[jamescarrolls]

Is it common or natural for ISFJ's to feel uncomfortable to recieve things from others? Especially if the items you give maybe expensive? Or to even do things for them? Does not neccessarily have to do with money but just giving them a hand? Is it uncomfortable for some ISFJ's? I need your help on this topic ISFJ's.

 

[Jackques]

for me,.. in the past when i was more of an ISFJ then i am now.. yes..

especcially because i had kindoff a big pride thing in which i needed no help from others, and only preferred to give help instead of receiving it. I also did not want to receive help because it would convey me as weak.

now however.. i just take whatever others want to give me, and altough i may be a bit uncomfortable if they give something expensive, because im mostly the person who would do something in return for them, but if it isnt a big thing then i just dont care and be thankfull.

just my opinion:blushed:

 

[teddy564339]

I think this is generally true, at least for me. I get very uncomfortable when put into a big spotlight too much...I start feeling guilty.

I think when I feel like I'm getting rewarded for something I deserve, then I don't feel as uncomfortable. For me, genuine displays of appreciation and value mean a whole lot to me...they make me very happy.

But if I feel I'm getting a big gift for doing nothing, I get very uncomfortable. Like I said, I feel guilty and undeserving.




I do think ISFJ's have trouble asking for help and tend to be control freaks in their own lives. For me, it boils down to insecurity...sometimes I feel inadequate, and I feel like asking for help is admitting that. It gives me confidence and makes me feel good when I accomplish something myself.

 

[jamescarrolls]

You guys suck in that category Teddy! Laugh with me! I mean it as a joke. Why should you feel that way, especially if we are friends. Isn't that what friends do for eachother? Unless friendship was something that wasn't really on top of our list? How do you guys feel about friendship? Would you help a friend out if you were able to? My gosh, I cannot believe that you could not receive help because of pride or misunderstanding of how you see it? Gosh you guys are selfish!!!! Laugh with me Teddy. ps. Thanks for explaining that to me. Thats sucks though. Because for me, INFJ's I like or love to help others when they are important to me. And I enjoy doing things like that. You ISFJ's are very selfish when it comes to receiving things from others. This is more frustrating than I thought!!!! Thanks Teddy for your insight.

 

[teddy564339]

You guys suck in that category Teddy! Laugh with me! I mean it as a joke. Why should you feel that way, especially if we are friends. Isn't that what friends do for eachother? Unless friendship was something that wasn't really on top of our list? How do you guys feel about friendship? Would you help a friend out if you were able to? My gosh, I cannot believe that you could not receive help because of pride or misunderstanding of how you see it? Gosh you guys are selfish!!!! Laugh with me Teddy. ps. Thanks for explaining that to me. Thats sucks though. Because for me, INFJ's I like or love to help others when they are important to me. And I enjoy doing things like that. You ISFJ's are very selfish when it comes to receiving things from others. This is more frustrating than I thought!!!! Thanks Teddy for your insight.

Like I said, I think it's a lot more about insecurity than it is about selfishness. I don't think ISFJ's are trying to make other people feel bad when they do it, it's moreso a feeling of fear of feeling inadequate.

For me, it's not as big of a deal when I deeply trust someone and am very close to them. If I know that someone loves, accepts, and appreciates me for who I am, then I trust them deeply, and I don't feel insecure. In those cases, I don't mind them helping me, and in fact I usually greatly enjoy it. But there are only a few people in my life that I feel that deep sense of security and trust with. Once it's there, everything works out very nicely.

 

[Rowan]

Is it common or natural for ISFJ's to feel uncomfortable to recieve things from others? Especially if the items you give maybe expensive? Or to even do things for them? Does not neccessarily have to do with money but just giving them a hand? Is it uncomfortable for some ISFJ's? I need your help on this topic ISFJ's.

I LOVE getting gifts. I get all giddy! As to people doing things for me, I am more surprised when it happens than uncomfortable, and then fairly grateful someone took the time to help me out-especially if I didn't ask for help in the first place and maybe I should have.......! (although sometimes an itty-bitty part of me wonders why they helped me in the first place......)

I have started to become ok with asking for help when I need it. I used to not be comfortable with it because as I think Teddy already said it kind of indicates a weakness on my part.....But now I am becoming ok with it.

You guys suck in that category Teddy! Laugh with me! I mean it as a joke. Why should you feel that way, especially if we are friends. Isn't that what friends do for eachother? Unless friendship was something that wasn't really on top of our list? How do you guys feel about friendship? Would you help a friend out if you were able to? My gosh, I cannot believe that you could not receive help because of pride or misunderstanding of how you see it? Gosh you guys are selfish!!!! Laugh with me Teddy. ps. Thanks for explaining that to me. Thats sucks though. Because for me, INFJ's I like or love to help others when they are important to me. And I enjoy doing things like that. You ISFJ's are very selfish when it comes to receiving things from others. This is more frustrating than I thought!!!! Thanks Teddy for your insight.

I laughed at the joke, jamescarrolls! It made me smile :laughing: I think if you make it clear you would like to help b/c you value said ISFJ and the friendship you two have, maybe that would gain you some headway?

I wonder too if the reason some ISFJs are uncomfortable with being helped is because they are so unused to it they are suspicious of it? It has been mentioned before that the ISFJ nurturing nature is sometimes taken for granted by others. I would assume when that happens the people taking the ISFJ for granted are not going out of their way to help out. Sooooo when help is provided it is unusual, out of the norm, etc. etc.

These are all just my own thoughts though. I am only one ISFJ, and will/can not speak for all, but I hope this helped you out a bit.

People are fascinating.

 

[jamescarrolls]

I LOVE getting gifts. I get all giddy! As to people doing things for me, I am more surprised when it happens than uncomfortable, and then fairly grateful someone took the time to help me out-especially if I didn't ask for help in the first place and maybe I should have.......! (although sometimes an itty-bitty part of me wonders why they helped me in the first place......)

I have started to become ok with asking for help when I need it. I used to not be comfortable with it because as I think Teddy already said it kind of indicates a weakness on my part.....But now I am becoming ok with it.



I laughed at the joke, jamescarrolls! It made me smile :laughing: I think if you make it clear you would like to help b/c you value said ISFJ and the friendship you two have, maybe that would gain you some headway?

I wonder too if the reason some ISFJs are uncomfortable with being helped is because they are so unused to it they are suspicious of it? It has been mentioned before that the ISFJ nurturing nature is sometimes taken for granted by others. I would assume when that happens the people taking the ISFJ for granted are not going out of their way to help out. Sooooo when help is provided it is unusual, out of the norm, etc. etc.

These are all just my own thoughts though. I am only one ISFJ, and will/can not speak for all, but I hope this helped you out a bit.

People are fascinating.

Thank you very much Miss Rowan. I'm happy you enjoyed that!!!! Ahahahaha! Whoever this person Teddy is, I am grateful for his insight. He is honest and truthful that I need to make him laugh. And if I can get any other ISFJ's to laugh, I am grateful. I love to make or see a smile. That is strange what you had said about ISFJ's. You commented that ISFJ's are taken for granted and when someone does help they are sometimes suspicious!!!! OMG that sucks!!!! That's exactly how she feels. She Sucks!!!! Ahahahah. Makes me feel ughhhhh!!!!! Why!!!! Can't people just do things for other because of who you are???? Awe!!!! She drives me crazy!!!! Ahahahahha. She just can't believe that people just do things for people out of LOVE. I tried to convince her that I even do things for strangers and imagine how much more I would do or give to a friend. I think either I need to get my head examined or she needs to be committed!!!! Thanks again Miss Rowan!!!! ps. Maybe in another 20 years she will figure me out and finally get used to it. But I will not hold my breath on it!!! She's worth it. Your all worth it!!!!

 

[Narrator]

I love getting gifts - though I'm a little awkward with thankyous, - it can irk me when people offer help with small crafty things (making things), or little tasks when I'm determined to do it on my own.

Recieving affection can be uncomfortable for me, I can enjoy it, but if someone's physically affectionate, particularly if I've not known them long I won't know how to feel or respond to it past smiling or just being deadpan and telling them to get off. I don't know how to relax about it - mainly people I've not known for long, but even with people I have known for a long time.

Recieving emotional support can make me uncomfortable, and if I feel I'm being intruded upon can make me irritable/reactive and shut them out. Sometimes it's a case of not knowing how I should be reacting, feeling like I don't know what to say, being scared of opening up, being scared of looking like a fool, opening up too much and feeling selfish and overindulgent, getting panicky and forgetting what I'm saying, feeling like I have to get it perfect - even if I don't know what handling the situation perfectly is; the perfect course of action. Kind of like wrestling with myself.

 

[HandiAce]

for me,.. in the past when i was more of an ISFJ then i am now.. yes..

especcially because i had kindoff a big pride thing in which i needed no help from others, and only preferred to give help instead of receiving it. I also did not want to receive help because it would convey me as weak.

now however.. i just take whatever others want to give me, and altough i may be a bit uncomfortable if they give something expensive, because im mostly the person who would do something in return for them, but if it isnt a big thing then i just dont care and be thankfull.

just my opinion:blushed:

A while ago my parents told me about all the things they did to raise/support me and I upset them by saying "That only makes me feel worse." I said that because I was mad that they had made the efforts to do something they didn't have to do for me and because I don't feel any better, even with their support, makes me feel bad because then I feel like I need to take responsibility of their actions. I feel unsure how I should feel now because they supported me all these years, took care of a lot of my things and I just took it all for granted until now...

 

[jamescarrolls]

I love getting gifts - though I'm a little awkward with thankyous, - it can irk me when people offer help with small crafty things (making things), or little tasks when I'm determined to do it on my own.

Recieving affection can be uncomfortable for me, I can enjoy it, but if someone's physically affectionate, particularly if I've not known them long I won't know how to feel or respond to it past smiling or just being deadpan and telling them to get off. I don't know how to relax about it - mainly people I've not known for long, but even with people I have known for a long time.

Recieving emotional support can make me uncomfortable, and if I feel I'm being intruded upon can make me irritable/reactive and shut them out. Sometimes it's a case of not knowing how I should be reacting, feeling like I don't know what to say, being scared of opening up, being scared of looking like a fool, opening up too much and feeling selfish and overindulgent, getting panicky and forgetting what I'm saying, feeling like I have to get it perfect - even if I don't know what handling the situation perfectly is; the perfect course of action. Kind of like wrestling with myself.

Sheesh!!! Sounds to me that you need a hug!!!! Just kiddng Liminality!!!! With your avatar picture, I definitely would be scared to meet you. You's guys are too much but honest, and I thank each and everyone for that. I wish I could set you on a date with someone that loves to give hugs. Just to see you turn red and flop around like a fish out of water!!! Laugh with me Liminality!!!! And Thank you.

 

[jamescarrolls]

I love getting gifts - though I'm a little awkward with thankyous, - it can irk me when people offer help with small crafty things (making things), or little tasks when I'm determined to do it on my own.

Recieving affection can be uncomfortable for me, I can enjoy it, but if someone's physically affectionate, particularly if I've not known them long I won't know how to feel or respond to it past smiling or just being deadpan and telling them to get off. I don't know how to relax about it - mainly people I've not known for long, but even with people I have known for a long time.

Recieving emotional support can make me uncomfortable, and if I feel I'm being intruded upon can make me irritable/reactive and shut them out. Sometimes it's a case of not knowing how I should be reacting, feeling like I don't know what to say, being scared of opening up, being scared of looking like a fool, opening up too much and feeling selfish and overindulgent, getting panicky and forgetting what I'm saying, feeling like I have to get it perfect - even if I don't know what handling the situation perfectly is; the perfect course of action. Kind of like wrestling with myself.

You know Miss liminality... there is truth to what you say about emotional support can make a person feel uncomfortable and then suddenly shutting them out. Feeling like you do not know what to say, scared of opening up and feeling uncomfortable. That's what I believe how she feels at the moment. I wish there was some way I could let her know that it is okay with me and that I need that in order for me to get to know the person more better. And in time, she would be comfortable around me and that it is absolutely okay because I will not see her in any way different or treat her differently. I like her for who she is and accept all of her. Change and taking chances is difficult and uncomfortable in the beginning but can also lead to a better beginning.

Thanks Miss Liminality for you input. Johnny

 

[Nancy Drew]

Is it common or natural for ISFJ's to feel uncomfortable to recieve things from others? Especially if the items you give maybe expensive? Or to even do things for them? Does not neccessarily have to do with money but just giving them a hand? Is it uncomfortable for some ISFJ's? I need your help on this topic ISFJ's.

I know a couple ISFJ's answered this, but I thought I'd say what I thought about it. I hope you don't mind. :happy:

I know I have a horrible time receiving gifts especially if they're expensive. I'm not sure why, but it makes me feel guilty to get something expensive because I'm afraid I'll never use the gift or think the money should have gone towards something different/better.
For example if I look in my closet and see some of the clothes my parents got me for Christmas and realize I hardly ever wear some of them and I feel guilty. Even if they're extremely ugly I feel bad for not wearing them because I think it hurts my parents' feelings or the money spent was wasted.

Then with the helping thing: I really love it when people help me as long as they aren't doing all of the work. But I'll hate it if I think they're helping me only because they think I'm incapable of doing the work myself. It also depends on what kind of work your helping me with. With some jobs I may feel like it's one of those "if you want it done right do it yourself" things and it really annoys more than helps if you're trying to "help" me.

I really do appreciate thoughtful help or gifts though. It makes me feel loved and like somebody cares. :happy: I really like if you get me a gift that you really put a lot of thought into and shows that you really know and listen to me.
Okay, I know this is a dumb example but hopefully it makes sense. Say I causally tell you my favorite type of chocolate is Ghirardelli Dark Chocolate with Raspberry Filling and randomly about a month later you get me that same exact chocolate bar that I told you about. That makes me feel like you really listen to me and know my likes/dislikes and take it to heart. But take the same example and say I told you about how I loved this chocolate you you go out the same day and get one for me. I'll feel guilty because I'll feel like you thought I hinted at it or pushed you into getting it for me. I'll hate that.
I love random little gifts though, it makes me feel like you care without feeling guilty, it just shows you appreciate me.
I hope I don't seem to picky in my post like you have to ISFJ a certain thing in a certain situation, because I know I'm mainly really happy when somebody gets me a gift or helps. :happy:
Oh, also I want to say that not all ISFJ's may feel the way I do, everything I said is just my personal opinion.

 

[jamescarrolls]

I know a couple ISFJ's answered this, but I thought I'd say what I thought about it. I hope you don't mind. :happy:

I know I have a horrible time receiving gifts especially if they're expensive. I'm not sure why, but it makes me feel guilty to get something expensive because I'm afraid I'll never use the gift or think the money should have gone towards something different/better.
For example if I look in my closet and see some of the clothes my parents got me for Christmas and realize I hardly ever wear some of them and I feel guilty. Even if they're extremely ugly I feel bad for not wearing them because I think it hurts my parents' feelings or the money spent was wasted.

Then with the helping thing: I really love it when people help me as long as they aren't doing all of the work. But I'll hate it if I think they're helping me only because they think I'm incapable of doing the work myself. It also depends on what kind of work your helping me with. With some jobs I may feel like it's one of those "if you want it done right do it yourself" things and it really annoys more than helps if you're trying to "help" me.

I really do appreciate thoughtful help or gifts though. It makes me feel loved and like somebody cares. :happy: I really like if you get me a gift that you really put a lot of thought into and shows that you really know and listen to me.
Okay, I know this is a dumb example but hopefully it makes sense. Say I causally tell you my favorite type of chocolate is Ghirardelli Dark Chocolate with Raspberry Filling and randomly about a month later you get me that same exact chocolate bar that I told you about. That makes me feel like you really listen to me and know my likes/dislikes and take it to heart. But take the same example and say I told you about how I loved this chocolate you you go out the same day and get one for me. I'll feel guilty because I'll feel like you thought I hinted at it or pushed you into getting it for me. I'll hate that.
I love random little gifts though, it makes me feel like you care without feeling guilty, it just shows you appreciate me.
I hope I don't seem to picky in my post like you have to ISFJ a certain thing in a certain situation, because I know I'm mainly really happy when somebody gets me a gift or helps. :happy:
Oh, also I want to say that not all ISFJ's may feel the way I do, everything I said is just my personal opinion.

Thank you very much... That makes a lot of sense!!! I can see that in her. For instance, doesn't want the help if you want it done right do it yourself!!!! God I hate her already!!! And then, is she says something or a hint... a month or two goes by and I get her that, she know that I remember and was thinking of her. Thanks for that info. And I can also see how she could feel guilty if she mentioned something and then suddenly I get her that the next day. Thank you very much. I want her to know that I appreciate her and all the things she does. This lets me know how to make her feel wonderful and somewhere up in the clouds!!!! Then I pop her balloon and reality sets in and I say..... "Back to work woman!!! Daydreaming is over!!!" Ahahaha... j/k She drives me bonkers for now. I just needed to put that in. Thanks. Johnny

 

[Nancy Drew]

^Glad to be of help. I think it's so sweet of you to want to help your friend, I hope I didn't confuse you.

 

[shinzuku]

Haha, that reminds me of the love styles thing. All the questions about help and acts of service make me uncomfortable. I wouldn't want someone else to sacrifice or be burdened for me.

 

[hello317]

I didn't really read all the posts before me.

My answer :
Yes (for me). I guess it's because ISFJs tend to give instead of tend to receive.
If I didn't do anything for you and you gave me something, then I'd feel bad.
But if I did you a favor and you gave me something in return. I would feel better. But if you gave me way too much, I still feel bad.

 

[Miriamisfj]

I find it really uncomfortable to recieve things from others. I know that my constant giving makes people want to give back, but i find it hard really hard to accept things back. when people try to help me with things, i also feel uncomfortable, sometimes because they dont do it in the right way, and i feel akaward because i dont want to correct them otherwise they may get offended and may not help out again. expensive gifts, well the expense of a gift means little to me but the true value of it as in what it means that their giving it to you. I find it really difficult to recieve. I do not expect any thanks for the things I do, because most of the time i do not recieve it, so it is a shock when people give back

but when i recieve gifts that do not make me suspicious, that are real and given with love, be it a blank piece of paper, a watch, time, or words, I will cherish them, and keep them potentially forever. every time i clean my room or attempt to i will pick up the item and remember exactly where i got it, who i got it from, the significance and any strong emotions to do with the person (this makes it so hard to clean my room).

 

[Introvertigo]

Receiving a compliment or recognition for a job well done really makes my day, as long as it's sincere.
Receiving help is appreciated -- ASKING for help is still hard for me. When the going gets tough, I withdraw from other people. My excuse is always, "No one really wants to hear my sad story." Kind of like that song, "Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone." I have a few good friends who'll ask me, "How are you doing?" and when I reply with a stiff smile, "Fine" they smirk and whisper, "Liar." Those are the best friends for an ISFJ like me.

 

[teddy564339]

ASKING for help is still hard for me. When the going gets tough, I withdraw from other people. My excuse is always, "No one really wants to hear my sad story." Kind of like that song, "Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone." I have a few good friends who'll ask me, "How are you doing?" and when I reply with a stiff smile, "Fine" they smirk and whisper, "Liar." Those are the best friends for an ISFJ like me.

Yeah, that's something that I've read about ISFJ's doing, and I've noticed it a lot on this forum too...ISFJ's seem to have a hard time asking for help.

I've tried to figure out why, and I'm still not quite sure. I think part of it is that we're control freaks when it comes to our own work...I know that for me, I hate the idea of someone else doing something, having it not be done exactly right, and having me getting blamed for it. Or, if they do a really good job, I hate me getting the praise for it instead of them. I feel like it falls on my shoulders, all or none.

But like you, I also think I hate the idea of burdening other people.

I also some personal pride sometimes in fear of looking inadequate. Sometimes I feel embarrassed to ask for help, because I feel like "Well, if I was normal, I wouldn't need the extra help." I'm so naive and sheltered about certain things that I sometimes feel uncomfortable knowing that someone else has to take care of something for me.


So I still can't quite put my finger on how this is related to being an ISFJ. I can kind of see it, but not completely.

 

[Alex.W]

Recieving affection can be uncomfortable for me, I can enjoy it, but if someone's physically affectionate, particularly if I've not known them long I won't know how to feel or respond to it past smiling or just being deadpan and telling them to get off. I don't know how to relax about it - mainly people I've not known for long, but even with people I have known for a long time.

(sorry I know this is a little off topic...)
So I just started dating a guy like this (and I can tell he likes me), but I can't tell how long is too soon for kissing/holding hands/etc, or the time frame he feels is adequate to know/feel comfortable around me if we were actually to go out as boyfriend/girlfriend. Any advice?