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Hello lovely INTJ鈥檚! 馃榿

I've been so lucky to meet an intj for the first time in my life! and of all places that could happen, we met in the queue at a restaurant!

We have been together 90% of the time for the last 2.5 months - sleeping together, eating breakfast and dinner, going for walks (whatever you can do in these corona times).
I've never been this much with another person before, and neither has he. We have confessed that we like each other, and both agree that it feels like we have known each other so much longer.
Everything feels right!

He is exclusively passionate with me, and I can "feel" that his love (?).
Since we both are thinking types (I鈥檓
an ENTP) we have a hard time talking about what we feel (but it is shown through body language).

We have talked about going on holiday together for the summer, future plans, which is a good sign. I've been toying with the idea of 鈥嬧媝roposing to move in at the end of the summer (considering we've been together for 6 months constantly at that time) - his rent contract out, so he'll have to move out anyway.

The question is: Do you think there is any point in addressing / having 芦the talk禄?
Or can we skip that stage and still go into a relationship? For many people, having a conversation where you acknowledge emotions is the "next step". However, we are untraditional types, and I am not sure what is right.

Would be greatful to hear your thoughts/experiences on this 馃槉

He鈥檚 a 5w4 SX and I鈥檓 a 7w8 SX if thats relevant.
 

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Hmm. I'm pretty single minded about relationships, so there's that. On the other hand... I guess i think you're better off raising it, and giving any claustrophobia/aversion/other impediment time to raise it's head before the deeds done and you're at risk of being stuck with each other just because logistics make it so you don't have any choice. Personally I don't think I'm good at having future-based emotions. So sometimes the best way for me to discover what I really feel is to make it 'real' even just mentally... And then see how my gut feels about that.

I wouldnt take what's said and carve it in stone, is all. Ime very few people tell intentional lies, but often they do learn things about how they feel just a little too late.
 

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The question is: Do you think there is any point in addressing / having 芦the talk禄?
Or can we skip that stage and still go into a relationship?
You already are in a relationship, and it sounds intense. The question is, "Do you want our relationship to be permanent?"

I blurted out a similar question to the man who became my husband.

If he is an INTJ, he will respect your need to know that you aren't wasting your time. However, you must take his answer at face value. Ask for clarification, but don't put your own "spin" on it.

From an INTJ viewpoint, "the talk" will motivate him more if it is about mutual goals to achieve instead of raw emotions. Does that make sense to you?
 

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There's the question of is it required and there's the question of is it a bad topic to bring up

The way things are going, from your account, I'm not certain if it's required. It does seem that if you just allowed things to flow organically, these ideas you have may come to fruition anyways. Congratulations, btw. Things sound very nice.

As for if it is a bad topic to bring up - I don't know one INTJ who is averse to having an "are we on the same page" conversation (as long as it's not the same question, slightly rephrased repeatedly in a short period of time). I doubt you'll catch him off guard. He has probably already put some at least light thought/planning into each and/or combination of your time together as well as weighing his options for when his lease runs out.

Truthfully, if anything, it's just a good practice regardless of type to feel comfortable having those weighted talks. If you don't feel good about it, you would not be ready for a more serious step. I think you just don't want seem ahead of yourself but when you're with an INTJ, you'll rarely be ahead their thoughts :proud:
 

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Approach this talk with a sense of humor. That would make it fun and enjoyable for both of you. ENTPs make quirky observations that go well with the dry comments that INTJs make. Next time the subject of a future comes up (house, yard, career, kids, getting old) let your imagination start working and make some suggestions that you can both riff off of.
 

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I would say to just have the conversation. We INTJs in general suck at inferring how someone else is actually feeling - from the sounds of it you guys are likely on the same page, but just ask to be sure.

And like AllOne said above - do not read into their answer. If you ask a straight forward, honest question, the answer you get will likely be just as honest, nothing more, nothing less.
 

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Yes, there's always a point in communicating with any type. INTJs appreciate it. We appreciate when nothing is assumed, especially when it comes to relationships, matters of the heart, life.
 

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^except when it creeps me out because overshare^. But really, if I'm sleeping at someone's house/eating breakfast with him, I would probably think such a convo was perfectly fair.
 

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Funny because the answer is both yes and no.

No it is not needed because he will already leave you if he is not serious in investing his time and energy. But yes it is also needed or else there will be no common understanding going forward.

INTJ is an ass in this aspect. I say, go talk. Let him feel the heat.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Guys, thank you SO MUCH <3
You are the best!

So, I dropped the bomb today... and you were right, he has been thinking the same as well.
We have started to look at apartements now!
It is a great risk to move in together after 6 months, but he is really something for himself.

He was skeptical of mbti (although he has taken the test 2 times and is a confirmed INTJ), but after meeting me he agrees that our compatibility is actually really strong - he believes in mbti now.

The other day I suddenly managed to say that I have become very fond of him, even though we have not known each other for so long. He thought a little before he said he felt the same way....!
I really believe that this can go well. After all these years of looking for "the one" with the help of MBTI, it has finally happened.

Again, thank you very much! Fingers crossed! :jazz:
 

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Is there any point in communicating with your partner to jointly negotiate and customize significant life changes?

I wonder.....
 

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Guys, thank you SO MUCH <3
You are the best!

So, I dropped the bomb today... and you were right, he has been thinking the same as well.
We have started to look at apartements now!
It is a great risk to move in together after 6 months, but he is really something for himself.

He was skeptical of mbti (although he has taken the test 2 times and is a confirmed INTJ), but after meeting me he agrees that our compatibility is actually really strong - he believes in mbti now.

The other day I suddenly managed to say that I have become very fond of him, even though we have not known each other for so long. He thought a little before he said he felt the same way....!
I really believe that this can go well. After all these years of looking for "the one" with the help of MBTI, it has finally happened.

Again, thank you very much! Fingers crossed! :jazz:
Congrats. Interesting that you have been using MBTI to find "the one", then all of sudden you meet the first one, and jackpot.

Almost sounds like a fairy tale.

Anyway...




Sent sans PC
 

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Call me a dickhead, but I don't think that people who are uncapable to make decisions in their own private life, and have to ask complete strangers in a forum are worthy of a relationship.

This is why there are so so so so many shitty relationships and drama. Because a lof of people can't manage their own life.
This is not about being a rookie in love, or being a thinker or being any mbti type. This is about the ability to analyze your circumstances and make decisions accordingly. It does not matter that it is a technical problem or a relationship problem. Both have parts, both have causes and effects. Being unable to do this is simply the lack of this ability.

I wouldn't be so certain about my "perfect compatibility" if my private life problem about my partner were solved by strangers on a forum.

Yeah yeah, I'm rude and what not, whatever. But you don't learn from cases where others tell you what to do with your own life. You learn from recognizing your weak points.
 

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INTJ guys hate: guessing, assuming, being taken for granted, "if something's not resisted or said then it must be 'okay'", vague, unsure, presumptive, non truths, sort of's, kind of's.
Having an occasional "talk", not a heavy, but simply a mutual acknowledgement of direction and status is greatly appreciated. Think of it as being on a ship. Captain and Co Captain. The INTJ male needs and appreciates; ocean clear on my side and in back, no dangerous reefs or unknowns, yes. . .the anchor is up, yes. . sails are adjusted and optimal, yes. . . we are on the right track and I agree with it.
See?
Nuts and Bolts.
Not, feelings, maybe, sort of, kind of, "emo", or "drama queens" (yikes!!).
You may offend an INTJ if he cannot trust you, if you don't paddle your side of the boat, if you whine and complain for no reason and blame those intangibles on his behavior, if you don't know what you want and direction you want and communicate that, if you are not committed, if you are unsure, if you are insecure, if you are "wishy washy".
 
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