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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'll make this short. My dad is out of the country and I live with mom. I have a shoulder injury from a sport that prevents me from physical activity. I've had it for 2 years now. I have yet been taken for surgery. Doctor says I need it.
What should I tell my parents?
Also, I have been unable to work because of this injury... boss won't allow it...
 

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Meh.
ENTJ
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A: How old are you?
B: Have you actually sat down with your mother and discussed this?

She might have trouble affording the operation you need or she might be unaware of you being as limited in your current state as you are. If you are going to have this conversation with her, prepare a few points why you think you should have this surgery now and why you shouldn't wait any longer. Stay away from comments as 'irresponsible', they aren't constructive and won't do anything to make your, probably legitimate, point.

In case the operation isn't possible right now because of the financial burden, have you discussed other options with your doctor such as physiotherapy?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
A: How old are you?
B: Have you actually sat down with your mother and discussed this?

She might have trouble affording the operation you need or she might be unaware of you being as limited in your current state as you are. If you are going to have this conversation with her, prepare a few points why you think you should have this surgery now and why you shouldn't wait any longer. Stay away from comments as 'irresponsible', they aren't constructive and won't do anything to make your, probably legitimate, point.

In case the operation isn't possible right now because of the financial burden, have you discussed other options with your doctor such as physiotherapy?
I just turned 17 this summer. Yes, I have discussed this with my mom. She wants to wait until dad comes back and honestly, I don't think he will come back. He has been gone for 4 years now and he always claims tat he will come back within a month or 2... but I'm still waiting. Doctor said that he believes that I will need surgery for a torn ligament if I want to start working again. My occupation is plumbing and HVAC which requires heavy lifting. Also, I am a senior in high school... just wanted to pt that out there.
 

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Meh.
ENTJ
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I just turned 17 this summer. Yes, I have discussed this with my mom. She wants to wait until dad comes back and honestly, I don't think he will come back. He has been gone for 4 years now and he always claims tat he will come back within a month or 2... but I'm still waiting. Doctor said that he believes that I will need surgery for a torn ligament if I want to start working again. My occupation is plumbing and HVAC which requires heavy lifting. Also, I am a senior in high school... just wanted to pt that out there.
Do you know why she wants to wait for your dad to come back? Is the relationship with your father good enough to contact him about this matter and ask him to participate in the conversation?

It seems irrational that your mother would block your surgery for other than financial reasons. The financial side of it could be a real issue in case there isn't sufficient medical cover provided: are you aware of what your level of insurance would be for this operation? In case you can't get your parents on board, you might have to wait it out until you are legally able to get the surgery done without your parents' consent.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Do you know why she wants to wait for your dad to come back? Is the relationship with your father good enough to contact him about this matter and ask him to participate in the conversation?

It seems irrational that your mother would block your surgery for other than financial reasons. The financial side of it could be a real issue in case there isn't sufficient medical cover provided: are you aware of what your level of insurance would be for this operation? In case you can't get your parents on board, you might have to wait it out until you are legally able to get the surgery done without your parents' consent.
I remember her saying that she is afraid to drive in the highway... Not a very good excuse. My insurance should be able to cover it. Also, I have to take a very important test to get certified this year for plumbing. I go to a vocational school and if my doctor says I am not allowed to take the test(requires heavy labor) then there goes 4 years of high school vocational school down the drain. I was always on top of my class and it will be a shame to not get certified. I have told my mother about this many times.
 

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I have told my mother about this many times.
Have you spoke to her about what you becoming certified means to her (leaving the nest, adulthood, empty nest, fears of being more alone etc) and sought to make her understand what you not getting this operation would means to you in long term life outside of plumbing alone?
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Have you spoke to her about what you becoming certified means to her (leaving the nest, adulthood, empty nest, fears of being more alone etc) and sought to make her understand what you not getting this operation would means to you in long term life outside of plumbing alone?
You mean what it means to me? Yes, I have told her. This is my future right here... I'm an adult next year, I'm on my own. I had a good job but then the injury came along and it kept getting worse. I fear that I will have to change my career choice.
 

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You mean what it means to me? Yes, I have told her. This is my future right here... I'm an adult next year, I'm on my own. I had a good job but then the injury came along and it kept getting worse. I fear that I will have to change my career choice.
From my limited understanding of US healthcare, a minor either has your own when employed or uses your families cover. You note how there is an excuse or something holding your Mother back from letting you get this operation, suggesting the need for a parental heart-to-heart to find out the real reason or the need for a third party to convince your Mother further (I have known many that have to learn their parent or caregivers motivations or how to communicate their way, not vice versa as different generations).
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
From my limited understanding of US healthcare, a minor either has your own when employed or uses your families cover. You note how there is an excuse or something holding your Mother back from letting you get this operation, suggesting the need for a parental heart-to-heart to find out the real reason or the need for a third party to convince your Mother further (I have known many that have to learn their parent or caregivers motivations or how to communicate their way, not vice versa as different generations).
Excuse of her being that she is afraid of driving in the highway... is that legitimate? I wish you knew how many times I've had this convo of why she doesn't allow me to get surgery... it has been many times and it gets me no where.
 

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Excuse of her being that she is afraid of driving in the highway... is that legitimate? I wish you knew how many times I've had this convo of why she doesn't allow me to get surgery... it has been many times and it gets me no where.
Seems unlikely or harder to tell when 'a driver' could be anyone it seems, assuming the surgery place is less easily reachable by public transport?
 

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ENTJ
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If your mother's only excuse is to drive the highway it's perhaps time to put your foot down firmly but gently and assert your near adulthood. This is your body. Your decision. Your future. If she can't see that; talk to your doctor, get him on your side and arrange for a meeting with the three of you. Perhaps also discuss with your doctor if there is any way that you can go ahead with the operation without your mother's consent.
 
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