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· Banned
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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I have a friend who I think is an ISTJ. Maybe you other ISTJ's can help me figure out if she is?

Introverted: Oh, that one's easy. She's very, very clearly introverted. She always speaks rather quietly and seems perfectly happy on her own.

Sensing: On the many occasions I've talked with her, if she begins to talk about a past experience it comes out in a very measured, calm, sequential way. It's like, well this happened, and then this and finally this. She often has a crazy amount of detail in her stories as well. She's mentioned she loves math and science but can't stand open-ended questions (especially in English) like Why did the author choose this location to symbolize his story? (Or something like that). But she also mentioned she really likes to write stories...?

Thinking: Well, she's not exactly the type of person I'd run to for hugs and lots of kind words. She's generally very calm and rarely smiles. That's not to say that she never smiles though. I've seen her sort of break out of her shell and crack up laughing. It doesn't last for very long, though and soon she's back to her rather serious face.

Judging: She's always on time and really organized.

She seems like the type of person who agree with the statement "Work first, play later". Oh, I forgot to add, she's very athletic and aware of her body. Anyway, when I talk to her it's never cold or mean, it just feels rather forced? I'm not sure exactly what it is, but it doesnt feel like I could really be myself with her because she's just sooo buttoned up and serious. Usually. Like I said, she has broken out of that shell sometimes.
You're probably wondering why I care about this so much lol. I'm starting to wonder too. But when I first met her, I immediately thought to myself, she and I could be really good friends. I knew it would be rocky and we wouldn't get along at first but I always felt we would eventually. And my instinct is usually always right (not to brag or anything, but it's part of an INFJ personality to have good Ni) but now I'm wondering how I could be so wrong about this. I've known her for almost a year now and it still is just pleasant conversation between us and we're not really good friends.

Oh, I'm a girl and I'm not bi or lesbian or anything, I just had been hoping we'd be good friends because she seems really trustworthy.
So do you think she is an ISTJ and how can I communicate with her better?

· Registered
9,567 Posts
A coworker of mine is an INFJ; we call each other up when we have time to spare (she works in a different office) and talk about various things. Always starts out being work-related, but then we eventually talk about other things as well. This particular friendship took a LONG time to develop; if I can offer any advice at all based on my own personal experience, it would be "don't rush it". Otherwise, it'll be forced, and one of you (or both?) may withdraw.

· MOTM May 2011
14,129 Posts
She might be an ISTJ. I agree with Sela-take your time and don't develop overly high expectations of how the relationship should progress and work. Let it run its course. The INFJs I know are reserved enough that they can be a little hard for me to read--and if I can't read you well, then I'm not opening up a lot. (And to be fair, the INFJs probably feel similarly.)

Find simple things of similar interest and do those things together until you develop a greater understanding of each other and more common ground.

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