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Hey ISFJ's.

My Girlfriend is a beautiful ISFJ (and Sept virgo), I am a ENFP (July Cancer), and I just adore her. I'm a fairly by the book ENFP, and at least by the book of being a cancer more than others at various stages in my life. And I'm wondering what other ISFJ and ENFP relationships are like? We definitely compliment each other, and we are a fun couple, however My girlfriend is not as affectionate as me. I'm wondering does she ever just want to spoil me with affection and affirmation, like I do to her. We dont agree on everything, and we see things on very different spectrums, when we do agree it feels like a blessing dropped from the sky and beat the odds by landing on us. I have read a lot of ISFJ forums, probably more than she has, and I just want to hear about you ISFJ's talk about yourself, and also about your perspective of ENFP's. And ENFPs if you want to add to the blog and do some ego stroking that's welcomed to. If your either an ENFP or ISFJ and you've been a relationship with the other, please share your knowledge and experience I genuinely appreciate it. I really want to understand my ISFJ a lot better.

what do you ISFJ think/feel towards ENFP?

Have you ever dated an ENFP? What was it like?

What did you disagree on? What did you have in common?

What are you ISFJs like in a relationship?

How do you feel about past relationships that did not work out?

Do you see ENFP as a life mate or just a short term love?

What are nice things to do for an ISFJ?

How do I show my ISFJ appreciation?

How can I make my ISFJ feel secure and not alone?

Just tell me anything really. But not literally anything, anything related to the topic, of course. I'm genuinely interested. Even you are a virgo, please feel free to answer the questions too. If you have any ISFJ and ENFP relationships links that would be awesome. I really appreciate it.
 

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Hello Fellow ENFP -- you posted this a long time ago, but perhaps this can still be of use. I found this really cool book called Intimacy and Type. You can look up both of your types and it will tell you about what your relationship will be my "When it is working" and "When it is not working"

You can look it up on Amazon, because I can not post links (due to my few posts).

I hope things worked out for the best!
 

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Hello.

I am an ISFJ and my current boyfriend of one year and two months is an ENFP.
The way I feel towards him is that he is a very energetic, lively, fun to be with person. He is definitely unlike me, but we connect and have a lot of "favorites" in common, such as music taste. My relationship with him is going well but sometimes we do clash because of our differences in personality. Luckily, nothing ever lasts that long and we get over it as quickly as it came up. I've noticed that we are very different in out J-P ways. I sometimes feel that my rigid planning catches him off guard as he's more of a go-with-the-flow type of guy, but he doesn't really seem to mind. As long as we both enjoy the outcome, he'll let me figure things out. We also disagree on how we perceive things (N-S). We seem to look at things through different perspectives and depending on the situation, sometimes we show each other our side of things (which isn't too difficult to do, as the other just has to UNDERSTAND, not AGREE, necessarily) and other times it's not even big enough of a deal and we just let it go and accept that we have different views on the subject. One way how we really connect is that we talk about EVERYTHING together; how our day has been, what we need to vent about (He enjoys so much that I am a great listener and that I am so understanding), or just funny things that we have come across while going about our day. It's as if we share our feelings and as if they are somehow connected.
In our relationship, I think that we are both affectionate, although he is more. In any relationship in general, I am not very affectionate at all, but since I love him, that part of me just comes out, and just not quite at the same level as him. He gets a bit peeved sometimes that I pull away when he tries to kiss me on the cheek, but it's not personal and most of the time I don't even think about it, I just do it, as if it is a reflex. Also in our relationship, I am the more.. repressed one, I would say. I tend to keep things in, probably because I'm more concerned about others' feelings than my own, and I'm the one that calms him down if he's upset. Again, he's praised me for being a great listener and understanding him and not getting upset over things that other people might. I personally see him(ENFP) as a long term love because we get though every obstacle together and are just so willing to spend forever with each other.
As for my other relationships that didn't work out, we just didn't connect. There's not much more to it and I also can't elaborate much as I don't know their personality types, but I'm 95% that they weren't ENFPs either way.
Nice things to do for an ISFJ is maybe agreeing to just spending a quiet evening together. Sometimes I feel that he talks unnecessarily, so it would be great if we could just watch movies without small chatter inbetween. Also, make sure you are (or at least seem interested) in what you are doing with the ISFJ. When he looks at me and makes little comments during movies, I feel like he's not paying attention to it and it gets me frustrated because sometimes I feel that he is missing minor details in the movie that are actually very essential to watch. I know that sometimes ENFP can't sit still and likes to be funny and doing something at all times, but just being there with the ISFJ would be very much appreciated. As for showing your appreciation, just make the ISFJ feel like they are the only one for you, and show it too. That goes right into making them feel secure because if they don't have to worry about losing you or being in competition with other people for your attention, then that's great. We don't love the limelight but when it comes to our lovers, we like to be sure that we are wanted, as I have problems with that in all of my relationships. Also, if the ISFJ is going throguh something serious, emotionally, it is not easy for them to open up completely. Therefore, we feel alone if all you say is "You just have to forget about it and move on (a seemingly Perceiving thing to do)," we will feel upset and alone. We want someone to help us fix the problem by tackling it and finding out what's wrong and using the best way to fix it that is the most comfortable for us ISFJ. This is hard for us to put into words since we don't ask for help much, as we're usually the ones giving it, but we still have needs and feelings.

I hope this helped.
 

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I like the discussions I can have with ENFP's though I sometimes feel as if they take my words too personally in said discussions.
I find them very energetic but a bit... unfocused, I find it pretty amusing, but I think that when there's something that needs to be fixed I don't want someone who 'nags' about her problem but actually fixes it.
Then again, bitching at me that a problem needs fixing results in me fixing the problem, so there's something to be said about efficiency there... :p

I think I'd get pretty frustrated with my partner if she was the one to be nagging at me about what needs to be cleaned, and I end up being the only one cleaning up her/our mess.
I'm not saying every ENFP is that way, but so far I'm seeing a pattern in most, if not all, ENFP's I know.

what do you ISFJ think/feel towards ENFP?
Read ^
Have you ever dated an ENFP? What was it like?
Friends with benefits, she didn't handle it well that I didn't want a committed relationship with her because of ^.
Even just as friends I was plugging leaks left and right for her, it wasn't fun.
What did you disagree on? What did you have in common?
can't really name any specifics.
What are you ISFJs like in a relationship?
Huggable lovable teddy bears who will do anything and everything for love as long as you don't exploit the 'anything' part.
How do you feel about past relationships that did not work out?
Sad.
Do you see ENFP as a life mate or just a short term love?
Anything can work, but to be fair, I can see nearly any woman as a short term love.
What are nice things to do for an ISFJ?
Confirm your affection, confirm everything really, just be nice and I will love you.
How do I show my ISFJ appreciation?
^
How can I make my ISFJ feel secure and not alone?
You can't, but read ^.
Confirmation is everything to make an ISFJ (or me) feel secure.
If I get stuck in a negative Ti-Ne loop it'll be hard to make me feel good (about myself) again.
 

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I just hung out with an ISFJ guy the other night. I hadn't seen him for years and the years ago I hung out with him I was always with other guys and never knew him on a deeper level. I felt an attraction to him then, but was dating his friend! So, never acted on anything. When i stopped dating his friend communication ended between us. Then a few weeks ago he contacts me online and we decided to meet up for a beer.

One word: Intense.

I drove home feeling like i just hung out with the nicest person i have ever met on planet earth, a Saint. He was so open and RAW with me with his emotions. We are both people who care deeply for others and connected for the three hours we were out on this. He works with kids with disabilities and I work with various groups...mentally ill, homeless, and mentor younger women. As I grow in my years I notice that I am moving away from caring so much about career and money and more so in consuming my life with loving the unloved.

It was surprising to find this ISFJ having similar values and learning he aggressively pursues helping through action like myself. It was very obvious this was a huge connection between us. His eyes the whole time were so expressive and vulnerable.

I have only known and been close to one other ISFJ and that is a childhood friend of mine. She is also a very deeply caring and loyal person. What I found odd was how open he was though...my girlfriend would never be this open this fast I don't think.

Are ISFJs like this usually?? Like, i felt like I FELT his heart and his desires.
 

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I just hung out with an ISFJ guy the other night. I hadn't seen him for years and the years ago I hung out with him I was always with other guys and never knew him on a deeper level. I felt an attraction to him then, but was dating his friend! So, never acted on anything. When i stopped dating his friend communication ended between us. Then a few weeks ago he contacts me online and we decided to meet up for a beer.

One word: Intense.

I drove home feeling like i just hung out with the nicest person i have ever met on planet earth, a Saint. He was so open and RAW with me with his emotions. We are both people who care deeply for others and connected for the three hours we were out on this. He works with kids with disabilities and I work with various groups...mentally ill, homeless, and mentor younger women. As I grow in my years I notice that I am moving away from caring so much about career and money and more so in consuming my life with loving the unloved.

It was surprising to find this ISFJ having similar values and learning he aggressively pursues helping through action like myself. It was very obvious this was a huge connection between us. His eyes the whole time were so expressive and vulnerable.

I have only known and been close to one other ISFJ and that is a childhood friend of mine. She is also a very deeply caring and loyal person. What I found odd was how open he was though...my girlfriend would never be this open this fast I don't think.

Are ISFJs like this usually?? Like, i felt like I FELT his heart and his desires.
I suppose it's because you two were talking about something he is deeply passionate about? Plus, it helped that you are in similar fields, so I'm sure on some level, he thought that you would be able to relate, so it gave him more confidence to open up.
 

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I'm pretty sure I dated an ISFJ once. She was the most affectionate person I've ever met. Also I felt like I could talk to her about anything, which is a huge plus. She was very loyal, attached, dedicated, and would do anything to make the relationship work, including changing everything about herself. I found that last part a huge turn off at the time.

Cons: She didn't have a spontaneous bone in her body, she was way too into routine, and wanted to try and plan out EVERYTHING! (And I mean everything ;) ) She could be extremely emotionally manipulative to get her way. Lastly, she really loved to complain. I could spend 2 hours with her on the phone hearing her drone on and on about pointless drama with work and school, it was a nightmare.

Still, this was before I knew about MBTI. Now that I better understand ISFJs, I would totally date another one. They are actually my #2 choice at the moment, behind INFP.
 

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As for showing your appreciation, just make the ISFJ feel like they are the only one for you, and show it too. That goes right into making them feel secure because if they don't have to worry about losing you or being in competition with other people for your attention, then that's great. We don't love the limelight but when it comes to our lovers, we like to be sure that we are wanted, as I have problems with that in all of my relationships.
This sums up my experience perfectly. My first love is an ENFP and we just recently broke up. One of the major issues is that I didn't feel secure in the relationship. It was long distance so it's even harder to maintain trust. As an ENFP, he genuinely loves talking to people, unfortunately most of which are girls. He tells me about them that's why I know. I already felt quite unsettled by the fact that he is friends with a lot of women, most of which even have feelings for him. But the last straw that ruined it all was when he told me that he made out with another girl and didn't seem really sorry for what he did. Still, wanting to save the relationship I forgave him. But after that, things were never the same. I became paranoid and couldn't get over it.

Eventually, I forbid him to flirt with other girls (ENFPs tend to come across as flirty based on experience). I told him it's okay to remain friends with them but it's not okay to flirt. Looking back, I believe this is also one of the reasons our relationship went downhill. ENFPs value freedom and diversity so much so I guess me prohibiting him from doing that stifled him.

I know other ENFPs & ISFJs make it work. But for me, we weren't just willing to compromise for each other and I guess we weren't just really meant to be.
 

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I'm pretty sure I dated an ISFJ once. She was the most affectionate person I've ever met. Also I felt like I could talk to her about anything, which is a huge plus. She was very loyal, attached, dedicated, and would do anything to make the relationship work, including changing everything about herself. I found that last part a huge turn off at the time.

Cons: She didn't have a spontaneous bone in her body, she was way too into routine, and wanted to try and plan out EVERYTHING! (And I mean everything ;) ) She could be extremely emotionally manipulative to get her way. Lastly, she really loved to complain. I could spend 2 hours with her on the phone hearing her drone on and on about pointless drama with work and school, it was a nightmare.

Still, this was before I knew about MBTI. Now that I better understand ISFJs, I would totally date another one. They are actually my #2 choice at the moment, behind INFP.

Agree with you a lot.

Personally as an ISFJ, I want to do my best to make the relationship work, even if it means tweaking myself a bit just to make my partner happy. So it hurts a lot when I feel that I am not appreciated enough since I feel that I put too much effort in it.

I would also have to say that I value routine very much. The only time I learned how to be a teensy bit spontaneous was when I dated my ENFP bf. But still I was too structured compared to him. It took a while to adjust to that.

On the topic of being emotionally manipulative to get what we want, I have to say I am guilty of doing that once or twice. :sad: And yes, get used to our rants. For me ranting is one of the sources of release I have to manage stress. And we only tend to rant to the people we trust or are comfortable with. I think I might have burdened my ex with some of my complaining but he was sure good at hiding his annoyance if ever he felt that way.
 

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I just hung out with an ISFJ guy the other night. I hadn't seen him for years and the years ago I hung out with him I was always with other guys and never knew him on a deeper level. I felt an attraction to him then, but was dating his friend! So, never acted on anything. When i stopped dating his friend communication ended between us. Then a few weeks ago he contacts me online and we decided to meet up for a beer.

One word: Intense.

I drove home feeling like i just hung out with the nicest person i have ever met on planet earth, a Saint. He was so open and RAW with me with his emotions. We are both people who care deeply for others and connected for the three hours we were out on this. He works with kids with disabilities and I work with various groups...mentally ill, homeless, and mentor younger women. As I grow in my years I notice that I am moving away from caring so much about career and money and more so in consuming my life with loving the unloved.

It was surprising to find this ISFJ having similar values and learning he aggressively pursues helping through action like myself. It was very obvious this was a huge connection between us. His eyes the whole time were so expressive and vulnerable.

I have only known and been close to one other ISFJ and that is a childhood friend of mine. She is also a very deeply caring and loyal person. What I found odd was how open he was though...my girlfriend would never be this open this fast I don't think.

Are ISFJs like this usually?? Like, i felt like I FELT his heart and his desires.
He must have really felt a strong connection with you to be able to become very open and vulnerable like that. We ISFJs are generally reserved, although this doesn't mean we cannot socialize well when needed. When we feel connected with a person though, we can really be very open and trusting.
 

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]She was very loyal, attached, dedicated, and would do anything to make the relationship work, including changing everything about herself. I found that last part a huge turn off at the time.
That 's love makes blind. When she sacrifices too much, relationship becomes one-way. There is no balance left to grow.

She could be extremely emotionally manipulative to get her way.
She did that because of the fear of losing you. Something makes her feel insecure but she did not tell you straightly, for example: you get too close with some girls and talk some sweet conversations, making her jealous.

Lastly, she really loved to complain.
She felt life is unfair or she had stress. She thought you are the one she trust the most so she is willing to tell the negative things. Then you feel like the emotional trash bin for her, which completely is a turn off for you. She did not realize this one. See love makes blind above.
 

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what do you ISFJ think/feel towards ENFP?

I love the ENFP people in my life. My dad is fantastic. I have lived with him for a long time and am more familiar with his pattern. He is supportive, loyal, talented, passionate, full of ideas and dreams. Every year he seriously considers some big dream huge life change, which he talks through with all family members and either acts on or chooses not to. He is good with people.

ENFP boyfriend is significantly different. I can see the same/ similar patterns but being only 23 and growing up in a complicated household he is quite different. He does not seem to do the big dream considerations well as my dad does more just prone to acting - which occasionally means he ends up in situations that are not optimum. I suspect it is a change of life thing. At 23 he has few responsibilities (which he often resents). I love how passionate he is about people, God & life.

Have you ever dated an ENFP? What was it like?
I am dating an ENFP, we have kind of been a couple on and off for about 11 months now (I don't think getting drunk and making out count :p ). With mutual feelings in the other years I have known him through high school. I think the longest we have been labelled in a relationship without either of us freaking out is about a month. We had to deal with a lot of "____ and ____ sitting in a tree" stuff in school, which meant we got very used to defending the "just friends" position and friend zoning became the natural position.

I love him to bits. We complement each other in some ways he helps with my comfort zone not staying too small, spending time with him makes me feel safe and happy.

There are downsides, he does tend to change plans last minute. Which is sometimes not ok and actually upsets me. At other times when I am smart I build in a back up plan so if plan A doesn't work I have a plan B that I would happily fill the time with.

He does as others have said have a lot of girls in his life, but I do not really feel any threat as most of them are online friends in other countries.

What did you disagree on? What did you have in common?
There are so many things we do not quite agree on, We never really argue. I occasionally have to air negative thoughts to him so I can get past them.

I feel like we do not have much in common, I will admit hobby wise although I do enjoy computer games and pool more now. But we have known each other for 12+ years at this point. And we have always seen past the facade we occasionally put up for the world to hide the truth if we are struggling.

I know not to discuss the human impact on the environment, because we will never agree on that. I also have to be stubborn to get him to wait till the traffic lights say we can cross.

What are you ISFJs like in a relationship?
I am a notorious over thinker. It is a thing, I also communicate best face to face rather then over the phone or by message. In a relationship i will call 30+ minutes of public transport "conveniently in the area" even if I will get home really late as the trip home will take hours. I would say I require some maintenance. I find it easiest to believe in the relationship when the truth of the words & actions match. I am patient, loving, but also independent. I will understand if we don't spend every day together, but less than once a week would become an issue for me.

Early days in every relationship I have a small freak out due to over thinking.
So you get to a place where the dude you have been a bit in love with for a while is close? And then you run?

Yes, Sorry, that be true! We got to the point where we hold hands & kissed, love the holding hands but having not kissed a boy in 5 years! 5 years! I find it weird, That is really where I am at, Apparently If we are going to be a couple for me to stay balanced it needs to go really excruciatingly slow!
How do you feel about past relationships that did not work out?
I regret some of the choices in my previous relationship, or more thinking that dating in the last year of high school was a good idea.

Do you see ENFP as a life mate or just a short term love?
Life, Simple answer. When we get married in vague future time he is taking my last name. We have discussed kids before. We are both christian (Which does not always mean much).

What are nice things to do for an ISFJ? , How do I show my ISFJ appreciation?
Spend time with your ISFJ, I personally appreciate gifts and small tokens and special things given to me with sentimental value will be kept and nurtured. I also appreciate cards with nice words. Cook me dinner (or pay for my dinner occasionally)

How can I make my ISFJ feel secure and not alone?
For me I do not get my sense of security from my partner only. My security needs are also met by family, friends and colleagues.

I would just say put effort in, Don't bail on plans you have made is you have not stated the disclaimer (or similar) "I may do A but i need to see how I feel first". Tell her you love her (IF you do and she is ready to hear it).

Learn the way your ISFJ prefers to communicate and try to speak her language.

_____
Sorry for the long winded response, I am procrastinating :)
 
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