[Kristiiing]

Hi everyonnnneeeee....so, I've just started seeing an INTP...I started a thread on the INTP section asking for advice about the relationship. Anyway, I was just wondering if any of my fellow ENFJ's have been in a romantic OR platonic relationship with an INTP and what you're frustrations were or what you really enjoy/ed about them.

I personally love how he can help me reign in my emotions and look at things objectively, especially when I'm stressing out. And I love how I have helped him understand HIS emotions more. He also helps me think deeply and very analytically on a subject, while I help him understand the emotions that come with it. Also, I think that his T has helped me not feel so scared to reveal the way I feel and my thoughts to him.

But, at the same time, I get really upset sometimes at how objectively he can look at our relationship. I wish he could let himself just get carried away in the romance and feeling every once in a while! :blushed: Because I know that once I am committed I am willing to try my hardest to make it work, so I tend to get a little carried away thinking about the future, haha. :blushed: But I have explained to him that I am not always expecting these things to happen - I just like to think about them. I'm not one of those people who afterwards will be like BUT YOU SAID WE WOULD LIVE TOGETHER, etc. I tend to get over things quickly....anyways

I find that the things that we bring to the table make us a very good couple.

Anyways, I'm interested in hearing about all of YOUR experiences with INTP's :laughing:

 

[noosabar]

Run. We a bunch of weirdos here to break down everything you know. Ha ha, just kidding.
Dig deeply with him and you will find a man of deep warmth, he just needs to be really comfortable and safe.
Behind the staunch analitical mind lies a child longing for connection and love.

 

[Kristiiing]

Run. We a bunch of weirdos here to break down everything you know. Ha ha, just kidding.
Dig deeply with him and you will find a man of deep warmth, he just needs to be really comfortable and safe.
Behind the staunch analitical mind lies a child longing for connection and love.

Thanks for your reply

I'm curious - I'm about to leave for a year to Switzerland and I am 100% willing to work to keep this relationship going. I've told him this but he has been hurt in the past and I can tell he is nervous. Any advice for things to do while I'm over there to keep him satisfied without smothering? I've already said I'd come home for his birthday and also we are planning on me keeping a journal for a month and then I'd send it to him so he can keep if for a month, and so on.

 

[noosabar]

Thanks for your reply

I'm curious - I'm about to leave for a year to Switzerland and I am 100% willing to work to keep this relationship going. I've told him this but he has been hurt in the past and I can tell he is nervous. Any advice for things to do while I'm over there to keep him satisfied without smothering? I've already said I'd come home for his birthday and also we are planning on me keeping a journal for a month and then I'd send it to him so he can keep if for a month, and so on.

Great Idea with the journal. I can understand the nerves, it takes a lot to get us ( well me ) to open up and feel safe, I imagine that his vulnerability to you, given you share intimacy may be threatened by your move.
Speaking for myself Im not sure if there is any actions you could take to quell his uncertainty, other than crossing each bridge as you come to them. It would be hard to project emotional response, as emotion is hard enough to decipher in the moment. I think what your doing is a great start. Your question is a tough one for me to answer, hopefully another INTP can offer you better resolve.

 

[saccharomyces]

being a lazy person, for starters, i'll just quote myself from a thread here, where an intp asked how is it possible that an enfj girl likes him, where i shared my reasons for having been in a relationship with an intp

i would probably call the two and a half year long romantic relationship with an intp that i had
the greatest experience of my life.
there are countless things i valued in the person, i enjoyed him constantly talking about complicated technical and scientific stuff that i had no clue about (like how to make a night vision camera at home or in what ways different chemicals kill you, etc), even though i sometimes felt a bit embarrassed that i am not really able to join the conversation in any other way than just gasping in excitement and asking dumb questions if the topic was too new to me; i loved the fact that we could stay home together and i could just be my "introverted self" and cook meals for him while he was playing computer games or planning some scientific symposiums with friends; we could share our down-moods, which was really important to me, since people mostly see me as the all-happy person, so i can't just be a little sad for a while with most people, but with my intp boyfriend i could; i found my greatest satisfaction in the conversations in which he suddenly opened up and started out on long, explicit narrations about his childhood or future dream plans; the peaceful, calm, safe feeling that i had when we were together was something i had never really experienced before, and i think that was one of the key points in why i was attracted - it just felt so..good.
however, we did break up.
i am not sure if that's an intp trait, though, because he was prone to seasonal depression (i don't know if that's the right medical term, but the thing was, he'd just get all down and passive, inert, aggressive to people (not me, though, but it might be just because i felt when to back off), sleeping 18 hours a day) and we got through three episodes of that, and then, well, he withdrew from me at all when a new episode came, and i just gave up, eventually (for which i still feel guilty, sometimes, when he complains about how his new girlfriend doesn't understand and doesn't let him be him, etc), because he was pushing away really hard and i figured that i don't really want to be a "grass widow", being in a relationship where i have no real emotional contact at all to the person for more than a month, because it's not really a relationship if it's one sided.
if not for that, we could well be still together.

yeah, that was it for us, but
actually, considering long distance relationships, i think that enfj-intp could be one of the most potent ones, because, well, i am now considering a career which would most likely include a lot of travel periodically, the need to go away for field work, and i am not sure if my current partner would be able to easily accept the fact that we'd have to be apart quite regularly for more than just a few days, but i am sure that with my intp ex that wouldn't have been a problem: actually, i think that that kind of relationship would have worked out almost perfectly, both of us being very independent and having our own interests in which to indulge when not together and just communicate in skype or so. then again, i only know this intp, so maybe that is not typical. as long as he would be sure that i'll be there for him when he needs that, i think he had no problem at all with the idea of being separated. so, i think, what you need to do is just let him know your relationship is safe and healthy, and long distance won't be a problem.
at least i'd assume that from my experience with that one intp person in particular.

 

[Kristiiing]

actually, considering long distance relationships, i think that enfj-intp could be one of the most potent ones, because, well, i am now considering a career which would most likely include a lot of travel periodically, the need to go away for field work, and i am not sure if my current partner would be able to easily accept the fact that we'd have to be apart quite regularly for more than just a few days, but i am sure that with my intp ex that wouldn't have been a problem: actually, i think that that kind of relationship would have worked out almost perfectly, both of us being very independent and having our own interests in which to indulge when not together and just communicate in skype or so. then again, i only know this intp, so maybe that is not typical. as long as he would be sure that i'll be there for him when he needs that, i think he had no problem at all with the idea of being separated. so, i think, what you need to do is just let him know your relationship is safe and healthy, and long distance won't be a problem.
at least i'd assume that from my experience with that one intp person in particular.

Yeah, it seems like it will work so far, we both seem to want it to work. He is just much more objective about it and I allow myself to get swept away in the romance a bit and want to plan out the times I am coming home to visit and when he is coming to visit, etc. And he just wants to go with the flow because he is nervous to completely put all of his emotions into this (his words) because he is scared of being hurt - which I can understand too. But I also know that 100% of his emotions ARE in it, he is just trying to protect his heart in his own way (by saying these things), while I protect my heart by constantly second guessing and assuming that he doesn't really like me....sigh! :sad: Things have been really stressful! I just want this to work so badly but I have to keep telling myself over and over that if I work at it, I know that it will work. I'm rambling now...haha

 

[Shadow1980]

I dated an INTP and she was absolutely adorable. They are very cute, funny people.

 

[Auryn4]

My fiancee, best friend and brother are all INTPs...

In saying that, I have had a lot of experience with them, but I don't call myself an expert either they still throw me for a loop sometimes!

My fiancee recently went away to Denmark for his grandfathers funeral, we were apart for a week, but emailed 2-3 times a day. He missed me a lot and we both put in effort to keep in touch. We have been together for over 2 years now and love each other more everyday. We can talk and get through just about anything and I love the way he knows me and grounds me, and how I can open him up and understand him more than anyone else because he has chosen me to be in his world. I do get little frustrations such as not always being good in groups or socially, being too logical when I want him to be more emotional, but there isn't that much.

I would recommend planning somethings, but also just going with the flow. When you feel like calling, emailing or visiting go for it when you can, plan a few things and consider finding ways for him to come to you, don't always be the first to jump the gun, but be warned that INTPs aren't great planners, they like to say Oh sure we can do that, but they tend to forget and get distracted with other things. They are sometimes the perfect "Oh, look! A bird!" kind of people. You may feel it is one sided sometimes, but realize that, it is ok, and it is ok to ask and make sure you aren't smothering them. I find that most INTPs are honest and don't mind answering direct questions like that, but again play it by ear.

Other things I noticed INTPs need is support for what they accomplish, though they may not ask for it, love for specific reasons, and not be expected to do everything perfectly, but enjoy and appreciate what they do! I get the strangest gifts from INTPs sometimes, but they mean well and you should always be appreciative (like getting a donut when I was sick...).

The more I know INTPs the more I love them. They are dependable and very, very loyal and will stay with you unless something very drastic happens. They are in for the long haul, but they won't look back if you screw them over.

hope this helps