[firelink]

especially female enfp , something like the infj dating bible http://personalitycafe.com/infj-for...j-dating-bible-how-date-infj.html#post2403876

but also in long run (not only for dating, but also for day to day life). I read somewhere that what enfp can't be bored , I though infj are afraid that day to day life made enfp bored and then leave for another adventure.

 

[Enfpleasantly]

I'm not sure if there's a written manual for ENFP like the one for INFJ, but I can tell you what keeps me from getting bored in relationships....

I need discovery and movement in a relationship. If it goes stagnant, I become bored and unhappy. However, I have learned how to keep that from happening.

IMO, experiencing new things together (even if it's something neither think would be enjoyable) can keep things exciting. When you experience something new, you also learn new things about each other; it also gives you something new to talk and laugh about. Even if the experience sucked, you can laugh about it together

I'd say as long as the ENFP recognizes this in him/herself, then they will certainly be capable of lasting relationships.

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/grow-old-together-without-growing-bored/

Also, a lot of times getting too comfortable in a relationship can lead to a loss of attraction...especially when you factor in aging. This article addresses that and touches on the importance of new conversation...

http://www.essortment.com/advice-men-im-not-attracted-wife-36714.html

 

[creepshow]

I'm a guy, ENFP, so hopefully this helps in some way. I'm just sort of subscribing to the belief that I can be categoriezed, personality-wise, so I'm skeptical of how accurate I might be (is that an ENFP trait?)

...anyway, I wouldn't get too hung up on keeping ENFP from getting "bored" with you. Typically it's just general boredom. Don't think that you can control it...you simply cant. If I get bored I just find a new way to entertain myself that isn't as mundane. I never look to my wife as a source of entertainment...it's not her job.

If you want to be cautious though I suggest just spicing things up romantically. Don't avoid routines, be adaptive to them...use routines as guidelines that can be improvised.

Overall, the boredom aspect is something that ENFP will change on their own. It doesn't have anything to do with you. They are impulsive, but morally sound in their judgement. They won't just up and leave you because they got "bored."

From a "love" standpoint...as long as you're good about reminding the person that you love them, both in actions and words, they are pretty much eternally faithful as long as you don't take advantage of them. If they don't feel loved...they might lose hope and begin to think that the relationship can't be salvaged.

 

[Enfpleasantly]

I'm a guy, ENFP, so hopefully this helps in some way. I'm just sort of subscribing to the belief that I can be categoriezed, personality-wise, so I'm skeptical of how accurate I might be (is that an ENFP trait?)

...anyway, I wouldn't get too hung up on keeping ENFP from getting "bored" with you. Typically it's just general boredom. Don't think that you can control it...you simply cant. If I get bored I just find a new way to entertain myself that isn't as mundane. I never look to my wife as a source of entertainment...it's not her job.

If you want to be cautious though I suggest just spicing things up romantically. Don't avoid routines, be adaptive to them...use routines as guidelines that can be improvised.

Overall, the boredom aspect is something that ENFP will change on their own. It doesn't have anything to do with you. They are impulsive, but morally sound in their judgement. They won't just up and leave you because they got "bored."

From a "love" standpoint...as long as you're good about reminding the person that you love them, both in actions and words, they are pretty much eternally faithful as long as you don't take advantage of them. If they don't feel loved...they might lose hope and begin to think that the relationship can't be salvaged.

Yes, I agree with this...it's not day to day boredom that will shake a relationship for me. With me it's deeper; it's a boredom within the relationship itself, which I know how to break.

It's not someone else's responsibility to keep me from getting bored; since it's my issue, it's my responsibility. However, the key is that my partner has to be willing to explore with me when I need to.

 

[Zeptometer]

especially female enfp , something like the infj dating bible http://personalitycafe.com/infj-for...j-dating-bible-how-date-infj.html#post2403876

but also in long run (not only for dating, but also for day to day life). I read somewhere that what enfp can't be bored , I though infj are afraid that day to day life made enfp bored and then leave for another adventure.

I just love meaningful interaction. That will always make me happy, and for an INFJ, that should be pretty easy. Don't worry about making us happy, you should be fine.

 

[Alysaria]

Autonomy and independence are a huge deal for me. Likewise, the other person needs to have their own independent identity and not need me to give them purpose. Codependence is like a big soggy cold towel when I just get out of a nice bath. It's not comfortable, it drags me down, and it makes me regret entering into something that was initially warm and relaxing.

I don't expect anyone to "save" me from my weaknesses, nor do I want to be their savior from theirs. I need a mutually fulfilling relationship with someone who I want to be with who wants to be with me....and neither of us are obligated or desperate just to be with someone.

 

[Mr Canis]

It's not ENFP specific, but I found this book to be very thought provoking. It changed the way I think about a lot of things in relationships.

The Soulmate Experience: A Practical Guide to Extraordinary Relationships - Joe Dunn, Mali Apple

 

[Enfpleasantly]

Autonomy and independence are a huge deal for me. Likewise, the other person needs to have their own independent identity and not need me to give them purpose. Codependence is like a big soggy cold towel when I just get out of a nice bath. It's not comfortable, it drags me down, and it makes me regret entering into something that was initially warm and relaxing.

I don't expect anyone to "save" me from my weaknesses, nor do I want to be their savior from theirs. I need a mutually fulfilling relationship with someone who I want to be with who wants to be with me....and neither of us are obligated or desperate just to be with someone.

Amen! +1000

 

[liza_200]

For me as an ENFP, Just don't talk like a coward, be genuinely informative and productive. I bet any ENFP will be interested in anything which is knowledgeable to them.

 

[Laguna]

Great stuff guys! Impressed with the guy ENFP post.

Independence- it's a mystery what makes us tick on a particular day- but knowing our mate is there for us, rooting us on and loving us. Unconditionally. We will return the love 10-fold! Being willing to do something crazy with us once in awhile, laughing at our stupid jokes and helping us down when we let the kite string get a bit too high. good/meaningful conversation once in awhile. stupid/silly conversation once in awhile. And not taking life- and ourselves, too seriously.

 

[Laguna]

and "checking in" with affirming words that we're still you're #1. Not sure WHY we need to hear words- we just do.

 

[cbelle]

Intellectual stimulation.
Emotional stimulation.
They are just as much a turn on as physical stimulation.
Just keep it healthy, growing, and real.

 

[Laguna]

and "checking in" with affirming words that we're still you're #1. Not sure WHY we need to hear words- we just do.

funny- since posting this, while driving in my car & what not, pondered on this some more. (The "why" we need the words.) I'm thinking that because we are Ne primary and Fi secondary, our intuition is CONSTANTLY in motion. Moving, changing, shifting and co-mingling with our feelings as we try to sort out what is going on at any given moment. Perhaps the more thinking types hear once, "I love you. You are my #1." and they register that in their minds and that's that. It's concrete fact unless something factually changes that.

To an ENFP, we constantly internally challenge fact. Because we naturally test it against our intuition and how we are feeling about it at any given moment. So we doubt everything around us constantly .... or see different or new possibilities for them. And with matters of love, this security of knowing we are "good" with our significant other can just never be a hard fact that is stored like a chip in our brain. It's so important to us (our love relationship), it is running through the spin cycle of our Ne. So we NEED to HEAR the definitive words on a regular basis. Or some other definitive cue that we're "still good."

We are wired this way- period. That's how we're wired. If you are not Ne and this seems completely foreign- don't be afraid! It's no big deal. But knowing this and making sure you are constant in meeting this need for the one near and dear to you who is Ne primary- will keep things smooth for you both. And lovely!

(and btw- I welcome any challenge to my ideas on this cuz seriously, what the hell do I know??? hahaha)

-Ty

adding after the fact: this would make a great blog post. (ie. ways to be affirming to your ENFP besides taking her on trips to the caribbean and wining and dining her. Not that there's anything wrong with THOSE things. haha)

 

[lactosecat]

Is there a manual to make enfp happy ?

:B haha this is so sweet

THIS IS WHAT MAKES AN ENFP HAPPY OK

ヽ(愛´∀｀愛)ノ

 

[hoom]

@NTyson -- Thanks for that! Useful insight. I'd only ever worry about how to keep the words fresh after 10 years (or more/less). I'd worry that even though I'd mean what I was saying that I'd run out of unique ways to verbally say it at some point, and then does it still hold as much meaning? The frequency with which verbal affection is served also likely heavily impacts how meaningful both parties find it. I feel like other forms of showing affection are more infinite in variety... anyyyway, interesting posts, thanks.

 

[chimeric]

The frequency with which verbal affection is served also likely heavily impacts how meaningful both parties find it.

For me at least, "I love you" never loses meaning and is always good to hear.

I liked your thoughts @NTyson. Part of it for me is that words said in the past are still beautiful but feel dormant. When they're said again, the rush of feeling comes back. Maybe an inferior Si thing? (To be honest, I'm not sure I even get Si.)

 

[Laguna]

@NTyson -- Thanks for that! Useful insight. I'd only ever worry about how to keep the words fresh after 10 years (or more/less). I'd worry that even though I'd mean what I was saying that I'd run out of unique ways to verbally say it at some point, and then does it still hold as much meaning? The frequency with which verbal affection is served also likely heavily impacts how meaningful both parties find it. I feel like other forms of showing affection are more infinite in variety... anyyyway, interesting posts, thanks.

aww, I helped and it made sense to an INTJ- so that is a compliment, thanks.
From my own personal standpoint, I would say it can be little things that you don't overthink. If you are thinking something nice about her ..... DON'T HOLD IT IN! SAY IT. (wow- her hair looks really great today, he thought, as he poured his coffee. Then he smiled at her and left. {BUZZER!} epic fail. Just. Say. It. You will be amazed at the results.

Little things that show you noticed something.
You randomly thought of her during the day. So don't smile to yourself and get back to your work. Shoot her a quick text! "thinking of you." "thanks for making my toast this morning - yum"

Do you think I'm sounding silly?

It's not silly.

Try it and report back to me!! Curious ....



p.s. One little affirmation like the few examples I provided--- I guarantee come back to you 10-fold. GUARANTEE!!! lol

 

[Laguna]

For me at least, "I love you" never loses meaning and is always good to hear.

I liked your thoughts @NTyson. Part of it for me is that words said in the past are still beautiful but feel dormant. When they're said again, the rush of feeling comes back. Maybe an inferior Si thing? (To be honest, I'm not sure I even get Si.)

Thank you! And oh so true! I read somewhere in here I believe, that a TJ refused to tell a girl she was pretty because she "has heard it before." (What is the logic of telling a pretty girl she is pretty?? Illogical!) another buzzer-epic-fail moment right there.

 

[hoom]

For me at least, "I love you" never loses meaning and is always good to hear.

I liked your thoughts @NTyson. Part of it for me is that words said in the past are still beautiful but feel dormant. When they're said again, the rush of feeling comes back. Maybe an inferior Si thing? (To be honest, I'm not sure I even get Si.)

D'awwh .





@NTyson - Makes sense... I've never been in a relationship, so I've not had the freedom to say it at whim.... and I always worry that if I were to say it to someone I was just interested in, that awkwardness could ensue, where that line is is hard for me to tell sometimes. Inexperience sucks xP. I do think I will be giving it a go at next opportunity though... hopefully. Also, what're your thoughts on saying such things when other people are nearby (and does that change if it's a time of greeting).

(Socially inexperienced INTJ is inexperienced.... hooray for living under a rock and being young!).

 

[Einstein]

I know how to make an ENFP happy.:tongue: