[Blue Heart]

I have an INFP friend that has been irritable and short tempered lately - which is usually not his style. Any ideas on causes, what I can do to help out?? Most INFP's I know, including him, are usually easy going, rarely showing negative emotions. I don't need him to be Mr. Happy for me all the time, I just want to be the best help if he wants it.

 

[whiterwair]

well, i can tell you that i become very irritable when things in my life seem to be in disorder. the kind of disorder i'm talking about is relationship or family problems, being stressed from work, hating work, not making enough money, not knowing what i want to do with my life. typically "bigger" things like those. another thing to consider is if he is being irritable to just you, or in general. if it's just you, i'd contemplate reasons why that might be. if it's in general, it probably has something to do with his ideals not lining up with reality - probably in the vein of the circumstances i listed above.

if it were me, and somebody close to me wanted to know what's up, all they have to do is sit me down and talk to me. have you tried that?

 

[Blue Heart]

He's irritable with everyone right now. It is unusual for him to ever be irritable with me, like almost never, but it is extending to everyone including me right now. I will ask him, I was just hoping for some insights, so that I can best meet his needs.

 

[dp79]

I would agree with gemofgreen... Family, relationship, or money stress can lead me to be irritable. Also, I am a very giving person. Too much so sometimes, and when I over give and haven't taken care of myself it throws my world off balance. At times, just being an INFP male can put me at odds with the world. Its the stress of just not fitting the social norm maybe... I can't speak for your friend, but for me it would just take knowing that you really do care whats going on, and I would spill the beans.

Best of luck... good friends who care are rare....:wink:

 

[amanda32]

Depression which leads to anger.
Perhaps he feels like no one truly cares for him, or not enough.
Kindness, thoughfulness will almost always break down the anger/irritability. Though if he feels like no one cares, it will
be incredibly unlikely for him to say it -- ever, for fear of looking weak and/or pathetic.
It's not normal for an INFP to be irritable with people, especially close friends so I think there is a big problem. Most likely he is
quite hurt about something or an accumulation of somethings.
If he's irritable or even mean to friends it means he's convinced himself they don't care and so he's hardening his heart because it's hurting and it's the only protection he can think of at the time.
Show you care and the easiest way is by spending quality time with him, one on one.
Try and pry him open, though I'm not sure how effective it'll be; deep down we want to tell people what we're feeling we're just really afraid to. Afraid it's too much or too dark and we don't want to burden or worse, be rejected for revealing our inner selves.
In any event, he'll appreciate the attempt even if he never tells you which wouldn't be a reflection on you or the deepness of your friendship; there are just some things I won't ever tell a soul -- like how much I hurt or why.
And keep in mind, whatever he tells you will be severely understated with regards to how much it affects him.

 

[Blue Heart]

Thank you, everyone. Amanda, I was hoping you would chime in, you have been spot on so many times - I take everything you have written to heart. I would say that INFP advice from people like you is the reason I even have this wonderful friendship in the first place.

 

[amanda32]

Thank you, everyone. Amanda, I was hoping you would chime in, you have been spot on so many times - I take everything you have written to heart. I would say that INFP advice from people like you is the reason I even have this wonderful friendship in the first place.

Thank you, Blue Heart. It's always my pleasure.

Also, don't be upset if he refuses your invitations or company at first. Keep at it. Sometimes I test people or think they're just being polite and so I'll refuse their kind offers. But if you keep at it, you can convince him that you do or rather make him begin to believe it's true.

And sometimes, when I'm really down I don't want to be around anyone at all because I need time to sort through what I'm feeling and find it far too embarrassing and myself too vulnerable; I won't have the energy to try and put on a happy face for anyone. And anyone seeing me like that is not possible.

In any event, I know you two are great friends and friends like that mean so much to an INFP (I think I can speak for all about this); he'll be deeply touched I'm sure.

He's lucky to have you.
All the best.
~A.

 

[OrangeAppled]

I agree on the idea that it's likely a BIG issue. Don't press too much....if you're just there to listen, then he may open up to you. Don't jump to offer advice, just sympathize.

 

[rbt]

I think your best bet would be to tell him that you're there for him unconditionally and that he needs anything just let him know. I can only speak for myself as besides this forum I don't know any other INFP's, but it usually takes someone a few tries before I tell them what's going on.

 

[Roze]

I become irritable when I'm weighted down by family problems, stress, job, etc. It's easy to tick me off from that point.

Just being there for him will do wonders, I can tell you that from experience. While I doubt you can heal him instantly, just knowing that there's someone that actually cares for me helps the process a hundred fold.

 

[Paradigm]

Sometimes I get into irritable moods for seemingly no reason. In actuality, I'm pretty sure these "annoyed at the world" moods comes from subtle (or not so subtle), often shifts in mood over a short period of time, from hopeful to disappointed to happy to sad to hopeful and all over the scale. Unfortunately, these irascible moods of mine tend to off-put everyone around me. It's not really that I'm angry, I just don't want to be bothered... Which doesn't really include being alone.

The best thing people can do around me is not really treat me different. My mom will try her hardest to cheer me up, which works the exact opposite of the way she wants it to. My friends will usually tread a little lightly lest they incur my wrath (I'm actually really mean sometimes :blushed: It offsets my normal lovely disposition), but otherwise our interactions are normal. If they're in a kind mood, then they might act a slight bit more silly without the obvious "cheer up!!" message, which works like a charm.

Just hang out with him, do what you normally do, and make sure he knows you're open to talk. Too much digging and prying will lead to badness, usually, though.