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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I am an INTP and I am dating an INTP too. He said that he loves all his girlfriends/lovers even now, there is no such thing called ex in his dictionary, because those NT girls he was dating are what he is selected from the general crowd.
Everyone is being cherry picked, then he will not let anyone of them go. He will always love them, and talk to them as long as those girls would like to talk to him. He is a cat lover, and he loving call his girlfriends as "kitten", and he calls himself as "kitty". So when he writes to his ex girlfriends (actually no ex according to him), he still call them "my kitten", "my baby" and refer himself to them as "your kitty", "love kitty". He still keep all the photos of his girlfriends both normal and naughty in his computer. He also said if he runs into any of those girls on the street, he will give them big hugs and kisses, and rub them on their back. If any of these girl friends is sad and crying, he will lend the shoulder to her, hold her and pat her. One of her exgirlfriend even invited him to visit her even she knows that he is in a new relationship, but he told her that he is too busy and he can't go. I am glad that he didn't accept the offer, at least he didn't go and leave me behind. He said if he wants to go, he can bring me if I want to. Really? Taking current girlfriend to visit the exgirlfriend across half the globe? I asked him why he would do this if he is having threesome in mind as this is always being one of his fantasy, but he said no and he won't fuck her with me around. He is going to hug her and kiss her innocently.

Even he claimed that these actions are not intimate and sexual, and he will treat his friends in similar way, and girlfriends are just friends now. But to my point of view it's way too intimate and there is obviously sex tension there, as he also claimed that he will not treat his male friends like this way, and he doesn't have any female friends without sexual relationship during the so called friendship. He said the exclusive thing is reserved for the current girlfriend is sex. He is only fucking the the current girlfriend, and he won't fucking the other girls when he is with current girlfriend.

Since his girl friends mainly break up with him because of relocation or long distance. I am very uncomfortable about this situation as I am feeling that he picked me is not based on availability, or ease access to sex. I feel that I am not special and not being exclusively loved at this moment, as he is still loving and talking to his previous girl friends. He said the "exclusive thing" about me is fun time and adventurous sex. He also said it's no good reason for me to feel jealous about the girl friends as they are no threat to me, he is choosing to be with me, that is good enough proof. Each girl is different, so he loves each one differently. It's as different as I loving my parents vs I love my boyfriend. He said the social defined role of "girlfriend" means nothing to him, everyone is his "kitten" , his "fur ball". Even they were taking the same role in his life, but he loves them according each person not the role. So there is no competition among the girls and no thing to worry about. To my understanding that he is merely calling his girlfriends as "kitten" to avoid the common sense/judgments that he can only have one girlfriend at a time, and he can happily to have as many "kittens" as he would like.

I tried to reach agreement on what is ok to do what is not ok to do with exgirlfriends, and I said the boundary is no touching, and if we need to see girlfirends, he should introduce me first before he grab them into his arms, and it's better not to touch the exgirlfriend at all since there are still sexual tension somewhat. But he said that will hurt exgirlfriends' feeling if he no longer hugs them and pet them innocently(way more intimate than the greeting with his friends). He wants to show his love and affection to them. Since he is with me everyday, so I should standby and let him to show his love for exgirlfriend first before even introduce me to them. He also said if I feel hurt by him doing so, it's all my problem. It's nothing wrong he is doing, and he will continue to do it. It's me being processive and jealous, and insecure. He can't do anything about it, and he will not do anything about it. I need to make myself happy in this situation, and if I can't be happy about it, I should go. If I continuously pest him about his girlfriends issues, he will show himself way out as he is not happy anymore. He will always love me if I am going to talk to him as his kitten.(actually ex girlfriend in normal definition). BTW he doesn't believe relationship is about effort and compromising, if there is a problem coming up in the relationship and he believes he is not doing anything wrong, then it's the crazy girl who should be gone. Plus that is the best arrangement for both of us. He also has the tendency not to do the things that other people ask him to do even if he wants to do it originally.

Questions:
1. Is that normal for a male INTP to behave like this about the exgirlfriend?
2. Is there anything reasonable in this situation that I can feel jealous? Or it's just me being the silly crazy jealous girlfriend? Fellow INTP girls, how do you handle the jealousy issue? Fellow INTP guys, how do you handle your "jealousy" girlfriend?
3. He believe what he is doing are not enough for me(he treat me very nicely and cares of me a lot), i will be unhappy about whatever he does and complain about the situation just because he is loving all his girlfriends. I love him as a person and I want to be with him, the exgirlfriend is just one thing that is not too small to ignore( making me unhappy and crying), but not major enough to break up with him. How can I make him feel that he is appreciated?
4.How should I solve the exgirlfriend triggered jealousy? (he doesn't believe that this is something wrong with him, and it's all my own problem that i need to solve by myself.)

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Edit after I read the replies from fellow INTPs. Thanks a lot for the straight forward opinions.
Let me answer the questions, and provide some backgrounds too for you to better evaluate the situation.

1. He is a very high INT, but flipping between j & p. I am a very high NTP, but low on i. We are very similar in many ways, and he even refers me as his "twin kitten". We are from very different culture background. He is from the country hugging/kissing on checks are ok as greeting rituals. I am from the the country that people only shake hands to greet each other if they want to make the greeting formal, and most of the time no touching at all (waving hands is the right way to each other casually). Any body contact between two opposite sex is strictly reserved for relationship above girlfriend/boyfriend. Plus it's very normal request in my culture that the boyfriend/girlfriend do not contact the ex at all. Any connection beyond necessity(if the exs are colleagues, classmate etc. that you can't avoid to run into) is considered a sign of infidelity to the current relationship. According to him, we are pretty good if there are only two of us in the world. But in reality is we are from very different background, and we read the social gesture very differently. He said everything he does is not wrong, what is wrong is my stupid culture background and my jealousy and processiveness. (I am not a jealousy type at all in my own culture background, and my friends from my country amazed by how much freedom and respect of personal space that any of my boyfriends/ex had with me.) This is major reason that I need opinions from NT people outside my culture circle, as I want to know if his behavior is accepted or normal in his culture circle.

2. Since some of you mentioned that there are situations that INTP having trouble to let people go. But how do you as an INTP to set up the boundaries on dealing with ex girlfriends?

3. Can an INTP love multiple people at same time, but love them differently as each person is differently? Is here something that actually have a gender differences? We are talking about loving each ex girlfriend differently, as they are taking the same role in one's life. It's not the situation that you can both love your parents and your spouse, as they have differently roles. Personally, I love differently people at same time but differently as they are taking different roles in my life. So I can love my parents and boyfriend at same times, but I can't love my ex and current boyfriend at same, bc the current one replaced the ex(it's called ex for a reason). So I only can have one emotion connection as lover for only one person.

4. My boyfriend also said to me that if we break up, and i become one of his "inactive kittens", he will always love me anyway, as he loves me as a person, and there is nothing will change me as person no matter being with him or not. The only thing can change the situation is changing my behavior (for example irritating him about his harem and ex girlfriends ), he will lose his feelings for me, because I am no longer the "kitten" he loves before. To my understanding, I paraphrased his words as "I do not accept the part that I don't like and enjoy in you". He said he understand my "jealousy" is duo to my love for him, but he doesn't want a jealous kitten. I don't see how this actually is consistant with "loving as a person" statement.

5. He also asked me what I would do if I become his ex and ran into him on the street, what would I do? I told him that I will say hi, and wave to him as greeting.(I think it's appropriate as I am treating him as a friend). He said this is hurting his feelings, and he feels that he was never loved by me if I treat him so "cold" after break up. (he even said this with little tears in his eyes). One of his exgirlfriend actually cling on him and jumping into his arms with legs wrapping around him hugging him for a long time after they met again. He said that is making him feel real good, and that is a proof of her true love for him. Plus she was doing this overly friendly skin contact in front of her current boyfriend, and he has other current girlfriend at that time too (not me). If this is what he expect from his exgirlfriends, then that is way cross my line. How do you think of such situation? Is this just culture confilicts? Why does he want such affection from his exgirlfiends (plus if he didn't get it, he would deny he has been loved when they were together)?


Will be back to update if there are something new come up in the reply. thanks again, my fellow INTPs.
 

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1. Normal? I wouldn't exactly say that. Even amongst INTPs, that is some weird stuff. I have a hard time throwing exes out of my life completely, but there will always be a gap, and I certainly wouldn't keep a coterie of exes to cuddle while having a girlfriend at the present.
2. Reason to feel jealous? Yes. Definitely. I have no clue what his intentions are, but being in intimate (or "friendly") contact with exes is enough reason to make any partner jealous. If my SO expressed or told me of her jealousy, I'd be completely straight-forward with her about the truth, and if the truth isn't enough, I'd compromise the way I behaved that made her feel jealous.
3. Talk to him about it. This isn't just about him and his affection for his "friends", but about you and the trouble you have with it. He needs to respect that, but he'll need to see it through the affection you have for him.
4. Well, you'll have to be completely honest with yourself here. Can you handle it? If not, then he must be the one solving it. If you think you can deal with it, but still suffer from it, then you must compromise with him. This shouldn't be a mess that only you have to suffer from. If you can't deal with it, and he won't change... then the answer is simple.

... are you sure he's an INTP, btw?
 

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I still love my exgirlfriends, I would help them in anyway they needed; I would just rather not be in the same room as them. If I had a current girlfriend that was jealous about it, I'd say "Who am I with now?"
 

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From what you've said, I think you're settling for less than you deserve. You say he treats you really well but thinks his fawning over his exes is "your problem?"

No. It's not. Physical cuddling (beyond hugs goodbye that look like a brother/sister thing) with exes is not on. And I say this as someone who has her ex come and stay with my family from time to time. We're friends, he's friends with my husband, there is zero chemistry between us. That is not cuddling and crying on shoulders. I also am close friends with one of my husband's exes. Both of them would feel nausea at ever making out again, just like my ex and I would. At some point, it should become a gross thought. You don't hate them, but they are not a sexual creature anymore. No flirting. No heartfelt one-on-one conversations. If it isn't this way, for one party or the other, then no access.

The problem, in my experience, is not really even with the men, but the women. The men may be comfortable with boundaries, but women are competitive, and they will try to jockey their position ahead of you (the girlfriend) in any number of subtle ways. They crave attention, and sexual attention is the most direct route to getting enough.

For this reason, I'm like the Highlander when a relationship is exclusive. There can be only one. My husband is a schmooze and women always flocked to him and loved him to be their tall and handsome +1 to events, etc. when they didn't have a date. Until I came along. I'm not jealous. I just don't share.

Or like the Magnetic Fields say, "she eats other queens, she's very religious..."

I would dump someone who refused to stop calling other women "kitten" so quickly his fall would be a blur with a big boom at the end. (And this is actually an optimistic reading, I might not even tell him to stop and just skip straight to the dumping part.) Not telling you what to do, but you did ask for perspective, and that's mine. I don't care who he was. Blur. Boom. Kitten that.

 

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Since his girl friends mainly break up with him because of relocation or long distance. I am very uncomfortable about this situation as I am feeling that he picked me is not based on availability, or ease access to sex. I feel that I am not special and not being exclusively loved at this moment, as he is still loving and talking to his previous girl friends. He said the "exclusive thing" about me is fun time and adventurous sex. He also said it's no good reason for me to feel jealous about the girl friends as they are no threat to me, he is choosing to be with me, that is good enough proof. Each girl is different, so he loves each one differently. It's as different as I loving my parents vs I love my boyfriend. He said the social defined role of "girlfriend" means nothing to him, everyone is his "kitten" , his "fur ball". Even they were taking the same role in his life, but he loves them according each person not the role. So there is no competition among the girls and no thing to worry about. To my understanding that he is merely calling his girlfriends as "kitten" to avoid the common sense/judgments that he can only have one girlfriend at a time, and he can happily to have as many "kittens" as he would like.
Questions:

1. Is that normal for a male INTP to behave like this about the exgirlfriend?

Normal? No. But everyone is different. I find it difficult to believe that all his ex-girlfriends are this open with him, unless they are single. I still have feelings for all my significant ex's and want to be on good terms with them, but they would not put up with this having there own relationships.

2. Is there anything reasonable in this situation that I can feel jealous? Or it's just me being the silly crazy jealous girlfriend? Fellow INTP girls, how do you handle the jealousy issue? Fellow INTP guys, how do you handle your "jealousy" girlfriend?

I don't think in this situation, as you have described it, that you are being overly jealous. You described it above well (bold).

3. He believe what he is doing are not enough for me(he treat me very nicely and cares of me a lot), i will be unhappy about whatever he does and complain about the situation just because he is loving all his girlfriends. I love him as a person and I want to be with him, the exgirlfriend is just one thing that is not too small to ignore( making me unhappy and crying), but not major enough to break up with him. How can I make him feel that he is appreciated?

You need, what you need in a relationship. If it is not compatible with him and the way he views relationships, this will continue to be a problem.

4.How should I solve the exgirlfriend triggered jealousy? (he doesn't believe that this is something wrong with him, and it's all my own problem that i need to solve by myself.)

If you cannot change him and I doubt he will changed in this regard (as it appears he doesn't even express a willingness to change) will you want to continue in this situation?

Edit: I do have one ex that wants me back in her life again. She is married and would like me to meet her husband and have a normal friendship. I am still having a difficult time with this and I don't know if it is possible because my emotions still run to deep regarding her. So that situation remains in limbo and I don't know if it will be resolved.
 

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Hm, I don't think it's about what is 'normal', per say. It's about what you can healthily accept and what you will healthily tolerate. Take in mind what this means for you and what this mean for/about him(- one being that he is clearly a guy who does not let go.)
If you enjoy being submissive to him and following his rules, then by all means continue this unhealthy relationship, just realize that he made it clear he will not change.
If you seek a equal partner that will communicate and compromise with you, masturbate to some freaky porn and move on.
 

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I actually wrote a serious reply to this based off the first sentence alone, where the OP claims an INTP is actually in love, long term, with multiple people. What bollocks. I firmly do not believe pure polyamory is a weapon in the INTP arsenal. Polyamory is for super-social butterfly types who need attention/contact/relationships in any form from as many people as possible. Hardly an INTP trait, in my opinion.

I then decided to read a bit more and stopped at the part where it says he contacts all these women calling them a 'kitten' or whatever.

Total bollocks, not at an INTP and he sounds like a fucking wanker.
 

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1. Is that normal for a male INTP to behave like this about the exgirlfriend?
--I don't know. Probably not.

2. Is there anything reasonable in this situation that I can feel jealous? Or it's just me being the silly crazy jealous girlfriend? Fellow INTP girls, how do you handle the jealousy issue? Fellow INTP guys, how do you handle your "jealousy" girlfriend?
--I'm not jealous (by my definition), but I wouldn't be happy with a guy like this. I'm not saying there's something wrong with him, and I know women who put up with this kind of thing for decades, but it sure wouldn't work for me.

3. He believe what he is doing are not enough for me(he treat me very nicely and cares of me a lot), i will be unhappy about whatever he does and complain about the situation just because he is loving all his girlfriends. I love him as a person and I want to be with him, the exgirlfriend is just one thing that is not too small to ignore( making me unhappy and crying), but not major enough to break up with him. How can I make him feel that he is appreciated?
--This conflict (you're unhappy but you won't break up with him) is the problem. Forget about making him feel appreciated, either break up with him or accept your unhappiness.

4.How should I solve the exgirlfriend triggered jealousy? (he doesn't believe that this is something wrong with him, and it's all my own problem that i need to solve by myself.)
--Yes, it is your problem. He's doing what he wants, and he's honest. He doesn't want to change. Why should he change? Why should you change? Find someone who suits you better.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Thanks for everyone's answer, I updated a little under the original post after reading your replies.
Please shoot your opinions.
 

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This is major reason that I need opinions from NT people outside my culture circle, as I want to know if his behavior is accepted or normal in his culture circle.
In this case, you should really tell us what culture he's from where he thinks it contextualizes his behaviour this way. Because unless he comes from a culture of bonobos, I'm pretty sure someone will call BS on it.
 

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Questions:
1. Is that normal for a male INTP to behave like this about the exgirlfriend?
2. Is there anything reasonable in this situation that I can feel jealous? Or it's just me being the silly crazy jealous girlfriend? Fellow INTP girls, how do you handle the jealousy issue? Fellow INTP guys, how do you handle your "jealousy" girlfriend?
3. He believe what he is doing are not enough for me(he treat me very nicely and cares of me a lot), i will be unhappy about whatever he does and complain about the situation just because he is loving all his girlfriends. I love him as a person and I want to be with him, the exgirlfriend is just one thing that is not too small to ignore( making me unhappy and crying), but not major enough to break up with him. How can I make him feel that he is appreciated?
4.How should I solve the exgirlfriend triggered jealousy? (he doesn't believe that this is something wrong with him, and it's all my own problem that i need to solve by myself.)
1. No. I wouldn't see an issue if he was single but he's not, he's with you, and it's disrespectful to you.
2. It's completely reasonable to feel jealous. There's nothing in this situation that should make you feel like you're safe. I can understand staying friends with exes, but there are definite physical boundaries that should be set as soon as they did break up.
3. No. Stop wanting to make him feel like he's appreciated. You don't feel appreciated, and he's got to adapt to the fact that his current gf doesn't feel safe if he still is very close to all his exes (I'm not even saying that he's still in contact with them, that would be somewhat reasonable, but this goes way beyond it).
4. Yes or no answer, does he want to be with you and make you feel special ? If yes, he has to stop, at least set physical boundaries with them, and be very careful with what he says. If no, you need to leave him. If he believes that's nothing wrong with him but with you, you do not deserve him. If he says yes, but continues this, then leave him. Again, you don't deserve that.

Beyond those questions notice this :
[…]but he said no and he won't fuck her with me around. He is going to hug her and kiss her innocently.
No. He's not going to hug her and kiss her innocently. If you're not around, he's going to hug her, kiss her, not innocently, and he will fuck her. He doesn't consider her an ex. He wants to stay physical with her. Keep in mind : they didn't break up because they weren't compatible or weren't in love anymore… they broke up because of distance (from what I got of your post). Now if he visits her, that's effectively removing the "distance" component. What do you think will happen ? He doesn't consider her his ex, and the reason why they broke up is non-existent anymore.

If he's polygamous/polyamorous, that's fine, but he has to be honest about that. He seems to be, without taking responsibility.
It's not about something being wrong with anyone, but with him behaving like he has a harem, and you being reasonably insecure about that. Regardless of what he thinks, your jealousy is reasonable (and I'm not saying jealousies in general are reasonable but this one is), and so he's got to take the steps in order to make you feel secure with him. If he doesn't you'll always fear that something happens. And something will happen.

Ultimatum time girl. I'm sorry, that's a massive red flag.

Edit : After reading your edit, he sounds like a manipulative person, possibly a narcissistic one. He wants the attention and love from his exes. In the case of you breaking up with him, he still wants you to express your true love for him. He makes it about his feelings being hurt if you just waved at him, while yours are the ones really hurt by his behavior and what he says right now.

I'm with @INTonyP here, and I didn't read the description of a manipulative psychopath. Whatever this is, you don't want to have anything more to do with him. Go away, and be very careful. Be brave, it's for the best.
 

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I'm going to put the bigger chunks of text in spoiler tags because this is a massive post.

Reading this jimmied my rustles.
You don't really need to know what is appropriate in other cultures because this clearly makes you uncomfortable. Relationships are supposed to be primarily enjoyable (a safe place) , but it looks like your relationship is primarily uncomfortable, you're giving him the biggest distinction in your life, and he doesn't particularly value it .


I am an INTP and I am dating an INTP too. He said that he loves all his girlfriends/lovers even now, there is no such thing called ex in his dictionary, because those NT girls he was dating are what he is selected from the general crowd.
One of my two best friends is actually my first ex, and there's no boyfriend that will ever get me to stop interacting with him.
That said, he and I do not have any physical or emotional intimacy at all; if we discuss our prior relationship, it's from a place of reminiscence, like discussing a dumb thing you did as a child.

Do I love him? Yeah, he's my best bro, and seems to be the only one to keep an eye out to intervene when I isolate myself too much and get depressed without telling anyone, how could you not love such a person? It's not a romantic love though, that's for sure.

Romantic love is something that should have a separate word of it's own, because tacking 'love' to everything leads to mix-ups and cheapens the value of the term IMO.

 
Everyone is being cherry picked, then he will not let anyone of them go. He will always love them, and talk to them as long as those girls would like to talk to him. He is a cat lover, and he loving call his girlfriends as "kitten", and he calls himself as "kitty". So when he writes to his ex girlfriends (actually no ex according to him), he still call them "my kitten", "my baby" and refer himself to them as "your kitty", "love kitty". He still keep all the photos of his girlfriends both normal and naughty in his computer. He also said if he runs into any of those girls on the street, he will give them big hugs and kisses, and rub them on their back. If any of these girl friends is sad and crying, he will lend the shoulder to her, hold her and pat her. One of her exgirlfriend even invited him to visit her even she knows that he is in a new relationship, but he told her that he is too busy and he can't go. I am glad that he didn't accept the offer, at least he didn't go and leave me behind. He said if he wants to go, he can bring me if I want to. Really? Taking current girlfriend to visit the exgirlfriend across half the globe? I asked him why he would do this if he is having threesome in mind as this is always being one of his fantasy, but he said no and he won't fuck her with me around. He is going to hug her and kiss her innocently.
Fuck that. This guy is trying to have his cake and eat it too. I don't see an issue with visiting/being friends, but if there's emotional/sexual tension and physical contact that he wouldn't use on other friends he is clearly just messing around.

Why are female friends deserving of special treatment, and the guys aren't? What about family? Does he smooch/grope his female family members too?

I actually had an ex that didn't delete his ex's dating/lovey dovey pictures off of facebook. You bet this was a factor in me dumping his ass.

Speaking of dumping, dump him.

Even he claimed that these actions are not intimate and sexual, and he will treat his friends in similar way, and girlfriends are just friends now. But to my point of view it's way too intimate and there is obviously sex tension there, as he also claimed that he will not treat his male friends like this way, and he doesn't have any female friends without sexual relationship during the so called friendship. He said the exclusive thing is reserved for the current girlfriend is sex. He is only fucking the the current girlfriend, and he won't fucking the other girls when he is with current girlfriend.
So basically your one special perk in the relationship is not his emotional focus, nor his pride, nor an exceptional intellectual connection but his dick? That's your distinction in his life?
How did you end up dating this piece of shit?

Dump him now.

 
Since his girl friends mainly break up with him because of relocation or long distance. I am very uncomfortable about this situation as I am feeling that he picked me is not based on availability, or ease access to sex. I feel that I am not special and not being exclusively loved at this moment, as he is still loving and talking to his previous girl friends. He said the "exclusive thing" about me is fun time and adventurous sex. He also said it's no good reason for me to feel jealous about the girl friends as they are no threat to me, he is choosing to be with me, that is good enough proof. Each girl is different, so he loves each one differently. It's as different as I loving my parents vs I love my boyfriend. He said the social defined role of "girlfriend" means nothing to him, everyone is his "kitten" , his "fur ball". Even they were taking the same role in his life, but he loves them according each person not the role. So there is no competition among the girls and no thing to worry about. To my understanding that he is merely calling his girlfriends as "kitten" to avoid the common sense/judgments that he can only have one girlfriend at a time, and he can happily to have as many "kittens" as he would like.
It doesn't matter if they aren't a threat, you are not comfortable and instead of caring he sees it as a threat to his ex groping privileges, this speaks volumes about his priorities. The role of girlfriend means nothing to him, you are a kitten, a collectable pet with dick privileges. Of course you're not going to feel special, because you aren't.

Dump him yesterday.


 
I tried to reach agreement on what is ok to do what is not ok to do with exgirlfriends, and I said the boundary is no touching, and if we need to see girlfirends, he should introduce me first before he grab them into his arms, and it's better not to touch the exgirlfriend at all since there are still sexual tension somewhat. But he said that will hurt exgirlfriends' feeling if he no longer hugs them and pet them innocently(way more intimate than the greeting with his friends). He wants to show his love and affection to them. Since he is with me everyday, so I should standby and let him to show his love for exgirlfriend first before even introduce me to them. He also said if I feel hurt by him doing so, it's all my problem. It's nothing wrong he is doing, and he will continue to do it. It's me being processive and jealous, and insecure. He can't do anything about it, and he will not do anything about it. I need to make myself happy in this situation, and if I can't be happy about it, I should go. If I continuously pest him about his girlfriends issues, he will show himself way out as he is not happy anymore. He will always love me if I am going to talk to him as his kitten.(actually ex girlfriend in normal definition). BTW he doesn't believe relationship is about effort and compromising, if there is a problem coming up in the relationship and he believes he is not doing anything wrong, then it's the crazy girl who should be gone. Plus that is the best arrangement for both of us. He also has the tendency not to do the things that other people ask him to do even if he wants to do it originally.
Hugging I can understand, but why would it hurt his friends' feelings if he doesn't get physical with them? What feelings is he hurting? Certainly not friend feelings.
If he needs to be physical to show love, maybe he lacks the brains to show it on an emotional/intellectual level? That'd explain all you've mentioned thus far.
Why is he placing his exes' discomfort above yours!? Look at his priorities, look at them carefully, does he look like he respects your feelings?

Dump him Last Year for crying out loud!

 
Questions:
1. Is that normal for a male INTP to behave like this about the exgirlfriend?
2. Is there anything reasonable in this situation that I can feel jealous? Or it's just me being the silly crazy jealous girlfriend? Fellow INTP girls, how do you handle the jealousy issue? Fellow INTP guys, how do you handle your "jealousy" girlfriend?
3. He believe what he is doing are not enough for me(he treat me very nicely and cares of me a lot), i will be unhappy about whatever he does and complain about the situation just because he is loving all his girlfriends. I love him as a person and I want to be with him, the exgirlfriend is just one thing that is not too small to ignore( making me unhappy and crying), but not major enough to break up with him. How can I make him feel that he is appreciated?
4.How should I solve the exgirlfriend triggered jealousy? (he doesn't believe that this is something wrong with him, and it's all my own problem that i need to solve by myself.)
1. No. And it doesn't matter if it's normal for his personality type/astrological sign/enneagram/nationality/religion/etc. You're unhappy and feel devalued, knowing what's normal and what isn't in this or that culture won't magically make you feel it's OK to be treated that way.

2. I am selfish, jealous and possessive and it is my fucking right since it's MY intimate life. The same applies to you, it's your life, and there's no reason why you should endure having someone in the highest seat of your personal/intimate life making you unhappy.

3. Why make him feel appreciated when he doesn't appreciate you? He's making you unhappy, no amount of coddling will change this, he is pushing you onto a pet role and blaming you for feeling unhappy about it, and you want to make him feel appreciated? He's got you well manipulated I see.

4. If you've talked it out and he is pushing the consequences of his behaviour on you, he doesn't care. It's the same as saying "I'm sorry you felt that way". It's a false apology.

Here's how you fix this:
You Dump His Ass Last Century. Life's too short to settle for that little.



 
1. He is a very high INT, but flipping between j & p. I am a very high NTP, but low on i. We are very similar in many ways, and he even refers me as his "twin kitten". We are from very different culture background. He is from the country hugging/kissing on checks are ok as greeting rituals.I am from the the country that people only shake hands to greet each other if they want to make the greeting formal, and most of the time no touching at all (waving hands is the right way to each other casually). Any body contact between two opposite sex is strictly reserved for relationship above girlfriend/boyfriend. Plus it's very normal request in my culture that the boyfriend/girlfriend do not contact the ex at all. Any connection beyond necessity(if the exs are colleagues, classmate etc. that you can't avoid to run into) is considered a sign of infidelity to the current relationship. According to him, we are pretty good if there are only two of us in the world. But in reality is we are from very different background, and we read the social gesture very differently. He said everything he does is not wrong, what is wrong is my stupid culture background and my jealousy and processiveness. (I am not a jealousy type at all in my own culture background, and my friends from my country amazed by how much freedom and respect of personal space that any of my boyfriends/ex had with me.) This is major reason that I need opinions from NT people outside my culture circle, as I want to know if his behavior is accepted or normal in his culture circle.
I am a high INT, and come from such a country too, what he's doing is categorical bullshit anyway. This behaviour is a gateway for cheating, and cheating is seen as an inevitability, as something that men can't help doing with rare exceptions (i.e they're gay, impotent, pussywhipped or an eunuch).

He said everything he does is not wrong, what is wrong is my stupid culture background and my jealousy and processiveness.
The fuck is this??? Please tell me, does this look like someone that values you, your opinion and your happiness?

2. Since some of you mentioned that there are situations that INTP having trouble to let people go. But how do you as an INTP to set up the boundaries on dealing with ex girlfriends?
Easy, no physical contact.


 
3. Can an INTP love multiple people at same time, but love them differently as each person is differently? Is here something that actually have a gender differences? We are talking about loving each ex girlfriend differently, as they are taking the same role in one's life. It's not the situation that you can both love your parents and your spouse, as they have differently roles. Personally, I love differently people at same time but differently as they are taking different roles in my life. So I can love my parents and boyfriend at same times, but I can't love my ex and current boyfriend at same, bc the current one replaced the ex(it's called ex for a reason). So I only can have one emotion connection as lover for only one person.

I don't deny it's possible for anyone to love in this manner, but I'll ask again, does it matter to you?
The difference in roles between you and his exes is his dick, remember this. This is who you're aiming to have as your long term companion.


 
4. My boyfriend also said to me that if we break up, and i become one of his "inactive kittens", he will always love me anyway, as he loves me as a person, and there is nothing will change me as person no matter being with him or not. The only thing can change the situation is changing my behavior (for example irritating him about his harem and ex girlfriends ), he will lose his feelings for me, because I am no longer the "kitten" he loves before. To my understanding, I paraphrased his words as "I do not accept the part that I don't like and enjoy in you". He said he understand my "jealousy" is duo to my love for him, but he doesn't want a jealous kitten. I don't see how this actually is consistant with "loving as a person" statement.

Eeeugh... yay, you get the eternal love of an ambulant public facility.
If he is going to play like that, there's no reason for you to accept the parts of him that you don't enjoy either.

 
5. He also asked me what I would do if I become his ex and ran into him on the street, what would I do? I told him that I will say hi, and wave to him as greeting.(I think it's appropriate as I am treating him as a friend). He said this is hurting his feelings, and he feels that he was never loved by me if I treat him so "cold" after break up. (he even said this with little tears in his eyes). One of his exgirlfriend actually cling on him and jumping into his arms with legs wrapping around him hugging him for a long time after they met again. He said that is making him feel real good, and that is a proof of her true love for him. Plus she was doing this overly friendly skin contact in front of her current boyfriend, and he has other current girlfriend at that time too (not me). If this is what he expect from his exgirlfriends, then that is way cross my line. How do you think of such situation? Is this just culture confilicts? Why does he want such affection from his exgirlfiends (plus if he didn't get it, he would deny he has been loved when they were together)?



I'll reiterate, if the only love he knows is physical, he likely doesn't have much in the mind department, or is emotionally stunted.
You're settling for a pet role.

Dump his ass in the Dawn of Time.
 
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