[Erutpar]

I have a tendency of making girls crack. Let me explain.

I've dated different types: ISFP, ENFJ, INFP, INFJ, INTP Now, really, I'm not sure what they see in me, because I'm a loser, but I think I know. I have this crazy romantic ideal...I become like some silly poetic bard, or heroic crusader of love... I have many creative ways of expressing my romantic interest in women. The result is I can make certain types do uncharacteristic things. Like the "usually cool" INTP who became super vulnerable pouring out her emotions and grief to me when I wanted to break up... or the "normally mysterious" INFJ who revealed all, leaving no more mystery. The "normally uppidy" ENFJ became really depressed for a while after we split. The ISFP and INFP left their boyfriends for me (one only temporarily).

I'm definitely not proud about any of this. The thing is, I'm an illusionary perfectionist, so in a relationship I often want be the "perfect guy" for the woman...nay, I want the girl to realize that there is no other guy out there like me. The problem is, I set the bar too high, even for myself!!! So when I realize I really can't meet their expectations I break both our hearts.

I really want to start a relationship the right way, but I know no other way... I really want to give these women the best I can give, but there's no way I can keep up! Is this just a silly game I play--a test to see how far a woman will go for me? I feel so cruel. I have a deep-seeded doubt that I'll ever be in the long-term permanent relationship that I desire.

I'm really sorry ladies. I apologize to each and every one of you.

 

[unclebigs]

I have a tendency of making girls crack. Let me explain.

I've dated different types: ISFP, ENFJ, INFP, INFJ, INTP Now, really, I'm not sure what they see in me, because I'm a loser, but I think I know. I have this crazy romantic ideal...I become like some silly poetic bard, or heroic crusader of love... I have many creative ways of expressing my romantic interest in women. The result is I can make certain types do uncharacteristic things. Like the "usually cool" INTP who became super vulnerable pouring out her emotions and grief to me when I wanted to break up... or the "normally mysterious" INFJ who revealed all, leaving no more mystery. The "normally uppidy" ENFJ became really depressed for a while after we split. The ISFP and INFP left their boyfriends for me (one only temporarily).

I'm definitely not proud about any of this. The thing is, I'm an illusionary perfectionist, so in a relationship I often want be the "perfect guy" for the woman...nay, I want the girl to realize that there is no other guy out there like me. The problem is, I set the bar too high, even for myself!!! So when I realize I really can't meet their expectations I break both our hearts.

I really want to start a relationship the right way, but I know no other way... I really want to give these women the best I can give, but there's no way I can keep up! Is this just a silly game I play--a test to see how far a woman will go for me? I feel so cruel. I have a deep-seeded doubt that I'll ever be in the long-term permanent relationship that I desire.

I'm really sorry ladies. I apologize to each and every one of you.

I can relate to this. I try to be the perfect guy too and after awhile it's just too exhausting and I want out. Usually I'll find a way to make her break up with me.

 

[JigglyJello]

You seem to type girls on their MBTI too much. Don't forget that these are people and no one ever stays static to whatever personality you perceive. You're never going to accurately predict every move or thought that a person makes no matter how much you think you know them.

Second is deal with that inner low self-esteem of yours. That's not in any shape helpful to a relationship. It's like you're covering it up with this fake persona you have when you're with a girl. You're fine just who you are as yourself and anyone that really matters will be able to see that.

Stop chasing relationships and work on your issues. This is it really, isn't it? You doubt yourself therefore you internally doubt others no matter what. Get comfy to the idea of not needing a partner. If you happen to run into someone and you feel comfortable with yourself, go for it. But don't be so hard keen on it.

Relax. Don't be mean to someone. You know full well when you're becoming manipulative or you're being unfair to someone. Stop that. If you are in a really caring and healthy relationship you won't need to do all these 'tests' or continuos, exhausting 'acts of kindness'. Sitting down, talking to you, just being with you will be enough for someone deserving of you.

 

[illicit iridescence]

"Is there a term for this?"

Eh, try "mismanagement of expectations"? lol

Really admirable that you want to give them the best you can give, but imo, the best you can give is something long lasting, sustainable - if it's draining you to the point you cannot keep up, you're overtaxing what you can give, or like you say, perhaps what you think you can give (and/or the amount of it) is an illusion. I suppose from several points of view that is cruel, to those girls and yourself.

Know thyself, aka, manage expectations, lol.

 

[iinnffpp]

Yes, the phrase is called "Letting your guard down". People often do this, and it has nothing to do with type, you know. You put on your best dating-and-mating face to woo the ladies or gents. Once they get comfortable you get tired of being "perfect" and let your guard down. The other person becomes disillusioned and disappointed. Wash, rinse, repeat.

You gotta find a way to date without setting up expectations and standards ridiculously high in the beginning. Slow down and calm down. This way the relationship might not crash and burn so quickly.