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Is this Manipulative?

  • no

    Votes: 7 12.7%
  • a little

    Votes: 17 30.9%
  • yes

    Votes: 24 43.6%
  • nah, it's all part of the game

    Votes: 9 16.4%
  • that's an understatement, it's creepy

    Votes: 5 9.1%
  • it's covertly controlling

    Votes: 4 7.3%
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Discussion Starter #1
I like guys who are shy, awkward and vulnerable, but I am none of these things myself and most people don't relate to my natural demeanor.
to fix this, I pretend to be more awkward and less confident for the sake of disarming them, seeming more relatable and making them more comfortable. I've made the mistake of revealing my true colors too early and scared a couple guys off, so I'm careful to keep them underestimating me until I can slowly let my full energy come out.

so, is this behavior manipulative or just a normal part of seduction?

PS: I'm asking mostly out of curiosity. if I have to be manipulative to get more sex, I have no problem with that. I suppose I could go after guys who weren't like this, but no thanks. confident guys don't turn me on.
 

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*Queries why you ask when you already know the answer, wondering if you would ever read Real Love by Greg Baer to work on avoiding imitation love and minimising getting and protecting behaviours*
 

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Discussion Starter #3
*Queries why you ask when you already know the answer, wondering if you would ever read Real Love by Greg Baer to work on avoiding imitation love and minimising getting and protecting behaviours*
I actually don't know the answer. the process of seduction always requires some degree of image manipulation. my question is if when does it cross the line from standard seduction tactics to manipulation?
PS: while part of me does want real love, how do I find real love with someone I'm not turned on by?
 

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But why are you attracted to these kind of people?

I like guys who are shy, awkward and vulnerable,
Originally when I read what you wrote, I thought to myself, no, actually.. I do not think that is that manipulative, cos to me I would do that too when I was younger, but... there came a point in time whereby I wanted someone to love me for me. The true me. Whole-heartedly. So if you pretend to be someone you are not, then people will see through that and they will feel used any way?

If what you wrote here is really seriously and you want this:

while part of me does want real love, how do I find real love with someone I'm not turned on by?
Then put sex as second priority than LOVE and emotional connection first.
You can be an extrovert, and you can be romantic too. I think what you seem to imply is that you want a romantic individual, rather than a "quiet and shy guy". They won't change their personality for you, you know. We do not change the core of our personality through life. We can be more quiet or loud depending on circumstances.

Any way, a deep and sexual relationship with all the experimentation can only really come when you feel comfortable and know someone well, and that you trust them enough to experiment with... How can people be so short sighted to have this "I want it all now" mentality ?

You will be turned on by your SO cos then they would want to please you too as well as pleasing them to see you happy and vice versa etc.
 

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I actually don't know the answer. the process of seduction always requires some degree of image manipulation. my question is if when does it cross the line from standard seduction tactics to manipulation?
PS: while part of me does want real love, how do I find real love with someone I'm not turned on by?
When you must lie more than you tell the truth about the person you truly are...

The book I suggested is invaluable but you must actually want to put the work in and be ready to consider relationships or love not based upon conditions of meeting pleasure only... most things cannot be rushed if we seek for them to truly last...
 

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It is not manipulation if you are honest with trying to be who and what you want. It is never manipulation if you are honest and open with what you like. The other person will more often than not, will try and experiment with you within boundaries. It also allows you to really see, feel, and truly appreciate the other person too for going down that journey with you...

Maybe the issue is one of communication than it is not getting what you want. Confident guy may be more sensitive, but on the surface they are super arrogant, but if you met them on another level, they would actually be also more vulnerable too. Do not always judge a book by its cover though.
 

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I believe it to be a necessary evil, not just in the dating/seduction game, but also in creating trust among skeptical, shy, or otherwise guarded people. I would consider it to be a form of manipulation for the aforementioned types of people to endorse or enhance those same attributes, keeping them safe from rejection and/or love.
Its easy to hide behind that, but they're just begging to be coaxed out, right?;)
 

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Look this isn't what I would do to get someone,
And I don't really think it a very deplorable way to get anyone,
But personally I don't see it as manipulation as rather you distorting who you really are to the other,
I personally am VEEEEERRRRYYYYYYYYYYY confident,
And I don't see why I'd "try" and become awkward with someone I liked,
They'd make me feel naturally all giddy inside(As they have) if they attracted me.

I can sympathize with you to an extent,
But I don't think this will help you at all in your quest to find anything of substance,
As essentially you are selling a lie to someone,
This doesn't bode well for any sort of relationship.

Doing it for sex?
Mmmm maybe re think your strategy as putting on such a charade would be harmful to you,
And the other person involved,
And I find I attract shy guys all the time,
You just need to be able to listen,
And let them feel comfortable,
But that doesn't mean you need to go and sell yourself as someone you're not.
 

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In the UK, it's called social ettiquettes ! :D

OMG indeed. How can it be manipulative if you communicate to one another on the same level ??? Or tries to make someone understand you ?? You guys make it sound like, you do not try and learn about yourself or about your partner or to have relationship skills... I find that weird. :confused:


Are you trying to tell me that you are all of the advocate of the attitude that you're a "wham bam, thank maam" type ?? Huh ?
So basically sexually hostile on the word Go ?


confused.com
 

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I think its probably possible to attract shy awkward types without seeming less confident. Some of them are into confidence and intensity, and all that jazz.. then you wouldn't have to wonder if its manipulative. And it might last longer if the real you is what they were into to begin with.

The really scaredy ones are a turnoff to me anyway. They end up being lame in several ways then flaking out - I don't just look for a roll in the hay though, so I dunno what to say about that specifically. I guess if thats the motive then it doesn't affect you, how they turn out in the longrun.
 

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l actually did laugh out loud a little.

Meh, l don't find it to be especially sinister, just a tad crafty. Nothing wrong with guiding the way you want romantic interactions to play out to some extent, IMO.

l sometimes act a little softer than l am, but that's because l'd rather attract someone who is more rational.
And anyway, l could be a total ISFJ if l wanted to be :kitteh:
 
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l actually did laugh out loud a little.

Meh, l don't find it to be especially sinister, just a tad crafty. Nothing wrong with guiding the way you want romantic interactions to play out to some extent, IMO.

l sometimes act a little softer than l am, but that's because l'd rather attract someone who is more rational.
And anyway, l could be a total ISFJ if l wanted to be :kitteh:
:wink: Takes one to know one....
But true love takes time to brew.

Well, I am also crafty too, I read their resume practically and see how they have developed themselves, regardless of these sexual attraction tricks and tips and whatnots. If you cannot show me who you say you are and I find out, it will never end in happy ever after any way. So.. what's the point ? You will indeed lose the person that you got, just for a quick fling, and then.. what... you wouldn't be able to keep them around. So the heart breaks will be on you.
 

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:wink: Takes one to know one....
But true love takes time to brew.

Well, I am also crafty too, I read their resume practically and see how they have developed themselves, regardless of these sexual attraction tricks and tips and whatnots. If you cannot show me who you say you are and I find out, it will never end in happy ever after any way. So.. what's the point ? You will indeed lose the person that you got, just for a quick fling, and then.. what... you wouldn't be able to keep them around. So the heart breaks will be on you.
Eh. l just don't find myself to drawn to the reverse dynamic but l don't see myself going in either direction in an extreme way so it's not really a major distortion.

l'd feel fine nurturing someone, and l really don't want to be nurtured ><
 
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Some wires crossed, but never mind. LOL....

Well, when I was younger, probably I tried everything to impress the guy, but these days, not so much. I am more selective and a little bit more realistic as well, I guess. Values, and goals etc.
 

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l mean, l'm not going Martha Stewart on anyone :cool:

l just don't really want to be dominant. l aim for an equal partnership, though :3
 
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