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Hello all. I'm new to the forum, but I've taken personality tests a few times and I've gotten both INTJ/INFJ. I relate to a lot of what's been said in the existing threads, but I've been struggling with something for a while...

I can't seem to connect with the people that I meet or hang out with. There always this feeling of ackwardness in the air and/or intimidation. Maybe the source of ackwardness comes from my lack of having things in common with the people I'm around? Perhaps it's just my inability to socialize? I rarely go out and unless I know the people in the group, I'm usually quiet. But even when I do have something in common the feeling of ackwardness is still there.

I'm only guessing the intimidation is a result of my physical appearance. Growing up, I was commonly asked "Why do you always look mad" when I'm not. I will admit the emotionless expression on my face isn't the most friendly look, but it's not intentional. Another thing I might be able to attribute the intimidation feeling to is being a minority in conjunction with my general physical appearance. Maybe it's a combination of my physical appearance and the confidence/independence I give off? Maybe it's strictly the confidence/independence aura?

Maybe it's just the group of people? Sigh....I don't know, but I've always feel like I'm really different. Has anyone else experienced/experience something similar?
 

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On a general basis, everyone feels awkward every once and a while.
Personally, I feel awkward amongst most people, even those I have been friends with most of my life. I suspect this awkwardness has a lot to do with a lack of empathy. I imagine it's a lot easier to feel comfortable around others when you are 'tuned in' to their emotions.

I'd say you are fairly normal, especially if you are a teenager. People always build up a crazy idea of what is 'normal' and 'average' while not realizing that few meet these ideals. In fact, I remember one class I took (sociology?) discussing how a societies views on what is normal shows what they value, not necessarily what they exhibit.

P.S. In seventh grade, a female classmate asked me why I never smiled. I told her, 'Why smile when there is nothing to smile about?' I suppose she wasn't used to a person whose default expression is blank.
 

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You sound like a typical INTJ from the limited knowledge I have gathered. The test results you got may suggest that you are in fact INXJ. Perhaps you sometimes are low T and close to F. Who knows. All I know is that when I am feeling down I have tested as a different type. I think both of those types you tested as can be socially awkward can't they? but then again so can I on the odd occasion if I don't feel a rapport with someone. Perhaps put your post on the INFJ forum as well and compare notes between the two types.
 

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I'm 22 years old now and I don't feel any less different than I did when I was 5 although I understand it better now. If you're having trouble connecting with people it could be just a compatibility issue on both your parts. I don't really have much success making good friends with people though but I don't really mind it. I learned over the years how to get along with people on a day to day basis and that seems to be enough for me. If you're having trouble making just casual friends I suggest finding people that fit your criteria more closely of what you'd like in a friend instead of expecting people you meet to fit it.
 
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Hello all. I'm new to the forum, but I've taken personality tests a few times and I've gotten both INTJ/INFJ.
It has been said elsewhere on the forum that when you take a test you should ask yourself are you answers reflecting you NOW (i.e., recent events are on your mind) or are you answering on a more general basis. If your answers are influence by recent events, that your results may be, too.

I can't seem to connect with the people that I meet or hang out with. There always this feeling of ackwardness in the air and/or intimidation. Maybe the source of ackwardness comes from my lack of having things in common with the people I'm around? Perhaps it's just my inability to socialize? I rarely go out and unless I know the people in the group, I'm usually quiet. But even when I do have something in common the feeling of ackwardness is still there.
This is common for me, too. Of the 5 people (yes, only 5) that I have considered to be very close friends over my life, they were introduced to me or came to me --- I did not break the ice myself at all.

I'm only guessing the intimidation is a result of my physical appearance. Growing up, I was commonly asked "Why do you always look mad" when I'm not. I will admit the emotionless expression on my face isn't the most friendly look, but it's not intentional. Another thing I might be able to attribute the intimidation feeling to is being a minority in conjunction with my general physical appearance. Maybe it's a combination of my physical appearance and the confidence/independence I give off? Maybe it's strictly the confidence/independence aura?
Hard to say anything about this. You mention physical appearance more than once, but also seem to liken physical appearance to your facial expression. We unfortunately live in a global society that mostly labels us based upon the visual image we project. All I can say is you need to be comfortable with yourself and accept yourself. If you get that far, why care about others in this regard? It's their choice and over that you have very little control. Let it go.

Maybe it's just the group of people? Sigh....I don't know, but I've always feel like I'm really different. Has anyone else experienced/experience something similar?
In reading over the INTJ threads, you will get the sense -- both playful as well as in seriousness -- that INTJs value the sense of feeling/being different. Do you value this sense that you have? Or does your really contain a meaning of worry and uncomfortableness?

Read and participate. I came to this forum just about 4 months ago to get a better sense of myself. It's been fun and enlightening.
 
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Why is this in the INTJ article section? Apart from that, the computer says no; you are feeling INFJ because the tertiary INTJ Fi is shining through.
 

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Hello all. I'm new to the forum, but I've taken personality tests a few times and I've gotten both INTJ/INFJ. I relate to a lot of what's been said in the existing threads, but I've been struggling with something for a while...

I can't seem to connect with the people that I meet or hang out with. There always this feeling of ackwardness in the air and/or intimidation.

Maybe it's just the group of people? Sigh....I don't know, but I've always feel like I'm really different. Has anyone else experienced/experience something similar?
I used to get this feeling a lot, and still do sometimes when around a large group of people. I think it's the norm for INTJ's. I'm not sure how old you are, but I have found that it has gotten better with age.

One thing I might suggest is to not look at connecting with people for the sake of connecting. Instead, open yourself up to the possibility of learning and accepting people as they are--- they may never fully understand you and vice-versa.

Make socializing an "experiment" where you study people and learn how they think; read body language, study their characteristics--- tone of voice, where their gaze goes, their choice of words, etc...

I find, for me anyway, that it takes the edge off when you just see socializing with people as an experiment of sorts. If a "connection" happens, great--- if not, who cares?
 

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It's not easy being an INTJ. You grow up feeling like you're an alien, some drop-off from a passing spaceship. You have no idea why people are playing the strange games they do and what the big deal is with all the touchy feely discussion going on.

can't seem to connect with the people that I meet or hang out with. There always this feeling of ackwardness in the air and/or intimidation. Maybe the source of ackwardness comes from my lack of having things in common with the people I'm around? Perhaps it's just my inability to socialize? I rarely go out and unless I know the people in the group, I'm usually quiet. But even when I do have something in common the feeling of ackwardness is still there.
I feel the same way. It's very hard to stop being self-conscious and just let go, especially if the people you're sitting with are talking about ridiculous nonsense. Remember there is no pressure for you to say anything.

I'm only guessing the intimidation is a result of my physical appearance. Growing up, I was commonly asked "Why do you always look mad" when I'm not. I will admit the emotionless expression on my face isn't the most friendly look, but it's not intentional. Another thing I might be able to attribute the intimidation feeling to is being a minority in conjunction with my general physical appearance. Maybe it's a combination of my physical appearance and the confidence/independence I give off? Maybe it's strictly the confidence/independence aura?
It doesn't help to think about it, all I can say that I was told the same thing. People asked me to smile and stop looking so angry all the time. The independent confidence can also be intimidating I guess, we can sometimes appear like statues because we are not moved in the same way as the collective. We don't get carried away as easily, and that's what most people interpret as cold. I've learned to fake it. I've even learned to smile, and act interested in people - it's possible but draining. I can assure you nothing is wrong with you though, in fact you seem a normal INTJ. Maybe it's a comfort to know that there are others like you. I know it's comforting to me.
 

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Well...

I can relate in a few ways. I've also tested as an INFJ at times too. The connection thing may be something where some books on Emotional Intelligence may help to some extent as I know I've been going through a book called "Emotional Intelligence 2.0" that has sections that may cover some of this.

Another thought is to consider if you have some form of Asperger's as there may be social cues you are missing here. I suspect I may have something similar, so I'm just passing it along. There was an assessment I took last year that showed a couple of areas where I have problems and feel it is bad enough to want to fix it: I'm socially inhibited a.k.a. "shy" but also emotionally distant or cold. I can see how I have these and am trying to work my way through them but it isn't easy.

Fi can be a nice function at times and I'll second the comment about this function shining through.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I feel like that every time there's someone else in my vicinity. INTJs are very unique and reading this should clear up a few things.
Thanks for the link. The information is very similar to a book titled "Please Understand Me II." I'd post a link to the book, but my post count isn't high enough yet. Anyway, the book has a much more in depth explanation of personality types than what I found on the web. I began reading it right around the time I discovered there was such a thing as personality types. While I was reading it, I LOL'd at pretty much everything as it described me to a T. It definitely helped me to understand myself better.

On a general basis, everyone feels awkward every once and a while.
Personally, I feel awkward amongst most people, even those I have been friends with most of my life.
I agree that the ackwardness isn't unique to INTJ's. I relate to your comment about feeling ackward around people you know. I just don't get it. For example, I'll be with a group of friends and we decide to walk somewhere. When we start walking, they're all walking behind me...and I walk slow! It bugs me because I don't want to be the leader. I'm just gonna ask, point blank, the next time I see them why they do that.

You sound like a typical INTJ from the limited knowledge I have gathered. The test results you got may suggest that you are in fact INXJ. Perhaps you sometimes are low T and close to F. Who knows. All I know is that when I am feeling down I have tested as a different type. I think both of those types you tested as can be socially awkward can't they? but then again so can I on the odd occasion if I don't feel a rapport with someone. Perhaps put your post on the INFJ forum as well and compare notes between the two types.
Hmmm....good point about the INXJ comment. I think you're right....one thing that I've realized about myself is that when it comes to my professional life, I'll have a rational approach to things. I'll strive for good design, efficiency, etc. W/ respect to my personal life, I've learned that I can't always be successful with personal relationships if I approach it rationally and so I rely more on my feelings at that point....or as they say..."listen to my heart" :blushed:

If you're having trouble making just casual friends I suggest finding people that fit your criteria more closely of what you'd like in a friend instead of expecting people you meet to fit it.
I don't disagree as the people I'm around or meet have typically been extroverts. I've ran into a few that I felt were introverts, but haven't ran into them more than once as they rarely go out (like me) :happy:

It has been said elsewhere on the forum that when you take a test you should ask yourself are you answers reflecting you NOW (i.e., recent events are on your mind) or are you answering on a more general basis. If your answers are influence by recent events, that your results may be, too.

This is common for me, too. Of the 5 people (yes, only 5) that I have considered to be very close friends over my life, they were introduced to me or came to me --- I did not break the ice myself at all.

Hard to say anything about this. You mention physical appearance more than once, but also seem to liken physical appearance to your facial expression. We unfortunately live in a global society that mostly labels us based upon the visual image we project. All I can say is you need to be comfortable with yourself and accept yourself. If you get that far, why care about others in this regard? It's their choice and over that you have very little control. Let it go.

In reading over the INTJ threads, you will get the sense -- both playful as well as in seriousness -- that INTJs value the sense of feeling/being different. Do you value this sense that you have? Or does your really contain a meaning of worry and uncomfortableness?

Read and participate. I came to this forum just about 4 months ago to get a better sense of myself. It's been fun and enlightening.
I was answering on a more general basis as I've taken the test when in different moods and have gotten INTJ/INFJ. It's funny that you mention the story about how you met your close friends as I've had the same experience. W/ respect to my physical appearance, I'm happy with it and for the most part don't really care much about what other people think....but I do have my off days where it gets to me :frustrating:.

In regards to feeling/being different, that's what I pride myself on :proud:. I never really followed the crowd but didn't go out of my way to be different. I just aim to be myself...to be true to myself.

Make socializing an "experiment" where you study people and learn how they think; read body language, study their characteristics--- tone of voice, where their gaze goes, their choice of words, etc...

I find, for me anyway, that it takes the edge off when you just see socializing with people as an experiment of sorts. If a "connection" happens, great--- if not, who cares?
I really like this idea and I think I'll use this approach moving forward. Thanks for the suggestion!

Maybe it's a comfort to know that there are others like you. I know it's comforting to me.
Indeed...it is comforting to know this.

I can relate in a few ways. I've also tested as an INFJ at times too. The connection thing may be something where some books on Emotional Intelligence may help to some extent as I know I've been going through a book called "Emotional Intelligence 2.0" that has sections that may cover some of this.

Another thought is to consider if you have some form of Asperger's as there may be social cues you are missing here. I suspect I may have something similar, so I'm just passing it along. There was an assessment I took last year that showed a couple of areas where I have problems and feel it is bad enough to want to fix it: I'm socially inhibited a.k.a. "shy" but also emotionally distant or cold. I can see how I have these and am trying to work my way through them but it isn't easy.

Fi can be a nice function at times and I'll second the comment about this function shining through.
Hmmm...I'm gonna have to read up on Asperger and look into the book as well. I don't doubt I miss social cues. I used to constantly friends of mine that are girls "What does it mean when a girl plays w/ her hair when..." Or I'll have guy friends ask me in shock "Did you just see that?! That girl was doing blah blah blah because blah blah blah..." I'll typically reply with "Huh?!"

In regards to being shy, I was the same way at one point until I came across another INTJ website where a someone posted the following:

"You must do everything that frightens you. Everything. I’m not talking about risking your life, but everything else. Think about fear, decide right now how you’re going to deal with fear, because fear is going to be the great issue of your life, I promise you. Fear will be the fuel for all your success, and the root cause of all your failures, and the underlying dilemma in every story you tell yourself about yourself. And the only chance you’ll have against fear? Follow it. Steer by it. Don’t think of fear as the villain. Think of fear as your guide, your pathfinder..."

Reading that changed my life! I'm not as shy as before and have made more of an effort to break out of my comfort zone. That quote is also one of the reasons why I went sky diving earlier this year :laughing:
 

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Maybe it's just the group of people? Sigh....I don't know, but I've always feel like I'm really different. Has anyone else experienced/experience something similar?
yeah I was self conscious for years, then I realized I had nothing to be afraid of, I don't need anyone to do fuck all for me, least of all accept me

if I want to join a conversation I'll just sort of crash into it, as long as I'm louder others will just step back and let me join

people are really uncomplicated
 

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I've had very similar experiences throughout my life. In that, I feel awkward being around other people---whether I'm actually conversing with them, or just seated next to them; something always feels 'off.' And by 'off,' I essentially mean 'not right'---i.e., that I'm not in the right situation. Instead of my uncomfortableness manifesting itself physically as embarrasment or anxiety, it causes me to appear vastly cold and aloof, or more colloquially, pissed off. And because I more often than not look as I do, people have expressed verbally and through implicit body language that they find me intimidating---something I think is rather laughable, given that I'm a 5'0" tall woman, and men twice the size of me have expressed their apprehension towards me...Ah, the mysteries and joys of being an INTJ.
 

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... given that I'm 5'0" tall woman, and men twice the size of me have expressed their apprehension towards me...Ah, the mysteries and joys of being an INTJ.
Yeah that's always made me chuckle. I rarely had to deal with bullies when I was in school and the few fights I did get into ended really quickly and they never looked me in the eye afterward. I'm only 5'6 and my shoes are probably an inch or so of that yet people always clear the path in front of me. I think they internally sense that screwing with me is a bad idea because I'm just as likely to verbally insult them until I get bored or I'd take out my phone and stab then between the ribs with it.
 

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old thread, but anyway, there's nothing wrong with people, no syndrome of any kind

I did warm up to people over time

the trick is, once you stop reacting to how others are feeling and what they are doing and start focusing on what YOU feel and what YOU want, then things are much more ... streamlined and direct

some people find it refreshing
 

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Of course i did.....but in time i learned to accept that....my thinking is now "i am what i am-i like myself.....world cannot understand me-that s worlds problem.....and if you can accept who i am that s great and if you cannot well you can fuck off with all others bastards-i m crazy different and proud of it"
 
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"You must do everything that frightens you. Everything. I’m not talking about risking your life, but everything else. Think about fear, decide right now how you’re going to deal with fear, because fear is going to be the great issue of your life, I promise you. Fear will be the fuel for all your success, and the root cause of all your failures, and the underlying dilemma in every story you tell yourself about yourself. And the only chance you’ll have against fear? Follow it. Steer by it. Don’t think of fear as the villain. Think of fear as your guide, your pathfinder..."
That's the best advice I've ever heard.
 

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Something similar? For a while I questioned whether I was even human. The thing is we're a minority (<1%). Even now I'm constantly on the lookout for people

I also used to be expressionless until I, like many of us here, learned to simulate emotions.

Everything you've said seems like INTJ rather than INFJ (not enough information to be sure, though).
 

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Hello all. I'm new to the forum, but I've taken personality tests a few times and I've gotten both INTJ/INFJ. I relate to a lot of what's been said in the existing threads, but I've been struggling with something for a while...

I can't seem to connect with the people that I meet or hang out with. There always this feeling of ackwardness in the air and/or intimidation. Maybe the source of ackwardness comes from my lack of having things in common with the people I'm around? Perhaps it's just my inability to socialize? I rarely go out and unless I know the people in the group, I'm usually quiet. But even when I do have something in common the feeling of ackwardness is still there.

I'm only guessing the intimidation is a result of my physical appearance. Growing up, I was commonly asked "Why do you always look mad" when I'm not. I will admit the emotionless expression on my face isn't the most friendly look, but it's not intentional. Another thing I might be able to attribute the intimidation feeling to is being a minority in conjunction with my general physical appearance. Maybe it's a combination of my physical appearance and the confidence/independence I give off? Maybe it's strictly the confidence/independence aura?

Maybe it's just the group of people? Sigh....I don't know, but I've always feel like I'm really different. Has anyone else experienced/experience something similar?
If you are an INTJ, you will learn that it's not important.

And it's probably your face. Try to walk more upright and people will perceive your face less "mad" already.
 
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