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First, I'd like to give a big hardy hello! I'm new! :D


Anyways, onto the main reason why I'm posting this topic...

I don't know if it's just me, or if it's common for ENFJ's, but I beat myself up a lot. Not physically but mentally. I'll just start telling lies to myself about the way I look and the what others think about me and It annoys me because I start to believe it.


I dunno... Maybe I'm just weird. (There I go again... shucks.)
 

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Hey, welcome to the forum! :)

I an incredibly hard on myself, particularly when I'm under a lot of stress and haven't taken care of my emotional needs. I'm normally critical of myself, but when I'm unhealthy, my mind makes up a bunch of stuff to beat myself up over.
 

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It's mainly why I can't sleep properly at night? My brain decides to sermon me and I just can't stop it from doing so (so I flush it out with music and hope that I can sleep earlier).

I don't really know. LOL. I mean, I do things the way I want to and I never regret my decisions, but sometimes I feel that I haven't grown enough as I should be. That there are a lot of things that need to be settled, but I couldn't settle them due to circumstances. I don't regret the past, but what's happening in the present and it's eventual future keeps me suspended in thought for the time I'm in the company of myself. And being a slightly political person (not involved in the government, but involved in going against the social oppression happening in my country), I can't help but beat myself up more for doing nothing and just sitting here contemplating on myself.

And the thing is, I really love watching people grow and being there to support them. I just can't seem to do that with myself. Even if I tried, it makes me feel like I'm very narcissistic and it's not a happy feeling for me. Sometimes, even if I did want something, especially when I'm shopping with my aunt who would splurge just for me, I'd rather not spoil myself because I don't think I'm worth it.

Even when I expected certain things to happen, I still beat myself up until that end result arrives. Then I'd mope. Then I'd feel better.

It's surprising how a lot of people don't really know this about me. I tend to hide it cause I don't want to bother them, so I'm a little glad that not a lot of people know this about me. And I kind of don't like their initial reaction when I'm sad. It's as if I'm not allowed to be sad and it pisses me off more than anything else. XD

Don't get me wrong though, I'm not emotional and sad all the time. It's mostly when I'm alone. XD With people, I'm more happy and bubbly that I usually forget I just had fought with myself the previous night. XD
 

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It's mostly when I'm alone.
Same here. When I'm alone in my room at 11 o' clock, I get deep. And unhappy.

It makes me mad. I was in love with this amazing girl. Didn't feel like that with anyone except her. I would go home and just think about how she would never say yes to me though. I would beat myself up over it and now she probably thinks I'm not stable emotionally because I would go to school everyday feeling different about the whole idea of telling her how I felt.

Bleagh... Makes me feel sick because I know that's what probably ruined the whole thing between her and I. What makes it worse is that I felt like we were getting somewhere.

Why are we cursed! Dahh! D':
 

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LOL, I can relate to that so much. I can't for the life of me fess up what I feel for a person in fear of ruining our relationship. XD

I fell for an ENFJ about a year ago. I've never had someone relate to me on the same level as her and sometimes we do things at the same time without us planning it. We called it an "Empathy Link" lol. XD She was a really fun person to hang out with and we talked so much about things that interest us. The third time we talked, I immediately realized where this was heading for me and I wanted to tell her... but something told me I shouldn't.

I found out she was straight.

And damn, I respected and loved her so much to not tell her to change her sexual preference for me, or at least consider me. I loved her so much that all I could do was let go and let her live her own happy life. And the fact she wanted a family and get married so bad, I just couldn't take all of that away from her. It would just be too selfish for me that I'd rather take all the pain and just forget about it.

I eventually did, but after nights and nights of crying. And it doesn't help that she ran to me when times were terrible for her. When I thought I'd forget about it, she comes running back in my arms, crying for whatever reason and it just crushes my heart slowly. I couldn't tell her to just leave me alone, not in her most fragile times. And what pissed me off more was the fact that she ran to me crying about the guy she likes which is apparently one of my best friends. And this dude was a total douche-bag with her. I completely didn't know what she saw in him cause he was this really lazy person and he wasn't even cute to begin with.

Ok, I might be biased, but please. He liked someone else and they both ended up with each other (him and the girl he liked, not ENFJ). I had this internal conflict with my best friend because he knew how I felt about ENFJ, but he continued to be a total ass with her and eventually everything comes pouring out at me.

ENFJ moved on, I moved on. We're all friends now and well, I'm going to take a break from love. After this pain, I don't think I want anything to do with it. At all. Even if I am slowly being captivated by this new INFP friend, I'd rather just let it lie low for a while.
 

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Sometimes breaks are good in life. Just don't give it up completely cause you never know. That INFP friend might be waiting for you. :D

That's the thing with us ENFJ's. Good, romantic lovers when we work up the courage to risk the relationship... God, it's painful. :[


"Even if things get heavy, we'll all float on." --Modest Mouse
 

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It's mainly why I can't sleep properly at night? My brain decides to sermon me and I just can't stop it from doing so (so I flush it out with music and hope that I can sleep earlier).
I stay up to the point of pure exaustion so my mind doesn't have a chance to lecture me. I haven't had a good night of sleep in a year. I listen to audiobooks so it replaces the negative voice in my head while I visualize complex objects and rotate them in my mind to use up all my mental capacity, so my mind can't start up on self-destructive thoughts. It's my version of someone trying to start a fight with me and me saying "lalalalalalala I can't hear you" :p
 

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Oh my word... that is what I am doing right now! I stay up late so that when I finally do turn off the computer, I will fall asleep within 5 minutes. If I don't, well, I get back online for another 30 minutes to assure that I will fall asleep faster.

But that only happens when I'm stressed about life and have a situation I can't bear to think about. I think it is because we have such an idealistic outlook on life that we can't bear it when our ideals aren't congruent with reality, not to mention out of our control.
 
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You guys need to boost your alpha brain waves so you can relax at night. Start winding down long before bed and do something not particularly exciting. Don't read, don't be online, don't watch TV or movies unless they're not exciting, don't play upbeat music, etc. Do prayer or meditation, do some deep breathing or self-hypnosis, play a musical instrument without thinking about what you're playing or trying to be technical, be present and in the moment. You can also imagine non-exciting things that don't rely on memories. So, like a picnic on another planet that looks nothing like ours. Make it all up as you go, but don't include any mental conversation or memories (so, no people you know in this scenario). Just see mental pictures.
 
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First, I'd like to give a big hardy hello! I'm new! :D


Anyways, onto the main reason why I'm posting this topic...

I don't know if it's just me, or if it's common for ENFJ's, but I beat myself up a lot. Not physically but mentally. I'll just start telling lies to myself about the way I look and the what others think about me and It annoys me because I start to believe it.


I dunno... Maybe I'm just weird. (There I go again... shucks.)
Ermmm my boyfriend is an ENFJ and he once told that when he was younger he was kinda making up many things so they called him Jay from Inbetweeners hahah
Anyway - i don't only think this is maybe type related...i think i had problems as well with thous kinds of lies myself
But i can tell you i know at least one ENFJ who would know what are you talking about hahah
 

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Yes, this is true for me. It is something I have been noticing this past year and one thing I want to continue to work on. When I am in a lot of stress or I failed at something, then I do lots of negative self-talk in my head.

I learned about a concept called "self-compassion" where you should support yourself even when things go wrong. It's more powerful than "self-esteem." It basically has me look at myself the way I would for someone I care about, a family member or friend, and say things that I would say to them. Why bully myself when I don't bully others?
 
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Lol am I the only one who noticed that most posts in this thread were predominantly type two... And yeah I relate with all the enfj posts
 

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Pfft ... I don't mind becoming what I'm needed to become for another person in the short term - specifically if that's what they need to heal. Or for me to get a job :p

I perceive it as being flexible and adaptable to change. And I have so many different facets to my personality that every mask I put on is a part of a whole me.

Only my SO and best friend gets to see everything. I wouldn't want anyone else to see everything there is to me --- I purposefully put on masks for that very reason. The onus is on the other person who has to make a real effort to get to know who I really am and how I really feel.
 
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