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I sometimes surprise myself, in a positive way, I mean. It's really rare that I develop feelings for a guy, and I have never been interested in flings or FWB or crushes. First of all, I don't think relationships are easy for me or maybe it's just plain bad luck? Who cares! But anyway, When things begin to get serious with those guys that I rarely develop feelings for, I've noticed that it's quite intense. I'm really open, expressive, honest and blunt with the guy not caring much about whether he'd be comfortable dealing with this level of bluntness and honesty. That's what I give and that's what I expect the guy to give me back, or I decide that the relationship won't work out. Now here comes the surprise part: If developing feelings for someone surprises me, then letting go of him when I decide it's over surprises me because those feelings would have been genuine, deep and intense, yet I accept the fact and get over him like it was nothing. I'd move on so easily that if I were an outsider observing me, I'd think that those feelings were all never true! Are you able to relate to this? - an ENTP 8w7 woman
 

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I do! haha. I had two relationships that lasted anywhere from 3 to 4 years but moved on from both of them very quickly. Maybe a month tops? I'm not into flings or FWB either. Anyways when i think a relationship is toast, i no longer see a good future with that person so its really easy for me to let go of it. I either consider that things have changed so much that we are no longer compatible, or the cool future i saw was a fantasy or illusion. I also always think that it's silly of me to hold onto some past memory rather than work towards something better. Its not that i don't get bummed every so often, but its only for maybe a minute or two and usually only if the ex is there trying to create disharmony in me. That works sometimes but not for long. Definitely not for more than a day and i go off to do fun things afterwards anyways with friends.

Observers seem to think that im in denial when i say i have moved on. Maybe that's true? lol. I doubt it though. I just don't think they understand that i process things quickly once my brain makes a stand and says, "I'm done." There's usually a lot of logic and pattern analysis backing up that decision that i don't always share with others. I actually have a hard time understanding why people have such hard time moving on from these things. I'm glad i dont dwell on the past that much but i guess sometimes i wish i knew what it was like so i could be more empathetic towards others who go through that.
 

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Is it really easy to move on from someone you considered spending 'forever' with?
 

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Is it really easy to move on from someone you considered spending 'forever' with?
I personally have a tendency to sometimes stay in things for too long. I try everything to make it work if i still see a good chance of things working out positively. With the last guy even went to couples counseling and all that jazz. The guy before that wanted different things out of life and itd had been cruel to continue it.

So at the end of everything its easy because i can honestly say i did the best i could with the information i had at the time. I see these things more as a lesson on how to be a better me for the next time around. Apart from learning from it, i dont see a point on dwelling on it for longer because feeling bad about it isnt going to make the relationship work or add much of anything to my life.

It helps that i have a decent amount of close friends and family. So i dont end up thinking im alone. If my life were a cake...a relationship would be the icing on top, not the cake itself. The right pairing would make it so much better but if the cake itself is good im content without the icing. If the icing is just all wrong...it can ruin the cake. Weird analogy but i guess its what im running with today. I must be hungry. Lol. But the point is, my happiness was never dependent on them but thats not to say they didnt make me happy at one point.
 

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Yes I relate it, and, No, it's very hard, really hard to let go. I guess it's because we don't give up and we growth with challenges; I don't know you, but "Impossible" is not in my dictionary, so accepting that it is gone forever is not easy. Even if it was not working optimally, it could be improved. Nothing is prefect anyway... then... why not to keep trying?

My case: I've been in two long relations, the first one I ended it when switching the second, but before that I did everything during 2-3 yr to save it. The second one ended in the same way, the "agony" was again 2-3 yr long and even now (2 yr after breaking) I don't really accept I was unable to save it.

Both times was me breaking up, but this only happened when convenience was really hell (me crying nearly diary, and yes, I'm a guy...) plus pressure from everywhere (mostly work but also family) was draining all my energy to continue pumping live into the relationship. As soon my environment got better and I had a little bit more energy available, I regretted breaking and not trying more.

But is very difficult to revert something after that stage, plus in both cases as somebody else kicked in the game in my side (actually this was the last drop to break) it became quickly a nasty 3 way game, and I'm very bad in that. Even do, I'm trying to save at least friendship with my ex. Yes... justification for not trying more... you see.. unsolved...
 

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Yes I relate it, and, No, it's very hard, really hard to let go. I guess it's because we don't give up and we growth with challenges; I don't know you, but "Impossible" is not in my dictionary, so accepting that it is gone forever is not easy. Even if it was not working optimally, it could be improved. Nothing is prefect anyway... then... why not to keep trying?

My case: I've been in two long relations, the first one I ended it when switching the second, but before that I did everything during 2-3 yr to save it. The second one ended in the same way, the "agony" was again 2-3 yr long and even now (2 yr after breaking) I don't really accept I was unable to save it.

Both times was me breaking up, but this only happened when convenience was really hell (me crying nearly diary, and yes, I'm a guy...) plus pressure from everywhere (mostly work but also family) was draining all my energy to continue pumping live into the relationship. As soon my environment got better and I had a little bit more energy available, I regretted breaking and not trying more.

But is very difficult to revert something after that stage, plus in both cases as somebody else kicked in the game in my side (actually this was the last drop to break) it became quickly a nasty 3 way game, and I'm very bad in that. Even do, I'm trying to save at least friendship with my ex. Yes... justification for not trying more... you see.. unsolved...
I actually found when I behaved like this, I was using my very undeveloped Fi. It was not Ne-Ti-Fe like an ENTP would behave. When stress or some sort of out of the ordinary situation happens, people often use their unconscious functions. Since those unconscious functions are not very developed (think about how well you use Si, which is conscious but at the bottom of our stack, and think at how bad the ones below it would be), they tend to come out in unhealthy ways. For me, Fi comes out in times of personal stress. I get very whoa is me and over analyze why someone would hurt me regardless of what their true intentions were. In times of work-type stress, I tend to have Se come out which makes me want to organize my environment/people. Some ENTPs reaction to personal stress is to over use their Se which makes them do risky or dangerous things.

If I am using my regular functions, I tend to get over things fairly quickly. Back in my dating days, I tended to re-assess my relationships often and did not hold on to relationships that did not have a future. This means that even if at the beginning of the relationship, if I thought it might be a keeper, I would not hold on to that initial feeling but keep evaluating the relationship throughout. I wouldn't say I would jump ship as soon as it got difficult, but I would not keep working at a lost cause. Once I made the decision, I ripped off the proverbial band-aid quickly. When I met my husband, him being an ISTJ and I an ENTP was difficult from the beginning, but I also could see the compatibility in goals, attitudes, and life so it was worth working at. We're 19 years together and almost 15 years married so it worked out. It is not all sunshine and roses but worth the effort.

Keep in mind, ENTP or not, there is the "nurture" part of our personality that is affected by our environment raised. I find people that go from long relationship to long relationship regardless of type (usually not leaving the first one until they have a potential next one on the line) are the type that have a hard time being alone. If they get broken up with or even if they are the breaker up person when it gets so bad they have to stop the relationship without having found a potential new relationship, they tend to have a hard time letting go, mainly because they don't know how to be alone. For me, I have never had an issue with being alone. If I didn't have kids, which makes a whole lot of complications, it doesn't scare me or worry me to be alone if something happened to my husband or he told me tomorrow he wanted a divorce. Would I want it, no, but I am pretty secure and confident in myself, so to me a relationship enhances me, but does not define me.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Is it really easy to move on from someone you considered spending 'forever' with?
Yes, it is, at least for me. Obviously, when I love someone truly, I'm not going to consider leaving them for some reason also given how intense and strong my feelings are. But if I have chosen to give up on them, try viewing it from my perspective - it has to be something seriously bad, right? It can be because of anything - either the person was not as committed as I am, or probably they were of the player kind, or may be they are too afraid of committing to me or may be they were a serial liar (lies are something I can easily sense) or may be the two of us, practically speaking are just not compatible at all? It could be anything. I know an ENFP female and INFP female, two good friends, and the main difference is that both of them are so devoted or even overly attached - which from my perspective is unhealthy - to their boyfriends and they simply refuse to leave letting the man dominate them more and more with every passing day. In both those cases, the men rule and these women simply yield. Outside the relationship, they are quite talented, knowledgeable and even successful, but in the relationship, I believe that they are being taken for granted, and they simply refuse to accept that fact. Guess what? Both those ladies, if they see some other female caught up in a similar situation, would become suddenly wise and tell that woman to quit. Why don't they apply the law to themselves? I'll never understand. Heard a cry and a long story just half an hour back.

I'll never let things get to that extent in the first place. I expect my man to treat me as an equal in all areas, nothing less. Obviously, I'll give him a few chances, but the moment I get the feeling that he's either subtly or openly trying to control me, I'll want to discuss it out. Yes, I want action, not just soothing words and apologies. Where I feel that the equality is not there or that I'm not getting what I know I deserve, yes, it would be quite painful for a really short while (that's the period when I'm partly sad but also telling myself the truth repeatedly "why he isn't good for me) and then he's history. :) I seem inhuman, eh?
 

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Discussion Starter #8
I personally have a tendency to sometimes stay in things for too long. I try everything to make it work if i still see a good chance of things working out positively. With the last guy even went to couples counseling and all that jazz. The guy before that wanted different things out of life and itd had been cruel to continue it.

So at the end of everything its easy because i can honestly say i did the best i could with the information i had at the time. I see these things more as a lesson on how to be a better me for the next time around. Apart from learning from it, i dont see a point on dwelling on it for longer because feeling bad about it isnt going to make the relationship work or add much of anything to my life.

It helps that i have a decent amount of close friends and family. So i dont end up thinking im alone. If my life were a cake...a relationship would be the icing on top, not the cake itself. The right pairing would make it so much better but if the cake itself is good im content without the icing. If the icing is just all wrong...it can ruin the cake. Weird analogy but i guess its what im running with today. I must be hungry. Lol. But the point is, my happiness was never dependent on them but thats not to say they didnt make me happy at one point.
A few points you stated there, yeah, that's exactly how my brain works, too. When I'm leaving, nobody, not one person can point a finger at me and say that I didn't give enough because I really do give a lot (of time, effort, patience, love, understanding) and I also make sure that the person is aware of how much I'm caring and even compromising. But where it doesn't work out, there's no point in holding on to some illusion that I'm in a happy relationship, so I let go.

And mourning or grieving over something that was not healthy for me is a real waste of time, yes. So just let go and focus your attention on other interesting things and people in your life! :)
 
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Yes I relate it, and, No, it's very hard, really hard to let go. I guess it's because we don't give up and we growth with challenges; I don't know you, but "Impossible" is not in my dictionary, so accepting that it is gone forever is not easy. Even if it was not working optimally, it could be improved. Nothing is prefect anyway... then... why not to keep trying?

My case: I've been in two long relations, the first one I ended it when switching the second, but before that I did everything during 2-3 yr to save it. The second one ended in the same way, the "agony" was again 2-3 yr long and even now (2 yr after breaking) I don't really accept I was unable to save it.

Both times was me breaking up, but this only happened when convenience was really hell (me crying nearly diary, and yes, I'm a guy...) plus pressure from everywhere (mostly work but also family) was draining all my energy to continue pumping live into the relationship. As soon my environment got better and I had a little bit more energy available, I regretted breaking and not trying more.

But is very difficult to revert something after that stage, plus in both cases as somebody else kicked in the game in my side (actually this was the last drop to break) it became quickly a nasty 3 way game, and I'm very bad in that. Even do, I'm trying to save at least friendship with my ex. Yes... justification for not trying more... you see.. unsolved...
I'm sorry that you had to go through all that and that you're still not over it. :/

Well, "impossible" most certainly doesn't exist in my dictionary, but that's because I see things in a different way, not your way (I don't mean that in an offensive way, my friend). See, I tell myself "it's impossible for any problem to ever defeat me." This applies to all areas of my life and relationships are no exception. I really do invest a lot in the person when I develop feelings - even if it's rare, it's true, very quick to develop and intense. But when they repeatedly disappoint me, I prefer to openly talk things out. At this point, the person may tend to back off to avoid the confrontation, but I want honest answers - what's a relationship if there's no honesty and willingness to try and solve the problems? I politely tell them to pick a time for having that open talk and after such talks, after clearly explaining to them my side of things, how I feel, what it feels like to be in my position when they treat me like that, etc. and give them some time to process things. During this period and after this, I study them if they've really changed their ways and are not being merely superficial or acting like they care. If they changed for the sake of the relationship, I'll continue to give them my love. If not, I make a list of actions in my mind - how and when to politely end things and exit. Yeah, that's how my brain works.

If I were the one to break up, it most certainly wouldn't be for some silly reason. Every time the thought of the person crosses my mind, I repeatedly tell myself why my life is good without them or maybe that we can be only friends and nothing more. If they were the one to break up, self-respect first any day! LOL, you should see how proud I'd be and happily start a new chapter of my life.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
I actually found when I behaved like this, I was using my very undeveloped Fi. It was not Ne-Ti-Fe like an ENTP would behave. When stress or some sort of out of the ordinary situation happens, people often use their unconscious functions. Since those unconscious functions are not very developed (think about how well you use Si, which is conscious but at the bottom of our stack, and think at how bad the ones below it would be), they tend to come out in unhealthy ways. For me, Fi comes out in times of personal stress. I get very whoa is me and over analyze why someone would hurt me regardless of what their true intentions were. In times of work-type stress, I tend to have Se come out which makes me want to organize my environment/people. Some ENTPs reaction to personal stress is to over use their Se which makes them do risky or dangerous things.

If I am using my regular functions, I tend to get over things fairly quickly. Back in my dating days, I tended to re-assess my relationships often and did not hold on to relationships that did not have a future. This means that even if at the beginning of the relationship, if I thought it might be a keeper, I would not hold on to that initial feeling but keep evaluating the relationship throughout. I wouldn't say I would jump ship as soon as it got difficult, but I would not keep working at a lost cause. Once I made the decision, I ripped off the proverbial band-aid quickly. When I met my husband, him being an ISTJ and I an ENTP was difficult from the beginning, but I also could see the compatibility in goals, attitudes, and life so it was worth working at. We're 19 years together and almost 15 years married so it worked out. It is not all sunshine and roses but worth the effort.

Keep in mind, ENTP or not, there is the "nurture" part of our personality that is affected by our environment raised. I find people that go from long relationship to long relationship regardless of type (usually not leaving the first one until they have a potential next one on the line) are the type that have a hard time being alone. If they get broken up with or even if they are the breaker up person when it gets so bad they have to stop the relationship without having found a potential new relationship, they tend to have a hard time letting go, mainly because they don't know how to be alone. For me, I have never had an issue with being alone. If I didn't have kids, which makes a whole lot of complications, it doesn't scare me or worry me to be alone if something happened to my husband or he told me tomorrow he wanted a divorce. Would I want it, no, but I am pretty secure and confident in myself, so to me a relationship enhances me, but does not define me.
Exactly! I'm more or less the same. No matter how deep those emotions are, only what's practical would work, at least for those who don't doubt their abilities to face life all alone by themselves and don't necessarily need someone. My ENFP friend would indirectly try to tell me that if this really is the case then I never loved anyone enough, LOL. At times, I'd question myself if that really is the case seeing to what all extent she'd go to keep the relationship alive (she accepted him when the master player cheated on her and came back after 6 months!). But I know better at least about my needs and what's healthy and not for me, so that's it. The sooner we learn to accept that something's not healthy for us, it's easier to let go, right?
 

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But I know better at least about my needs and what's healthy and not for me, so that's it. The sooner we learn to accept that something's not healthy for us, it's easier to let go, right?
You see this is a big issue for me.

Healthy vs non healthy for me is on a sliding scale. Life happens. I adjust.
Life has a way of opening our eyes as we move through it. One could argue
we close them as appose to open but either way it is the personal development
of the individual that is growing based on what they have done and what has been
done to them.

Whats good for me today (and healthy) was poison to me yesterday.
So how can we then make statements such as the one above and assume
that our thoughts and feels will stand the test of time?
This is not to downplay or call anyone out by no means! Just curious is all.
In all things there is grey area. Some ENTP ...well maybe most... have a hard-line
stance on very few items in their lives. In knowing that how can we decide today,
for certain that is what is okay or not okay. It essentially builds a glass house
around us. Us, as ENTP always have a pocket full of stones to throw.
Trapping us in said glass house is a recipe for disaster.

My wife could cheat on me. I would go back to her.
My wife could cheat on me. I would absolutely leave her.
Who's the guy/gal?
Whats the circumstance?
Was I withholding intimacy?
Was she in a sober state of mind?
What led to it?

I suppose we can only work and live in the now.

Feelings for another when they run soul deep are not circumvented by logic for
the most part. My wife undoes me. She is to my feels what I am to her logic.
Soul bending feels and love for me all the way. Well I consider logic...
logically I want to feel good.

I mean whats everyones main goal in life? As a general statement.
To find happiness/fulfillment and/or success? Most would say happiness.
So humans main push in life is to secure a feeling. Not an invention
with great returns.
 

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One thing I will say, I don't think two people can stay friends who were in an intense relationship together; at least not unless they were very young when they dated and have matured since then or a decent amount of time has passed for wounds to heal. I find those people that truly do stay friends after a relationship were never that serious to start (for example-though fictional-Jerry and Elaine in Seinfeld) or realize during the relationship that they are not compatible as lovers but are compatible as friends and that is the whole reason for the breakup. If you were in a long and intense relationship with someone, you are much better off putting some distance until you are really over each other (and moved on to other people/things). Not much good comes with trying to be friends with your Ex whist in the middle of trying to get over the relationship.
 
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I actually found when I behaved like this, I was using my very undeveloped Fi. It was not Ne-Ti-Fe like an ENTP would behave. When stress or some sort of out of the ordinary situation happens, people often use their unconscious functions. Since those unconscious functions are not very developed (think about how well you use Si, which is conscious but at the bottom of our stack, and think at how bad the ones below it would be), they tend to come out in unhealthy ways.
Yes, yes, thank you very much, I fully agree on this.

For me, Fi comes out in times of personal stress. I get very whoa is me and over analyze why someone would hurt me regardless of what their true intentions were. In times of work-type stress, I tend to have Se come out which makes me want to organize my environment/people. Some ENTPs reaction to personal stress is to over use their Se which makes them do risky or dangerous things.
Since my last break I'm taking the keys2connigtion test that -in theory- scores functions by separate. My Ne and Ti top first at 50-55, but then follows Se very close (40-45, increased 5 in last year). Fi and Fe are now getting scores far away, both at 20. Si it at the bottom, scoring 5. I'm not sure about range linearity nor quantisation issues. I'm not sure even if that test really good and how much bias is to take it repeatly, but anyway results make sense.

Se is really high making sense as stress related. This lasts years I have being always in the edge at work, the gambit (=risk) is each day higher. Is nothing new actually, high Se is not good at long term plus I'm 7w8 so dropping into unhealthy conducts is very easy. But I don't know what to do about it. The only idea is to try to excersice.

I'm one of the fishes swimming in what is called nowadays VUCA. High qualified professionals competing in a job marked characterised by high volatility, uncertainty, complexity and ambiguity. Plus, the alternative option is entrepreneurship, that is not better in these terms. Then my professional ambition demands me high endurance and to be fearless, and this precisely Se. My problem is, that strangely, even It cause me pain it turns me on. Masochism probably.

Fi is low, as low as Fe. That does not match. But Fi not increasing, it's stable at 20. Actually It looks like since we break instead I'm dropping Fe in exchange of even more Ti. I don't understand why this Fe --> Ti.

If I am using my regular functions, I tend to get over things fairly quickly. Back in my dating days, I tended to re-assess my relationships often and did not hold on to relationships that did not have a future. This means that even if at the beginning of the relationship, if I thought it might be a keeper, I would not hold on to that initial feeling but keep evaluating the relationship throughout. I wouldn't say I would jump ship as soon as it got difficult, but I would not keep working at a lost cause. Once I made the decision, I ripped off the proverbial band-aid quickly. When I met my husband, him being an ISTJ and I an ENTP was difficult from the beginning, but I also could see the compatibility in goals, attitudes, and life so it was worth working at. We're 19 years together and almost 15 years married so it worked out. It is not all sunshine and roses but worth the effort.
Congrats, you can be very happy of 19 years. I hope someday I can say the same. I don't know, I like romantic partners with fighting capabilities, and often personal suffering develops that plus endurance. My ex is one of this, a strong fighter, also ENTP, probably ennagram 8, and also in a VUCA environment. We supported one each other a lot and is the most close thing of a mentor I ever had. Maybe is this what I miss the more, I don't know.

Keep in mind, ENTP or not, there is the "nurture" part of our personality that is affected by our environment raised. I find people that go from long relationship to long relationship regardless of type (usually not leaving the first one until they have a potential next one on the line) are the type that have a hard time being alone. If they get broken up with or even if they are the breaker up person when it gets so bad they have to stop the relationship without having found a potential new relationship, they tend to have a hard time letting go, mainly because they don't know how to be alone. For me, I have never had an issue with being alone. If I didn't have kids, which makes a whole lot of complications, it doesn't scare me or worry me to be alone if something happened to my husband or he told me tomorrow he wanted a divorce. Would I want it, no, but I am pretty secure and confident in myself, so to me a relationship enhances me, but does not define me.
Yes, I'm one of the ones that does not known to be alone. I hate to be alone actually, i don't know, I need somebody to hold some tether, otherwise i'll orbit so far that return will be no longer an option. Maybe is Barnum effect, but Is funny I wrote orbit, return and option when my "home" is more a backpack that anything else and tether have been often no more than a skype connection. Anyway I guess that at least I've the hope that my partner will supply me the Si that I lack. You are also 7w8, no? May I ask you where to get use for your Si? kids? Did you manage to keep Se with normal Si?
 

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I'm sorry that you had to go through all that and that you're still not over it. :/

Well, "impossible" most certainly doesn't exist in my dictionary, but that's because I see things in a different way, not your way (I don't mean that in an offensive way, my friend). See, I tell myself "it's impossible for any problem to ever defeat me." This applies to all areas of my life and relationships are no exception. I really do invest a lot in the person when I develop feelings - even if it's rare, it's true, very quick to develop and intense. But when they repeatedly disappoint me, I prefer to openly talk things out. At this point, the person may tend to back off to avoid the confrontation, but I want honest answers - what's a relationship if there's no honesty and willingness to try and solve the problems? I politely tell them to pick a time for having that open talk and after such talks, after clearly explaining to them my side of things, how I feel, what it feels like to be in my position when they treat me like that, etc. and give them some time to process things. During this period and after this, I study them if they've really changed their ways and are not being merely superficial or acting like they care. If they changed for the sake of the relationship, I'll continue to give them my love. If not, I make a list of actions in my mind - how and when to politely end things and exit. Yeah, that's how my brain works.
I think you are acting very mature and very rational. It is a very good procedure. I always have been a very intuitive person, even more in the romantic aspect. Never rationalized too much, and sure never think under the investment optics. For me, the only rationality that I tried to keep was the Camus relationship quote

“Don’t walk in front of me… I may not follow
Don’t walk behind me… I may not lead
Walk beside me… just be my friend”

And even that sometimes, in a subtle way, I have been not really enforcing it. For example, my Ex has complained a lot about me abusing her as "ground control". Of course this is not honouring Camus, is pretty asymmetric, and probably very annoying for another ENTP (she is also ENTP,) . I think this type of bad delegation hurt us a lot, specially because our meta-talks were not really successfully. We were unable to do constructive meta dialog. On my side she was saying I was not taking it enough seriously, on her side everything was interpreted as personal attack and followed immediately by huge bounce back, really often into complete unrelated topics. I guess it is what it happens when two ENTPs argue, but we where able to brainstorm a lot in "show" time, often very productively. In contrast, not in a single occasion we where able to be constructive at meta level, is like all synergies were mutated into antagonisms. Curious, isn't ?

Anyway your point about the meta level is really good. Thank you.

If I were the one to break up, it most certainly wouldn't be for some silly reason. Every time the thought of the person crosses my mind, I repeatedly tell myself why my life is good without them or maybe that we can be only friends and nothing more. If they were the one to break up, self-respect first any day! LOL, you should see how proud I'd be and happily start a new chapter of my life.
Yes, again a very mature and rational way of reacting. My problem is that I don't have self-respect. Seriously. Is probably a huge educational problem, a perversion of the concept of "endurance"; the idea s to keep self-control and never strike back directly, not bad as conflict avoidance schema, but brings this self-respect issue. In contrast, to compensate, we try to develop high self-acceptance and self-reliance as cope mechanisms, put together is something like as "Is never judge yourself, and passively ignore any external judgement, be you own and don't seek any validation". Sounds pretty sociopathic isn't? neh... Empathy feeds and holds the ethical framework, this is not a problem. The real issue is how to feed self-criticism without virtually any feedback loop. Objective performance assessment is probably the only feedback left, but at romantic level, what does that means exactly? How to do you evaluate romantic "profit" ? And here is where I'm stuck....

Again I'm aware, but I'm not sure about what and how to change there.
 

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I'd say it depends, but recently I just kicked my dad out of my life.
I'm over it.

Romantically, I've noticed it's a bit different for me.
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship at one point and it was hard for me to say, "I need this person out of my life," because I kept telling myself that they weren't a bad person and they deserved a second chance. I gave them a shitton of second chances.
It wasn't until they crossed that line you don't cross after crossing the first line you don't cross that made me say, "Fuck it, I'm leaving forever, rot in hell."
Once it happened, though, I let go pretty fast.
I forgave the person about a year later, and we have occasional conversations about meaningless shit.

I don't have a lot of friends, and I can say that the only person I've managed to hold a decent relationship throughout my entire life is my former neighbor, who I've known since I was about 6. We've had rocky shit, but you know how it is.
Most people stick around for about a year or so. So, maybe I'm just too used to letting go of things, that when I do, it's a lot easier for me to do.
My policy is that if someone ever changes my life in a negative way, they're out. I don't need that much negativity in my life. If they come back and apologize personally to me, I'll sit and talk with them about it. Whether or not we decide to get along again, that's decided on how the conversation goes. Until then, they're gone forever. Not my problem.
I'm convinced I'm destined to be a sociopath. Do I care? No.
 

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Yes, yes, thank you very much, I fully agree on this.



Since my last break I'm taking the keys2connigtion test that -in theory- scores functions by separate. My Ne and Ti top first at 50-55, but then follows Se very close (40-45, increased 5 in last year). Fi and Fe are now getting scores far away, both at 20. Si it at the bottom, scoring 5. I'm not sure about range linearity nor quantisation issues. I'm not sure even if that test really good and how much bias is to take it repeatly, but anyway results make sense.

Se is really high making sense as stress related. This lasts years I have being always in the edge at work, the gambit (=risk) is each day higher. Is nothing new actually, high Se is not good at long term plus I'm 7w8 so dropping into unhealthy conducts is very easy. But I don't know what to do about it. The only idea is to try to excersice.

I'm one of the fishes swimming in what is called nowadays VUCA. High qualified professionals competing in a job marked characterised by high volatility, uncertainty, complexity and ambiguity. Plus, the alternative option is entrepreneurship, that is not better in these terms. Then my professional ambition demands me high endurance and to be fearless, and this precisely Se. My problem is, that strangely, even It cause me pain it turns me on. Masochism probably.

Fi is low, as low as Fe. That does not match. But Fi not increasing, it's stable at 20. Actually It looks like since we break instead I'm dropping Fe in exchange of even more Ti. I don't understand why this Fe --> Ti.



Congrats, you can be very happy of 19 years. I hope someday I can say the same. I don't know, I like romantic partners with fighting capabilities, and often personal suffering develops that plus endurance. My ex is one of this, a strong fighter, also ENTP, probably ennagram 8, and also in a VUCA environment. We supported one each other a lot and is the most close thing of a mentor I ever had. Maybe is this what I miss the more, I don't know.



Yes, I'm one of the ones that does not known to be alone. I hate to be alone actually, i don't know, I need somebody to hold some tether, otherwise i'll orbit so far that return will be no longer an option. Maybe is Barnum effect, but Is funny I wrote orbit, return and option when my "home" is more a backpack that anything else and tether have been often no more than a skype connection. Anyway I guess that at least I've the hope that my partner will supply me the Si that I lack. You are also 7w8, no? May I ask you where to get use for your Si? kids? Did you manage to keep Se with normal Si?
I'm a 7w8. I have been living with Si-users my entire life so even though I have off the charts Ne, I think living with them has helped the Si. My mom is an ESFJ, my college roommate was an ISTJ, my best friend and former roommate is an ISFJ and my husband is an ISTJ. Si is something that really has to be used as a working mom. Not only do I have to keep up with my own personal and professional schedule, I have two other people's lives to keep track of along with remembering what a 4th person (my husband) is doing in relation to us. Unfortunately, my mother in law is an ISTJ too so my husband seems to think that the "mom" takes care of it all and I am complete crap at it. For a long time post-it notes were my friend. Since the invention of smart phones, the calendar with alerts is my go-to to keep me on track. I found I have always been attracted to people who have their sh*t together so I tend to go for Js with people I wanted to have relationships with. I think it is a defense mechanism because I am so bad at organizing.

Because of my high Ne, I tend to not hold onto Se long, only when I am stressed professionally. I am not as strong a Thinker so, more in my younger years, Fi came out more often and I behaved like a not very healthy ENFP (like I said, the leading Ne was not going anywhere so it was ENTP or ENFP for me).
 

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I admire you, @Geonerd. I'm also surrounded by Si users (ESFJ mom, ESTJ dad, ESTJ very good friend, ESFJ best friend) and more often than not I need a break from them. I actually sometimes feel very introverted because of them.
 

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I admire you, @Geonerd. I'm also surrounded by Si users (ESFJ mom, ESTJ dad, ESTJ very good friend, ESFJ best friend) and more often than not I need a break from them. I actually sometimes feel very introverted because of them.
You notice, except for my mom, my Si-users are introverts. I think I would have issues if I was surrounded by extroverts. Extroverts pull out my Ne to the point where I am useless to use my Si.
 
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I'm a 7w8. I have been living with Si-users my entire life so even though I have off the charts Ne, I think living with them has helped the Si. My mom is an ESFJ, my college roommate was an ISTJ, my best friend and former roommate is an ISFJ and my husband is an ISTJ. Si is something that really has to be used as a working mom. Not only do I have to keep up with my own personal and professional schedule, I have two other people's lives to keep track of along with remembering what a 4th person (my husband) is doing in relation to us. Unfortunately, my mother in law is an ISTJ too so my husband seems to think that the "mom" takes care of it all and I am complete crap at it. For a long time post-it notes were my friend. Since the invention of smart phones, the calendar with alerts is my go-to to keep me on track. I found I have always been attracted to people who have their sh*t together so I tend to go for Js with people I wanted to have relationships with. I think it is a defense mechanism because I am so bad at organizing.

Because of my high Ne, I tend to not hold onto Se long, only when I am stressed professionally. I am not as strong a Thinker so, more in my younger years, Fi came out more often and I behaved like a not very healthy ENFP (like I said, the leading Ne was not going anywhere so it was ENTP or ENFP for me).
that could be the reason, yes... I've grown into ENxx, and basically my professional live (since I'm MTBIaware) have been nearly only with ENTPs or INTPs. So little (very little) Si exposure...

Don't you miss brainstorming without anybody able to follow you? Or simply a stimulating talk ?

This 2017 my core group was 4 ENTPs, with slightly different knowledge backgrounds but still overlaping. You can imagine how brainstormimg works in our meetings, there were moments in which we were completing sentences one each other. Seriously, is like sharing a collective mind. That's the good part, you feel the power. But, the chalenge is to keep ambitions aligned, plus we don't have 'F' glue. I don't think we will survive into 2018.

One year I worked with one ISTJ, a very rare exception, and it was not bad, but he was actually way overload. I remember him just struggling to keep notes in the meetings and his sole contribution was to sporadically "remind' of what we were saying in the past. Like "3 months ago you said bla bla...'. The response usually was "really? that's obsolete now". I don't think he contributed anything practical.
 
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