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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
If you're an atheist, is Christianity/Judaism/ect. a deal-breaker for a partner?

If you're religious, is Atheism a deal-breaker?


Why/why not?
 

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No, because i know it is very likely that, whatever their beliefs, they are based on almost nothing. That is, i care more about their reasons than their beliefs, and since their reasons are most of the times empty, i have nothing to learn either way from their beliefs.

So it makes no difference whatsoever.
 

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Ehh , not really as long as you're open minded and you don't argue too much .
I'm an atheist , my ex is a Christian and we managed not to give each other hell about our beliefs.
 
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Depends how strong their beliefs are. I'm an atheistic pagan.

If someone is quoting the bible/torah/qoran on a regular basis, we're not going to get along. If they make life choices based on their religion, we're not going to get along.

If it's more a case of they just call themselves X-religion and believe in a god(s), I don't see a problem.
 

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MOTM Sept 2014
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Not a deal breaker. But his beliefs need to be open for discussion. I am fascinated by religion and spirituality, although mostly from a philosophical and sociological perspective. I am gonna want to talk about it, and claiming something is his "belief(s)" isn't going to save him. They will be dissected and explored, and I expect him to want the same from me.
 

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I think it depends what they expect in the future if things get serious.
Primarily my concern is that if we have children, would they expect me to not express my own view that I'm not religious or if our child ask me a question I couldn't be straight up about it because it would challenge their beliefs.
That sort of thing bothers me as I can't accept living like that without integrity for the sake of someone elses control of their child's beliefs rather than exposing them to possibilities so they can be guided and consider for themselves what they value.
I don't even intend on having kids but this thought just gets to me in a i'm terrified of this being a real conflict that could've been addressed earlier.
Outside of that I think I might even be up to joining in learning about their faith and abiding by certain things depending how stringent, but then again, in practice I might not be open to following rules to something i'm not personally invested on.
I can be stubborn in that way of not budging much for things I don't believe.
 
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I wouldn't care what someone's beliefs are but if they are forceful with their beliefs, I'm not cool with that. Respect each other's views.
 

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Absolutely. First reason is, I'm a polite man, I don't like insulting people's beliefs, so I take care with my humour and speech around them. Generally, my friends are people so alike me in thinking that I can relax about watching what I say. If I had to be on guard with the woman I love, I'd go mad.

Second reason is, I'm not naïve, in the matters of the heart I still play the odds - and that means steering clear of the kind of differences significant enough to be grating and cause that kind of everyday friction. No matter how many redeeming qualities, I wouldn't expect it to last with a girl who wears energy crystals and has past lives.
 

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It depends. I'm an agnostic atheist. I generally do not have a problem when people have a belief in something, however once they start getting preachy and start spreading misinformation and passing it off as !!!TRUTH!!!, there are going to be some problems.
 

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That's a matter of how that person perceive "religion". I consider myself a religious person, and a "seeker" - The only thing I know is that I know nothing" kind of attitude/humbleness towards life and the Universe.

I must admit I find it boring when people think they know everything, or blindly believe stuff. That's a huge turn off for me.
 

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It's fine as long as they're aren't too extreme (goes for religious folk and atheists). I also don't want to be guilt tripped into participating in anything. Lack of defensiveness at occasionally being questioned/grilled would be a plus too.
 

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MOTM June 2015
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I am a Christian who is married to one. If I were still in the dating game, it would definitely be a deal breaker. I have seen too many problems occur over the years when core values are not the same, or at least very similar. This is especially true when there are children involved.



ETA...I remember being on a religious forum, and there was a member who stated that they were an atheist married to a Christian. They claimed that their marriage was good and everything worked out fine. What I was most struck by was the fact that this atheist spent a good deal of time in the religious forums, mocking Christians.

They invested time questioning the logic and ability of Christians to make sound judgement. It was hard for me to comprehend how any Christian could marry someone who held them in such contempt. I could never marry someone who thought my beliefs were crazy, silly, ignorant, delusional etc. For the atheist, I would wonder what would make them choose to marry someone who they thought held such silly ignorant beliefs?

Also, most Christians who are completely convicted of their beliefs, would most likely try to convert the other person. Especially, if they truly loved them, and felt that they would be eternally lost if they didn't convert them? Would it be love if they believed their spouse would be eternally damned and just said, "oh well, believe what you want dear." As far as bringing children into the world, I couldn't comprehend agreeing to do this if I wasn't on the same page with my spouse. As a Christian, believing that the kids would be eternally lost if they didn't accept Christ, how could I ever agree not to "indoctrinate". To me, it would be one of the most unloving things I could do as a parent.

Really, I don't see how a militant atheist and die-hard Christian could ever agree upon child rearing. The atheist would think teaching Christianity to be indoctrination, and the Christian would view failure to teach their kids about God/Christ as dooming them to hell. I only think this type of union could work if there weren't any children involved, and even then I don't see how there could be mutual respect. At least if the religious threads on PerC are any indication. I will note that there are a few atheist I have observed on PerC that might could pull this off, but I don't consider them to be militant atheist. From a Christian viewpoint, I don't think it wise. If I care about you, I will have to try to talk to you about God.
 

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Like what Wellsy said, a lot of it would come down to the children factor, for me.

Differing beliefs I think I can handle, but if they want to shovel certain dogmas into our children's mouths, I won't necessarily be on board with that. And that could be a problem.
 
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Subterranean Homesick Alien
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Neither is a deal breaker, only closed-mindedness is and both can be closed-minded since it's more about the person themselves
 

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I'm not an atheist or religious, but I find anyone that is pushy about their beliefs a deal breaker. I wouldn't date someone that wants the rest of the world to share their beliefs. I've found some Christians and some atheists were people I couldn't be friends with or date. Christians because they felt the need to convert me and one atheist who seemed to be set on converting me. Both are icky.

I'm not worried about kids. At this rate, I don't see myself having any.
 

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That's a matter of how that person perceive "religion". I consider myself a religious person, and a "seeker" - The only thing I know is that I know nothing" kind of attitude/humbleness towards life and the Universe.

I must admit I find it boring when people think they know everything, or blindly believe stuff. That's a huge turn off for me.
Sound thinking, this person gets it. I once heard a saying, "To know is to know all, and not to know all is not to know. It is necessary to know a little, but to know that little very much."

I am more concerned with if the potential person I can be with, is honestly and sincerely a seeker of truth, relentless, like I am. Which means, that they can not sit on their past experiences, or what they have come to identify with as knowledge they possess. They will be in such awe at how much they do not know, that in comparison to this stream of knowledge, which is available for us, they possess only a drop. As such, for me a seeker, seeks to know and a seeker seeks to work to be. So I think the ultimate thing is that the potential person seeks to work on oneself. I dont care what religion they are, if they are an atheist, or Orthodox Christian, as long as they are open to higher possibilities innate within themselves. I love those who love to work (on self), and that is a very important part of my life as a seeker.

I think openness is the most important part... I can't stand close mindedness or not wanting to explore beyond ones comforts. I like discomfort, I like to see what I am and where the road will take me, despite myself.
 

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Ultimately it would be a deal breaker if we were going to have kids. I don't see how you could raise a family with such a stark contrast in philosophy.
 

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I'm agnostic and I don't care whether or not my partner is religious as long as if they're not fundamentalist. It'd also be a deal-breaker if they tried to convert me.
 
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