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I never could understand, even as a child the concept, ranking fun as #1 or even understand how having fun could be satisfying all by itself.

I grew up surrounded by, raised by, harmed by violent, drunken adults; cruel children--and many seemed to be temporarily thrilled doing whatever they defined as fun, so I had this sense that fun wasn't the right yardstick for living a good life--not that I could articulate, or would have articulated it back then...

Joy, however; to work through conditioning so that I can feel joy in the most adverse conditions; that was something I wanted but couldn't name.

When I watch animals; write a haiku that has multiple meanings and imagery; when I help someone who is hurting feel less alone; when I know that my husband feels liked, loved, respected by me--and that I feel the same for him... Watching children play un-self-consciously; days I have the courage to get up into pain and isolation and mental confusion one more time and just do it:


That, and the clarity, such small gains... that accompany Vipassana meditation and Loving Friendliness exercises: All this and so much more satisfies me: for a time.

I just pictured riding in the car two weeks ago and suddenly seeing horses mating; or a few days ago, walking with my husband and a baby jack rabbit came rushing toward us, blind to our being people standing in his path: The wonder of that is richer than fun; it is not to me "mere semantics."

I think of fun as a marketing term and tool. I'm not sales-oriented.

It just isn't a core part of my mental makeup, yet I do not belittle those who do value it highly, nor pity them unless the fun leads to harming others.

So :rockon: people.

We all get a different mix of conditioning; my own is no better than any other, in that grand scheme I believe exists for us all. We mirror earch other in crucial ways, even if we have to metaphorically flip a coin to see the other in ourselves.
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