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As far as I'm concerned the stacking is about where your attention, focus, energy goes to.
I'm SP-last for example. Thus I dont care about SP-stuff and even when I'm aware of this and the negative effects of this disinterest, it still doesnt make me focus my attention on it, because I simply cant help but dont CARE about SP-shit. I have to literally force myself.
With the third/last function there's the least focus so theres obviously a lack. But because there's the least focus you hardly care enough to change, so it becomes your blind spot.

The first instinct is your obsession. It's where your attention goes to almost automatically. Because of this its easy to have issues related to it. I'm SO-first so its easy to feel insecure about my social situation. But I obviously care enough and focus enough on it & thats the problem: Because you focus on it so much it basically makes you overthink. Its like "if I focus all the time on social shit that must mean that theres something wrong (or you'll overthink til you find something 'wrong')". You feel me?
Still, I'd make the argument that the first instinct is actually our most balanced one. Not in terms of focus, because we focus so much on it, but because of that we're actually pretty fucking good at it. Like, even a socially anxious SO-first will likely still have many friends and decent people-network.

The sec. instinct indeed is the most balanced one from a focus perspective. We're not obsessed with it but we do genuinely care about it. BUT. This balanced focus actually creates also a lack. A lack we do actually care about though, not like the last instinct. I do agree that in theory it really is the most balanced one but it may actually be perceived by yourself as your greatest problem.
You won't care about the issues of your last instinct and while you obsess over your dominant instinct this obsession leads to you being damn good at it. The second instinct is basically because of this balanced focus your least trained one. I learned how to deal with being SP-last. I learn everyday to handle being SO-first. But with SX it just is and because of that I actually feel in consequence insecure about it.
Can anyone relate or is that just me?
 

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Interesting thought. I'm a sp/so, and like you, I sort of feel like my secondary instinct is sort of just there as well (I sort of feel the same way about my last instinct as well). It creates insecurity for me because I always seem to be picked on for either not focusing on it at all or focusing too much on it. When I first read about the second instinct being the most balanced, I sort of laughed to myself because I saw my lack of so as a weakness. Obviously not as weak as my distinct lack of sx, but weak enough for it to piss me off now and then, weak enough for me to have considered the possibility of it being a blind spot at one time.

Still, I'll have to disagree with you; I do believe our obsession with the first instinct makes it unbalanced comparatively to our secondary instinct. Most people are really "great" at using their first instinct, but have problems regulating the needs that come with having that instinct, which often makes it come across as excessively used and very obvious to outside observers. Sure I'll neglect my secondary instinct sometimes and focus too much on it at others, but it balances out in the end usually. In my eyes at least, the first and last instincts are excessive; We view focusing on our last instinct as against our values/a chore/plain stupid/irrelevant so excessively ignore it and we view our primary instinct as the most important goals of our life to the point where other important aspects are ignored. Our secondary is the value that we can see most objectively it's strengths and weaknesses, therefore it'd become the most balanced.
 

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This is pretty much already an accepted/known concept (sorry)...

http://personalitycafe.com/enneagra...ce-thread-instinctual-variants-stackings.html:
The secondary variant provides support to the first instinct. It is much less self-conscious than the dominant instinct. There is more flexibility to it—people generally do not stress as much about this area. They may experiment more in the realm of their second instinct, or just ignore it and put it off for a while.

The application of secondary instinct is creative and exhibitionistic than that of the primary instinct. While primary instinct is constantly monitored and held in check, the secondary instinct is allowed to roam freely. Often, one has an exploratory attitude towards secondary instinct and may be inclined to start experimenting in this area, or turn it into a hobby, or use it at a supplement to their main occupation. It can be said that while people come to embody their primary instinct, the secondary instinct is akin to a creative field that envelops them.

Secondary instinct gets summoned in aid of primary instinct. In situations where people are not sure that their primary instinct would be welcomed, they often extend and offer 'products' of their secondary instinct by means of conversing on related interests. Sx/sp and so/sp types may talk about health, fitness, monetary, domestic, or culinary topics. Sp/sx and so/sx—about personal preferences, their friendships and relationships, fascinating and interesting experiences. Sx/so and sp/so may talk about cultural, social, and political events.
Many people describe the secondary instinct as "comfortable" or "stress-relieving," as well.
 

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@Paradigm
I thought they were asking if it's really experienced that way, but not sure...
Oh. I may have misinterpreted, then.

And I wonder, I don't feel like any of the instincts are truly "comfortable" personally, all of them inspire some kind of pain or insecurity, but I suppose to varying degrees.
Well, meaning in comparison to the first and last instincts.

I think the secondary can be perceived as "comfortable" by an individual, purely because (as the quoted bit stated) it's not a focus (first) and it's not as ignored (last). That doesn't preclude insecurities or pain, though, no - the two feelings can coexist, especially since an instinct can cover a lot of different areas of life.

I don't really think it's "stress-relieving," personally, but the terms can get a bit... confused, depending on subjective definitions.

Interestingly... Speaking from my observations alone, this type of language doesn't surround SOC-mid as much as it does SP- and SX-mid. Stereotypes, I think.
 

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Yes
I am an sx /so and I am liked by people without even having to work with it.

OK I will never be the all in 'group guy' (nor do I want to), but I am pretty much always accepted by groups.
 

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Yes
I am an sx /so and I am liked by people without even having to work with it.

OK I will never be the all in 'group guy' (nor do I want to), but I am pretty much always accepted by groups.
That doesn't necessarily have anything to do with your stacking.
 

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I’m best at the self preservation stuff, which I identify as my first instinct. The effortless aspect of it is less in practical matters than the self pres stuff that is more prominent when it’s your dominant instinct - autonomy, independence, personal potential.

But the one I obsess over is the sexual instinct. I think fours are just kinda sx-y, regardless of stack.

I’ve read that excerpt before and it made me question my type, especially because the reasoning makes a lot of sense. I would be sx/sp according to that. But other descriptions would peg me as sp/sx.
 
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Interestingly... Speaking from my observations alone, this type of language doesn't surround SOC-mid as much as it does SP- and SX-mid. Stereotypes, I think.
What do you mean by language?

Well admittedly it does make more sense to think of Sx that way (though "comfortable" feels like the wrong word to use for this, but... you know), compared to Self-Pres or Social. Like it's harder for me to imagine how it would work with the other two.
 

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Feel like sp is in some ways more comfortable and secure for me, I definitely obsess over sx more but I feel I...live in sp, like I don't even fully realize I'm obsessing over it, or that sp is what I'm obsessing over.
But there is a possibility I'm sx/sp, took me a while to start typing as sp/sx, never related to obsessing over security the way sp is often described, I always feel like I'm gonna survive somehow (in case I don't die of course :D)

Regardless, the theory never really made sense to me, at least I don't think it works well for everyone, it would maybe work better if each instinct was completely separate from others but they aren't...even if second is in some ways more comfortable in comparison to first and second, first and second still interfere with it in reality.

I just don't think it's the best approach, I could make a case for any of them being most and least comfortable
 

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I wouldn't say it is the most comfortable but that it causes me the fewest problems. I am social-last without a doubt in my mind... I can hardly socialize to save my life, it takes massive amounts of willpower to be truly social, you wouldn't believe some of the things I have done just to avoid people because I am so scared. I've even gotten in trouble on this site because I was too scared to check my notifications (only just started to check them regularly, and I'll avoid this site just because I'm scared to check them if I log on). I spend almost all my time alone, because it's so much more comfortable, honestly.

I am also sx-first without a doubt in my mind. I am so codependent and it has gotten me into massive, massive trouble. I have allowed myself so much bad treatment just to feel close to someone I was attracted to at any cost whatsoever. I have gotten into trouble for stalking. Basically I have been abused and I have been abusive solely because I am such a moth to the flame. I can't even describe how uncomfortable it is, to use that word... I have to set out parts of my day just to let all the feelings of shame and longing and everything else wash over me so I can actually work or drive or whatever else functionally.

But sp is fine. It isn't comfortable... I mean, a lot of times I can't bring myself to eat enough or to eat right because I just don't give a shit, I've forgotten to lock my door more times than I can count (and I live alone...I'm definitely fear/head-last, in terms of tritype, I think...), I certainly do not think enough about money... But I enjoy feeling cozy and interior decorating, cooking, I do appreciate my possessions and I do worry about the future and my family and things like that... It's just kind of there, I guess. So it just doesn't cause me as many problems.
 

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What do you mean by language?
The idea that the kind of words one (or a group) uses changes based on several factors such as context, place, subject, positive/negative reinforcement, etc.

For example, people speak to and about women differently: they use "softer" words, refer to them more often in a familiar way (if strangers), delegate emotional tasks onto them. The way people speak about men is more about "strength," more formal, and unemotional/stoic.
(And fwiw I think both sides suck and prefer neutral or individualized language.)

As a lesser example, it's like people thinking, "I can't swear in front of my grandparents!" and changing their way of talking, except way more unconsciously done.

Slightly related: There's also the practice of code-switching, which is more literally language or dialect.

Edit: I think it's called a "register."
Also, language and gender just for kicks. Not trying to start a debate here, mind.

Edit2: It just occurred to me you may have been asking something else... What I meant was SOC-mid isn't often described as "comfortable," but instead is assumed it's as focused on as SOC-first or has similar incorrect stereotypes as SOC-first (conformist, etc). Whereas, in comparison, you'll see more SP- and SX-mids trying to describe how they're "comfortable" (not as focused on) with their middle instinct - while not ascribing the same concept to SOC-mids.
I seem to be failing at interpretations this week, so sorry if this is or isn't what you meant.
 

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That doesn't necessarily have anything to do with your stacking.
I believe it does. I am a 4w5 and a 485 misanthrope. I try to keep my social interactions to the bare minimum (expect when I'm trying to get laid and feed my sx instinct)

But when I am around people, I seem to naturally have a balance of knowing how to go in the direction of the group (ie not being too Polarising), while not pathetically supplicating to please the group (something I see a lot of Social types do).

I frequently see So types try to encourage a group way too much to the point where everyone gets irritated with them, while So last types have actually told me they admire my social ease.
 

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Edit2: It just occurred to me you may have been asking something else... What I meant was SOC-mid isn't often described as "comfortable," but instead is assumed it's as focused on as SOC-first or has similar incorrect stereotypes as SOC-first (conformist, etc). Whereas, in comparison, you'll see more SP- and SX-mids trying to describe how they're "comfortable" (not as focused on) with their middle instinct - while not ascribing the same concept to SOC-mids.
I seem to be failing at interpretations this week, so sorry if this is or isn't what you meant.
Right, that's what I meant yeah. And I find this interesting actually. Like why would it be inconsistent like that? (Not necessarily asking you because it's not your idea, but...)

Feel like sp is in some ways more comfortable and secure for me, I definitely obsess over sx more but I feel I...live in sp, like I don't even fully realize I'm obsessing over it, or that sp is what I'm obsessing over.
But there is a possibility I'm sx/sp, took me a while to start typing as sp/sx, never related to obsessing over security the way sp is often described, I always feel like I'm gonna survive somehow (in case I don't die of course :D)
Lol, I definitely feel like I obsess over it. Not just security, but... everything. It feels so obsessive/compulsive I almost feel like dying sometimes (ironically) because it's driving me insane, and I long for anything that can distract me from it so I can focus on anything else for a moment. Was surprised to read that it's not necessarily a conscious obsession like this. :unsure: Makes me wonder...
 

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I do experience my 2nd instinct as a comfort zone. I feel like I can be pleased with engaging it when I want and be fine not engaging it when I don't feel like it, too. I have had periods of intense pain/longing that seem sx-involved, as well as feeling like I wish I had more to be able to keep up with sx-doms who seem to be able to keep their engagement for so long. But overall it is probably the instinct that presents itself with the least amount of issues in my life. Whether or not that means "balanced" - hard to say I suppose. I'm not sure I understand sx as deeply as sx-doms so it seems hard to be able to judge if my sx is balanced or not.
 
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