[Patch]

So does this happen to anybody else?

On a night out this happens fairly often, I meet a person (first or second time, basicly a stranger) and if we end up in one to one conversation, they sort of spill their guts. They tell me very personal things that people would normally only talk about with people they are very very close with.

i suppose i should give examples of what i mean by personal. I've been told very intimate details about sex lives, stories of rape, abuse in the home, doubts over sexuality, any insecurities or self doubts, you name it and i've most likely been told about it.

Its weird tho, because when they talk about their situations, i can feel their pain. It's not that i feel bad for them, well i do obviously, but its more like i can feel what they are feeling and understand, even tho i have no personal experience of what they are describing.

I dont have a problem with listening and helping them, I just rele dont understand why they talk to me of all people. it happens far too often for it to be coincidence. and its not because im a stranger because i live in the countryside. i meet these people but i will meet them again, and they know this, also we will have loads of common friends.

can anyone make any sense of this with mbti, is it because im an enfp or what?

On a side note, i wanted to ask if something else is common for enfps. I barely no people but i get vibes off them and i just 'get' them as a person, their motives, values, how they would respond to saying this/that, if they are being genuine. This is taken to extremes with my friends especially my best friend, if i wanted i could make him do what i want to do, and make him think it was his idea. I wouldnt tho because of Fi and all that. I always do what he wants to do because i'm happy enough as long as others are happy.

I'm worried this sounds like i think im great or something but rele im trying to be very matter-of-fact about this so you can give opinions on it.

I think the reason this whole spilling their guts thing gets to me is cos i take other peoples problem's on as my own, and theres only so much you can carry around. These people often say things like 'i just rele feel like i can talk to you about anything" or say things about "feeling comfortable around me." i dunno everyone seems to feel comfortable around me altho, i think i do this by acting like i dont care what people think of me, and will laugh at myself to no end, so they think 'well he wont judge me" and then they are themselves.

It's only entered my mind now but i should say that i do feel...connected to these people like i do consider them friends, even tho i dont no them well enough. it doesnt take much for me to think of someone as a good friend.

i dunno rele im looking for opinions from others on all this. rele is it common for enfps any mbti perspective on this. Im very sorry for how long this is!

I havent rele posted much here. not used to forums, i think i feel uncomfortable since i dont no ye. And i kinda feel false cos this post just isnt how i am, i wouldnt be surprised if someone comments on how i dont seem like and enfp. altho i am open to thinking about my type and weather i could be an other one i am very confident in saying im an enfp.

Very sorry about length of this, its not structured and its just a stream of thoughts im just not used to this lol! thats the first time i used lol in this, that is just weird! this whole think is devoid of any personality, i say lol so much online that its annoying.

i must stop now! i would be delighted with any input, ya no from an outsider.

 

[damiencoold]

Been there, Patch :wink: I can totally relate to what you're saying. Yes, because we're an ENFP, we re the "torch" of society. People come to us for advise, help, and we share to them our "fire". That IS our destiny roud: About feeling connected to people stories, I think that's our Fi. I remember someone here said that: Fi is empathy where you enter into another's feelings and experience as your own. Ah, here it is, I found it :

I think it's your strong Fi.

Fi would be the function used when you place yourselves into someone else's shoes, see the situation from their perspective, thus you can feel their pain as your own. ENFPs can probably feel the pain of the whole world.

Fe is about feeling sorry for someone, but not necessarily letting those feelings enter you to affect you in the same way.


Fi is empathy where you enter into another's feelings and experience as your own.

Fe is sympathy, feeling pity for someone, but never really getting inside to experience it as they do.



I feel like I am able to do this quite easily myself, if I allow it and focus on it. But it's extremely overwhelming for me so I use inferior Fe to protect myself, close myself off from the world, maintain an emotional distance. The only time I won't do this is with someone I care a lot about.

 

[Patch]

Thank you very much for responding!:happy:
Well that solves how i feel connected, etc.

I suppose what rele made me post this, was me wondering why people who barley know me, know that im the kinda person that they can talk about this stuff too. ya thats it how do they instantly no that they can talk to me about this kinda stuff?

 

[ApolloNoUta]

Surprisingly, yeah, I've noticed that happen a lot. I ride public transportation, and occasionally get in conversations with random passengers, and I've had people spill their life story, and then when it's their stop, we'll be like "Well, it was nice chatting with you" and be on our merry ways and never see each other again. It just happens, and it's very interesting to hear about other peoples' lives and certainly makes passing the time much more enjoyable.

Not so sure about all of the second question though. I think I can tend to "feel" when someone is genuine or not, because I'm naturally cautious, but I don't think I'd ever be capable of the manipulation thing, nor would I want to be.

 

[damiencoold]

In my experience, what bothers me the most about this whole confiding and connecting is that it doesn't happen much with strangers or friends, but with girls I fall for

 

[knght990]

I have had this as well. My solution was to stop talking to people. I don't think that would work for an ENFP.
People would tell me their issues and then expect me to come up with some elegant solution to fix it.

Point being it might not be an ENFP trait as much as you look like a priest or something along those lines.

 

[Tridentus]

In my experience, what bothers me the most about this whole confiding and connecting is that it doesn't happen much with strangers or friends, but with girls I fall for

little piece of help for you there damien- no girl in the history of man has poured their guts out to someone without being close friends at least and then fancied them. that person would just go into the "too nice" category. you're clearly prepared to listen because you think it might lead to you getting some- it won't.

i totally get this too.. obviously the alcohol contributes but i think i encourage it.. they know it's just a bit of fun and it's like escapism pouring their heart out to some relative stranger- and we're one of the few prepared to listen and chat, because we enjoy it too, we like examining someone else's emotional experiences and comparing them to our own and others'. it depends what kind of a night out it is though, if it's a party where i'm actually trying to make a good impression then unlikely, but if we're on a night out at a pub/ at a rubbish party ill end up chatting to some random and it'll always end up with extremely personal things. often gets CRAZY abstract too, to the point that noone else knows what the hell we're going on about. but yeah i like doing that and getting the chance to make someone feel understood.:happy:

 

[kaycee]

I don't think I get that as often as other ENFPs.

What happens to me a lot is that I become close friends with a person quickly, and once that happens, then they start sharing. Sure, every so often a completely stranger who I will never see again will share personal things with me, but it's not an every day or probably even weekly occurance. I guess I would attribute it to me having a lot of S tendencies. I'm a lot of fun to be around, so usually when people and I first meet we are too busy laughing and joking around to be serious. Once we go to our first one on one lunch or something though, it always gets deep.

 

[HappiLie]

Its weird tho, because when they talk about their situations, i can feel their pain. It's not that i feel bad for them, well i do obviously, but its more like i can feel what they are feeling and understand, even tho i have no personal experience of what they are describing.

I dont have a problem with listening and helping them, I just rele dont understand why they talk to me of all people. it happens far too often for it to be coincidence. and its not because im a stranger because i live in the countryside. i meet these people but i will meet them again, and they know this, also we will have loads of common friends.

On a side note, i wanted to ask if something else is common for enfps. I barely no people but i get vibes off them and i just 'get' them as a person, their motives, values, how they would respond to saying this/that, if they are being genuine. This is taken to extremes with my friends especially my best friend, if i wanted i could make him do what i want to do, and make him think it was his idea. I wouldnt tho because of Fi and all that. I always do what he wants to do because i'm happy enough as long as others are happy.

I think the reason this whole spilling their guts thing gets to me is cos i take other peoples problem's on as my own, and theres only so much you can carry around. These people often say things like 'i just rele feel like i can talk to you about anything" or say things about "feeling comfortable around me." i dunno everyone seems to feel comfortable around me altho, i think i do this by acting like i dont care what people think of me, and will laugh at myself to no end, so they think 'well he wont judge me" and then they are themselves.

It's only entered my mind now but i should say that i do feel...connected to these people like i do consider them friends, even tho i dont no them well enough. it doesnt take much for me to think of someone as a good friend.

Your words shake my soul. Holy crap, I totally kno what you're talking about :mellow:
Total telepathy moment.
I feel the exact, exact same ways in those situations you described. And don't yu feel pressured one bit to blurt it all out mah dear

It's like...you feel extremely/endlessly flattered and warm when people tell you that they feel so easily comfortable around you, but you wonder...
"Why me? Is it cause...I don't like to draw lines around things? Or...why?"

And when these people tell you their life stories, it sucks you in and you feel for them. Very extroverted-feeling-ish.
It's like you play it as a movie in your head and feel their pain and it shakes you. And you feel so close to them and find them as such interesting, complex, and lovable individuals even if you've only just met them. And the fact that you're able to respectfully and genuinely glimpse into each others' minds makes you feel like you're almost high?

I think it's just the way that we are, in the sense that we're naturally fascinated with people and their minds. It's like everyone has a life story to tell and we are not afraid to talk/open easily and share and listen to others because their stories are all so different and we generally find them all beautiful and interesting because of our love for diversity/open-ended consideration & hatred of boxing things in/drawing limits.
In addition, we have our cute, quirky ways of putting people at ease. And we're not faking it. We really like people and feeling happy. And we want our connections with others to be real.

As far as the vibe-feeling, it's probably our NF-ness...and how we can just get a feel for things. "Social-Scientists" are wat we are :wink:
We're happy and cheery but we're socially smart & tricky too! (๑￫‿ฺ￩๑) ♫ ♫♬♪♫

 

[EskimoFox]

Yep dude that's totally natural. The type of people we are is the type that cares deeply about people, and focuses very intensely on anyone that we are talking to, ESPECIALLY if they are confiding in us, which happens often because people can sense that we care and are interested in them. I've totally been in ur situation before many times, talking to people absolutely spilling their guts to me. I've had people tell me about their worst moments in life, about sexual abuse and whatnot on a couple occasions. It's who we are, and its what we do and we do it well. When we focus on people, we are empathizing with them, allowing ourselves to be put in their shoes, we can do this because of our feeling side combined with our imaginations. It's crazy, but the world needs people like us. We are superheroes. Nuff said.

 

[SirDude]

Been on both end of this. It is very normal, I've been standing in line, just minding my own business and by the time I get passed the checkout person or wherever, I know a person's deepest problems. Then since I have had my share of BS in my 41 years on this earth, I too can tell some kind of story to relate back to them.

Point in case, this thread, I relate and then open up about my life. It seems like us ENFP have this deep library of information to pull from. If we haven't lived it, we know someone who's brother is a plumber who did this job for a person who once knew someone who ________ (fill in the blank to fit your story)

I don't think of myself as some kind of super-hero or anything, but I do understand that we have something of a "Power" or Gift, and as some wise folks on this forum have pointed out, it's a good thing we ENFP's don't use this power or gift to do harm or for personal gain.

I guess what I am trying to say is it's great that we are there for the rest of the world to share their stories, but watch what kind of advice we give. And something else I try to keep in mind while listening to people, some people just need to vent or feel the need to share with us. We don't always have to "fix them", even if we can, I think we just look like someone they can trust when they need to get something off their chest???

Thanks for sharing, have a great day!

SirDude

 

[Finaille]

Point in case, this thread, I relate and then open up about my life. It seems like us ENFP have this deep library of information to pull from. If we haven't lived it, we know someone who's brother is a plumber who did this job for a person who once knew someone who ________ (fill in the blank to fit your story)

This is pretty much why I think this phenomena occurs! We are so open and willing to talk, empathize, sympathize, whatever it takes to make a person want to stay and tell you everything about their lives. Working in retail, this happens to me a lot! I live in a place with a famous medical clinic, and often times a lot of shoppers are in my store because they are staying at the clinic and it's not uncommon to ask them if they are from out of town: 'Oh, are you here for the clinic?'

It's amazing how much that line opens up! They will tell me how much they like the town, and then soon the conversation turns into what kind of medical procedures the person (or the family member) is having.

I don't necessarily think it's wrong, but I do need to make sure I don't over disclose, cause I know that turns most people off. I don't mind one single bit if people do it to me, but I know most don't like that particular favor returned.

 

[Jlynneseven]

Haha...wow and before I knew what personality type I was I thought maybe I was special!:tongue: I too am the person people come to. I melt hearts and receive metaphorical tears on my shoulder to the point where I feel that it is my destiny to nurture people. I feel like I am a healer, ya know? And no I'm not trying to say I'm all wonderful, I just really mean well and if that is how I can make even one person happier then I will do everything I can to. I think people pick that up about me and so I am an instant friend to people. I also feel that I "get" people, I'm really good at it too. To the point where I can not antiquity explain how I know what I know. I find people endlessly fascinating, is that common for us ENFPs?

 

[One Dreamboat]

Lol if all us ENFP's were together on an island, we would all have telepathy so vast it would be explosive. Mind you, I have formed friendships with people where such happens just because of the depth of our connections. I can relate to this...I was thinking about it the other day, how strangers will tell me private things and also of course people we know feel comfortable spilling everything because they sense we won't judge them, they know we understand them and that all we really want is for them to be happy. People get that from us, they realise that we feel and share their pain and problems as if it's our own, yup, and therefore it's in our best interest to do all we can to overcome the problem together and find emotional release...to which the people involved and us end up dying of laughter, and then they keep coming back for more and more...and has anyone ended up in friendships where you begin to wonder if you are being used? It's not really in me to judge my friendships that I value with my heart and soul, but sometimes friends project their bad moods onto you and they know that we absorb all their feelings like a sponge...they don't have to say anything to me. I know if something's happened to a friend, if they are not feeling so great, within minutes of talking to them. ENFP's are great friends, this seems to be common knowledge, but sometimes I feel that we can be used by others like some happy pill. True friends, of course, are not like that but I wonder if others are aware of the full pain they can unleash onto us by their feelings...that we sort of swallow it as our own. It's not always rainbows and giggles being an ENFP. :tongue:

ENFP's don't have to even say a word to have someone open up to them and start sharing their history and stories, and things they probably haven't shared with those closest to them. People sense that we want to help people grow, we are HAPPY to see them thrive, encourage them to go for their dreams...and people we hardly know end up telling us their every dream they were too embarrassed to tell anyone else.

 

[One Dreamboat]

Haha...wow and before I knew what personality type I was I thought maybe I was special!:tongue: I too am the person people come to. I melt hearts and receive metaphorical tears on my shoulder to the point where I feel that it is my destiny to nurture people. I feel like I am a healer, ya know? And no I'm not trying to say I'm all wonderful, I just really mean well and if that is how I can make even one person happier then I will do everything I can to. I think people pick that up about me and so I am an instant friend to people. I also feel that I "get" people, I'm really good at it too. To the point where I can not antiquity explain how I know what I know. I find people endlessly fascinating, is that common for us ENFPs?

Hehehe, yup, that is common! That's because each person is a puzzle to us, and we won't rest until we solve that puzzle.

I thought this place was kinda cool when I first saw it, and then I lurked and read some things, and I noticed that most of the ENFP's always write "Haha, hehe," - an expression of laughter into posts, that aren't even funny. I know this is completely normal for us, and that most of us often do that. It's quite bad on an MJ fan forum I go to, me and my friend are the ones who are like, "HAHAHAHAHAHA OMG I CAN'T BREATHE" in all our vms.

But who can deny it's not cute? I love the way INTJ's talk and type and walk though...tehehehe.