The title kind of speaks for itself. I have this INFJ friendly acquaintance who I met in Cambodia. Afterwards we kept in contact with one another, sending each other email updates of our ongoing experiences in Asia. Every once in a while we would send each other emails regarding our philosophical and political views on certain issues. I won’t go in the details of the exchange in question, but there came a point where I disagreed with one of her particular viewpoints. I told her that I disagreed and why in the most respectable way I could think of. I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal, but it’s been a considerably long time since I've heard from her. It may be nothing at all. There are a number of reasons why she might not have been able to respond. Never the less, how sensitive do guys get when someone disagrees with a closely held belief? Would it have been better if I had said nothing at all?
Is it alright to disagree with a INFJ?
[INFJ]
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When I debate... I project my emotions onto it a lot. For example... when it comes to gay marriage, my father is gay, so I'll get particularly passionate about it... and I'll take the debate very seriously.
If I'm in a good mood... debate is fun... and good sport and I can be very open to conflicting ideas, and working with them. If my passion gets ignited... though... I start taking it a lot more personally... my values of justice and my emotions get all riled up.
If I'm in a good mood... debate is fun... and good sport and I can be very open to conflicting ideas, and working with them. If my passion gets ignited... though... I start taking it a lot more personally... my values of justice and my emotions get all riled up.
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It's alright to disagree with anyone. 
And in response to your question "would it have been better if I had said nothing at all," it doesn't really matter because what's been said has been said. there's no going back in life~
I enjoy and respect debates -- if I see that the debate is productive, constructive and exploring new ideas/aspects, I continue, but if I feel that the debate is one-sided and all about that person's disagreeing perspective, I then see it as personally directed.
Example, one time my co-workers and I had an email thread about a project we were doing. We often offered each other our perspectives on parts of the project we were working on. As I believe EVERYONE should do, I always try to point out a good/neutral thing, before offering a more critical feedback. and most of my co-workers agree with this mentality, so we always offered a THUMBS UP on what WAS working and then a few things that we thought needed to be fixed or improved. There was one time, a co-worker responded to me with a 3 page email (and it wasn't even divided into paragraphs) disagreeing with almost everything I did. And yes, I took this personally because I believed her criticism was based on a personal issue she had. I didn't respond to her email and avoided her until we had to prep before a meeting.
And in response to your question "would it have been better if I had said nothing at all," it doesn't really matter because what's been said has been said. there's no going back in life~
I enjoy and respect debates -- if I see that the debate is productive, constructive and exploring new ideas/aspects, I continue, but if I feel that the debate is one-sided and all about that person's disagreeing perspective, I then see it as personally directed.
Example, one time my co-workers and I had an email thread about a project we were doing. We often offered each other our perspectives on parts of the project we were working on. As I believe EVERYONE should do, I always try to point out a good/neutral thing, before offering a more critical feedback. and most of my co-workers agree with this mentality, so we always offered a THUMBS UP on what WAS working and then a few things that we thought needed to be fixed or improved. There was one time, a co-worker responded to me with a 3 page email (and it wasn't even divided into paragraphs) disagreeing with almost everything I did. And yes, I took this personally because I believed her criticism was based on a personal issue she had. I didn't respond to her email and avoided her until we had to prep before a meeting.
I usually do not get upset automatically by somebody disagreeing with me. It depends - if it is a personal issue I am probably more sensitive to disagreement in this area. If it is something else then disagreement is welcome because it may let me see the issue from another point of view that I have not considered yet.
I become angry if I sense that the other person doesn't seem to know what they are talking about. In which case I sense that this debate is waste of my time. At times I might believe that the other person is intentionally trying to mislead me or play devil's advocate/troll. Hence the rising feeling of anger that I think is designed to repel me away from fruitless debate.
Otherwise no, I do not automatically disengage from other people if they happen to disagree on something with me. Especially not from friends or long time penpals.
I become angry if I sense that the other person doesn't seem to know what they are talking about. In which case I sense that this debate is waste of my time. At times I might believe that the other person is intentionally trying to mislead me or play devil's advocate/troll. Hence the rising feeling of anger that I think is designed to repel me away from fruitless debate.
Otherwise no, I do not automatically disengage from other people if they happen to disagree on something with me. Especially not from friends or long time penpals.
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I think that it depends on how the disagreement is presented and what the issue is. If the person disagreeing is respectful and they attempt to make a case, then I welcome it. If they have nothing more to offer than their own opinion, and they are dismissive of mine, than I probably won't bother with them. There are also some issues on which if someone disagrees with me than I might aroid them. But I have encountered a lot of people that think they know everything better than everyone else and who will not tolerate any dissent (some of which are INFJ). I actually think most people are like this (but maybe I'm wrong).
Disagree with an INFJ respectfully like you would any other adult.
Reasons I would disengage after someone disagreed with me though:
All six of these are common. There might be other possibilities I'm not thinking of...
Reasons I would disengage after someone disagreed with me though:
- I realize I don't know enough about the topic and ought to listen or learn more.
- The interlocutor has a viewpoint too central to their sense of identity for them to examine it carefully enough to talk about at the current level of trust between us. Further debate would be perceived as an attack.
- The interlocutor has a viewpoint which is, or the topic itself is, of insufficient depth or development to draw anything else from them of reasonable value. I am uninterested.
- I turn out to agree with the interlocutor, or can weave out enough context from their perspective to entirely recreate it and thus subsume it fully.
- I've exhausted all means of persuasion with the interlocutor remaining incognizant of a distinction I've proposed. Common in case of reification.
- The interlocutor appears uninterested.
All six of these are common. There might be other possibilities I'm not thinking of...
Me too. I like this though because I am learning about the way things sound and what I value as I say them, whether or not I even believe what I am saying, and whether or not it is effective in the situation, and if not, why not, and so on ... even of emotional things, although I will try to tell people I cannot discuss something with them if it is overwhelming and that I need to cool down.
As long as the disagreement doesn't come in the form of a personal attack, and you can give me a pretty good reason why you think the way you do, I don't mind it so much. I have a tendency to see things from many different angles anyway, and am really good at putting myself in other people's shoes. So, even if I don't agree with someone's ideas I won't out right dismiss them.
I don't like it when people are purposefully abrasive or argumentative, or who resort to insults just because my point of view is different from theirs.
I don't like it when people are purposefully abrasive or argumentative, or who resort to insults just because my point of view is different from theirs.
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Of course it's all right to disagree with an INFJ the same goes for everyone else.
I am very sensitive so it would depend on how the person came across when they disagreed with me. If the debate started getting personal then this would upset me and I would have to walk away from the debate.
If I feel like the person I’m debating with doesn’t understand what I’m saying and they are too wrapped up in their own opinions to listen to me or I feel that we are getting no where, then I end up saying that we will have to agree to disagree.
It really depends on how passionate I am about the subject. There are some things that I feel very strongly about and if someone disagrees with me then they better have a good reason!
However I would never ignore a letter/email because someone disagreed with me. I am more likely to send one back further explaining my opinion on the subject.
I am much more confident at expressing my thoughts through writing. If I’m debating with someone in person I find it difficult to put into words my reasons for being for or against something. I get flustered and self-conscious.
I am very sensitive so it would depend on how the person came across when they disagreed with me. If the debate started getting personal then this would upset me and I would have to walk away from the debate.
If I feel like the person I’m debating with doesn’t understand what I’m saying and they are too wrapped up in their own opinions to listen to me or I feel that we are getting no where, then I end up saying that we will have to agree to disagree.
It really depends on how passionate I am about the subject. There are some things that I feel very strongly about and if someone disagrees with me then they better have a good reason!
However I would never ignore a letter/email because someone disagreed with me. I am more likely to send one back further explaining my opinion on the subject.
I am much more confident at expressing my thoughts through writing. If I’m debating with someone in person I find it difficult to put into words my reasons for being for or against something. I get flustered and self-conscious.
It depends on whether that philosophical topic was something he/she values having common grounds on in order to make that friendship work. Sometimes there are things that will come up and that INFJ may link the held belief in that concept with other implications.
If it's strictly a plutonic kind of thing, I don't see why the friendship wouldn't be able to handle a disagreement at all. If it's something a bit more involved, like if he/she was interested in the potential of a future relationship with you.. they may start to back off because of that difference. I know this because I'm that INFJ LOL I've backed off guys who show signs of philosophical differences and I know the implications of that in a potential romance is not going to work.
So, it depends really. It depends on the status of your relationship, the topics discussed, and what implications of it meant for him/her.
Personally speaking, I've disagreed with my close friends before but it's never been an issue. We discuss it, understand the opposing view, and just stand our ground amiably but move on quickly to the next thing lol It's important the exchange ends on 'light' grounds. If it's some heavy heated topic with strong emotions on each side, that's not a good sign. You should be able to laugh it off or at least amiably smile at the end and move on to better things.
If it's strictly a plutonic kind of thing, I don't see why the friendship wouldn't be able to handle a disagreement at all. If it's something a bit more involved, like if he/she was interested in the potential of a future relationship with you.. they may start to back off because of that difference. I know this because I'm that INFJ LOL I've backed off guys who show signs of philosophical differences and I know the implications of that in a potential romance is not going to work.
So, it depends really. It depends on the status of your relationship, the topics discussed, and what implications of it meant for him/her.
Personally speaking, I've disagreed with my close friends before but it's never been an issue. We discuss it, understand the opposing view, and just stand our ground amiably but move on quickly to the next thing lol It's important the exchange ends on 'light' grounds. If it's some heavy heated topic with strong emotions on each side, that's not a good sign. You should be able to laugh it off or at least amiably smile at the end and move on to better things.
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If you disagree, It'd better be cause you have proven to be more intelligent in the given topic.
If not, you would become an ass in my eyes..and no I don't 'make friends' with people whose minds
I cannot respect.
If not, you would become an ass in my eyes..and no I don't 'make friends' with people whose minds
I cannot respect.
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Not an INFJ, but can tell you this: sometimes after a certain disagreement a paradigm shift occurs, and it's impossible to go back to the relationship as it was before. Happened to me a few times, I just couldn't look at the person the same way again, sometimes it's almost a betrayal of trust if a person close to you reveals a strong opposition to a value around which your world revolves.
Don't know if it's an Fi thing or if INFJs can relate to this as well.
Edit: yes, a similar feeling to what @Gaminegirlie is describing, except I don't even need to think poorly of the person, just have to realize that a deep meaningful connection is just not possible here, and interaction may as well be considered a waste of time.
Don't know if it's an Fi thing or if INFJs can relate to this as well.
Edit: yes, a similar feeling to what @Gaminegirlie is describing, except I don't even need to think poorly of the person, just have to realize that a deep meaningful connection is just not possible here, and interaction may as well be considered a waste of time.
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We're very passionate on our belief, VERY MUCH, it's not if you disagree with us we get mad. I love everyone opinions, I'm very open-minded but yes, when I discuss something it seems like I'm so angry and mad but, it's just that I'm defending my points of views until death and with so much passion.
Honestly, I'm okay with people disagreeing with me. If I wasn't I would be seriously offended all the time. I'm Mormon, so I'm used to the idea that a lot of people don't agree with what I believe. But there's a difference between disagreeing and and being right down disrespectful about someone else' beliefs. Disagreeing is okay, but don't be disrespectful about it.
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I guess it depends on the disagreement. If it is something I feel very strongly about, it is difficult for me to not take it personally and remain a neutral party. Even in those cases, I will try to see merit in the other person's viewpoint if they give a reasonable explanation. However, I rarely change my own opinion or I don't ever do so easily and rarely completely. I might make some amendments to my view, but the overall theme will not change. I am slightly open-minded, but always skeptical to new information if I have already made a decision. Despite my stubbornness, I would never force anyone to think the same way I do and can respect their opinion if it seems like a well-informed, valid opinion.
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Absolutely.
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Disagreement yes, disrespect and asserting authority over me 'as the morally superior' one no thank you, when I have clearly taken to time to acknowledge or query seeking clarification, perhaps even discuss said difference of opinion (emotional outbursts, gutter shots and blatant refusal to listen should not be tolerated in my book).
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