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My brother brought this up, I figured I'd ask you guys. Is "WHY" a bad question to ask an ESTJ who told you to do something?

The military is full of ESTJ's and they never explain why they make you do things, they just expect it to get done. Does this question make ESTJ's angry or impatient? And if so, do you know why that is?
 

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"Why?" is actually a word that we ask quite often if we are told to do something. Of course there is a right place and time for things. If my teacher tells me to do homework, I'm obviously not going to ask why. If my boss asks me to do something I am never going to ask why. If I was in the military and an officer who was above me told me to do something I wouldn't ask any questions. ESTJ's are great at following orders, almost as good as we are at giving them. I would almost never ask why to anyone who was above me. If I was the boss as well, I would never be okay with someone asking that, however I could tolerate it, except of course if I was in the military.

In a place where everyone is on the same level, why is my middle name. It is important for me to know why someone is doing something especially if to me it seems like a silly way to go about things. Someone once asked me to tell one of my friends something that was untrue just to be mean and I'm glad I asked why. In that case this person didnt have an answer and so I absolutely didnt do it. We like evidence and facts, so unless its a superior telling us what to do, we want to know these facts.

If you asked me why, I wouldn't have any problem answering. ESTJ's always have a logical reason for doing things, with a lot of evidence to back it up, so if you asked, I'd have no problem telling you my reasons. What does annoy me is when I ask my sister to help me carry something or do something around the house and she says why. My answer is always just "because that would be the nice thing to do". It bothers me that she doesnt get that.

ESTJ's place a lot on status levels. You are absolutely expected to obey what your superior says without asking questions. you are supposed to follow the rules and not ask about those either. If everyone stopped obeying their superiors nothing would ever get done. And like I said it infuriates me when people ask why to something that clearly means just doing something nice for someone. I just expect people to help each other and do things for each other, no questions asked, no pay back needed. People are expected to pull their weight. We really like things to be fair and if everyone is pulling their weight then its fair. So I'll get mad if someone asks why clearly because, like my sister, they just dont want to do something. But if I haven't explained why already, which is rare, I'm happy to answer.
 

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Is "WHY" a bad question to ask an ESTJ who told you to do something
Absolutely (for me).

Dad: Have you eat already?
Me: No.
Dad: Why?
Me: *silent*

Mom: Where are you going?
Me: A friend's house.
Mom: Why?
Me: *silent*

Me: Do you have any pen?
Friend: No, why?
Me: *silent*

Boss: Have you wrote that article?
Me: Not yet.
Boss: Why?
Me: I'll finish it in an hour.

You see how much I dislike that question? I don't even want to answer why. :crazy:
 

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Why are you asking?...lol

I like to ask why, especially if a disagree with what others are doing.

If I am the leader in a situation and I'm delegating responsibility, especially when Im in a hurry, I would just prefer if they could follow me and understand that I have a detailed plan in place about what to do and when to do it, and they are a part of that plan...and they should just trust me.....

Of course, I'm not unwilling to explain my reasons, but it can be a long process for me to explain them because they are so detailed.

I have always believed that respect is to be earned and not given, and I tend to question my "superiors" until I decide they have my best interest at heart and I respect them. After that happens, I don't question them unless I really don't understand. Although, sometimes I have to ask "why" type questions in order to understand what is going on. In a job situation this can be the difference between learning how to do something forever and learning how to do it just one time.
 
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Why is a bad question to ask an ESTJ because they don't think why, they just do things (Te). This is because of their need to structure their external world in a sensory way in accordance with tradition and values that have already been created (Si). To think "why" would be more a function of their Fi function which comes last in their cognitive processes. Someone has to be willing to do things without thinking about them too much or else everyone would be on their computers surfing forums like these.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Absolutely (for me).
Hmm, your examples only show one side. I should edit in some examples:

me: *curiously looking through a drawer full of movies until ESTJ dad rolls in*
Dad: get out of the way.
me: why?
Dad: go to your room.
(lol)

Dad: Put on a coat, its freezing outside.
me: why? I'm sweating steam because I just worked out
Dad: *rage* your core temperature needs to rise

Dad: Wear a hat.
me: why?
Dad: Because its hot out *rage*
me: what does heat have to do with a hat
Dad: *more rage*
 

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I disagree why is a bad question for ESTJs. Generally I don't have much trouble answering and thus don't mind being asked why. When I say something to someone, especially when I ask for a favor or ask someone to do something, it is only because (in most cases) I've thought through the implications of it and can explain my reasoning to someone else (big difference with Fi--they may know why but have trouble expressing it).

I believe there is a difference, though, between a person who asks why because they are genuinely confused/need an explanation versus someone who asks why in a condescending manner/defiance. If I sense the latter, I am less likely to respond well, especially (if as the others have mentioned) it is under stress, time pressure, etc.

In general, I explain myself only once to people, though. One of my pet peeves is repetition and I do not like having to re-explain myself multiple times (I am also careful to extend this courtesy to others).
 

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In general, I explain myself only once to people, though. One of my pet peeves is repetition and I do not like having to re-explain myself multiple times (I am also careful to extend this courtesy to others).
I too only like to explain myself once, and I like to give a very detailed explanation. In fact, some times people think I am being condescending because I will explain things in too much detail when giving instructions. I think it is because I need a lot of detail in order to get the big picture, and like to give that detail to others. If you still have lots of questions after one of my explanations, I get frustrated because I think it is because you weren't paying attention.
 

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Oh I agree with that. I'm totally fine answering why the first time. Or if I havent bothered to explain it already, which is rare. The second time is just really annoying.
 

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I don't like to answer questions like "why!"

I always think that my answers are self explanatory and dont need an explanation "why" everytime.
 

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I think my manager at work is ESTJ, she often post-faces instructions with "don't ask me why, that's just how it is."
 

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No wonder ESTJs tend to hate me. I don't place much value on status or authority. People are just people. I am always questioning everything. When my parents made rules that I didn't understand, I asked why, because I wanted to know if the rules made sense. This would allow me to correct their mistake if the rules did not, and to internalize any meanings I may have been missing if the rules did. I was given the opportunity to discuss why I considered a demand either irrelevant or detrimental, and my parents would discuss why they considered it important until we agreed. If they could convince me, I would do the thing that originally didn't make sense, and if I could convince them, the demand was revoked. This allowed me to learn how to negotiate, and to determine for myself what was important. People who don't question authority scare me just as much as authority figures who refuse to allow others to question them. People who don't question authority sometimes do unethical or unloving things and imagine they are not responsible for their choices. This is especially true in the military, which is founded on this kind of error. "I only did it because he told me to do it" is not a valid excuse, no matter how high up on some imaginary scale of power the other person is.
 

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this is so interesting. i wonder about this all the time.

catholic priest: be a good boy and get down on ur knees will you?

alter boy: ok

catholic priest: now undo my fly

alter boy: ok

catholic priest: now say hello to my little friend!

alter boy: ok

sometimes it's better to question those in authority!
 

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also my daughter is infj. she always asks why and it can be frustrating but alot of the time it turns out that she was right and i was wrong. actually she's always right! infj's usually are. in my experience at least anyway.
 

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just thinking about it there now and u know we are very lucky to have istp's in the military. clearly there are times when it is necessary to break the rules and in a time of war when chaos reigns rules will need to be broken.what if your comanding officer was ordering u to do something that you knew was wrong? i just want to say well done to anyone who stands up to their superior in the name of what is right. without u war could get very ugly indeed.
 

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I think, for an ESTJ (which I share a lot in common with), the question "why" should only be asked when the ESTJ deem it important.

For any of those trivial matters, don't bother asking why because they couldn't be bothered answering it or see no need in answering it.
 

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I like to know "why" if something doesn't make sense to me. I never do anything "just because I'm told" to do it.

When directing other people, "why" questions annoy me when I feel that I have given them sufficient direction and information to perform the task, yet they still feel uncertain about it. I don't like to repeat myself.
 

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"Why?" is actually a word that we ask quite often if we are told to do something. Of course there is a right place and time for things. If my teacher tells me to do homework, I'm obviously not going to ask why. If my boss asks me to do something I am never going to ask why. If I was in the military and an officer who was above me told me to do something I wouldn't ask any questions. ESTJ's are great at following orders, almost as good as we are at giving them. I would almost never ask why to anyone who was above me. If I was the boss as well, I would never be okay with someone asking that, however I could tolerate it, except of course if I was in the military.

In a place where everyone is on the same level, why is my middle name. It is important for me to know why someone is doing something especially if to me it seems like a silly way to go about things. Someone once asked me to tell one of my friends something that was untrue just to be mean and I'm glad I asked why. In that case this person didnt have an answer and so I absolutely didnt do it. We like evidence and facts, so unless its a superior telling us what to do, we want to know these facts.

If you asked me why, I wouldn't have any problem answering. ESTJ's always have a logical reason for doing things, with a lot of evidence to back it up, so if you asked, I'd have no problem telling you my reasons. What does annoy me is when I ask my sister to help me carry something or do something around the house and she says why. My answer is always just "because that would be the nice thing to do". It bothers me that she doesnt get that.

ESTJ's place a lot on status levels. You are absolutely expected to obey what your superior says without asking questions. you are supposed to follow the rules and not ask about those either. If everyone stopped obeying their superiors nothing would ever get done. And like I said it infuriates me when people ask why to something that clearly means just doing something nice for someone. I just expect people to help each other and do things for each other, no questions asked, no pay back needed. People are expected to pull their weight. We really like things to be fair and if everyone is pulling their weight then its fair. So I'll get mad if someone asks why clearly because, like my sister, they just dont want to do something. But if I haven't explained why already, which is rare, I'm happy to answer.
I'd fix that to ESTJ's always THINK they have a logical reason for doing things, but that is not always true. They may find the "why" obstinate because of some social dogma they adhere to when the questioner is being genuine.
 
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