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I'm a natural loner. I don't get lonely when I'm by myself, and I've never cared much about fitting in. It's got nothing to do with any sort of value or principle, I simply don't feel the urge to fit in unless it's for logical reasons that benefit me.

I find people interesting sometimes and I'm very confident when socialising because I feel detached from the outcome. I don't care if what I say makes me lose the respect of who's around me because I don't feel connected to anyone that strongly that I care about losing them, and I very much value being authentic.

One of the reasons I don't like being around people very often is most people don't have the balls to be authentic and are too much about appearances and ego. I don't blame them for this, it's human nature and our environment/society, but I still find it un-attractive.

I don't care about being branded any name or being talked about behind my back, and I don't fear losing any friend or family member if I'm simply being myself and people don't like it, so I don't feel the need to change in order to keep people around me, unless I'm simply being a bad person and feel like it's my fault and I need to atone.

I have a calm sense of empathy for other people, but I have never felt that sad about the death of anyone in particular.

I don't have any ambitions to enhance my social position because It doesn't make me feel better about myself when I'm popular or getting compliments or praise from other people.

Being loved and liked doesn't matter to me at all, but I feel as if It could matter if I was really into someone.

So, women, does a man having no social ambitions turn you off?

 

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Grim Reaper
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My partner is a social bug. She cares about what others think/feel towards her and that is one of the biggest differences between us. I certainly don't mind it at all but it was hard for her to adjust to someone like me who doesn't care in the slightest how others perceive them. When we First started going out she would get anxious/worry because I'm not the type who's going to be openly expressive and happy when out it public. That alone used to stress her. As time went on and we got closer she began to value (and is sometimes jealous of) my ability to disconnect from the opinions of others. These days we'll go hit up a bar/club and she'll let loose on the dance floor while I chill at the bar and have a drink, relax. She'll socialize with tons of people and I'll talk to someone if they choose to talk to me. We each have our own versions of relaxing and letting go haha.

That said, it was certainly an issue in the early stages of the relationship. One that some people wouldn't be willing to work through.
 

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So, women, does a man having no social ambitions turn you off?

He asks, while using a gif of one of the most attractive fictional characters ever. 'ell no.
Actually, to me the other way is the turn off: that guy you can feel has learned your social network and is desperately trying to connect with you in a creepy stalkingish way.
What you're describing is just a typical INTJ being INTJ, and I can't see how an INTJ's detachment could not be attractive. And I'm honestly not being sarcastic here.
 

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Being a loner in general is kind of a turn-on for me. I'm also a bit of a loner, and I would dread having to be dragged out constantly to parties or with the SO's friend group.

However, sometimes there is a problem when the SO is the only source of socializing for the other party. I would feel drained and exhausted by a specific person clinging to me, and I would also feel a bit sad if my partner never talked to me at all. As long as the other party doesn't do either of these things, a limited friend circle doesn't bother me.
 

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A lot of women are hurt when men decide to "pull away". It's not because they've done something wrong, but because they don't want to feel smothered and "lose themselves". I think there's a study showing how men's testosterone level drops after sex, or something? That could also play a part. Also, when they want to solve a problem, rather than "talking it out", they'd rather think it over on their own before fixing it.

There's a difference between having a small circle of friends, or spending more time alone, and someone who practically lives in their basement, though. A recluse. It would be nice if a partner were to at least try to become more socially savvy, since someone who can't get along with others probably isn't going to get along with you (to the best of their abilities). Like someone else said, I wouldn't want to be their only source of socialization. It could be draining.
 
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Plague Doctor
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So, women, does a man having no social ambitions turn you off?
The exact opposite. This is like a requirement for me. Not only does socializing exhaust me and I don't have a strong social drive at all, but I also need to have some sort of intellectual independence, too. I need to be with someone who I can sit comfortably in a room with without needing to talk to them. Everything you have mentioned in your post is so like me that I sort of wish I was single, even. ;)
 

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It's not a turn off if it's natural. And as long as we sometimes talk and get physical I'm happy. I also don't mind if they don't want to go to gatherings or events with me as long as they don't care if I go without them. But it would be nice if they liked museums. :tickled_pink:
 

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Nopes. It's okay. My intp partner was not a social butterfly too. I have no preference whether an extrovert nor introvert.

Turn offs are assholes. XD or you did something bad.

Sent from my E5823 using Tapatalk
 

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exploring space
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If anything it's more of a turn on for me. But of course there are more to look for in a person, but overall I prefer loner over social butterflies.
 

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Nope.
As a bit of a loner myself, it would be a match made in antisocial heaven.

Although, I don't think being with a loner would be good for me. I need someone to draw me out a bit. To get me out of my shell and out of my comfort zone.
 

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I think comfort with being who you are is essential, whether that's being a loner, playing video games, collecting rocks, a deep interest in reptiles, whatever. As long as you're okay being who you are, you will find someone who can appreciate that also.

But for me personally? I realized that being with an extrovert is way more fulfilling, simply because I'm an extrovert myself. I realized that there ARE extroverts like me, who are selective about who they associate with, who don't go out partying 24/7, but who crave that external stimulation all the same and find people fascinating. I think extreme introversion can be an issue, and I've had the experience of guys using that excuse to keep me at arm's length, so I'm personally wary. That said, I wouldn't reject a guy based on that criteria alone.
 

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I'm a natural loner. I don't get lonely when I'm by myself, and I've never cared much about fitting in. It's got nothing to do with any sort of value or principle, I simply don't feel the urge to fit in unless it's for logical reasons that benefit me.

I find people interesting sometimes and I'm very confident when socialising because I feel detached from the outcome. I don't care if what I say makes me lose the respect of who's around me because I don't feel connected to anyone that strongly that I care about losing them, and I very much value being authentic.

One of the reasons I don't like being around people very often is most people don't have the balls to be authentic and are too much about appearances and ego. I don't blame them for this, it's human nature and our environment/society, but I still find it un-attractive.

I don't care about being branded any name or being talked about behind my back, and I don't fear losing any friend or family member if I'm simply being myself and people don't like it, so I don't feel the need to change in order to keep people around me, unless I'm simply being a bad person and feel like it's my fault and I need to atone.

I have a calm sense of empathy for other people, but I have never felt that sad about the death of anyone in particular.

I don't have any ambitions to enhance my social position because It doesn't make me feel better about myself when I'm popular or getting compliments or praise from other people.

Being loved and liked doesn't matter to me at all, but I feel as if It could matter if I was really into someone.

So, women, does a man having no social ambitions turn you off?

darn we could be twins , u summerizing my mentality ^^
 

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Lack of interest in socialising isn't a turn off for me; I actually very much prefer a guy who doesn't need too much social stimulation. However, the word "loner" can mean different things in my opinion, and if the guy is the type of loner who is all "Nobody gets me, I am so tortured and such a special snowflake, I am smartest of human species" that is a major turn off for me.
Basically, as long as the person isn't straight up rude and obnoxious, it doesn't matter what his preference is regarding socialising.
 

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i don't think so, as long as the person appreciates me, i would be fine
 

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Yes and no.

When I start dating a guy I tend to look at his friends ’cause if we like it or not, our friends says a lot about us. They represents different parts of us. I read somewhere that you become like the 5 people you spend most time with. I don’t know if this is true but I think there might be something to it.

If I start to date a guy who has no friends or close connections I will start to wonder why? Is he socially dysfunctional? Or what.. My ex had that
"Nobody gets me, I am so tortured and such a special snowflake, I am smartest of human species"
And that was a major turn off because at the same time he was whining about that he had no one to work with in class. I get the loner thing but sometimes you need human relation or some social skills to have someone to work with or to get or job and stuff like that. And if invited friends over and encouraged him to do the same and no one would show up, I kind of felt sorry for him for not having any friends.

There's a difference between having a small circle of friends, or spending more time alone, and someone who practically lives in their basement, though. A recluse. It would be nice if a partner were to at least try to become more socially savvy, since someone who can't get along with others probably isn't going to get along with you (to the best of their abilities). Like someone else said, I wouldn't want to be their only source of socialization. It could be draining.
– I’m an introvert myself so I get it. I get the alone time and the: we-are-alone-but-together (in the same room but doing different things in silence, enjoying the company without having to speak) but if we go to some family birthday I would like him to at least try and make some conversation instead of just sitting in a corner sulking.

From your description I would probably say that it is a no go for me. Based on the fact that I care about everything and your detachment wouldn’t sit well with me. And at the same time I applaud you for your honesty and ability to not care.
I think comfort with being who you are is essential, whether that's being a loner, playing video games, collecting rocks, a deep interest in reptiles, whatever. As long as you're okay being who you are, you will find someone who can appreciate that also.
But if you are truly being okay with who you are, then I have to ask.. Why do you care if it is a turn off? Like @kaleidoscope says: “As long as you're okay being who you are, you will find someone who can appreciate that also” - find a girl who likes you for you.. :)
 

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Lotus Jester
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I think comfort with being who you are is essential, whether that's being a loner, playing video games, collecting rocks, a deep interest in reptiles, whatever. As long as you're okay being who you are, you will find someone who can appreciate that also.

But for me personally? I realized that being with an extrovert is way more fulfilling, simply because I'm an extrovert myself. I realized that there ARE extroverts like me, who are selective about who they associate with, who don't go out partying 24/7, but who crave that external stimulation all the same and find people fascinating. I think extreme introversion can be an issue, and I've had the experience of guys using that excuse to keep me at arm's length, so I'm personally wary. That said, I wouldn't reject a guy based on that criteria alone.
Yeah, I wouldn't want either an extreme introvert nor extrovert. The first would probably clash a lot with me; the second would just exacerbate my antisocial nature. I ideally need someone who is extremely comfortable being alone and someone who can help draw me into the outside world. I find I do really well with other SO/SX types who are also independent.
 

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I dated a man who was a loner type for many years. It ended up being a deal breaker for me despite being introverted and loving my own alone time. I still wanted him to come with me to social engagements and parties far too often for his taste. I now date someone that really enjoys the occasional night out and socializing.

However, I am sure there are many women who don't mind being with a loner. Many women are loners too!
 
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