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Is she an ISTJ, what are we doing?

1596 Views 14 Replies 7 Participants Last post by  ArmchairCommie, 
Z
Hi everyone,

I have been typed as an INTP by various tests, but am a bit confused about that. I would like to know whether the girl I am interested in is an ISTJ or not and why she is acting the way she does.

Here is the premise : The girl I'm talking about is 2 years older and we were working together for the same organization at different places. She had some sort of authority over me at work. We never met. I hated her coz she would scoop up all work without giving the design a proper thought. She wouldn't let my Ne even propose that her methods are wrong or we should look alternative approaches. This went on for sometime.

Now, coming to the first question Reasons for thinking she is an ISTJ :
Takes work way too seriously
Takes up unwanted work
Very much project success oriented
Stubborn to the core
Very good at getting things done
Not very social except work things
Though about throwing me overboard coz of work differences - she confessed later once we were close
Very boring interests
Not interested in alternate viewpoints or possibilities
Blindly praises hierarchy and follows it and hates anyone who doesn't
Very stubborn and acknowledges it
Asks/looks for reasons even in emotions
She doesn't share personal/emotional stuff easily, but Occasionally she shares
She like observing people and talking about things that has happened
Hates my N and T

Does she strike you as an ISTJ?

The rest :

She once visited our office and we didn't even talk.

Things changed and we had to be at the same place for work, this time though I'm not at all under her authority and not even working for the same organization. This made it easier for me to talk with her. Before travelling to her place I asked her about the place and she told me some details.

Once I was there, she took me to couple places. We hung out couple times and then she stopped hanging out with me all of a sudden. This confused me as she repeatedly told me that she enjoyed our hang outs. During this period I was kind of obsessed about her.

Then during the last week for me at this new place, we hung out like a lot. Spend a lot of time together and enjoyed this a lot. Just before this, she had asked me whether I was falling for her. I told her I fall for all the people I am good friends with and that it's quiet natural. She was not entirely satisfied with this and told me that falling for someone had only one meaning and one way. I disagreed. Anyway on the last day we hung out together and she told me she liked me(not love). when I was about to leave we were both gonna just shake hands and somehow I felt like hugging her and opened my arms and told her "come here" and she came in and we had a good hug. She later told me that she wanted to hug for some more time and she liked the hug. She also told me that she doesn't give frontal hugs to guys.

Now starts the. Confusing part for me. She had told me that she had a boyfriend and I told her that I am not at all planning to land her or anything. She contradicted this directly at a later time by telling me "Do you really think I have a bf? Well I don't" she said the person was a friend whom her friends used to tease her about. She has a set plan for things and she has this notion that she is a not a very likeable person and the people who wants to be close to her are always in love with her.

Occasionally, she spends time skyping with me and is willing to even stretch her sleep time sometimes. I think she does this with her other friends as well. Being an INTP it's pretty easy for me to annoy her and she doesn't like this. She sometimes teases me a lot about us.

When we are talking and about somethings, she would stop suddenly and tells me that somethings are personal and that we have rules so she wouldn't tell me more about it. This really confuses me again

All that rambling aside, I would like to be close friends with her. I only have friends who doesn't mind talking about absolutely everything with me. Everything's including deeply personal stuff, sex and what not. I can't figure out whether she likes me or no, if she is a lil afraid of how things are going. I have no clue as to what's happening. Sometimes I feel like she is just playing her mental games with me. Especially when she just contradicted her own statment about her bf. If any of you can give me some insights, that would be great.

PS : I can't write this down any better, so please bare with me.
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Necrofantasia
@zake You double pasted your post. Mentioning to bring this to your attention.

Also, Ask Her. She seems like she'd be open to even dating you.
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Z
Thanks for pointing it man. I think it is fixed now.

Well, she told me, after we parted, during a Skype that she migh have dated me for "sometime".. We both know that we are not compatiblee for dating and we had discussed about the incompatibilities too :p
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Necrofantasia
Well, there isn't such a thing as a 100% match, so are your incompatibilities impossible to work around?

Also wtf 58 views, ISTJs I know you're there. It'd be pretty sad if I was the only one to reply seeing as I'm not the intended recipient of this thread.
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zake said:
I would like to know whether the girl I am interested in is an ISTJ or not and why she is acting the way she does.

Here is the premise : The girl I'm talking about is 2 years older and we were working together for the same organization at different places. She had some sort of authority over me at work. We never met. I hated her coz she would scoop up all work without giving the design a proper thought. She wouldn't let my Ne even propose that her methods are wrong or we should look alternative approaches. This went on for sometime.

Now, coming to the first question Reasons for thinking she is an ISTJ :
Takes work way too seriously
Takes up unwanted work
Very much project success oriented
Stubborn to the core
Very good at getting things done
Not very social except work things
Though about throwing me overboard coz of work differences - she confessed later once we were close
Very boring interests
Not interested in alternate viewpoints or possibilities
Blindly praises hierarchy and follows it and hates anyone who doesn't
Very stubborn and acknowledges it
Asks/looks for reasons even in emotions
She doesn't share personal/emotional stuff easily, but Occasionally she shares
She like observing people and talking about things that has happened
Hates my N and T

Does she strike you as an ISTJ?
Click to expand...
I didn't like reading that.
Pretty much.

zake said:
The rest :

She once visited our office and we didn't even talk.

Things changed and we had to be at the same place for work, this time though I'm not at all under her authority and not even working for the same organization. This made it easier for me to talk with her. Before travelling to her place I asked her about the place and she told me some details.

Once I was there, she took me to couple places. We hung out couple times and then she stopped hanging out with me all of a sudden. This confused me as she repeatedly told me that she enjoyed our hang outs. During this period I was kind of obsessed about her.

Then during the last week for me at this new place, we hung out like a lot. Spend a lot of time together and enjoyed this a lot. Just before this, she had asked me whether I was falling for her. I told her I fall for all the people I am good friends with and that it's quiet natural. She was not entirely satisfied with this and told me that falling for someone had only one meaning and one way. I disagreed. Anyway on the last day we hung out together and she told me she liked me(not love). when I was about to leave we were both gonna just shake hands and somehow I felt like hugging her and opened my arms and told her "come here" and she came in and we had a good hug. She later told me that she wanted to hug for some more time and she liked the hug. She also told me that she doesn't give frontal hugs to guys.

Now starts the. Confusing part for me. She had told me that she had a boyfriend and I told her that I am not at all planning to land her or anything. She contradicted this directly at a later time by telling me "Do you really think I have a bf? Well I don't" she said the person was a friend whom her friends used to tease her about. She has a set plan for things and she has this notion that she is a not a very likeable person and the people who wants to be close to her are always in love with her.

Occasionally, she spends time skyping with me and is willing to even stretch her sleep time sometimes. I think she does this with her other friends as well. Being an INTP it's pretty easy for me to annoy her and she doesn't like this. She sometimes teases me a lot about us.

When we are talking and about somethings, she would stop suddenly and tells me that somethings are personal and that we have rules so she wouldn't tell me more about it. This really confuses me again

All that rambling aside, I would like to be close friends with her. I only have friends who doesn't mind talking about absolutely everything with me. Everything's including deeply personal stuff, sex and what not. I can't figure out whether she likes me or no, if she is a lil afraid of how things are going. I have no clue as to what's happening. Sometimes I feel like she is just playing her mental games with me. Especially when she just contradicted her own statment about her bf. If any of you can give me some insights, that would be great.

PS : I can't write this down any better, so please bare with me.
Click to expand...
She likes you. I also wouldn't have been satisfied with your answer. That would make me very uneasy and I would have stopped dropping you hints/telling you that I liked you.

I believe she's only letting you in on certain things about herself that's proportionate to the relationship she has with you.

If you want to find out more, I believe you could ask her how she classifies people into groups like acquaintances, friends, close friends, etc. and what she shares with them.

In my mind there are always "cut-offs" with what I will share with someone based on how I classify my relationship with them, and not by the amount of time I spend with them or what that person thinks the relationship is.

I don't think she's trying to play mental games with you. I believe she's just throwing you a line, letting you know she's interested in you. I don't really like how she told you she had a bf and then said that she didn't but maybe this is just her attempt at trying to make you jealous. It doesn't really sound like something an ISTJ would normally do... well at least not something I would do. Just remember this, "falling for someone had only one meaning and one way."

Anyway, despite your responses to her, I still believe she's hinting to you that she wants a relationship. You saying things like, "I am not at all planning to land her or anything", is going to put her off. She'll begin to classify you as something less than a potential interest so she's most likely not going to share a lot of things with you.

I don't know whether she would want to be close friends with you, especially after she told you she liked you.

What are your thoughts about what I've just shared?
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zake said:
Thanks for pointing it man. I think it is fixed now.

Well, she told me, after we parted, during a Skype that she migh have dated me for "sometime".. We both know that we are not compatiblee for dating and we had discussed about the incompatibilities too :p
Click to expand...
Now I'm confused.

I guess if she wants to be friends with you, you'll just have to put up with her boundaries of not telling you certain personal things...
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Z
Nell : I was thinking the same thing about no replies. The replies to views ratio reassured me. It's weekday too.

Yay : thanks a lot for helping me out :)
I didn't get why you said"I didn't like reading that. pretty much". Can you please throw me a bone here?
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Necrofantasia
zake said:
Nell : I was thinking the same thing about no replies. The replies to views ratio reassured me. It's weekday too.
Click to expand...
ISTJs are the most notoriously quiet (yet oddly lovable) people at PerC. There's the ESTPs too but the thing is there's less than 5 ESTPs on this forum.
Also for crying out loud, don't ever talk in terms of "landing" or "scoring" with a woman. You're not dealing with fish nor games.
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S
She is definitely an ISXJ from reading your post. I think the best way to build a relationship with this kind of personality is to be around them more often then they will get comfortable around you once they know you. I worked with a female ISTJ and this worked for me.
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Z
Nell : My bad. Feeling te same way reading it now. I'm not gonna correct it as this was how I typed it out. Still feeling embarrassed by the choice of words.

Sin : We are far apart now but still keep in touch via Skype and chats. I hope we will be able to continue this.
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zake said:
Hi everyone,

I have been typed as an INTP by various tests, but am a bit confused about that. I would like to know whether the girl I am interested in is an ISTJ or not and why she is acting the way she does.
Click to expand...
I'm not sure if this is ISTJ, though ISXJ works and ISTJ may be more likely than ISFJ yes, also, I don't like how you think it's type related if someone has interests that you find "very boring".

I could not follow some parts of the rest of your story, you were too all over the place with lots of irrelevant detail or details not really put together in order that I didn't feel like trying to follow by hurting my head.

But I can add a couple suggestions based on what I've gleaned; firstly, don't be so impatient about her not telling you everything just yet. You two will see over time how well this friendship (?! *) works out. I wish you luck with that but the previous romantic interest(s) could easily get in the way. So the other thing is this, I think that aspect needs to get clarified and resolved.

*: ...doesn't seem like a whole lot of trust and respect being shared there and those are essential for a real friendship, IMO. And when I say trust, I don't mean her not sharing everything yet, that part is reasonable.
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zake said:
Nell : I was thinking the same thing about no replies. The replies to views ratio reassured me. It's weekday too.

Yay : thanks a lot for helping me out :)
I didn't get why you said"I didn't like reading that. pretty much". Can you please throw me a bone here?
Click to expand...
Sure, I was saying that I believe she's an ISTJ. Other people have stated that she's most likely an ISTJ, not an ISFJ. I'd just like to clarify that after working with an ISFJ, I can say that she definitely doesn't sound like an ISFJ. While ISFJs are very detailed and like to get their work done to a high standard, they're a lot more concerned with the people around them, how they're feeling, and they treat them very well. Since she hates your Ti, she wouldn't be an ISFJ because they use Ti as their tertiary function.

I said pretty much because while what you stated sounds like ISTJ, there are things you said that does not portray an ISTJ properly.

Takes work way too seriously - This is how I'm reading into this, and how I'm feeling about this: I do too but I don't think that means a person can't make it fun. I hope you don't think it's a bad thing, to take work seriously? Too seriously is what you're really getting at... if someone looked in on my life I'd think they'd think the same way but here's how I see it - work is work, if you see me at work, you'll see how I work. Outside of work you'll see how I socialise in the bigger picture. I don't let work take up all of my time but I'm still very serious about it.

Takes up unwanted work - I wouldn't say all ISTJs do this, but some do and the question would be, why? There's going to be reasons that differ between the ISTJs. We don't just take up unwanted work because it's unwanted.

Very much project success oriented - Yup! Anything other would seem like a huge waste of time to us.

Stubborn to the core - I guess she's stubborn?? But I don't know her? If a healthy ISTJ is standing firm on a belief or point, it's not because they picked it out of the sky one day and decided that's that. There's so much more to their belief or point, that if others chose not to see or seek out, will immediately say that person is stubborn. But then again, she calls herself stubborn so... *shrugs*.

These things go together:
Very much project success oriented
Stubborn to the core
Very good at getting things done
Not very social except work things
We are not easily swayed in our opinions/ways because since we are so project success oriented, we've done a lot of thinking already and found what we believe is the best way forward, and we do that. Going by her result of very good at getting things done, it's definitely working out for her. But a healthy ISTJ is not trying to make you or anyone feel as though they don't value your input. I'll take you at your word that she didn't give your design proper thought.

I'm also not very social except work things. I don't like to socialise at work or for work purposes, but if it helps to make a project more successful, I'll be doing it.

If I make "friends" at work that I think I'll get along with well outside of work, then I'll hang out with them outside of work and will be much more friend-like. But my behaviour towards them at work will snap right back to my "work is work" attitude. I don't do this on purpose as such, I feel it's just innate. Of course I also know that they might be thinking wth, but she was so ____ outside of work. So I do try to adjust how I am with them so they are not so shocked or taken aback.

Very boring interests - people looking in on my life might think this way, and I can see why they might think this way, but to me, my interests are definitely not boring. Plus other ISTJs have very interesting interests - what other types would consider interesting. There's really no "boring" set of interests that ISTJs have.

Not interested in alternate viewpoints or possibilities - people usually say this when they link an ISTJ up to being stubborn. What they usually don't realise is that they've most likely accounted for those viewpoints and possibilities, if even just a broader scope, if they've been around you long enough to know what you and the people they're working with are like.

There are many times I'm not "interested" in a viewpoint or "possibility" because I know that the person saying it is very flippant about it, can change their interest at the drop of a pin just because they're no longer interested in it anymore. Most of their view points are not for the long run. Even if a view point or possibility is good, they most likely haven't even bothered to check out whether we have the resources to implement it.

The amount of times people have "ideas" that I go along with because they're in charge... I, knowing from the start it's not going to work out because of X, Y and Z, yet still do it to entertain them, will just have all my work and time wasted.

I'm not saying all this to attack your viewpoint or to say you're wrong in saying what you said. I'm only stating what I've said to tell you how I feel about this statement as it is something I've heard a lot of alongside stubbornness, without any of those people being interested in why I feel that way.

Blindly praises hierarchy and follows it and hates anyone who doesn't - While she might do this, this is not a blanket statement for ISTJs. ISTJs view authority as important. It does not mean that they agree with everything. For myself, I try to find out as much as I can about certain authority figures in my life. If I disagree with them, I tell them. If they cross my Fi too much, I won't follow them.

Asks/looks for reasons even in emotions - I don't really think this is what "ISTJs do". I just think it's something humans do if they're interested in knowing/understanding.

(She doesn't share personal/emotional stuff easily, but Occasionally she shares
She like observing people and talking about things that has happened
Hates my N and T) - yeah

:rapture:

I don't think you'll get many replies because all the above will probably irk them while reading it, then as myst91 said, you were too all over the place. I read the whole thing about 5 times on different occasions and each time I got so confused in several places that I didn't want to wreck my brain to respond. I responded because of what Nell said and because you said, "I can't write this down any better, so please bare with me."

Also it was nice that you said this:
Nell : My bad. Feeling te same way reading it now. I'm not gonna correct it as this was how I typed it out. Still feeling embarrassed by the choice of words.
:glee:

Also, sorry if anything I wrote sounds harsh. I'm just not in the mood to make it sound good.


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Z
Myst91 : I'm gonna be patient here. I'm sorry about all the irrelevant stuff and unorganized writing style I hope my next post would be better. :)

yay : I really appreciate you explaining this to such detail. I will try to understand these more.

Thank you guys.
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Sela
I agree with the above. Haven't replied because you're all over the place. I'm wondering why she said she had a BF when she did not. That makes no sense.
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A
I definitely need some more concrete evidence of her being an ISTJ as just because she works hard and loves her job doesn't mean she is an ISTJ. Nevertheless I think it is safe to say that she does want to get together with you, though I dunno what to do and I'll leave that to the ISTJs of this forum to answer that.
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