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To be brutally honest I have noticed that a lot of men and women who choose a promiscuous lifestyle usually have some personal issues and don't know what to do with their lives.

I recently had a discussion with this guy I'm dating. He was teasing me so I jokingly asked if he is a PUA. To my surprise he said that used to be a PUA. I asked him why he's not a PUA anymore and he replied that he hung out with a lot of PUAs and noticed that most of them had serious issues. He said that he couldn't see a point in wanting to bed 80 or 100 women a year while having no standards and screwing anything that moves.

This is a generalization , I'm sure a lot of people genuinely enjoy casual sex . However, according to my personal observations it seems to affect a lot of people negatively . What do you think ?
 
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If you practice safe sex (condoms, birth control) and consensual sex, it has nothing to do with me your sexual habits.

But to say that PUA's have serious issues is like saying water is wet. Doesn't need to be said.
 

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Suppose it depends on the person's standard and motivations.
A person can enter monogamous relationship for healthy reasons and it poses serious risk to their well being.
Perhaps one would examine their sense of self worth and their beliefs in regards to extrinsic motivations.
Does one seek out sex with others because when they're down it makes them feel good? Does it affirm their self worth because they feel wanted and sexy? Do they feel it supports their ideals of masculinity in the case of PUA stuff?

Think the behavior of people with unresolved problems act out in a lot of different ways, often what best informs such things is if there's been a sudden change.
Is why you get symptoms for diagnosis in which it goes both ways, like lack of sleep or sleeping longer than usual, an increased or decreased sexual libido.
So, sure, for many people it's likely not a fulfilling thing for them.
 

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To be brutally honest I have noticed that a lot of men and women who choose a promiscuous lifestyle usually have some personal issues and don't know what to do with their lives.

I recently had a discussion with this guy I'm dating. He was teasing me so I jokingly asked if he is a PUA. To my surprise he said that used to be a PUA. I asked him why he's not a PUA anymore and he replied that he hung out with a lot of PUAs and noticed that most of them had serious issues. He said that he couldn't see a point in wanting to bed 80 or 100 women a year while having no standards and screwing anything that moves.

This is a generalization , I'm sure a lot of people genuinely enjoy casual sex . However, according to my personal observations it seems to affect a lot of people negatively . What do you think ?

The thing is, everyone has issues. And people in relationships have serious issues sometimes.

PUA gets a bad rap.

A lot of them are amoral dildos, but I remember when I went through that phase, it actually has helped me within relationships.


Also, this is funny:
Study: Casual Sex Only Rewarding For First Few Decades - The Onion - America's Finest News Source
 
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Naw, STDs are a myth.

So are single parent households and the criminality rate of single parent children.


Because contraceptives are 100% fail-proof, the majority of pregnancies today are planned, and abortion is always an option.


$$$$
 

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Well, to me, it doesn't seem like a pick up artist views the women they try to bed as actual people. The women they target seem more like sport to them, just predictable pieces of meat that they can use certain techniques on to score another point. Not really a lifestyle for emotional stability is it?
 

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Being an NT and the way I was raised, I have a tendency of looking down upon promiscuity. I don't really see anything wrong with it per se, but I think it can have some detrimental effects on people. I've noticed that the promiscuous women I know have some severe psychological issues and they're looking to escape from themselves, getting back at their parents, looking for love in the wrong places, being extremely insecure, looking for approval or attention, et cetera. I'm not sure about the men. They don't really talk about their sex lives with me. From what I've read recently about the MGTOW and PUA movements, there may, indeed, be some latent animosity towards women in one form or another. Some could just be satisfying biological urges, but I don't think hands and pornography stopped them in the past.

Personally, I can't engage in that kind of activity. I don't have that specific kind of emotional or psychological fortitude. Even though I'm listed as a pansexual, I'm pretty demisexual when it comes to serious things. I can say, yeah, that person over there is attractive in an objective intellectual way, but s/he doesn't turn me on. I haven't had very many partners, but anything physical that occurred, if it occurred at all, happened after the six month or more point in our relationship. Just getting laid for the sake of getting laid is bordering on disgusting in my mind for myself. If someone else wants to do it, I have no problem with that. To each their own.

I'm also very particular about the people with whom I associate, let alone date. I'm not going to make myself vulnerable to someone who is going to be a around very long or has a high probability of hurting me emotionally, or any way for that matter. I've had some bad past experiences and I really don't want to have anything near a repeat.

Other than things of an infectious nature, psychological issues may be exacerbated or created due to excessive casual sex. Loyalty may be affected, as well.
 

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Yes I think it's harmful because I think a lot of people (of both genders) are in denial about what sex is about and their capacity to have it without expectations of emotional connection. I've spent a lot of time on PUA forums, reading hundreds of posts. And without fail the following post appears from time to time.

Guy: I've been doing the PUA stuffs and its been working great, getting lots of sex. But I've met this one woman and she's great and I just want to be with her and commit.
Response: OMG dump her now! Get out while you can. You're developing oneitis and the best cure is to go and sleep with a heap more women.

This tells me something. It tells me that men do get emotionally attached and they do want a connection with a woman, not just to use her vagina. But there is some kind of fear around that and the PUA community actively encourages young men who may have a chance at a good relationship to purposefully go out and ruin that for themselves.

This myth that men never get attached to women and that sex always means nothing to them is a Real Man TM myth. Some try to subscribe to it but eventually the experience ends up being hollow for them. Now we have women becoming pseudo PUA's trying to desperately prove how well they can also sabotage themselves and end up as unhappy as men by engaging in casual sex and using people as sex objects. It's awesome. :rolleyes:

The bottom line is, people want meaningful connections with other people. And substituting casual sex for a meaningful connection will eventually wear you down. Not because there's anything inherently wrong with what you are doing, but because you are not supporting and nurturing the part of you that really wants more than that. It's like being thirsty and drinking coke instead of water. They are both wet, but one will dehydrate you with it's huge dose of sugar, salt and acid, while the other will satiate your thirst and cure it's root cause.

I suspect that for people in general the ideal is going to be a mix of some casual sex and periodic relationships. The casual sex is just for fun and immediate satisfaction of a desire, the relationship for the deeper connection that people seek. The promiscuous lifestyle is an over compensation for whatever lack people are feeling within themselves. But just as you can't fill that hole with cake, neither can you fill it with meaningless sex.
 

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Casual sex being the topic of discussion.

I agree with @Wellsy, that is depends on the intent. PUAs have the rep of having not so noble intentions, but obviously many of them are able to acquire healthy longterm relationships. I think the term 'promiscuous' means different things to some. I know women who live active "promiscuous" lifestyles- meaning they go bar-hopping every weekend, trying to get picked up, and then they sleep with the guy- and I'm not sure why they do it, but I do know they had issues before they started participating in this activity. I don't think this lifestyle affects them positively either for a variety of reasons, but my point is I don't see the difference between them and a PUA.
What about the girls who date and then for whatever reason have sex with the guy "too soon" and it doesn't work out? They move on to the next guy, a repeated pattern emerges. What about the women with high sex drives-- what are they supposed to do with it? Casual sex may seem like the right answer for them. Idk, I just feel like there are too many factors, and motivation is the main thing to keep in mind. Not everyone who has "excessive" casual sex thinks about their level of promiscuity. Generally, do I think an excessively promiscuous lifestyle can be harmful? Yes, but it also depends on the individual. Similar to the "Sex Without Emotion" thread, I think it is more difficult for women to detach themselves enough to survive multiple casual encounters without being subject to some sort of emotional damage.
 

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Read about soul ties. You are linked to every person you bed, and everyone they have bed. It is why they feel a certain distress they can't quite understand. You are harming your soul, but people tend to ignore their soul. But, human is mind, body, soul and if your soul is unhappy, their humanity will feel it. Bodily harm is avoidable. And the rational mind can be tricked into thinking whatever you wish. But, you cant lie to your own soul.
 

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I'm not sure what behavior is included under "promiscuous", but I think that emotional problems can fuel sexual activity and that only having casual sex can exacerbate emotional problems, if the person is not being honest with themselves and their sexual partners about what their motivations are, and what they really want.

Personally, casual sex doesn't appeal to me, but I know many people for whom it is a positive—or at least unharmful—thing. They aren't interested in romance at this point in their lives, their need for emotional connection is fulfilled by friends, and they don't disrespect the people they sleep with or tolerate it if they are treated with disrespect. So what may be called "promiscuous" isn't always the sign of a problem. But if a person is having sex out of insecurity, if they are objectifying other people (or letting themselves be objectified), if they are settling because they don't think they are worth more, or if they are addicted...then it is a problem.
 

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I'm not sure what behavior is included under "promiscuous", but I think that emotional problems can fuel sexual activity and that only having casual sex can exacerbate emotional problems, if the person is not being honest with themselves and their sexual partners about what their motivations are, and what they really want.

Personally, casual sex doesn't appeal to me, but I know many people for whom it is a positive—or at least unharmful—thing. They aren't interested in romance at this point in their lives, their need for emotional connection is fulfilled by friends, and they don't disrespect the people they sleep with or tolerate it if they are treated with disrespect. So what may be called "promiscuous" isn't always the sign of a problem. But if a person is having sex out of insecurity, if they are objectifying other people (or letting themselves be objectified), if they are settling because they don't think they are worth more, or if they are addicted...then it is a problem.
I agree. It's a question of whether a promiscuous lifestyle is a problem or a symptom of a problem.

As long as people are safe, I don't really question the sex lives of others. Some people aren't meant to be monogamous.
 

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To be brutally honest I have noticed that a lot of men and women who choose a promiscuous lifestyle usually have some personal issues and don't know what to do with their lives.

I recently had a discussion with this guy I'm dating. He was teasing me so I jokingly asked if he is a PUA. To my surprise he said that used to be a PUA. I asked him why he's not a PUA anymore and he replied that he hung out with a lot of PUAs and noticed that most of them had serious issues. He said that he couldn't see a point in wanting to bed 80 or 100 women a year while having no standards and screwing anything that moves.

This is a generalization , I'm sure a lot of people genuinely enjoy casual sex . However, according to my personal observations it seems to affect a lot of people negatively . What do you think ?
In my personal opinion, I don't think there's anything inherently harmful about it as long as safe sexual practices are put in place. Naturally, more partners increase the risk, but again, I think it's alright when both parties take safe precautions. Regarding what you've said though, it's one thing to pursue casual sex because you're unhealthy and another thing entirely to be unhealthy because of casual sex. I think that a common characteristic of many kinds of mental health conditions is impulsive behavior or the pursuance of casual sex. It's a common theme, but I don't think it's the casual sex that causes health problems.

There may be something to be said about over-exposure to sex which may cause one to find the experience no longer fulfilling, although deeper-rooted problems I think may start beforehand.
 

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To be brutally honest I have noticed that a lot of men and women who choose a promiscuous lifestyle usually have some personal issues and don't know what to do with their lives.

I recently had a discussion with this guy I'm dating. He was teasing me so I jokingly asked if he is a PUA. To my surprise he said that used to be a PUA. I asked him why he's not a PUA anymore and he replied that he hung out with a lot of PUAs and noticed that most of them had serious issues. He said that he couldn't see a point in wanting to bed 80 or 100 women a year while having no standards and screwing anything that moves.

This is a generalization , I'm sure a lot of people genuinely enjoy casual sex . However, according to my personal observations it seems to affect a lot of people negatively . What do you think ?
Rings a lot of bells. It's easier to miss it or to argue against it but for the one who really observes it's very clear, specially if you know those individuals over the years. I've seen a lot of misguided discussions on the forum invalidating arguments or invalidating theories, or just invalidating what some people state (and it's actually true) just because they engage on short term events. What I mean is a lot of people fail to see the points because they can't see the mid or long term... a lot of things are easy to hide on the short term, the rest: they just can't see it.

Promiscuity, forgetting it as a consequence or a parallel it also has some effects: just as sticky tape, the person looses the ability to bond over the years. A lot of important events are missed during the thrills of casual sex.
 

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Quoting myself from another thread:

I've met people with a high partner count (I think? What constitutes high?) who are completely well adjusted, successful, self-sufficient. I've met some who are complete, neurotic train wrecks. The thing that differentiates them is usually their fundamental attitude towards sex. The latter feel like sex is important, that it matters. That it will fill a gap (snrk). This makes them have lots and lots of sex but for the wrong reasons. They want to stumble into bed with someone who can save them, who can be their 'one.' They rarely do.

The people who are healthy? They're not looking to be fixed. They don't desperately search for sex as a panacea, they take it when it comes. They go looking for it when they want it, like you might be in the mood for hiking. Sex for them is not slotted in some higher plane, it's a pleasurable act between two (or more) individuals that can mean more but does not have to.
 

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I think for most people, promiscuity is a sign of a problem, not the actual problem itself. If a guy has a Madonna whore complex, misogynistic attitudes towards women, and/or is afraid of commitment, or if a girl has been sexually abused when she was young, has a host of daddy issues, and lots of insecurity, then them being promiscuous is not the problem, it's how they handle the problem.

If you are hooking up with tons of people unprotected, getting black out drunk and not knowing who you hook up with or what you did, mixing drugs into the mix, frequenting glory holes, adult bookstores, and hookers, not getting tested, or are purposefully sleeping with people knowing full well you have an STD, purposefully hooking up with people in relationships or who are married, then yeah that is harmful as fuck. Also, I'm not sure if this is true or not, but I've heard that it causes women to lose the ability to pair bond, which could be detrimental down the road if they decide later that they want a committed relationship.

As far as PUA is concerned, I don't see what's harmful about it. If you have to wear eyeliner and a fuzzy hat and ask 100 women "who lies more, men or women?" just to get laid, then I guess you do what you have to do, but clearly some issues were present before hand.

I will say that one thing that can be harmful with the promiscuous lifestyle, even if you are using protection, staying safe, getting tested, ect. is it will erode away your illusions about relationships, love, and commitment. Not every promiscuous person is single, and if you're in the game long enough you will have your ideals about commitment shattered. I've seen and heard things that really make me doubt the validity of most committed relationships. Depending on what kind of scene you're in, you'll also see and confront some shit that is very hard to stomach. There's definitely the dark side to the promiscuous lifestyle, from drunken college orgies to gay bathhouses, to trafficked girls via backpage. The rabbit hole goes very very deep, and once you come out of it, you won't be the same person who went in.
 

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There are lots of people who aren't promiscuous who are pretty screwed up as well, in general and also in terms of how they go about with their relationships.

When people discuss about whether promiscuity is harmful for people, there is typically an implicit, unstated assumption that the norm, ideal, correct and *healthy* way to be is non-promiscuous. Is it? I suspect that non-promiscuity is probably harmful for certain people out there - there are many people who are quite uncomfortable and have rather negative views and feelings regarding sexuality who might open up and learn some things from sleeping around a bit, I suspect. And do note that I'm saying this as a person who is about as non-promiscuous as is possible : /

I'm not saying that promiscuity is necessarily *more* healthy than non-promiscuity, or the opposite. I just don't know if I totally buy the implicit assumptions that the ultimate, significantly more healthy end-goal is a committed 1-on-1 relationship. I've heard of and seen various ways of expressing sexuality which can all potentially work, as long as one recognises that possibly ALL forms of relationships and sexuality may be harmful if done unwisely.
 
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