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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi everyone,
From what I've been told by the MBTI, I'm an INFJ. I've had a huge crush (or still have?) on a girl in my class during this year...And since I discovered the MBTI, it helped me to understand better my relationships with people. However, I want to make sure that girl is an ESFJ, so that I could know whether I should give up or not, because I red that ESFJ's and INFJ's do not match. I typed her ESFJ through an online typing tool.
I'm pretty sure she's an extrovert, she's popular and surrounded by the most "cool" people in high school. She seems always playful, and laugh easily...but at the same time you better not irritate her. She's bound to society's rules, the politically correct and all that stuff. She has a lot of activities, as I said above she's popular and seems to be in social events every weekend. On the other hand, she's got very good grades. On her birthday, I offered her a necklace that she only wore one time, and she was surprised and happy, but at the same time she didn't detect the hint behind this gift. However, I don't think she's that intelligent.She's sporty and her man ideal is a sexy surfer (for the body) and someone who can always stimulate her... I really don't know whether it's a love or hate feeling I have for her, maybe some parts of her type are not the best for an INFJ.
 

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I advice against it. Try an Ne-dom instead; we Ni doms have a natural affinity to them.

Besides that, you question your crush on her and she is "popular". How popular are you yourself?
 

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I advice against it. Try an Ne-dom instead; we Ni doms have a natural affinity to them.

Besides that, you question your crush on her and she is "popular". How popular are you yourself?
Bad advice.

@Ya9713: My advice is-- Treat her as a person. You can get along with any type, as long as you work hard at the relationship. Every relationship takes hard work, no matter the type. It's also important to have some similar interests, hobbies, and goals.

A lot of people mistype, and using a test online is a very poor way of discovering someone's type. And even if you think you've found your type, you could be wrong.

So, think of typing as fun, but don't take it so seriously when it comes to life decisions, because you could end up passing up an opportunity of a lifetime, all because of misconceptions formed because of this system (Which isn't even necessarily correct in its assumptions).
 

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@Word Dispenser The popularity part is "important" in the sense that the others could have a negative view due to a caste-like view comparing popularity. Being "untouchable" could make dating a headache for both partners with endless harassment. It's not inevitable but some people think like that. I'm NOT saying it should be that way but it's more like a word of caution. Also if the girl refuses to sacrifice her popularity for a healthy relationship then it's not worth it.
 

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I second everything @Word Dispenser said.

Also, the necklace... As an Fe-dom, I can say that I fake ignorance sometimes. I've... been given gifts by quite a few of my guy friends, and while I understand precisely why they are giving things to me, I tend to just act very polite and gracious and not give any hints back...

But not to crush your crush. I would react nonchalantly even if the guy of my dreams gave me a gift, because I would have to fe analyze to make sure if he was actually flirting/courting with me or whatever or if he was just being nice. And I wouldn't want to show affection so openly in such a public place, where there are other guys who might like me and where people can see my reaction and perceive me differently because of it.

And I wouldn't dismiss her as unintelligent? The thing about wanting a surfer boy because his bod isn't too insightful or "deep," but the girl knows what she wants. If she makes good grades I wouldn't think she was "unintelligent," particularly given that... Well, as an Fe-dom, I can say that I understood a lot more than what I let on. I feigned innocence and unawareness so I would come across as disarming and be better equipped to help people, not discomfort people, but I wasn't nearly as stupid as some of my more introverted classmates might've pegged me.

Maybe she is just shallow - I kind of think maybe some people can be? I'm not sure though - but I wouldn't dismiss her as shallow. As Word said, she's a person. She's a human. And no matter how much Ni/Fe you use on her, you'll never truly understand everything about her or be able to characterize her in the most accurate way.

I wouldn't give up though. ESFJs and INFJs can work. Any type with any type can work. (But also do keep in mind that this is high school, and it'll be okay whether or not she likes you back. I crushed on this stupid, terrible, awful ESFP boy (I love him but I don't know why I love him, he's obnoxious and not even attractive, but anyway) since seventh grade. I actually did that thing where I pretended not to like him when he asked me out, and I ended up wasting my one chance to be with him because I didn't want to upset my best friend who was also kind of very much in love with me. To this day, as a high school graduate, I swear I would throw my life down and marry this stupid boy in a heartbeat if he called me up and said "You know what? Let's go to Vegas." But I mean, even with those lingering feelings I've gotten over it. Yeah, I love him, yeah, for whatever reason I am attracted to this stupid [I say stupid but he actually has an IQ over 130 lol, I just mean stupid because I'm projecting my own stupidity in liking him on him] boy! but I'm also over it. There's a lot of cute boys in the world. And there's a lot of cute girls. You'll find the right one someday, try not to be too heartbroken if she's not the one.)
 

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@Word Dispenser The popularity part is "important" in the sense that the others could have a negative view due to a caste-like view comparing popularity. Being "untouchable" could make dating a headache for both partners with endless harassment. It's not inevitable but some people think like that. I'm NOT saying it should be that way but it's more like a word of caution. Also if the girl refuses to sacrifice her popularity for a healthy relationship then it's not worth it.
I was more addressing the typology aspects of what was said.

The idea of popularity and status is a whole 'nother veggie burger, an' I'm not going to be the one to bite into it. :laughing:
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Word Dispenser, I know what you mean by popularity, I don't think indeed that we play in the same "league". Anyway, under her happy face, you can discover someone that might appear bossy and shallow, even needy of recognition (which sometimes I am too).
alittlebear, it's not that she doesn't give hints for her seduction role, but I feel like she doesn't care about me sometimes. She said today I was having two personalities with her, a "bipolar" thing. I was saying unintelligent because she's just stubborn and close-minded, she's having good grades cause she's working a lot.Moreover, she doesn't have a strong culture. Anyway, my last year of high school bores me, I just want to end it even though next year I'll have medical studies that require to be hard working and motivated. I just start thinking I'm not in the right place at my school, that I could find people that I really can get along with.
 
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