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@Soul Kitchen

Accurate type for you.

I was in therapy from 2005 to 2008, and aside from letting my therapist know I had DID (since confirmed, on paperwork--by other therapists and a state-appointed disability doctor; this therapist did not concur; the others discounted his diagnosis).

I told that therapist--the one I saw for three years--that I had an Observer inside that watched me, others, no emotion, just noting..., and he looked frightened and said, "But almost no one has that!" and I said, no hesitation, "Well, I do."

I also told him that I felt there was a line between me and other people, and I indicated the line on the carpeting with a straight slashing motion, and said, "I can't cross it; I want to be integrated!" The therapist changed the subject, and we never talked about that central issue again. (I fired him as they say, after three years, because he wasn't helping.)

I had not--during that time period nor before it--read anything on MBTI or anything else related to having splits and being non-integrated.

Since then I've read Karen Horney on this subject, and I've read a lot on MBTI (Myers-Briggs, Naomi L. Quenk, others).

Many typologists' assertions match more detailed psycho-analytic writers on lack of integration and on the existence of "The Observer," which the psycho-analysts put down to neuroses, personality disorders, and note that while it originates (no surprise) in childhood because of fear, abuse, not being able to trust caregivers or the environment, it grows strongers as we age unless checked somehow. It is difficult to treat or heal--although not impossible.

I don't have The Observer at work inside me, not any longer; and I'm not sure how long it's been, but years now--I lost that.

I do remember thinking I am more integrated--I've done a lot of work toward that end.

Now when I look at the detailed diagram I created and shared with my therapist, turned over to disability services (back in 2010) I cannot relate to it; it's as though someone else did the thinking behind it as well as the actual diagramming. I do recognize my handwriting, the wording, details, and the rest as a memory, but none of it jibes, now.

Just some thoughts as I "bootstrapped" off what you wrote.

Glad you shared what you did. It's helpful.
 
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