerate behavior which is upsetting to us. However, withdrawal is not usually a helpful solution.
The tendency to withdraw feels almost instinctual in us, and therefore a challenge to even notice. But, when we can notice this pattern, the next step is to choose not to withdraw or to act on those withdrawal feelings. Instead, Speak up!! Usually our tendency to withdraw occurs without telling the other person what is going on with us. We may have a hard time formulating what to say because of overwhelm at our own reaction to whatever happened, and we think we need time to sort through all our emotions and thoughts. But, even simply telling the other person that we are overwhelmed can prevent a full withdrawal and allow the other to help us communicate.
If we speak up before we can withdraw, we empower ourselves by standing up for our own needs and emotions. On top of that, we give the other a chance to respond in a way that may honor us and surprise us. (As intuitives we think we already know how they are going to respond, so why bother to speak up?) We give the other a chance to know us even better than they did before. If our needs aren’t met, of course we are free to respond however we need to, and that can include leaving the relationship behind. But, we now operate from conscious choice instead of from an unconscious pattern.
In my own life I was struck by the number of relationships that I have had to leave behind since I began my spiritual path. Most of these relationships had ended because I was changing and growing so quickly the relationship no longer had a common ground, but some ended because of my own tendency to not speak up on time. After I’ve failed to speak up on time, it’s usually too late to salvage the relationship—even if my mind thinks I should continue the relationship, my feelings won’t allow it—any relationship with the other now feels like a huge invasion. I’m sure the other person never understood what they did to cause me to leave the relationship, but how could they know? If this sounds like a familiar pattern, you are probably an expert at withdrawal.
As a very happy intuitive introvert in her relationships, I encourage you to be honest about everything you are feeling with your most loved ones. When the tendency to withdraw arises, tell your loved one how disappointed, angry, sad, whatever-you-are-feeling in that moment instead. Let them know who you are. (Please make sure to speak in inarguables, that is, about your feelings and your experience.) You’ll probably discover more about yourself and your relationship than you expected. I know first hand how vulnerable and dangerous this can feel—it’s certainly easier to withdraw. But, the rewards of staying put and speaking out are worth it. With practice you’ll leave the withdrawal pattern behind for good and dive into the deepest and risky-loveliest intimacy with your loved ones.
 

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Withdrawal pattern, eh? o_o
You really were on to something!
People have a really hard time telling who I am... but I'm not sure I'm able to tell who I am myself either at times.
 

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... this...thread...explains this so well and I can apply it to myself D: I even did this today on purpose...
 

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Very good point indeed

It is helpful for all people to be aware of unconscious behavioral patterns and habits that affect them. Concerning the withdrawal pattern unfortunately the introverted intuitive does think this is best but if the consequences of this behavior is noticed he/she will see in the process others were hurt including him/her.

Thanks for sharing :)
 

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I definitely recognize the pattern in myself. The problem is how to manage things if I don't withdrawal. ...Part of the purpose of my withdrawal is to protect the very people I am withdrawing from. When I am overwhelmed, I have a hard time expressing my feelings. When I have tried, it only seems to upset and confuse people.
 

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Nice find. I'm not an INFJ, but a lot of this definitely resonates with my experience. Just saying things like "I'm overwhelmed right now," or "I need time to think about this" helps a lot; I've found that most people, if they genuinely care, will allow you the time needed to process things and get back to them.
 

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I relate so much. Vulnerability is a huge issue for me so it takes a lot of time for me to take that leap of faith to form a truly meaningful friendship.
 

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Ive never read that bit of information before and yet I already possessed a knowledge of it's concepts, albeit without definition. Long before I learned about Jung's theory or MBTI, I knew I had to get myself out of these depressing cycles I had been slipping into.

I would indeed retreat from conflictual relations with those that I didn't get along with or share values with. I finally reasoned it into my head as a 'just fuck it' moment and confronted a once fairly close friend, on the things he was doing that offended my values, it was a massive liberation and im glad I took the leap.
 

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Ignoring the post above, Vicky Jo on infporinfj website goes into more detail about how Ni-doms might actually just go catatonic, need a nap or just sort of physically check out of the world. Some of this has to do with Inferior Sensation in Ni-doms where there is really a sensory overload and the Intuitive sort of needs to shut down.

On the flip side, that inferior sensation will turn in to all kinds of issues for Ni-doms like overeating, compulsions, physical addictions, even violence, fear of physical harm, paranoia about physical events, sex addictions or major issues that involve sex (Von Franz talks about how a lot of Ni-doms might be overweight). Intuitives repress sensation, so with that comes a repression of living in the real physical world. So it only makes sense that under stress, initially the Ni-dom might try to shut out as much of the actual world as possible and retreat into their much more comfortable Introverted Intuitive disposition (at least for a while, at a certain point the Se will take over and then all bets are off..now you have Mr. Hyde).
 

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Withdrawal pattern can actually help if u are in a relationship that's going bad and u realize that the person next to you is not the right one. It kind of prevents from getting more hurt and allows u to just move away. There's no point trying to reason with a person that doesn't wanna listen to what u have to say or just doesn't care enough.
 

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I enjoyed the article, but one part made me wonder, just thinking out loud here...

I encourage you to be honest about everything you are feeling with your most loved ones...
What if one does not have these loved ones to open up to? If someone does not have anyone remotely close enough to open up to. I think about those who just don't have anyone, and while I enjoyed this article, what of them? I could relate that opening up to strangers and acquaintances on this deep of a level being hard to accept. There surely is a reason the author said to be honest to most loved ones instead of just anyone.
 

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Holy crap we are complex people. :)

I find it extremely difficult to open up to people, including those who are very close to me. I don't know why I wouldn't find it difficult as most of the time people look at me like I'm wacked when I speak from the heart. Lately my attitude about that is fuck it, if you don't like it then bite me...I'm tired of taming my "intensity" down for you people.

Recently I was feeling pretty crappy about something and instead of going into hibernation mode as usual I said to hubby "I am going to talk to you about something, I do not need you to fix it, I do not need you to do anything, just sit down, shut up and listen" which he did.

I then proceded to spout off whatever I was feeling for 15 minutes, then said I was done and thank you for listening.

It felt really good, I was able to clear it out and move on with my day. I've never done that before in my life but I wanna do it again! lol
 
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