Hi SPs
can you tell me if this is common behavior from your kind?
Precursor- This behavior is not representative of any specific type nor a stereotype. I recognize that what is going on is extreme immaturity, but I figured maybe if I can peg her type down better I can gain a better handle on the situation. I think she is an ESTP and she believes so as well.
So my fiance's sister seems to have issues with me, and it's really confusing me. There will be one moment she acts like my best friend, then she will later vent about me (in public too... like Facebook or her blog). She is supposed to be my bridesmaid for my wedding in June, but she recently informed me that her boyfriend's army graduation may be moved up to three days before my wedding. Long story short, if this occurs, she will not be at my wedding.
That obviously does cause some upset because I really wanted her to be a bridesmaid plus she already committed, would prefer to have my ducks in a row, and I would like to find a replacement bridesmaid. I would also like to know as soon as possible if she is going to her boyfriend's graduation, so I can make other plans to compensate her absence. In fact, I've found the replacement if necessary! But knowing her (and what she's done in the past) I'm concerned I won't get a good answer until too late. If I just plop the replacement in before she knows for sure about the graduation, she will be offended. If I allow her until right up before the wedding to make up her mind and she chooses to go to the graduation, then I'm frazzled with significantly last minute changes. By the way, the only reason I say this is an issue is because it happened before. I do not trust her to make a decision she will stick to far enough in advanced because of past experiences.
I know my fiance and her family is not terribly happy about her random change in plan and disturbance in her dynamic. I also recognize the importance of her going to see her boyfriend and want to be a good support. But is it being catty of me to pretty much never trust her again with big commitments or put a lot of support into her big events? I don't want her to get the idea she can walk all over me and still expect what she has gotten from me.
I just want to find a decision that won't tick her off/cause upset prior to the wedding (I'm frazzled enough with a job promotion, volunteering, and moving out of the house). I just want to find a smooth transition into either kicking her out of the wedding party, or convincing her to make it here for the wedding. I have made the suggestion to fly her and her boyfriend out to my wedding so she can still be involved, so I am trying to come up with solutions that get us all what we want.
Precursor- This behavior is not representative of any specific type nor a stereotype. I recognize that what is going on is extreme immaturity, but I figured maybe if I can peg her type down better I can gain a better handle on the situation. I think she is an ESTP and she believes so as well.
So my fiance's sister seems to have issues with me, and it's really confusing me. There will be one moment she acts like my best friend, then she will later vent about me (in public too... like Facebook or her blog). She is supposed to be my bridesmaid for my wedding in June, but she recently informed me that her boyfriend's army graduation may be moved up to three days before my wedding. Long story short, if this occurs, she will not be at my wedding.
That obviously does cause some upset because I really wanted her to be a bridesmaid plus she already committed, would prefer to have my ducks in a row, and I would like to find a replacement bridesmaid. I would also like to know as soon as possible if she is going to her boyfriend's graduation, so I can make other plans to compensate her absence. In fact, I've found the replacement if necessary! But knowing her (and what she's done in the past) I'm concerned I won't get a good answer until too late. If I just plop the replacement in before she knows for sure about the graduation, she will be offended. If I allow her until right up before the wedding to make up her mind and she chooses to go to the graduation, then I'm frazzled with significantly last minute changes. By the way, the only reason I say this is an issue is because it happened before. I do not trust her to make a decision she will stick to far enough in advanced because of past experiences.
I know my fiance and her family is not terribly happy about her random change in plan and disturbance in her dynamic. I also recognize the importance of her going to see her boyfriend and want to be a good support. But is it being catty of me to pretty much never trust her again with big commitments or put a lot of support into her big events? I don't want her to get the idea she can walk all over me and still expect what she has gotten from me.
I just want to find a decision that won't tick her off/cause upset prior to the wedding (I'm frazzled enough with a job promotion, volunteering, and moving out of the house). I just want to find a smooth transition into either kicking her out of the wedding party, or convincing her to make it here for the wedding. I have made the suggestion to fly her and her boyfriend out to my wedding so she can still be involved, so I am trying to come up with solutions that get us all what we want.