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Is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time?

488 Views 5 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  SaraBell, 
L
I was recently in a relationship with a man who at first was a platonic friend. We were in business together. There was an immediate attraction but we kept it strickly business. I began thinking about him almost non stop & then found out he was engaged to a woman he'd been involved with for 10 years! We remained friends & ended up spending time together for business meetings. The attraction was undeneyable & eventually I gave in to my phisical yearning to be touched by him. Oops! Well we agreed that once he got married it would end. I think that lasted as long as the honeymoon. I never wanted to be in such a shitty situation but I found myself falling in love withis man! I mean he was amazing to me & he began spending more time with me than at home. It got to the point where he almost didn't care if he got caught! He said he never knew it was possible to feel this way for another woman. She was the only woman he ever truly loved & he was in love with me as well. Confused and torn. Neither one of us wanted to hurt anyone but in circumstances like this, unfortunately, everyone gets hurt.
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T
Yes, for some people, it is possible to love more than one person at a time. It's called polyamory. For others, it is impossible to love more than one person at a time and are very happy being monogamous.

The point of polyamory, however, is to be open and honest with all parties involved. What is happening with you three is not healthy for any of you. You're right, people are going to get hurt.

For one, he needs to tell his wife what is going on. Secondly, I would highly suggest you stay apart from him. He made his decision to be with the other woman and I think you should try to respect that.

If you are okay with the possible situation of a polyamorous relationship with him and his wife, tell him! If he feels the same he should ask his wife what her feelings are. For all we know she would be very open to the idea. But no matter what, she needs to know what is going on. It's not fair to keep her in the dark. Your lover may have to come to terms with the fact that he may have to choose.

I wish you luck in this situation, it is a very tricky one!
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L
Well, in this situation his wife did end up finding out & I ended it with him. He is trying to work it out with her currently. She is willing to take him back but he's still torn with these feelings. I am a monogomous person & no longer could deal with what was going on. We all have been dealing with the hurt that this caused. I miss him very much but I've accepted it for what it was & never will be. He still communicates with me from time to time & she feels as though he is always comparing her to me. He said he can't be happy without me but wants to do right by her. I respect that. Lesson learned. I'm trying to move on with my life & I wish him the best in life.
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M
Yeah, love hurts(i know, this ain't helping hehe). I am surprised you are taking it so well. But messing around with people in relationships is unfair and unwise. I presume you love him, but it is really not your fault at all. This situation would not arise if he had any balls, sorry to put it like that. I hate people who are so indecisive, he should have either leave her or you before it became a thing. Sadly love and lust know no logic. Learned that the hard way, yes i did.
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S
I can not conceive I would ever do that, I am highly monogamous.

But if you look at it in an intellectual way polyamory either simultaneous or sequential might be a better solution for society than traditional monogamy. it would ensure love was spread more equally and everyone got their fair share.

I just simply cant see myself functioning in such a world.
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I can't believe that he truly loves her or you...with true love comes respect, and he obviously did not respect either of you enough to avoid this situation or to be honest. He probably believes he loves you both, but it is not true.
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