[nikkigargin]

Because i would say that is me alot of time!

its almost like part of me loves being me and wouldnt change it for the world, but another part of me think im all wrong and i was'nt meant to be like this??

Im outgoing, like most of us, and i have a good couple of groups of mates, but so far no boyfriend (22 but have had part time lovers) and i wouldnt say im miss popular on the social scene, in fact i can be quite socially arkward inless i know you or i just happen to click with someone. i have no interest in talking to strangers nor do i really know what to say, but part of me wishes i could just chat to anyone (another conflict)

also any sort of criticism really knocks me, like if someone refered to me as 'stand offish' who even barely knew me, i would take deep offence, and assess how i have created that impression (obviously hoping that comment wont get said again). which logically i know its ridiculous, everyone gets a negative comment now and then, so why is it i cannot bare it? it almost feels like i have failed? lol

I also feel like i am a very free spirit, who has so many ideas, energy and confidence to go anywhere and do anything and be ok because anything i have set out to do (and followed through with hehe) i have passed with flying colours, but yet i stick to what i know, waste time being lazy and often come across as an introvert.

hmpth. i really feel like i have lost that little spark that made me, me. i did go through about 5 years of depression. which i dont think has helped my confidence really.

anyone else ever feel like that they are trapped in a box? a box we call 'main stream'?:crazy:

 

[Essay]

Hmm, well let's see.... I can't see there being anything wrong about not having a boyfriend. That stuff is a 50% chance roll of the dice, you know? Being mr/miss popular, again, partially comes down to your environment anyway. Even if you were incredibly popular, that would just be a whole new set of issues. If you go far enough back in the board you can find posts by ENFPs struggling to manage large volumes of friends---even having to tell new acquaintances that they probably won't have time for them. As for just chatting you strangers, well... you can do it. It's physically possible. Who knows what will happen though. :tongue:

The criticism thing is a toughie, yeah. A lot of us have trouble with it. I seem to have gotten over most of that, and I'd guess it came from solidifying my values and developing my introverted feeling. I mean, I have my standard, which, as far as I'm concerned, is always the right standard. Maybe that's a confidence thing too.

Yeah, the unproductive/lazy-looking aspect of it all if my main problem. I'm at least good at pushing myself to get out of the house and see people (I've joined some fun leagues here and there too), but that only because I live well away from civilization (which sure makes me appreciate seeing people). But yeah, the laziness thing sucks. I just say, in your off-time, try to learn as much as you can about everything, so that in your on-moments you can get lots done without having to research much.

I'm not sure if that's exactly what you needed to hear, but that's how I relate your post to my experience. Hope it's helpful!

 

[SenhorFrio]

idk being conflicted is more of an INFP trait...

 

[Vaka]

I can't really relate to some of those things, but I can relate to that laziness thing.
I don't know if it's the same thing, though...
I think that I've lost all the life in me because I've been trapped in my house for so long. But life is pretty much coming fast. I'm taking a GED test this week(which I'm pretty confident that I'll pass) and then I'm going to a local college in the fall.
The main reason that I think I'm not as full of life is because I'm not able to have control of my life the way I want to. I'm just stuck at home while I just want to get out and experience things...It's very draining. That's what I think is the hardest thing about being an ENFP during youth -_-

 

[Tridentus]

essay is pretty much nailed on with his first paragraph imo.

i've had times when i've been weirdly shy and times where i was very confident and i could tell people took stock when i entered a room or conversation. i don't think ENFPs are supposed to be inhibited at all, and the fact that quite a few of us can occasionally be is down to the environment thing that essay alluded to. i think ENFPs are SUPPOSED to be ultra-confident, it's just that our confidence can be shaken by the opinions of others so easily, not to mention the fact that there are so many S's knocking about. once we get going though, we gather momentum and become unstoppable. i feel that the real me is the happy go lucky social version of me, it's when i feel most connected to a sense that i'm completely being myself.

have you tried chatting with customers whilst working? i used to work on a till- and i loved it cos it gave me the opportunity to chat with strangers. alternatively, you're 22- you must go out drinking? i meet "friends-for-the-night"s all the time at pubs, etc.

 

[cbelle]

Don't be worried. I feel the same way often. I often feel like there are so many contradictions within myself that it's not even worth the time to try and figure out how I feel at the moment.

When I get upset, I hate myself a lot. I dislike the way I process things, I dislike the way I act, the way I look, everything.

Sometimes, I find myself gradually falling into a "mood" where I feel nauseous about my life and the decisions I've made and where I'm going. There are so many paradoxes in my personality that people don't know what to do with it and they label me "shy" or "confident" or "happy" or "moody" and I feel like I'm limited because of that.

I want to come across as everything... and other times I want to be nothing. Sometimes I am happy and chipper, others I am moody and dreamy and introverted. What I don't like is when people don't allow me to change my moods without them getting all huffy or concerned about me.

I also fight a contradiction between being a good, kind girl and being a sexy badass one. I have chosen the good one because I don't want to regret some of the decisions that could be made being badass. And I feel that being good is right.

I don't know what to do with my paradoxial nature. It is hard. In fact I'm writing a story about a girl (INFP) who struggles with the same thing.

 

[Rube]

Because i would say that is me alot of time!

its almost like part of me loves being me and wouldnt change it for the world, but another part of me think im all wrong and i was'nt meant to be like this??

Im outgoing, like most of us, and i have a good couple of groups of mates, but so far no boyfriend (22 but have had part time lovers) and i wouldnt say im miss popular on the social scene, in fact i can be quite socially arkward inless i know you or i just happen to click with someone. i have no interest in talking to strangers nor do i really know what to say, but part of me wishes i could just chat to anyone (another conflict)

also any sort of criticism really knocks me, like if someone refered to me as 'stand offish' who even barely knew me, i would take deep offence, and assess how i have created that impression (obviously hoping that comment wont get said again). which logically i know its ridiculous, everyone gets a negative comment now and then, so why is it i cannot bare it? it almost feels like i have failed? lol

I also feel like i am a very free spirit, who has so many ideas, energy and confidence to go anywhere and do anything and be ok because anything i have set out to do (and followed through with hehe) i have passed with flying colours, but yet i stick to what i know, waste time being lazy and often come across as an introvert.

hmpth. i really feel like i have lost that little spark that made me, me. i did go through about 5 years of depression. which i dont think has helped my confidence really.

anyone else ever feel like that they are trapped in a box? a box we call 'main stream'?:crazy:

I feel just like you. And while there may be nothing wrong with not having a boyfriend at 22 (as Essay said) that doesn't change the fact that not having anyone to be close to makes life far more difficult for some people. I'm 21 and never had a girlfriend, and it bothers me as well. It's not like people like us hate not being in relationships because we want to fit it, we just want to be physically and emotionally close with someone on a level we haven't known before. And like you, I've also had depression issues. In fact now that I think about it I've been in-and-out of depression almost since puberty, but in the past six years it's been getting much worse. Now it's at the point where it's nearly unbearable, even with treatment. So I think I can relate to you. In fact if we ever met I think it'd do both of us some good to have someone who understands the way we feel. But by the language you used I'm guessing you live in the UK or Australia.

 

[xXundeadDonXx]

I can relate to this Alot. Every day there is a conflicted feeling that something isn't right deep down. Depression has been bighting at my healls for the longest time and I'm trying to bite it back and get out and enjoy life again. That's really hard when you are in a situation that you wish you could change but you don't want to speak up because you don't want to hurt anyone. Its a situation that i tell myself ok Don, you are coming out of the shell that you've built up to hide away the feelings and you are going to finally tell them how it is. Instead you just set there and piss and moan, get up go to the job you hate. Because even though you hate it you know you need the money. and drag yourself through the day hoping it will get better. Or you would really love to tell you now pessimistic and moody, sometimes even anal roomate that his attitude is cramping your style. But you don't want to hurt their feelings. And here i go ranting. Basicly, depression sucks and with what i know about enfp's or at least me. Don't know much about enfp's yet. Still feels wierd that i'm the social butterfly. I was always really introverted in school. or at least i seemed more introverted. Now i find I can be the life of the party. dang where was that guy in high school. anyway, of subject again. Depression sucks. and it can cause us to go into our introverted quirks and that could be where the conflict is coming from. You are down and you don't want to go out. but your personality wants to get out and meet and greet. I'm going to have to agree with Rube. The bar, even though i hate the shallow conversation and would really like to get into something a little deeper helps. The way I normally do it is go out sing some kareoke and tell myself Ok Don, Have a good time or I'll kick your rear. I normally listen to myself.:crazy:

 

[Ming]

Sigh, I guess it's kinda like this for me too. You see, there are moments where I'm totally self-conscious, and critical, and feel really restricted, then at other times, I'm full-out having fun, talking like crazy. I'm a living hypocrite. What's even worse, I kinda like it, then I don't like it, then I start questioning myself and have doubt, then my other side of myself is like 'that's okay', then I forget about it, then yea.

This sucks :sad:. Then I tell myself that I'm lucky, and then I'm all optimistic again. Of course, the outer world probably doesn't notice; and if they do, they probably won't care. Then I tell myself to have faith and just be myself. Then I question who I 'am'.

AHHH BRAIN OVERLOAD!

 

[braveandblue]

I totally get this. One of the most constant themes in my life is duality, because not only do I look for it everywhere I go and in everyone I meet, but I feel like my feelings and experiences could be split in half. I am always seeing opposing sides and I feel like I can align myself with either, depending on my mood right at that moment. It's disconcerting sometimes.