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I see everyone talking about trouble with relationships here. Is this the case with everyone? I just want to see if anyone has been dating or been married to someone for several years. I'm fucking 21 and have spent 3 weeks of my life in a relationship...in 10th grade.
 

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i was doing well in the past. I've had 4 gf's and been on a fair amount of dates but in the last year i been rejected twice, been on a couple AWFUL dates, and have experienced pretty embarrassing moments with girls that i sorta had an interest in. My self confidence in myself has reached rock bottom
 

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I've never had a healthy relationship of the two that lasted longer than four days.

One was eleven months we were both really introverted and no move was ever really
made,that and that person feel in love with me and honestly I didn't feel it back I felt
horrible for it I had strong feelings but not love feelings plus I wasn't over the love
I had felt for my male best friend and was going through a really rough time
with a lot of things including the best friend not ebing my best friend
severe depression and addiciton.

The other was about seven months and Five months of it
were spent long distance but besides that I was really jealous
and he was too possesive it just didn't mix and was bad for the both of us.
 

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Yes, I've been happily married to an INFJ girl for four years now; we've been together for six.

I don't know if it's because we're well-matched (INFP/INFJ) or what, but we've never had any real trouble. I mean we've had our arguments, but it's never got out of hand.
We talk all the time to each other - I guess that's one of the secrets to any relationship. We're not always together because of our jobs but we spend a lot of time together. We often arrange "dates" which keeps things romantic.

And I think that one of the biggest myths about long-term relationships/marriage is sex. In our case anyway, it just gets better and more passionate with time.
 

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I'm 25 and I've dated 6 girls so far. With the exception of 1 girlfriend, each relationship has spanned over 1 year.

Generally, I found that I can get along with just about anyone and that every girl loves romance (most INFPs seem to be hopeless romantics) , but it doesn't mean I could or should be with every girl either. One of the most painstaking things for me seems to be finding the right girl to fall in love with. While many girls have essentially devoted themselves to me it almost makes me lose respect that they'd do it so easily. While it's flattering and I hope for the same in a soulmate, it's difficult to weed through all these people I get along with, shatter their hearts if I don't think we're "right," and keep looking.

I think the INFPs path of searching for that perfect soulmate can almost be blinding to what is in front of us. In some senses we may commit too soon only to take it back later, and in others we may push away people that could have very well been what we were looking for.

To focus on the question though, every relationship I've been in has been very happy, but it seems like it degrades overtime. You try to decipher cute quirks your partner has with incompatibilities that conflict with your core values.

It's funny, some of the disputes I've had with the girlfriend don't pertain to romance, or lack of respect, questionable dedication.. whatever, but odd things.

For example, ...
- I wanted to use her special texturizing scissors to cut my hair, but she REFUSED to let me use it. To this day I have no idea why, I even asked if she uses it herself and she says almost never.

- We talked about having kids in the future and I said that while she's pregnant I'd prefer if she watches what she eats (try to eat as healthy as possible -- of course you can splurge once and awhile) and I'd do it with her too. I just wanted to give children a great start even while in the oven :D. She went off on me going "blah blah blah, I'll eat whatever I want when I'm pregnant with YOUR child. You made me that way."

I could go on further, but it feels like a lot of relationships for myself won't be neglecting an important piece to the puzzle, but there are little things that can be indicative of something greater and those thoughts linger almost endlessly in the mind.

In the end I wouldn't worry too much about dating, no relationship or experience is a waste. If anything each bump in the road helps you figure out which path you should end up taking in the end. No rush, but as espresso mentioned, internet dating on like plentyoffish or whatever may be a great way to push yourself out there without... putting yourself out there. Most of the best conversationalist women will be on sites like that, we seem to thrive with those types.
 

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Yes, I've been married 14 years and counting to an INTJ. We were married when I was 26. It's been pretty awesome. We have two children which we adopted from China. She's changed and I've changed since we've met which is how it should be.

She quit being stock broker, went to film school and started her own video editing business which makes about a 1/4 of our income while only working part-time. I went from being a total slacker to finding a career I enjoy and doing things I love like international travel. She has her goals. I have my goals.

We also have goals together. Our first four years together was about dance. We took ballroom, swing dancing, lindy hop and argentine tango. Then she went through her martial arts phase and we moved from dance to taking kung-fu together for about 3 years. After that we got into short track speed skating. We started a website, created a business around it so we could write off our international travel. We've met Apolo Ohno many times at events. We've gone drinking with the European speed skating champion. We've met about 80% of the 2004 Olympic skaters. Next came the entire adoption process which took a total of 5 years. These periods tend to overlap each other by 1 or 2 years. Now that the kids are old enough to travel, we're focused on how to travel with a 3 and 7 year old inexpensively. We're heading to Belize next February.

Relationships are different for everyone and everyone finds their unique style. For us, it's having common activities that help us grow as a couple. We also support each other in our individual goals. She just finished shooting and editing her first music video. I re-arrange my work schedule to watch the kids while she could spend days shooting. I give her notes about shots that I think are out of place when she's editing. She supports me by giving me time for my writing.

Also good relationships for INFPs isn't uncommon, just not in our early 20's because we're still learning the skills to have a relationship. Those skills do not come naturally for INFPs and we suck at them at first. However, if you frequent the Facebook INFP group which is has more 30's and older INFPs, you'll find that many are having wonderful relationships.
 

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We have our share of problems, but I have been in a very happy relationship for over 6 years. We just had our first little one :) I'm not sure how the rest of you are with relationships, but I'm really clingy. Always have been, no matter how pathetic I know I am. I may have trouble developing and keeping new relationships with friends sometimes, but I put all of my emotional energy into my romantic relationship.

I'm not sure which type my guy is...I'd guess an INTJ. His personality is different from mine but we're both thinkers, laughers, homebodies, nature lovers, and leisure seekers. We're both affectionate and we have amazing conversations and are most definitely on the same wavelength mentally and the same politically. And to agree with GroovyShamrock, the sex just gets better with time and I think that is a way more important, even physiological, glue than most people realize!
 

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GroovyShamrock, what are you and your wives occupations? Seems like these two types have the hardest time picking something.
 

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I think I'm quite successful so far. I've had only 2 relationships though, the first one lasted 3.5 years and he was an INTJ and the current one is almost 2 years and going, with an INTP but close to F. :happy:
 

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Another INFP happily married to an INFJ checking in.

We've been married for 9 years, together for 11. We have the best conversations and is probably the primary way we connect. We also share the same warped sense of humor and can make each other laugh. He is incredibly smart and I enjoy listening to him talk about the things he's interested in; I like that he is intellectually challenging.

Most importantly, we have the same morals and both realize that any relationship worth having is going to take work. And there have been times we didn't *want* to do the work, but we did it anyway because that commitment we made was sacred. But mostly, it's been pretty good.

Of course I drive him a bit crazy with my "We don't need a schedule, let's just go with the flow" attitude but he'll tell you that I've been able to loosen him up a bit and not take life so seriously. Conversely, he's helped me get my act together so I can accomplish my goals. He's great. :happy:
 

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Also good relationships for INFPs isn't uncommon, just not in our early 20's because we're still learning the skills to have a relationship. Those skills do not come naturally for INFPs and we suck at them at first.

This is so true. It took me years to grow beyond dysfunctional. (Dysfunctional family never taught me the skills I needed, so I had to learn them outside the home.) In fact, I learned a lot of them in the relationships I had.

Was it hard? Yes. Did my INFP qualities help or hinder? Both.

I had lots of short-term relationships but also 5 longer-term and significant relationships... the last one over 35 years now (my wife). She is in ISTJ and we have both grown.

Around our 30th wedding anniversary I joked when asked how long we had been married, "18 wonderful years... and 12 so-so ones." That got an elbow in the ribs the first time. After that, she said, "No, dear, your have that backwards... 12 wonderful years and 18 so-so ones." (She was smiling when she said it, just as I was.)

As long as you don't expect any person to be able to supply all your needs, you can make it work. Perfection only happens in fantasies. However, some are able to come closer than others.

Hang in there and keep growing. It does get better.
 

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And there have been times we didn't *want* to do the work, but we did it anyway because that commitment we made was sacred. But mostly, it's been pretty good.
This so important. Just because you find a soulmate doesn't mean it's going to be smooth sailing. It's so easy for an INFP to withdraw when conflict arises. We wait till it blows over, ignore it until the issues arise again. That behavior never works in the long run. You sit down and work it out even if you don't want to.


As long as you don't expect any person to be able to supply all your needs, you can make it work.

Thirty years is awesome.

I think what's worked for me so far is that I don't expect her to make me happy. That's not her job. It's my job to figure out what makes me happy.
 

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I am in a very happy relationship . Best ever!! But I am not INFP so I dunno if it counts.
 

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I'm about to have my 6th wedding anniversary in August. He's an ESTJ. It works really well. I thinkthebiggest thing was we were older when we got married; I was 28 and he was 34. We knew who we were as single people and had lived both on our own and with other people, so when we came together as a couple it was more an issue of identity negotiation than formation. In contrast, my sister married at 18. They're going on 12 yrs. now so it's successful but they have had a lot more rocky places, especially starting out, when they didn't even have a clear sense of who they were, much less as a couple. And my sister, at least, wonders what she missed by losing her childhood. She wouldn't give up her family to find out--she's a smart cookie--but I think she has some regrets.
 

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An INFP here checking in with a ISFJ husband. Been married................... oh boy I always forget this and our anniversary was just in July.... I think 17 years? It might be 18. Maybe we're up to 19 now? All I know is I want me to die 1st cuz I don't wanna live without me ISFJ husband.
@Stephen. Please could you help me again? That picture of that woman in my post... I have no idea who she is. When I deleted the heart.gif from my gallery somehow that picture from someone else's gallery got filled in? Can you edit that message to remove it? Thanks.

Oh two years since I answered this question -already still love hubby!!!
 

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I've never had the chance to connect with an INFP. I've had interesting friendships though. I'm friends with an INTJ, INTP, ESFP, ENTJ, and I'm currently romantically interested in an ESFJ. I've known him for a year now but we've never actually started "dating." I guess I'm too afraid of the commitment. It's interesting because he is the same type as my sister (who I loathe, she really pushes my buttons)

I'm going to go on a date with him Saturday. I hope it goes well.
 
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