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My advice is to set some boundaries, but don't completely shut out your family. When you get older you will appreciate the fact that you didn't burn those bridges.

This is a good article on setting boundaries.
10 Way to Build and Preserve Better Boundaries | Psych Central

Your parents just care about you. They will eventually figure out you can stand on your own two feet and you may find that your relationship is better than it ever was once that happens. There may also be times that you get yourself in a little over your head, it is good to still have someone to talk to about things.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
All I want is to limit phone calls to once in a month and perhaps meet them a week each year. It's really hard to do so, especially when my dad came from a highly family-oriented background.
 

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My advice is to set some boundaries, but don't completely shut out your family. When you get older you will appreciate the fact that you didn't burn those bridges.

Your parents just care about you. They will eventually figure out you can stand on your own two feet and you may find that your relationship is better than it ever was once that happens. There may also be times that you get yourself in a little over your head, it is good to still have someone to talk to about things.
Just because someone has a child does not automatically make them loving or care for you or a good source of advice. Some parents in fact can be cold, jealous, manipulative and needy. There certainly are situations that burning bridges could be a good thing.
 

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Yeah why not. Screw them. Have as little contact as you want.
If you do see them, lay down the law and tell them what behavior
is not acceptable. I'd never spend a whole week with anyone's parents.
My *STJ parents were awful, especially my ISTJ father.
He had at least 3 offspring from previous marriages and they never called or visited him.
 

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Just because someone has a child does not automatically make them loving or care for you or a good source of advice. Some parents in fact can be cold, jealous, manipulative and needy. There certainly are situations that burning bridges could be a good thing.
Very true, but the majority do their best. It's always interesting to me to watch people go through this cycle, when we are teenagers we tend to think our parents are idiots, then once we get into our late twenties they suddenly wise up again, lol. The original op sounded more just like they were still treating her like a kid than anything. Boundaries will help with that, and eventually most parents realize the bird has actually left the nest and is good on their own.
 

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I'd agree with setting limits. That's essentially what I have with my parents. One (my mom) gets it and doesn't push things. She always kinda realized I wasn't quite normal. Dad, on the other hand, doesn't. He still thinks it is totally something I'd be fine with to suggest coming down and staying at my place for two weeks (which would end in a homicide-slash-suicide). I've set limits. No more than three days, and no more than once every few months. I appreciate the help, but I'd rather finish the house slower than put up with the hassle. We talk maybe 1-2x a month on phone, for a couple minutes.

It is good if they are able to understand why, but maintaining balance can be tough if they just won't get it.
 

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Just because someone has a child does not automatically make them loving or care for you or a good source of advice. Some parents in fact can be cold, jealous, manipulative and needy. There certainly are situations that burning bridges could be a good thing.
My parents love me a lot, I feel that. But they are excessively controlling and way too clingy. They act as if they "own" me. Very clingy, that at many time I just feel like I need to disappear completely from them. At the same time, I know that I owe them a lot.
 

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I don't find blood enough of a reason to respect someone if they are incorrect in their actions. I am not hostile to anyone in my family, but I don't care about maintaining certain relations. I don't enjoy family get togethers, but I will do it for Christmas.
 

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Absolutely. Your relationships are voluntary. I would even advocate this if there is a history of abuse.
 
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Absolutely. Your relationships are voluntary. I would even advocate this if there is a history of abuse.
I agree.

I think a lot of Catholics in particular have some serious complex issues from getting "honor thy father and mother" drilled into their heads, while getting abused by their parents. I had a friend who went through this, and he's a total mess now. Because he's essentially justified his own abuse and really sees nothing wrong with it. And still desperately wants his fathers approval. His mom took advantage of him til the day she died. His life is basically a disaster for honoring his father and mother. To me, that makes no sense. He did not choose them as parents. He should not feel loyalty to them if they failed as parents.
 

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I'd love to have this not sound immature, but it always will, I hate my mother and wish she would stop contacting me. Peoples circumstances aren't always clear cut, people say I should love my mother but after so many years of literal blackmail and psychological abuse I no longer have good feelings towards her.

I spent my teenage years when I had to live with her on anti depressants, she'd try to manipulate me into feeling guilty, go out of her way to ruin any plans I had and she was quite the alcoholic. As a child I remember having to stay home from school (I was like 10 at the time) so that I could cook her and her friend breakfast and lunch (She was 26 at the time). There was also the trip to Melbourne where she tried to start fights with the cabbie on the way back to our accommodation with her friends where she tried to hit me with a frying pan. It's only the tip of the iceberg for me, but I can't see the harm sharing things like this could do if people could see how it's easily justified by a victim.
 

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I agree.

I think a lot of Catholics in particular have some serious complex issues from getting "honor thy father and mother" drilled into their heads, while getting abused by their parents. I had a friend who went through this, and he's a total mess now. Because he's essentially justified his own abuse and really sees nothing wrong with it. And still desperately wants his fathers approval. His mom took advantage of him til the day she died. His life is basically a disaster for honoring his father and mother. To me, that makes no sense. He did not choose them as parents. He should not feel loyalty to them if they failed as parents.
It's a tragedy and reminiscent of Stockholm syndrome. Nothing more, nothing less. I'm very sorry for your friend.
 
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