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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm done some homework on Fe and Fi, with the help of Andrew Garfield & Carey Mulligan.
I've become aware recently of a rather new term in the psychiatry sector, known as the 'smiling depressive'. This is the type that outwardly seems very nice, approachable, and seemingly going somewhere; yet on the inside they are cracking big time.
It seems to me that INFJ is the perfect subtype for this to occur in.

It's interesting to think that under certain circumstances, this type suffers the worst of them all.
Imagine needing to let out steam, but being unable to do so because of the negative impact it would surely have on others. Must be enough to drive a person to madness!

Then again, I imagine people with Fi would be worse if the reverse were true, and they all alone with their thoughts with no-one around to reassure them. I believe in this situation, those inner feelings would tear them to pieces.

If I'm talking a load of nonsense, try not to be too mean in your criticism. :tongue:
 

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I just had a run-in with such a comment over the last week, and had to laugh over it.

At work, I'm always on high-alert (most of it a combination of genuine kindness and adrenaline) - outgoing, helpful, thoughtful, humorous and generous.
Last week at work, there was an elderly couple in the hallway that I had seen several weeks ago, and one said, "Here comes that young man who's always smiling", and for a few seconds, I was, like, "Who are they talking about ? It sure can't be me."

Subconsciously, I've always carried half of a smile, first to look more approachable, and secondly as a security barrier so others can't tell that I'm nearly as happy as I let on to everyone.

Leaving work, all of the outer layers peel off, and I go back to being lonely, isolated and pensive.

With work being so social and fast-paced, I've gotten to feel as though I'm two different people, depending upon whether I'm home or at work. :unsure:
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I just had a run-in with such a comment over the last week, and had to laugh over it.

At work, I'm always on high-alert (most of it a combination of genuine kindness and adrenaline) - outgoing, helpful, thoughtful, humorous and generous.
Last week at work, there was an elderly couple in the hallway that I had seen several weeks ago, and one said, "Here comes that young man who's always smiling", and for a few seconds, I was, like, "Who are they talking about ? It sure can't be me."

Subconsciously, I've always carried half of a smile, first to look more approachable, and secondly as a security barrier so others can't tell that I'm nearly as happy as I let on to everyone.

Leaving work, all of the outer layers peel off, and I go back to being lonely, isolated and pensive.

With work being so social and fast-paced, I've gotten to feel as though I'm two different people, depending upon whether I'm home or at work. :unsure:
Oh. What kind of work do you do?
 

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Oh. What kind of work do you do?
Errands, supplies and deliveries in a small hospital (30 beds, 225 staff).

Most days, it's like "Here are your 88 tasks for today, and you have 8 hours to get them all. On your mark, get set, go !"
That's where the adrenaline comes in.

The "Put on a smile and greet everyone you see as a representative of our organization" part is easy (because it is natural and most everyone in our local area is courteous that way, anyway).

The aspect of it that I try to catch myself at is in being a perfectionist for others needs (overkill x 20). :laughing:

Some days, I swear that I'm like, "Here are the five sleeves of cups you needed. Want me to stack them on the shelf ? Fill any of them with ice ? Get any straws to go with them ? Coffee filters, maybe ? How about lids for the cups ?"

I never seem to leave one task at peace with itself.

I love the work, but as expected, meeting and greeting 85, 95 or 105 people each day drains my batteries right out.
It's a surprise that I could comprehend the concept of loneliness after a normal day around so many people. :laughing:
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Errands, supplies and deliveries in a small hospital (30 beds, 225 staff).

Most days, it's like "Here are your 88 tasks for today, and you have 8 hours to get them all. On your mark, get set, go !"
That's where the adrenaline comes in.

The "Put on a smile and greet everyone you see as a representative of our organization" part is easy (because it is natural and most everyone in our local area is courteous that way, anyway).

The aspect of it that I try to catch myself at is in being a perfectionist for others needs (overkill x 20). :laughing:

Some days, I swear that I'm like, "Here are the five sleeves of cups you needed. Want me to stack them on the shelf ? Fill any of them with ice ? Get any straws to go with them ? Coffee filters, maybe ? How about lids for the cups ?"

I never seem to leave one task at peace with itself.

I love the work, but as expected, meeting and greeting 85, 95 or 105 people each day drains my batteries right out.
It's a surprise that I could comprehend the concept of loneliness after a normal day around so many people. :laughing:
I understand what you mean. I had a similar experience when doing sales for 9 months. Minute you get through the office door..BOOM, adrenaline time.
I think I spoke to a similar number of people per day. Funnily enough, my coworkers said that my voice & mannerisms would change drastically depending on who I was calling, and so I was dubbed The Man With 5 Hats.
Frankly I'm amazed I lasted as long as I did.

Hope your work isn't burning you out!
 

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I think it might occur in any Fe user really, either dom or aux..so FJs
With Fe I think there's a sense of someone's own negative feelings being invalid or embarassing. I think they feel more pressure to stay the smiling one in order to create some sort of balance when others look to them for help, validation or comfort. I think they are the type to hide what they feel from others as there might be a percieved weakness in being so sad. That's what I find that I do. I often keep my negative emotions hidden and only display or talk about them when either breaking or giving an example...
 

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Sounds about right. But I think the smiles are still genuine. The person who receives the smile has nothing to do with any problems we might have.

And I think if someone observed us when we weren't interacting with others, they'd see whether something was wrong or not. I remember a teacher stopping me as I walked across the playground back in high school and asking if anything was wrong. Of course I smiled back and laughed a bit in embarrassment and told him no.

I agree with @AddictiveMuse in thinking that showing sadness is a sign of weakness. These days I don't see it a weakness - or at least I accept my weakness and am okay with it. I'm a lot more open with trusted people if something is wrong, and I always find it amazing how supportive they are. Although I don't have depression anymore and it's crazy how differently your brain thinks about things.
 

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Oh man... I am probably guilty of this too in a different way.

If I sense this in someone else though AND I can't sense what the person is feeling deep down, 2 things happen in my thoughts.

1) OMG! Everyone gives at least one clue to how they feel! What's going on? I don't have my usual feedback mechanism to see if what I'm doing is helping!

2) Oh wait! Maybe they think of everyone else so much they forget to think of themselves. Like they aren't conscious of how they feel or something. I should give them something that let's them know someone appreciates what they do but also that they should remember to do something for themselves.

That's what I thought in high school anyways.
 
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