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Can you see yourself in a relationship with an ESxP?

  • ISTJ F - Yes

    Votes: 5 50.0%
  • ISTJ F - No

    Votes: 1 10.0%
  • ISTJ M - Yes

    Votes: 3 30.0%
  • ISTJ M - No

    Votes: 1 10.0%
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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I do not know a single ISTJ-ESXP couple that's in a LTR.

I have never been attracted to an ESTP or ESFP. I mean, I can find positive and admirable traits as with all the types, but I've never wanted a relationship with one. I know a good number of ESxPs, and I can't see myself with one. Obviously, people are individuals. I don't specifically go looking for non-ESxP types. I just wait for my attraction to naturally develop and I get curious about what types they are.

How about you? Please vote on my poll. The question is either: Can you see yourself in a relationship with an ESXP? Or Have you ever wanted a LTR with an ESXP? I couldn't fit both questions into the poll.


"The ISTJ's natural partner is the ESFP, or the ESTP. ISTJ's dominant function of Introverted Sensing is best matched with a partner whose personality is dominated by Extraverted Sensing."


 

Here are my stats of ISTJs paired with other types in LTRs IRL:

ISTJ F x ISTP M (3 couples, all married for +25 years)
ISTJ F x IXXX M (2 couples, both married for +25 years)
ISTJ M x ISFJ F (3 couples, all married for +25 years)
ISTJ M x ENTP F (married for 5 years)

These people were very distinct and obvious in their types.
I know many more ISTJs but I have not met their partners or do not know them well.
 

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LOVE ESxPs, friends with one of each. They are the best bros ever but yeah, the thought of anything long term with them scares me. I feel like it would be conflict abound or that they would trade me in for a nicer model at the first opportunity so to speak.
 

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At this point I can't give an honest vote. Perhaps once the Christmas madness has gone I'll be able to put some serious thought towards it.
 
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I do not know a single ISTJ-ESXP couple that's in a LTR.

I have never been attracted to an ESTP or ESFP. I mean, I can find positive and admirable traits as with all the types, but I've never wanted a relationship with one. I know a good number of ESxPs, and I can't see myself with one. Obviously, people are individuals. I don't specifically go looking for non-ESxP types. I just wait for my attraction to naturally develop and I get curious about what types they are.

How about you? Please vote on my poll. The question is either: Can you see yourself in a relationship with an ESXP? Or Have you ever wanted a LTR with an ESXP? I couldn't fit both questions into the poll.
Long post because I thought about this topic before. Hope you find it interesting or useful. :)

ESTP guys, ehh, I have never been attracted to one. They are tough and yet fun and I kind of get where they are coming from (slightly different emphases on stuff compared to me tho'), so all that's good but I just have not been emotionally responding to any of them. To the girls yes, but only in a friendly sense (I'm absolutely heterosexual otherwise). So yeah, I tend to be immediately drawn to ESTP girls, though not romantically lol. With the guys this is less clear because with men I can only imagine one kind of being "drawn"/attracted, which is not simply friendly, so... I guess if I try to decouple that side of things (the sexual/romantic side) from the rest of the interactions with guys, I do find ESTP guys likeable too. It's just not going to be emotionally felt at all (can't decouple *this* much emotionally if that makes sense), while I can feel it ok with the girls.

I also think that there'd be dominance issues if I was in a relationship with an ESTP guy. Where I said they come off tough yet fun, I focus on that in the sense of friendly or other more neutral interactions, but if I tried to imagine this in a romantic relationship, no... I prefer someone a bit "softer" than that. Because I like the ESTP girls that much, I did actually try to consider what it'd be like with an ESTP guy if say, I somehow managed to get attracted to one. And this was my conclusion, that I don't want the fight for dominance. I will fight with an ENTJ ok (yeah, actual experience in relationship) but I imagine it would be even more fighting with an ESTP. :laughing: Unless I'm wrong and they are totally different from their default when in love... idk.

As for ESFPs... I would hang out with an ESFP guy for a short time but I soon found him too disrespectful. He was coming on strong in general but I could handle that, I don't mind some conflicts either, but when he got explicitly disrespectful of my needs, I cut him off immediately. When he had a demand and I wasn't going to fulfill it, and explained why not, he went like he doesn't like this "system" of mine. (He used this exact word.) That's when I was done with him, I told him off and cut him off. I also thought he was not the er, "sharpest tool"... tbh. He sometimes seemed interesting with some sort of depth for a short time but then his style would refute that overall.

I'm not totally sure if I was involved with other ESFPs before, but I have a strong suspicion that two guys I'd meet a few times before I ended it were ESFPs. They were also not coming off as the "sharpest tools", but were not as disrespectful as the one that was definitely ESFP, though one of them was bordering on disrespectful. It was a bit hard to handle him too, lol, it was like trying to control/discipline something that wants to keep moving in an unpredictable way. But it was okay on the whole. Not as bad as the ENFPs with this, I "get" ESFPs more than that, they are more grounded than ENFPs. Oh and these two likely ESFPs both actually seemed to get a bit soft with caring about me sometimes. (They were plenty tough-ish otherwise but not like the ESTP guys.) That was kind of nice, a bit emotionally stimulating but somehow still not enough, though, initially maybe yes. But again, I didn't end up getting into a long term relationship with them.

I didn't mainly because they were not fulfilling for me intellectually. It started to bother me too fast. Sorry if this is offensive to any ESFP here, I'm sure some of them are smarter and also more respectful than these guys. I've known some who were okay in that respect, just not these guys, I guess. And, that's *not* why I suspect ESFP as their type. Just to be clear. It's their Se and Fi that I type them by, not by their lack of intellect (I know of the bad stereotype). I use only some simple definitions for these functions but it's not about stereotyping.

I voted "yes" in your poll btw. With the "softest" ESFP I described above, I was actually decently interested in him for a short time. If there's one that's ok intellectually etc. then maybe I could imagine a relationship with an ESFP guy. Not sure because their emotionality on the whole is a bit "off" to me. This is hard to put into words. If it's even entirely type related.

Oh and if you noticed the themes of issues with dominance vs emotional stimulation - yeah, those seem the central things for my attraction, beyond the aspect of intellect. So I will be interested in a type that manages to be emotionally interesting at least a bit - but, unfortunately I'm not aware enough about this side of things otherwise, so it doesn't mean it's truly enough stimulation, just something that takes my interest initially - and seems submissive-ish enough. I don't mean some kind of wallflower by that, just someone who gives me that feeling that they are not too dominant. I guess someone who doesn't try to make all the decisions without including me and stuff like that.

I hope that last paragraph made some sense, it is still work in progress in terms of me analyzing and understanding all of that stuff.

PS. For your survey, more data. Types I tended to get interested in before (in no particular order): INTP, ENTP, INFP, ENFP, INFJ, ISFJ, ENTJ and yeah ESFP a bit. Definitely not interested in: ESTP, ESTJ, INTJ, ISTJ, ISTP. (Maybe for a very short time for the latter two.) No experience with: ESFJ, ENFJ, ISFP.
 

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Here are my stats of ISTJs paired with other types in LTRs IRL:

ISTJ F x ISTP M (3 couples, all married for +25 years)
ISTJ F x IXXX M (2 couples, both married for +25 years)
ISTJ M x ISFJ F (3 couples, all married for +25 years)
ISTJ M x ENTP F (married for 5 years)
Oh btw I know one other ISTJ myself whose partner I know enough - it's a guy and the wife is an IxFx. I'm not sure if ISFJ or some INFx actually (but INFJ is unlikely). Married for decades but not the best marriage.
 

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This is coming from a singular romantic experience I had pretty recently. I was seeing an ESFP for around a month and at first it seemed like he was everything that I wanted in a guy -- gregarious, we could talk about anything, and decent-looking (to say the least). But the things that ultimately made me not want to continue seeing him were his inability to understand my sense of humor, almost an inability on his part to respond to some of the things that I said sometimes, and his constant nagging whenever I was quiet and didn't want/need to say anything.

1) Inability to understand my sense of humor. I have a dry, sarcastic, dark sense of humor, but it all just went over his head. And sometimes it seemed like he was a little offended by my jokes... Yikes.

2) Inability on his part to respond to some of the things that I said. He'd respond with things like, "Uhhh okay..." to a lot of things that I said in a bit of an air-headed way, as if he had nothing more substantial to say and didn't want to really say what was on his mind in fear that he'd offend me (or maybe something else, who knows). It's hard to really explain this one, but it just seemed like he never really spoke his mind around me.

3) Constant nagging (word choice?) whenever I was quiet. He'd ask me if I'm okay or if anything's wrong and every single time I would say that everything is okay and that I just didn't have anything to say (all true by the way!). I appreciated the kindness and check-ins at first, but I quickly got annoyed of it. You'd think over time he would've picked up the fact that I'm just a quiet person and just needed some space for a brief moment, but he just didn't seem to get that.

As I'm writing this, I realize I sound like a total brat especially at point #3, but this is truly how I felt about him.

The kicker is that he superliked my friend on Tinder while he was visiting me for the week - while I was still kind of seeing him even though it was clearly dying down. Crisis averted.

===

My experience with ESFP friends has been more positive though. ESTP friends too. Romantically I just don't know if I could get along with an ESFP, but I can see myself clicking with an ESTP because they seem less bullshit and would probably understand my humor better. Who knows.
 

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2) Inability on his part to respond to some of the things that I said. He'd respond with things like, "Uhhh okay..." to a lot of things that I said in a bit of an air-headed way, as if he had nothing more substantial to say and didn't want to really say what was on his mind in fear that he'd offend me (or maybe something else, who knows). It's hard to really explain this one, but it just seemed like he never really spoke his mind around me.
Yeah the ESFP (or ESFPs?) that I got involved with a bit also seemed a bit air-headed in style like that.

I experienced the nagging too, lol.
 

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The kicker is that he superliked my friend on Tinder while he was visiting me for the week - while I was still kind of seeing him even though it was clearly dying down. Crisis averted.
If he was on Tinder then it was already long-dead. Thank goodness!
 
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Yeah the ESFP (or ESFPs?) that I got involved with a bit also seemed a bit air-headed in style like that.

I experienced the nagging too, lol.
God, I just have so much to say about this guy. We just didn't get along. Period.

If he was on Tinder then it was already long-dead. Thank goodness!
To be fair, he caught me using Tinder, too. I'd started using it again because I was getting a little sick of him, and my roommate recommended me to start seeing other guys again. But at that point my mind was already made up about him, and it was just a matter of when I would sit down and talk to him about ending things, which by the way, were never that serious to being with. But superliking my friend (full well knowing he's my friend because you can see that information on Tinder) was really shitty. :nonchalance:

But yeah, very glad it's all over. After seeing someone like him I realized I needed to be with someone more logically-grounded, no bullshit, and understood and appreciated how I am as a person.
 

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ISTJ's are pretty nice' I havn't really met any that I dislike but I can say without a doubt Myself and a few other ISFP/ESFP's I know have to be in the right mood for sarcastic humor.

I've personally never cared for sarcastic humor. Specially if it's Deadpan. It honestly just feels rude to me and I know a few of my ISTJ budds enjoy deadpan humor. I think it kind of boils down to understanding most SFP's are sensitive people and sometimes a bit of emotional reciprocation is needed when sarcastic comments are not.

I fluctuate between I/ESFP though so take it with a grain of salt'
 
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Just based on the generic type (and not the actual person because we all know a person is more than their type), the short answer is not likely.

From my experience, ESTPs are really, really unreliable. They like to do things on their own time, feeling like being depended on is more of an annoyance than an obligation. ISTJs usually take obligations much more seriously, as we're dutiful people, more or less. Just that alone would spark many arguments over responsibilities and expectations, which intensely affects overall compatibility.

However, this is all just in theory. In practice, we are humans, first and foremost. So any two humans can get along quite well (even if very different), given the right chemistry, circumstances, individual personalities and etc.
 

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ISTJ and ESXP are suppose to be a match because their share dominate sensing just like the ISTJ. ESXP view the world the same as the ISTJ.
 

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Not bogus at all! My mom’s an ESFP and I could see myself living with one of them forever. I think that as long as the ES_P is actually committed, and the ISTJ is willing to loosen up a bit, it’s a great match!
 

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their share dominate sensing
This isn’t necessarily true, one has introverted sensing and the other has extroverted sensing, which are very different from each other. I do still think that it would be a good idea though because if they’re both strong and healthy enough function-wise, they can pull each other's 5th functions into the mix of healthy and useful functions which would trigger the strengthening of all the shadow functions. ISTJ-ESFP is better in the meantime because they have Auxiliary/Tertiary in common.
 

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I had an ISTJ friend and an ESFP friend at work, and she thought he was boring and he thought she was crazy. I'm sure the match could work, but they'd have to be really committed to breaking out of their comfort zone (which sounds like it's advice for the ISTJ, but even the ESFP, whose comfort zone is living in fourth gear, would have to be willing to "break out" to a little bit of normality, ha ha)
 

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I'm not sure I agree with that match either.... or any of the matches on Personalitypage.com. For ISFJ, it says that our perfect match is ESTP or ESFP. I don't think I would ever want to be with an ESTP really...and I would really prefer an introvert over an extrovert. I've wondered about the ISTJ/ESFP match myself....wondering if the ESFP wouldn't be a bit too much of a social animal/flighty for the ESFP? I think and ISFP would be better.
 

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Just expanding on earlier thoughts

 
I fluctuate between I/ESFP though so take it with a grain of salt'
Honestly I enjoy most ISTJ's but sometimes SJ's can come off as dull and uninteresting.

The only SJ's I've considered looking at romantically were the ones I already shared interests with' otherwise it's difficult for me to really connect with them.



Alot of my interest for someone comes from passion for example.

SJ passion IRL I've noticed is more about persistence and perfection which in its own way is fun I suppose' but it's rarely Exciting unless you already share the same interests/have known the SJ for awhile.

Then there's emotional-romance and such. I havn't met an SJ that's very verbal about their emotions so that's always a bummer.



Given enough time I could really love an SJ but from personal experience I've noticed it's not something I fall head over heels for unless I already really know them.
 
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