slap him and tell him to snap out of it.
Is it even possible?
I'm after some advice.
My INTP boyfriend has started to lose some of his mental prowess due to some health issues. He's so caught up in focussing on the mental power he has lost that he has ground to a screeching halt in every aspect of his life.
He's still one of the brightest people I've ever met, but he just won't trust himself anymore. I understand why he's upset - as a fellow NT, I highly value my intelligence as well and would hate to be in his position. The problem is that he's stuck in a loop, overthinking everything and doing nothing. He won't even see a doctor about fixing his health issues because he always completely over-analyzes it and ends up at "What's the point?"
I've tried everything I can think of to get him out of this funk, but he won't budge. How do I get him to stop thinking and start doing?
My INTP boyfriend has started to lose some of his mental prowess due to some health issues. He's so caught up in focussing on the mental power he has lost that he has ground to a screeching halt in every aspect of his life.
He's still one of the brightest people I've ever met, but he just won't trust himself anymore. I understand why he's upset - as a fellow NT, I highly value my intelligence as well and would hate to be in his position. The problem is that he's stuck in a loop, overthinking everything and doing nothing. He won't even see a doctor about fixing his health issues because he always completely over-analyzes it and ends up at "What's the point?"
I've tried everything I can think of to get him out of this funk, but he won't budge. How do I get him to stop thinking and start doing?
1 - 13 of 13 Posts
Been there, done that. So far, this is the least effective technique 
"what's the point of over-thinking if you do nothing? Obviously it was a useless way to deal with things, time to make some changes buddy".Been there, done that. So far, this is the least effective technique
I've used several variations on this theme. The response is always, "It's not that easy. You just don't understand.""what's the point of over-thinking if you do nothing? Obviously it was a useless way to deal with things, time to make some changes buddy".
Lesigh...
I thought sooooo. I have been there, and tbh nothing that anyone said affected me in a positive way, it made everything worse(just letting you know). I have watched some self-help videos (when I decided it was time to change things, and when finally others stopped talking about it to me).I've used several variations on this theme. The response is always, "It's not that easy. You just don't understand."
Lesigh...
Reboot?
I really do wish I could give you some real advice but once our brains start going in circles it is hard to stop them.
Trying to get him to do anything will most probably make him see it as you trying to push him to do things he doesn't want to do and we all know how we feel about that. But we do tend to listen to logic, if you make a good argument about how he needs to go to the doctor because it's illogical for him to just decide it's useless without trying it, then you may have a good chance.
There is also that tiny Fe side of us that makes us want to help others we care about, so maybe you can find a way to use that to your advantage.
But I agree with the previous poster, sometimes we just need a big slap of reality to get us to shutdown and restart.
I really do wish I could give you some real advice but once our brains start going in circles it is hard to stop them.
Trying to get him to do anything will most probably make him see it as you trying to push him to do things he doesn't want to do and we all know how we feel about that. But we do tend to listen to logic, if you make a good argument about how he needs to go to the doctor because it's illogical for him to just decide it's useless without trying it, then you may have a good chance.
There is also that tiny Fe side of us that makes us want to help others we care about, so maybe you can find a way to use that to your advantage.
But I agree with the previous poster, sometimes we just need a big slap of reality to get us to shutdown and restart.
Get him some data, either anecdotal (other people in same/similar situation) or statistical (survey says....) or scientific (according to the 2009 double blind study carried out by the Mayo Clinic.....) It might give him springboard, a steady foundation from which to push off. Something that is outside of his head. (Hopefully the data will be good news!)
Good luck!
Good luck!
Yeah. At first I put in a lot of effort to give him some options/solutions, but I realized early on it was futile. I've completely backed off over the last couple of months to give him space to process. It reached the point where I actually totally shut him down on this topic because he wanted to talk about it ad nauseum, but never do anything about it. Now he's complaining that we don't communicate anymoreI thought sooooo. I have been there, and tbh nothing that anyone said affected me in a positive way, it made everything worse(just letting you know). I have watched some self-help videos (when I decided it was time to change things, and when finally others stopped talking about it to me).
Been there, done that. So far, this is the least effective technique
"anything is possible if your man uses Old Spice(tm) scented body wash."
I went through a period like this, it was the beginning of major depression. It's going to be really hard to convince him to go see a mental health doctor but please try your best. The reason he is going in a loop is because the problems he is confronting cannot be solved using the analytical INTP brain. Going into introspective analytical mode is the INTP strength, but it is also our greatest weakness. He is using a chainsaw to put a nail in the wall and he is wondering why it doesn't work. This is the cause of the loop, especially if he trying to deal with problems with dynamic variables like people and emotions. These are things the logical brain can't solve because things are constantly changing. Try to explain to him that he needs a different set of tools to solve whatever problems he is facing, and going to a doctor is like acquiring a fresh new set of tools. Once that is in his arsenal then he will begin even more knowledgeable which will benefit him in the long run.
This would probably work on the INTPs I know. LOLGet him some data, either anecdotal (other people in same/similar situation) or statistical (survey says....) or scientific (according to the 2009 double blind study carried out by the Mayo Clinic.....) It might give him springboard, a steady foundation from which to push off. Something that is outside of his head. (Hopefully the data will be good news!)
I don't have a specific plan. I just think if you can use logic to convince him that to change what he's doing is the best way, then he'll comply. That actually is what drives some of my personal values and goals and behavior... I do them because they "make sense" to me, not because I instinctively feel they're right... or maybe I mean to say I think they're right and worth following because they make rational sense to me.
Logic is derailing him. Use logic to have him convince himself to change.
But you can't really drag an INTP to the trough and expect us to drink. we're very very flexible and adaptable, typically, but as soon as anyone tries to force us to do something / demands that we do something, we typically just dig in and refuse to budge out of principle.
He needs to somehow be convinced that changing his ways is the most "rational" way to proceed.
Logic is derailing him. Use logic to have him convince himself to change.
But you can't really drag an INTP to the trough and expect us to drink. we're very very flexible and adaptable, typically, but as soon as anyone tries to force us to do something / demands that we do something, we typically just dig in and refuse to budge out of principle.
He needs to somehow be convinced that changing his ways is the most "rational" way to proceed.
Yeah. Feeding new input is another way to get his logic to push out some different answers. Sometimes I really hate feeling like a robot -- I might want to believe something is true or do something out of personal inclination, but the conclusions from the data tell me otherwise and I just can't ultimately deny "truth" like that. I know some other types seem to have far less issues listening to their inner desires and setting aside external info they do not like.This would probably work on the INTPs I know. LOL
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