Is it normal for an INTJ not to have many friends?

IMHO your Enneatype/instinct is more relevant here, although I think 5 is the most common Enneatype among INTJs. It also tends to be the least social. SP 5s are probably the least social types overall.

As an sp/sx 5, I have always had an instinctive preference for solitude over company - even as a child. I have not found it difficult to connect when I want to, but I tend not to maintain my connections. I am also more often than not uninterested in connecting, including when I was a teenager and "supposed" to care about my peers. I did play sports with them, but our minds did not connect. Generally, maintaining a connection feels like too much effort for not enough return. This very much echoes my family's social preferences. We are hermits.

I had a small but relatively stable circle of friends a long time ago, before I hit the road and we lost touch. I have been moving from one country to another for a long time now, usually once every one or two years. I make connections when I feel like it, and I know that they are unlikely to last beyond my next move. Having sampled the other side for a long time now, it would be nice to find a long-lasting romantic connection at some point. Since I am not willing to sacrifice my space however, it remains an unlikely prospect.

I have the ability to form great friendships, but I do not know that I could handle the maintenance involved with a larger circle. That is to say, I do not have many people I consider to be friends.

There is no question that I am quite an agreeable individual. I am good at being warm toward and charming to others; being likeable or seen in a positive regard has almost never been an issue in my interactions. However, that mode of operation for me as an introvert is tiring and as such many of my interactions are kept brief.

When I pursue more of a relationship with someone I often have difficulty with not being intense and personal. I tend to break the typical emotional barriers that people erect for everyone else, but their closest friends. This is not a conscious effort, rather the consequence of my normal level of curiosity when applied to an individual that catches my interest.

Broadening my circle with my typical level of inquiry and investment would certainly be stressful for me. I do not know that I am capable of lightening the way I handle my friendships, but I also do not like the idea of diminishing the quality of them. Also, I know that I can be incredibly guilt-ridden from circumstances that put me out of touch with someone; it can make me very neurotic.

So, to revisit what I said in the beginning, I can form a deep, meaningful friendship with someone; I can certainly form or strengthen bridges with a great number of people if I tried. However, I feel I would be emotionally overextending myself. Thus far, I enjoy keeping myself to a small circle of really great friends nested inside a much larger network of good acquaintances and connections.

OneLove21 said:

Yes. I've long realized that people come and people go. Distance can definitely make you a low priority in most people's social circles.

Click to expand...

I tried to stay in touch with the first friends I made on the road, back when the internet barely existed and they did not have e-mail. Snail mail letters. It did not work out. I later gave up trying to keep in touch with "friends" I made, figured it was not worth the trouble. You meet people, you share an experience or collaborate in some way, you move to the next country and that's that. I feel that it has been normalised somewhat since digital nomadism has become a thing in the last decade or so.

I do still exhange the odd e-mail with a couple of guys though. They are some kind of intuitive introverts as well, although I do not think MBTI has ever been brought up. You read an interesting book or come across a fascinating idea, you know the other guys will appreciate it, you shoot off an e-mail and there is a couple of lengthy replies and some back-and-forth. I have not met either one in years, although I will be visiting Georgia (the country) soonish and one of them is there now, or was recently.

I suspect they are 5s as well. There is this quiet dynamic that just works with them, in a way it does not with people in general. Difficult to define - it has something to do with the speed and rhythm of communication. Odd thing is, I do not think we spent much time together back in the day. A hike here and there, a piano concert or a library visit. Maybe we are still in touch because we all prefer writing to talking.