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Discussion Starter #1
There is an INFJ at work who obviously really likes me, but has sometimes made sarcastic comments about me. His tone of voice sounds playful, so I'm wondering if this behavior is typical for INFJs or if it is a sign that this guy has a fear of intimacy. What do you think?
 

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Um, well I'm a very sarcastic person. I mostly use it to be able to blend into the background and just make jokes. Also, it helps wonders to turn a "serious" "angry" situation between two friends/family into something funny and back to lighthearted.

However, because I am sarcastic by nature, that also means I could use it romantically as well.

So my answer is yes and no. :)
 

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Could the sarcastic comments be seen as a form of teasing? If so, then it would suggest a great deal of intimacy which may be a leap on his part. I've made sarcastic comments to people though it generally comes in a few forms:

1. Venting - If I'm stressed, I may get sarcastic as a defense mechanism.
2. Teasing - If I like someone, I may use teasing to see if they can handle my sense of humor.
3. Lighten people up - Other times, I may make the comments to try to get a chuckle out of others.

I'd like more details before confirming which case it is.
 

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I respond with sarcasm if I'm being teased, or if somebody is being adorably boastful, or boastful about something they really don't have reason to be, or if they say stuff I find presumptuous or ill-thought-out.

I'll do it if I like you or if I don't like you, but usually it's not because of liking or not liking, it's because of the content of what was said.

Often times the sarcasm comes out before I even realize what's happening. I don't fear intimacy. Sometimes I just don't know other ways to respond, or I find what they're saying grating on my ears because they've overlooked or assumed some piece of it.

There was this one ENTP guy I liked that I used sarcasm around constantly, either because he was always teasing me, or because he was always throwing out how fantastic he was at stuff. Theoretically, I would do this to bring his ego back down...but sometimes I wonder if i did it because i didn't want him knowing much I agreed about his being fantastic xD.

Also, I find sarcasm in general quite funny, unless I see that their is ill intent behind it, and then it pisses me off.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Could the sarcastic comments be seen as a form of teasing? If so, then it would suggest a great deal of intimacy which may be a leap on his part. I've made sarcastic comments to people though it generally comes in a few forms:

1. Venting - If I'm stressed, I may get sarcastic as a defense mechanism.
2. Teasing - If I like someone, I may use teasing to see if they can handle my sense of humor.
3. Lighten people up - Other times, I may make the comments to try to get a chuckle out of others.

I'd like more details before confirming which case it is.
I would say that he was teasing. His tone of voice was playful and he smiled when he made the comment. I'm just not used to this type of sarcasm. Most people use sarcasm when they don't like someone or something. Do most INFJs use sarcasm when they flirt?
 

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Discussion Starter #6
I respond with sarcasm if I'm being teased, or if somebody is being adorably boastful, or boastful about something they really don't have reason to be, or if they say stuff I find presumptuous or ill-thought-out.

I'll do it if I like you or if I don't like you, but usually it's not because of liking or not liking, it's because of the content of what was said.

Often times the sarcasm comes out before I even realize what's happening. I don't fear intimacy. Sometimes I just don't know other ways to respond, or I find what they're saying grating on my ears because they've overlooked or assumed some piece of it.

There was this one ENTP guy I liked that I used sarcasm around constantly, either because he was always teasing me, or because he was always throwing out how fantastic he was at stuff. Theoretically, I would do this to bring his ego back down...but sometimes I wonder if i did it because i didn't want him knowing much I agreed about his being fantastic xD.

Also, I find sarcasm in general quite funny, unless I see that their is ill intent behind it, and then it pisses me off.
Thanks, your post was very helpful. I think that you've pretty much answered my question. :)
 

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The only time I'll ever be sarcastic towards a girl is if I like her. Teasing (and trying to make plans with someone are the number one giveaways that I fancy them). I'd guess that it's because wit and/or a sense if humour are musts in a partner for me.
 

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Do most INFJs use sarcasm when they flirt?
Most may be a bit high though I do suspect some would. The key is to see this as a rather intimate thing to do. Teases tend to be reserved for those closest since there is a chance it could backfire. For those with a dry sense of humor, it can work.
 

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Sarcasm is usually a sign of contempt. In its extreme form, anger. Sarcasm is not a hallmark sign that someone likes you. It depends on the individual. Some people use sarcasm in a playful passive aggressive way. Others do not. I am not an INFJ, but when I am being sarcastic towards someone, I do it to mock them. To highlight the ridiculousness of their idea, thought or speech.

I don't think sarcasm is necessarily the same as teasing by the way.. Teasing is a societal tool used when flirting.
 

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If I'm comfortable enough with you to be sarcastic with you, I really like you. I can't speak for all INFJs, but I can translate my own sarcasm. Playful tone means "Hey, I'm trying to get a smile out of you. Give me something to go on here!", annoyed tone or generally hateful tone (which is rare) means "I'd really like it if you'd just drop dead but I'm trying to tell you that without actually saying it~", and neutral tone means "I'm half asleep and you're seeing me in my natural habitat. I mean nothing by it whatsoever."
 

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I use light sarcasm with people I am acquainted with, doesn't mean I am particularly interested in that person. I just know they won't take my sarcasm seriously. However, I am a bit of a flirt and I will resort to teasing when I like a person. If I am close with a person of the opposite sex I will also resort to innuendo flirting. Nothing graphic or anything like that... just things that escape my rather vivid imagination. :p
 

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I can be sarcastic if I feel like I'm being ignored by someone whose attention I want. I'm also sarcastic when I'm around people who use sarcasm and I'm adapting myself to their sense of humor. I was sarcastic once with a crush because I really wanted his attention. We joked sarcastically to get to know each other and keep things fun.
 

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Most people use sarcasm when they don't like someone or something.
Why would anyone waste humour on someone they dislike? If I don't like you, I ignore you.
 

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for me yeah. the more I like you, the more I tease you and the more I test you. It's like a weird method of madness to see who a person is, what is important to them, and to see where they are going and in turn, I often find out what holds them back. It's complicated :p

but yeah, sarcasm and word play(emotional intonations included) are all very much a part of that.
 
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If I use sarcasm around someone it is because I am utterly comfortable with them and feel like they can take it. Even then this, for the most part, is going to be intended as humor. This is probably the case because I have a dry sense of humor and relay all my sarcasm with a deadpan face and voice for effect. So there is a great chance the other person won't get it. Whoops. Otherwise, I don't use sarcasm with people I don't know because my Fe is very high and I don't want to accidently offend anyone.
 

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I gotta admit, I sure do! In hindsight, I probably am rather lucky that my INFP found it bemusing and rolled with it! I like a good deal of sarcasm and wit and banter in a conversation with someone I like. I guess it kinda feels like we're "playing" with words when you can do that. Also, sarcasm is a way to express something without having to say it. I know that if I feel one way really strongly, I'll be sarcastic in the opposite to get a read on the other person's feelings without having to reveal too much of how I really feel.

...gawd, we're awful confusing even to ourselves, aren't we?!

And I think INFJ + INFP is pretty awesome, so give him some banter and see how this plays out!
 
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