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I'm having difficulty to understand why he acts the way he does.

I met him in a forum. He seems to only interested in sharing ideas about everything. He usually analyzes everything unnecessary. He always acts likes he is above from everyone but I don't think he is an asshole. He is kinda kind. You can clearly understand he is not a normal person in a good way.

He added me as a friend about two years ago. It was an honor to me because he only has a very few friend in his friend list.

We usually chatted for hours when he choosed to chat at least once a week. He is a very reserved person. He didn't interested in my attempt to chat with him and he didn't care what I shared with him (some interesting stuff about video games, science, news, movies, tv series, etc. you get the idea.) sometimes. When it doesn't interest him, he just says "meh" and changes the subject. Yet, when he is in the mood no one can stop him from chatting about the subject he is interested. He can chat about everything. I always did my best to keep up with him to continue the conversation.

He is very sarcastic, he knows how to push my buttons but I take it as his sense of humor and I'm okay with it. He is actually a very funny guy. He is a very knowledgeable and interesting. For these reasons I like him.

About a year ago he was very moody about something which is not like him. I asked him what was wrong. I had to push him to open up. He unwillingly told me what was his problem and asked my advice about this important decision about his life. It was the first time he wanted an advice from me. So in order to do my best I kinda lectured him. I said some silly things which he disliked and lectured me about it. I thought I failed to help him and he thinks I'm an idiot now. He thanked for my advice anyway.

After that, he started to act cold towards me. He didn't replied my messages. He didn't even said "meh" like he used to but he sometimes briefly shared what is in his mind, what he did recently, etc. I pushed him to figure out what is wrong with him. He said nothing. This odd silence continued for months.

I thought he thinks I'm an idiot, I'm not worthy enough for him anymore or something. I thought that's it, there is no future for us. So I deleted him.

About a week later, I felt bad because I figured I may not the problem. I didn't want to end this friendship. So, I added him again. He acted like he wasn't aware I deleted him but he said: "it's okay whatever". I tried to communicate with him for days. He didn't care my messages but mentioned what he did recently briefly. He was silent again. Nothing changed. I saw this pattern before. I didn't want to rot in his friend list. So I deleted him again.

Normally I delete people and that's it. I don't care online relationships but he was dear to me. I'm very sad because it ended like this. I miss how we used to chat about stuff for hours.

So I added him again but this time I confessed why I deleted him. He didn't care at all but when I mentioned he was cold to me and my thought about he wouldn't care if I delete him, he said: "if I thought you are annoying I would delete you but I didn't, did I?". After that answer, we chatted for hours like we used to like nothing happened.

Now, I don't know what to say to him. He seems okay with it but I don't wanna ruin it again.

I don't understand how he thinks, what is his purpose, what he wants from me. I think he doesn't aware what I might feeling nor he cares.

He is clearly not a normal person. I don't know what to do with him. I don't want to be in a relationship which is one-sided mostly but I don't want to delete him anymore. When he wants to communicate with me it's ok but when I want to communicate with him it was "meh", now it's mostly silence. Is he doesn't even bother to even say "meh" now and let me assume that he wasn't interested in it or me?

I feel like I'm not good enough for him but there is potential or something.

I still don't know if he is cold because of my advice or that problem or both. Maybe he regretted to show his emotional side and ask for advice? He doesn't even care to answer my questions about it. He just changes the subject if he doesn't interested in that topic. I still blame myself because I might be the reason for his coldness towards me.

Some additional info about him:

-He finds MBTI and enneagram test "meh" so I failed to learn what type he is.
-He has a very high standard about everything.
-He is very introverted according to him.
-He is highly religious. Even though I'm not a religious person we had a good conversation about religion he believes. He was okay with how unbeliever I am.
-He is very open-minded.
-He is skeptical.
-He is kinda rigid sometimes. Hard to convince.
-Once he understands he was wrong he doesn't have trouble to accept it.
-I don't think he is immature. It seems to me he just does everything in his own way. He just doesn't care common sense.

Can you guys relate to him or at least understand him and make me understand why he acts the way he does?

If he is an INTJ then can you give me advice about how to approach him and how to understand him better? I don't have an INTJ in my life as far as I'm aware. I only know some rumors about how INTJ people are odd, hard to understand, etc. INTJ description seems fits to him but I'm not sure.

If he is not an INTJ then which type he may be?
 
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Reactions: nam

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@shadowbroker

Clearly, your friend doesn't care about anything but his own interests. He seems to be into some sort of Ni-Fi loop which could explain his eccentric behaviors. Don't blame yourself for things your friend have done. You reacted because of his attitude toward you and he doesn't seem to be aware of it. You already tried your best to improve the communication but he was resistant.

At this point, you should ask yourself if this is the kind of friendship you want. It seems like a dead-end to me. You can't fix a relationship if the other person isn't willing to make an effort. I understand you're attached to him, but you'll get tired and eventually frustrated to not experience a healthy friendship.
 
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Reactions: valosagutas

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Being an INTJ myself, I can relate very strongly to what is described above. He feels weak of vulnerable for exposing himself to you, when (I suspect) he is not ready at that stage. He is most certainly an INTJ. In my personal experience, when I did have moments of such happening to me, I prized loyalty and determination for that person to (in a sense), "ignore" everything and continue how it was as if it never happened. He must have been going through some major emotional turmoil to confide in you. I suspect you are a friend in his heirachy, but not to the level where he is an open book. I will say this, there is warmth beneath the proverbial "ice".
 
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With questions like that they may not be your friend for long.
 
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Reactions: ninjahitsawall

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Sounds like an unhealthy INTP, but again I don't know him, so I cannot judge with accuracy (and to be honest nobody can, since we don't know what goes inside his head).
 
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