[L]

I change between periods of self-pity and just not caring much, just giving it a passing "Oh... that'd be nice... possibly...I guess...hmmm..."

What I mean is the subject of having a girlfriend. Most of the time I just don't care. But sometimes, sometimes I get in this funky depressed mood and the thought of being alone forever kinda rattles me, and it's something that always comes up with this mood... it's very annoying.

How do I get rid of it?

There's another feeling that I figured out and I'm working on neutralizing, that's the feeling, or need rather, to stand out. I figured it out and after figuring it out I found that I have been having that need less and less.

So... I need to track the origins of this feeling. Start with anything that'll get rid of this nuisance.

Thanks.

 

[TheProphet556]

Yes, girlfriend, you should definitely get one. Sometimes our emotions are shockingly rational; hit your thumb with a hammer - pain, drink too much - sick, no companionship - loneliness.

If these feeling persists and you don't take action to correct it, i.e., lack of motivation, it's probably because of a self confidence issue. Either resolve the issue or do something (or someone) that will help increase your confidence.

INTP, are of the rational temperament class. The best class. Much of our self image & confidence comes from being Ingenious, Autonomous, and Resolute. I'd put money that you feel lacking on one of those three things.

 

[geekofalltrades]

Learn to stand on your own before you start inviting other people into your life, otherwise it'll end in tears.

 

[Sybok]

its funny... mostly of the time, I love to be alone... but sometimes, (it became more seldom), I want a wife. maybe 1-2 kids. or a girlfriend, idk. these phases are filled with rational thoughts (seems to be)... but in the end, I decide against it. Living way too long alone changes oneself. its harder to make compromise for me. btw for me its way too hard to get "she"... ^^

 

[Perspicacious]

The stand on your own two feet is a nice sentiment and all, but something I notice about INTPs is that... they really need at least one confidant, at least one relatively low maintenance person in their life that supplies some warm and fuzzy.

INTPs can stand on their own all the damn time, they're the quintessential lone wolves. They're not the type of people who make a lot of fuss, so they can appear to be doing mediocre and dealing well long past when they could probably use a hand. Based on the many that I know, INTPs suck at asking for help.

The problem that seems to frequently happen is that their Ti Ne can sometimes become a black hole of paranoia, second guessing, and self loathing. This visually appears as "meh", but if you start giving them thoughtful questions that lead into them talking about these things - concerns with competence, sometimes fantastical fears about statistical probabilities, and the difficulty of vacillating between mild snobbery/elitism and under confidence...you'll find these wonderful creatures can be all sorts of sad.

So... like I said, I think it's really important that INTPs have a support system...which for them, usually doesn't need to be a whole lot bigger than one person, it just has to be the right person.

 

[L]

The stand on your own two feet is a nice sentiment and all, but something I notice about INTPs is that... they really need at least one confidant, at least one relatively low maintenance person in their life that supplies some warm and fuzzy.

INTPs can stand on their own all the damn time, they're the quintessential lone wolves. They're not the type of people who make a lot of fuss, so they can appear to be doing mediocre and dealing well long past when they could probably use a hand. Based on the many that I know, INTPs suck at asking for help.

The problem that seems to frequently happen is that their Ti Ne can sometimes become a black hole of paranoia, second guessing, and self loathing. This visually appears as "meh", but if you start giving them thoughtful questions that lead into them talking about these things - concerns with competence, sometimes fantastical fears about statistical probabilities, and the difficulty of vacillating between mild snobbery/elitism and under confidence...you'll find these wonderful creatures can be all sorts of sad.

So... like I said, I think it's really important that INTPs have a support system...which for them, usually doesn't need to be a whole lot bigger than one person, it just has to be the right person.

That was nice, thank you:happy:

 

[MonogamyIsNice]

That's pretty much how all isolated / unhealthy INTPs are. I've also noticed that this style of jaded INTP picks up / embraces asexuality (saw other thread) at the beginning or along the retreat away from people. Be careful.

 

[goodgracesbadinfluence]

Try to remember that your feelings are normal. Whenever I get like that I try to distract myself, or if that doesn't work I write about how I'm feeling.

 

[Erbse]

Learn to stand on your own before you start inviting other people into your life, otherwise it'll end in tears.

Someone get this guy an award, smartest statement I've read in quite a while.

P.S: Girl friends are usually more hassle than good they're doing.

Start by getting friends, they remedy loneliness just fine.

 

[L]

Someone get this guy an award, smartest statement I've read in quite a while.

P.S: Girl friends are usually more hassle than good they're doing.

Start by getting friends, they remedy loneliness just fine.

I find that friends really aren't that fun. I'm a sx/sp type, friends don't provide the connection that I want.

 

[Erbse]

I find that friends really aren't that fun. I'm a sx/sp type, friends don't provide the connection that I want.

Then you need to re-work your definition of the term 'friend', or get some real friend(s). Friend isn't a synonym for acquaintance or buddy.

 

[L]

Then you need to re-work your definition of the term 'friend', or get some real friend(s). Friend isn't a synonym for acquaintance or buddy.

Then I don't actually have any friends...

 

[geekofalltrades]

I hope you don't think I'm callous for "thank"-ing that; I happen to not have any friends, either.

 

[Erbse]

Then I don't actually have any friends...

Thus my suggestion to start right there, rather than the whole romantic relationship thingy which at this point I see only crash and burn anyway.

Issue is, even if you had a SO, it should never be your sole fixation, or source of happiness. Meaning, whether or not you're in a relationship with a girl, you always should have friends you hang out with regularly instead of your spouse to keep things interesting, spicy, and most importantly, healthy.

 

[Solrac026]

I change between periods of self-pity and just not caring much, just giving it a passing "Oh... that'd be nice... possibly...I guess...hmmm..."

What I mean is the subject of having a girlfriend. Most of the time I just don't care. But sometimes, sometimes I get in this funky depressed mood and the thought of being alone forever kinda rattles me, and it's something that always comes up with this mood... it's very annoying.

How do I get rid of it?

There's another feeling that I figured out and I'm working on neutralizing, that's the feeling, or need rather, to stand out. I figured it out and after figuring it out I found that I have been having that need less and less.

So... I need to track the origins of this feeling. Start with anything that'll get rid of this nuisance.

Thanks.

Be careful what you wish for. Having a desire for anything might be annoying, but you might find your life meaningless without those desires. Without desires, there probably will be no motivation in your life, and you'll find yourself floating like a life raft alone in a great big ocean without a paddle, with no direction to go towards.

 

[Lloydy]

I made a thread a short while ago regarding trying to learn to love yourself. Some good advice was posted in it but ultimately im still lost and stuck in the same situation as yourself. I really believe that learning to cope on your own and accepting everything leads to a better attitude that people pick up on. I just cant work out how to change myself really.

Its like people can sense your need for a relationship sometimes as it comes across in your looks and actions and somehow it keeps you isolated. Its no good telling you to 'get out there' (where the hell is "there"?) and get new friends (which is not easy if your a shy introvert). Ive also tried "fake it till you make it" tactics which has worked in some other aspects of life but that didnt work for this one.

I believe you have to love yourself and not give a damn about anything. Only problem with that is how do you not care about something you obviously care about?

 

[StrangelySpartan]

How do I get rid of it?

I think that you won't get rid of these feelings.

Let's say you marry the love of your life. Fine. Great. But what if you married someone else? Maybe that cutie at the coffee shop. Or that special someone who always new the right thing to say. Maybe someone who put more attention into this or that? Looks to me like you are right where you started.

Let's say you stand out among your peers because of X. Ok. Congratulations. But what about the larger community? Compared agains 7 billion others, do you still stand out because of X? What about over the next 100 years?

Don't get me wrong: a good girlfried/boyfriend can bring quite a bit of happiness and peice of mind - as can the respect and admiration fo your peers. But if X is good, then surely X+1 must be even better, right?

You will never be as good or happy as you think you can be. Sorry.

 

[Tad Cooper]

I find that friends really aren't that fun. I'm a sx/sp type, friends don't provide the connection that I want.

I'm an so/sx type and find friends tiring a good portion of the time >_< I feel safe only around family and a couple of friends. Maybe I'm just jaded from having bad friends though (I've started getting more real friends recently and feel I've been deprived through life. These ones actually care about me, ask how I'm doing and ask to see me....)

In relation to the topic! I also get feelings of being lonely and wanting someone, but wont let myself until I'm sorted with my own issues. It's best to be the best you can be alone and then work on being the best you can be with others

 

[Waiting]

Yes, girlfriend, you should definitely get one. Sometimes our emotions are shockingly rational; hit your thumb with a hammer - pain, drink too much - sick, no companionship - loneliness.

If these feeling persists and you don't take action to correct it, i.e., lack of motivation, it's probably because of a self confidence issue. Either resolve the issue or do something (or someone) that will help increase your confidence.

INTP, are of the rational temperament class. The best class. Much of our self image & confidence comes from being Ingenious, Autonomous, and Resolute. I'd put money that you feel lacking on one of those three things.

Slightly delusional, but ok. Good enough advice.