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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Do people get turned off if someone looks up to them? Cuz everyone I've ever looked up to eventually stop liking me simply because I look up to them. Every one of them said some variation of I never leave them alone. But I'm not aware of bothering them any more than anyone else did. I only looked up to them more. Maybe it's a bad thing to look up to people, right?
 

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It's not 'wrong' - I think most people are inspired by someone...I think it's a good thing to look up to someone, but not obsess over them or think they're perfect and the sun shines out of their ass/they can do no wrong. And not to want to BE them. Maybe they thought you aren't just taking advice and trying life on your own, but you are being too reliant or something. It's hard to know without hearing the other side of the story.

Maybe it's the way you went about it, rather than the fact that you looked up to them. Like maybe they sensed you were putting them on a pedestal, and they felt this pressure of having to live up to a certain unrealistic image so as not to disappoint you...?
 

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I've had this both ways and it helped me to experience it from the other side. We are idealists, so it's very natural for us to cling to those that inspire us, but it's not always pleasant for the recipient.

I once had a regular customer at work that would often come in for "therapy". I had helped her, like I did for everyone, but she had taken a shine to me. She would constantly dump praise on me, and tell me all her woes, and it got much works when she got a job working in my department. It got to the point that I didn't want to go to work, and I loved my job.

So when you want to tell someone how awesome you think hey are, ask yourself if you have done so recently already. Recognition i on thing constant praise and attention is another.
 

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Looking up to people ≠ being so constantly on their back that they say you never leave them alone. Learn to use wooooooords
 
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Recently, someone at work (K) said I keep saying her name 100 times and never left her alone. I worked with her for almost 3 years and she's yet another person who now got turned off just bc I think she's great. SHe used to like me but she suddenly got annoyed whenever I say something to her. I know she accuse me of never leaving her alone, just like everyone else I've looked up to. I'm never aware of bothering her or talking to her more than others do. She said it overwhelmed her and I never even knew I did anything.

I saw on a facebook post that another girl also looks up to K. That girl posted something really admiring about her. And guess what? K didn't get mad at that girl. K was actually really flattered that that girl liked her. I never got that reaction from anyone I've ever looked up to.
 

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You're a harasser and as empty-headed as outer space. No wonder why you're in such situations.
 

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No. It can be a bit weird though at times. To be the recipient of it or to feel a weird devotion to something. Like others have already stated. ;). I have been on both ends. More times probably idealizing people (idolizing, maybe).

It can become wrong, maybe, if you shower praise too much.

I guess I would argue if the person seems to do admirable things externally, it's better to admire them.
 

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Do people get turned off if someone looks up to them? Cuz everyone I've ever looked up to eventually stop liking me simply because I look up to them. Every one of them said some variation of I never leave them alone. But I'm not aware of bothering them any more than anyone else did. I only looked up to them more. Maybe it's a bad thing to look up to people, right?
Looking up to someone is mutually exclusive from engaging in behaviors that infringe on other people's personal space which is what it seems like you're doing.

That said, if you're looking up to people, then you're likely doing that at the expense of improving yourself in some way hence inclined to see them as something worth venerating.

Easier said than done, but work on yourself and overcome your own shortcomings so you have yourself to look up to and don't need to venerate others.
 

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Do people get turned off if someone looks up to them? Cuz everyone I've ever looked up to eventually stop liking me simply because I look up to them. Every one of them said some variation of I never leave them alone. But I'm not aware of bothering them any more than anyone else did. I only looked up to them more. Maybe it's a bad thing to look up to people, right?
Sounds like you're focusing your attention on the wrong people. Instead of focusing your attention on the people who didn't like you, how about focusing your attention on the people who likes you instead? There must be at least one person in your workplace who likes you. Try looking around you and see who are the ones who talk to you the most and who often seemed nice toward you, those are the ones who like you, and those are the ones who wouldn't mind if you were to look up to them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 · (Edited)
Sounds like you're focusing your attention on the wrong people. Instead of focusing your attention on the people who didn't like you, how about focusing your attention on the people who likes you instead? There must be at least one person in your workplace who likes you. Try looking around you and see who are the ones who talk to you the most and who often seemed nice toward you, those are the ones who like you, and those are the ones who wouldn't mind if you were to look up to them.
The person I looked up to initially liked me. That's why I looked up in the first place. Then she recently turned on me just bc I looked up to her. She's just like everyone else I've ever looked up to. Yet, I never stopped hoping that the next person wouldn't turn on me, even though I know they eventually will.

This is where I'm confused. If it's a good thing to look up to someone, why don't they like it? Moreover, another girl she used to work with also idolize her. She didn't turn on that girl. These days, she gets mad whenever I say her name bc she thinks I never leave her alone. Then she stopped talking to me.

Also, I like most people I meet, but I look up to very few. Those few I do look up to have specially good qualities. I thought they'd be flattered, but I'm wrong, I guess.
 

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People don't see your intentions, just your behaviour. Sure, you experience your feelings, but they don't.

Try to find out what your actual behaviour was. Could it have been mistaken for obsession? People usually don't mind being looked up to, but being obsessed over is scary (as in: "I'm afraid this person might rape me" scary). Maybe you unintentionally gave off another message then you thought?

You said this person said you were using their name a lot. Do you know if that was in normal conversation with them? In conversations with others this person might have overheard? Might you have overused this?

Honestly, I've had situations where someone was clinging to me so much that I didn't feel comfortable being around them anymore. Not that I thought they had bad intentions, but they were just trying to take too much of my time and energy for themselves.

Quick aside: have you been diagnosed with anything? I could imagine if you were diagnosed with autism or something similar, that this could be a big issue, if your brain isn't wired to 'read' people in the same way that others do.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
She accused me of simply calling her name excessively like "every few minutes." Those were her words. I meant to proceed into a normal conversation, but I couldn't bc she gets mad. Like she's accusing me of being all over her. I was never aware of doing that, though. I don't think of myself as obsessing or clinging to anyone, although whoever I look up to might accuse me of those very behavior. idk...
 

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Stop trying to talk to anyone. Or continue whatever crazy stuff you're already doing and get ready to be fired and/or have a restraining order against you. Whatevs will get you out of your colleagues' way.
 
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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
She even admitted that it's not bad to look up to someone or really like someone. I asked her if she had anyone else look up to her and she said yes, but they're not like me. She said they don't obsess over her. I left and texted her that everyone I've ever looked up to eventually ditched me simply bc I looked up to them. I told her I honestly thought she's be different. I was wrong. I could never look up to anyone and not have that person ditch me eventually.
 

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Stop trying to talk to anyone. Or continue whatever crazy stuff you're already doing and get ready to be fired and/or have a restraining order against you. Whatevs will get you out of your colleagues' way.
You're not really helping.
 
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