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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey all,

I had a query regarding my behavior and whether it is in consonance with an ISTJ.

The problem is that I just hate attending phone calls. It might be one of my close friends, but there are times when I don't pick up the phone at all. Although I don't do the same when it comes to my family members, but I really don't feel like picking up my friends' calls.

If and whenever, I do pick up the phone, I do it very reluctantly. Even, on the phone, I don't sound very enthusiastic while I talk to them. They are the ones who are doing most of the talking.

So, is it normal being an ISTJ who are considered very loyal and dependable to their friends, that I don't even pick up their phone.

Thanx guys, and please pour in your comments and reactions.
 

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There are many times when I simply cannot be bothered picking up the phone, even when it is close family calling. For whatever reasons (tiredness, distracted, busy, or just "whatever") - I'll let it go to voicemail.
 

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Depends on your definition of normality.

Is it probable for an ISTJ to feel too drained to deal with a physical conversation? Yes, pretty much by definition. Is it considered 'normal' by society? Depends who you ask.

The way your post is phrased, it sounds like you yourself find this behaviour not to be normal by your own definition.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
@Yardiff Bey and @Blue Ocean Thanx guys for the early response. I sometimes really feel it is abnormal. Like you have mentioned, that whenever you are tired or busy, you don't attend the call. But that's not the case with me. I never attend the phone calls. What I usually do is that, I ignore the call and then call back later. In the meantime, I keep telling myself that its normal to speak on the phone or "Its OK, he won't talk for long". And, then as soon as I can be sure about calling which takes me at least a couple of hours, I call them back.

But, its nt the case with "professional" calls. If my friend has any work or its a discussion for an assignment (I am in a B-school) , I do pick up the phone. Although, I don't speak too much in the meeting as it drains me but still I do put forth a few key points. But this behavior is understandable. Its the introvert thing.

But, the fact that I don't speak to my closest old friends is what bothers me. What I've noticed is that, I actually become a bit nervous whenever my phone rings. I mean, I start imagining what they are going to talk about or whether I will be able to be in a jovial mood on the phone. Hence, I don't respond. Although, I do call them up after a while(sometimes not) but it sometimes really makes me think that I am weird and selfish.

Please help.
 

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@amit -

Wanting to avoid difficult phone calls is part of the human existence. What we define as a difficult phone call is where differences lie.

Letting a phone call go to voice mail for a legitimate reason, such as meetings, work, school, homework, showering, etc., only makes sense.

Deciding not to take a call because it would be an interruption to the activity you are engaged in - particularly with others - is generally wise, so as to not appear rude to those with whom you are associating at the time.

The more subjective reasons to allow a phone call to go to voice mail are those involving personal assessments of time, energy, attitude, etc. These are subjective decisions and you have to make that decision yourself since you are the only one that has the necessary information to evaluate the situation.

Failure to return a call within a reasonable time after you have allowed it to go to voice mail is rude and people will become offended or irritated if you do this.

You must balance all of this with the understanding that it is your phone that you are paying for. If you choose to answer it or not, that is your choice. The only thing is that you must be prepared for the social fall out of not answering calls, or the demands on your time if you do answer calls.

If you wish to avoid calls until it is convenient for you to return a call, I would suggest that you turn your phone off unless you are using it. Then once an hour at a set time, turn the phone on and return the phone calls of those that have left messages.

You might also consider why you dislike phone calls. I dislike phone calls because they tie up my hands, limiting what I can do while on the phone. Once I realized this, I picked up a bluetooth device for my mobile phone and forward all of my land lines to my mobile number. Now I can continue to work while answering the phone. I look like something from Tron, but it relieves a lot of stress and irritation that I used to feel at the sound of a phone ringing.

As for your second post - it does sound like you are stressed. When we ISTJs give into "what if" scenarios and begin to feel anxiety, it is usually because we are stressed and are letting a negative version of Ne run wild. Stay in this place very long and you will begin to exhibit physiological symptoms - something a normal phone call should not trigger.

If you force yourself to pick up the phone and answer it, chances are that after a while you will learn that there is nothing to be feared and you can put the anxiety behind you.

Sometimes when I am feeling a lot of anxiety about something, and begin feeling out of control, I will pose a series of questions to myself that are related to the situation. They are along the lines of "what is the worst thing that could happen in this situation and how would I deal with it?" Once I've confronted the worst I can imagine, my anxiety subsides and I'm able to move forward rationally.

HTH
 

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It's normal, social interaction can be draining. That said, if you truly count these people as friends, you should try to answer their calls more often. It helps for maintaining a friendship, and can lead to invitations to partake in any interests you might share. :)
 
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