I apologize if this rubbed you the wrong way, I was being quite bitter and critical in my previous posts (Covid really isn’t helping) but this was not directed against you or anyone else in specific over here. I am very happy that you and your partner love each other and appreciate each other to the fullest. With regards to “taking others on a journey with me”, if that means a journey through many of my thoughts, interests and how I feel about things then they’re going to be in for quite a ride. However, if it means a journey in terms of physical experiences or just having a good time then yeah I admit I’m not the most outwardly interesting person at first glance. Now that you’ve mentioned this I gotta say sometimes I really do wish, and envy your ability to be so much more outwardly engaged, outwardly fun, engaging and appealing. I do feel as if there are times in which life passes me by and I have a hard time completely being “out there.” Maybe your INFP feels the same way and can relate. What do you mean by “stepping out of our comfort zone” with regards to the ESFP-INFP relationship? I would love it if you can give some more details on that.
It's ok. You were being honest about your experiences. I enjoyed reading it. Made me think.
Your first guess is the right one. My wife wasn't too excited about going out when we first met. She was only comfortable going to really quiet places and preferred spending quality time indoors. I slowly introduced her to a lot of activities. Now, she loves going to the beach, or having a picnic at the park. She even developed a love for rollercoasters, even though they still scare her. You have no idea how hilarious it is to see someone enthusiastically saying they want to go on a ride again while their knees are trembling lol. I can't wait till she's ready to go skydiving. Anyway, there's a lot more to get into, but the point is, I showed her my world, and she loves it, even if she doesn't have the energy to live in it 24/7.
She also introduced me to her world. One of our favourite activities now is to bring the blankets and the table out to the balcony. Have some tea, or lemonade. And just relax while she reads one of her favourite books to me. I would rarely read a book on my own, but with her guiding me through it, it's a really enjoyable experience. She's introduced me to a lot more activities that she's into. Like roleplaying, board games, movies, and my absolute favourite of the lot is her world. Yes. She has an entire fucking world she invented in her head. Now it might just be her, but she's really good at bringing her world to life with her words and gestures.
The same thing applies to me. I wouldn't live the way she does 24/7, but I love dabbling in it for a few hours every other day.
Stepping out of your comfort zone would be doing something that makes you uncomfortable. For example, your friends who didn't feel comfortable doing indoor activities could have stepped out of their comfort zones a little and tried your activities anyway. Sometimes you end up liking something only after you get over the initial discomfort. It really helps if you have someone who is enthusiastic about the activity holding your hand through it all because it makes it more fun and less uncomfortable.
Maybe culture has something to do with it as well? I am Chinese by ethnicity so most of my life I’ve been around East Asian culture, which due to Confucian beliefs, places (unfortunately) a lot of emphasis on your outward image, appearance, social status and accomplishments etc. I hate these aspects of Confucianism. American / Anglosphere culture a lot of times is also like that too, Canada being so similar to the US.
Well, I'm East African, but my culture is quite mixed in a way. I grew up in Switzerland and the UK and spent most of my adult life travelling and living in many different countries. My wife is Japanese and she's in a similar boat. She grew up in Japan and Canada and travelled a lot. It's funny. We're from opposite sides of the world but our values are almost identical. We care about our appearance, image and social status. But authenticity is way more important than all of that to both of us. We'd rather lose points with society than with ourselves if that makes sense. As for accomplishments, I can't say I've ever wondered about her accomplishments in life. She's never asked me about my accomplishments either. That would prove an interesting conversation, because accomplishments are important to me, but I don't think they should matter to anyone else. At the same time, I wouldn't have a problem if she showed an interest in my accomplishments. Maybe I'd even like it. I don't know. I've never thought about it. See what I mean? You've got me thinking again lol. Boring INFP? As if!
I’m a guy who’s looking to get married in the next couple of years, and my past experience with my ESFP ex and female ESFP acquaintances (looking back they weren’t really close friends) has been that they can be a little hard to please, the Se can be very demanding. I like having a good time, I love many “sensory” (not all) experiences too but maybe in smaller doses, I’m not very much a party or social gathering kind of person but food is perhaps my biggest weakness. I also love art (not modern unless I can see the message behind it), music, nature and history. However I still live in my mind a lot and wish the world was different in so many ways.
I think if you tweaked your methods a little you could go a long a way.
Instead of taking her on her journey, you should take her on your journey. And so she doesn't get tired of your world, you should ask her to take you on her journey as well. Split up your free time together so you spend a third in your world, a third in her world, and a third meeting half way.
If you want to share, what are the deep thoughts and fantasies that surprised you the most from your INFP girl?
While she's never outright told me not to share her thoughts with anyone, I don't think she'd appreciate it. I can't explain it. It's just a feeling I have.
To be honest though, it's her enthusiasm and passion that gets me hooked more than the words themselves. She could probably talk about anything and I'd listen.