[Einstein]

It seems to me like most ENFJ's aren't uncomfortable pointing things out or talking about thinks that most people just let go. They always seem to be the first ones to address the elephant in the room. Or if someone makes a mistake they don't mind pointing it out.

Is this true for many ENFJ's?

 

[LaraH]

I wouldn't say that. Most ENFJs are sensitive about others mistakes and more often will "let things go" until they feel the person needs an intervention. We seek to foster growth in individuals and always give them the benefit of the doubt. I think ENTJs more often point out others mistakes. I would feel uncomfortable just blatantly pointing out someone's mistake, and if I did, I would tell the person the good things they are doing but offer suggestions for improvement.

I do probably hold on to things that I should just let go. I tend to internalize those things rather that talk about them though.

So, overall, I think I would disagree with what you wrote, at least with me personally.

 

[Einstein]

I wouldn't say that. Most ENFJs are sensitive about others mistakes and more often will "let things go" until they feel the person needs an intervention. We seek to foster growth in individuals and always give them the benefit of the doubt. I think ENTJs more often point out others mistakes. I would feel uncomfortable just blatantly pointing out someone's mistake, and if I did, I would tell the person the good things they are doing but offer suggestions for improvement.

I do probably hold on to things that I should just let go. I tend to internalize those things rather that talk about them though.

So, overall, I think I would disagree with what you wrote, at least with me personally.

Interesting.

When I said they seem to point out mistakes I didn't mean they do it in mean or criticizing way, more like they don't want to let the mistake cause problems when they could do something about it. They also seem to speak up frequently when they disagree with someone else's idea. In a nice way though. Maybe my ENFJ just talks more than others though.

 

[LaraH]

Well, I guess my style has developed to a point where I see everyone growing towards the mature embodiment of their type. I.e. You, Einstien, are growing into a mature ENTJ and like all of us, will make mistakes, learn, and move on. If someone is constantly doing something unwise... like, putting off studying until the last minute and then barely passing, or continually dating the wrong type of guy...or treating other people in a way that leaves them friendless...etc. I give them a time period to let them figure it out for themselves first before I step in, although I will always try to get them thinking towards improvement along the way. I really hate it when I make a mistake and get immediate feedback on what I did wrong.... I would much rather figure it out myself and I do a pretty good job of making myself feel bad without others pointing out my flaws too... but I guess it depends on the mistake. If someone is doing something really wrong... that is really destructive, then of course I will point it out.

But if it really only affects them and isn't too serious of a problem, I'll let them learn through it first. ... Does that make sense?

 

[Einstein]

Well, I guess my style has developed to a point where I see everyone growing towards the mature embodiment of their type. I.e. You, Einstien, are growing into a mature ENTJ and like all of us, will make mistakes, learn, and move on. If someone is constantly doing something unwise... like, putting off studying until the last minute and then barely passing, or continually dating the wrong type of guy...or treating other people in a way that leaves them friendless...etc. I give them a time period to let them figure it out for themselves first before I step in, although I will always try to get them thinking towards improvement along the way. I really hate it when I make a mistake and get immediate feedback on what I did wrong.... I would much rather figure it out myself and I do a pretty good job of making myself feel bad without others pointing out my flaws too... but I guess it depends on the mistake. If someone is doing something really wrong... that is really destructive, then of course I will point it out.

But if it really only affects them and isn't too serious of a problem, I'll let them learn through it first. ... Does that make sense?

Yup, that makes sense.

ENFJ's are amazing.

 

[Impermanence]

If I see a problem or mistake I will point it out to the person, but not in front of others as I am really careful about not wanting to embarass anyone. I hate being embarassed myself, so I don't do it to others.

 

[SilentScream]

I point out little things like social "taboos" that could be avoided by a person to help them avoid their embarrassment. I don't do it because I personally think they're taboos .. but to sort of protect them from ridicule.

In Pakistan things like a girl's bra strap showing are very taboo and usually girls who let it "slip" get mocked and taunted, and cat called in private by groups of boys. So I would point out things like that to the women I know who wouldn't normally let it show. Things like that.

As for criticizing someone openly? No .. I don't do that. When I notice someone being bigoted, or narrow minded, at first I try to understand their perspective and upon sighting open bigotry, I usually walk that person to their demise by getting them riled up to the point of intellectual lunacy so that they can make a fool of themselves without me having to point it out directly. Kinda like how they do it on talk shows ... ask enough probing questions, and the person starts frothing in the mouth kind of thing. Intuition is dangerous when it comes to that.

Finally, as for "mentoring" someone ... I put it in the nicest way possible. I inspire through example .. and I don't advise directly. I try to get a person to become optimistic by presenting them optimistic angles of looking at the same thing if they're looking at it from a very pessimistic angle. I also have no trouble becoming the person someone else needs in their life till the time they need me to be there for them in order to feel better about themselves. Generally speaking, I avoid pointing out a person's mistakes directly because I know and trust that everyone is capable of seeing their own faults and short-comings, and just by being presented with a different way of looking at the same thing will realize everything themselves. If they're incapable of seeing their own flaws, I usually walk away from such relationships after some time.